Oh honey. He’s not worth it! | Source: Shutterstock

Here’s the deal: She and her ex have been broken up for a long time (like, over a year) and even though they’ve both dated other people since then–she refuses to go to any event or party where he might show up. And it’s not like they hate each other or he was a jerk or something. And since they have a ton of friends in common, that means that she’s missed out on a whole lot of major parties, picnics, trips to Six Flags, and well–all kinds of other awesome stuff. How lame is that? Super lame! Seriously, no dude (especially one you’re not even dating anymore!) is worth giving up all those super fun times.

I get it that after a breakup, it’s good to give yourself some space from your ex. You don’t want to rip open that wound over and over by hanging out with him, seeing him having fun without you, maybe even flirting with someone else. But if you’ve moved on and he’s moved on, then it’s time to put on your big girl pants and go on with your life!

Do you ever let your ex stand in your way of having fun? Do you know anyone who does? Tell us in the comments!

How To Make Seeing Your Ex Less Awkward

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Tough love alert! Should you take him back?! Hmm, well, Sara’s helping a girl deal with a break up that just won’t stick. She keeps getting back together with her ex and she wants to know how she can tell if she should really trust him again. Well, Sara’s got three words for this girl, “one and done.” As in, break up with him once and never get back together with him again. It’s tough to hear, but Sara will walk you through how to break up and stay broken with your ex.

Do you think it’s ever okay to take him back? Would you take a guy back? Tell us in the comments!

How To Get Mom And Dad To Like Your Guy

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Remember how Taylor and Conor Kennedy broke up a couple months back? Well it was actually Conor’s dad, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. who presented Taylor with this award. We know that Taylor is a classy girl and that this award goes way beyond who’s dating who–but we still imagine it could have been a teensy bit awkward for her to be up there with her ex-boyfriend’s dad. Right?

It’s usually inevitable that after a breakup you’re going to have to see your ex or their family once in a while–but you don’t have to let that awkward moment spoil your day. Just like her, there’s more to you than your past relationships, so sail on through that awkward moment and get back to living your awesome life.

Here’s how to minimize awkwardness (and drama!) with your ex. You can thank us later!

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You Run Into His Family

If you live in the same town, there's a good chance you'll run into your ex's family. Handle these moments with the same poise as Taylor did up on stage. You have no idea what version of the break-up story they heard, so don’t bring the conversation back to your ex. Ask his mom about her gardening or his dad about baseball. It’ll show that you still valued getting to know them and that you don’t hold whatever happened between you and their son against them.

Source: Andres Otero/WENN.com

You See Him With A New Girl

If you guys start chatting, be sure to acknowledge the new girl with a friendly “Hello" and your name. It would be weird if you only direct any conversation at your ex like she is invisible. Just be polite and genuine - no over-the-top fake compliments that will make her insecure. Also, don’t bring up your past relationship. That’s your guy’s decision as to when to discuss his past romantic life with his new girl.

Source: Shutterstock.com

He Sees You With A New Guy

Labels can be kind of tricky with these introductions because you don’t want to rub your new guy in your ex’s face, but you don’t make your new guy feel like he’s in the middle of something unfinished. I would just introduce them to each other by name, and you can further explain whatever labels like "ex" or "new boyfriend" if you choose to in private.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You See Him Hanging Out With Your Friends

Don't let this blow up into a "taking sides" thing – you and your ex can still have mutual friends. Just give a quick "Hey guys!" and go about your way. Don't lurk around waiting for them to include you because that could really multiply the awkward. If the run-in is really bothering you, talk to one of the friends about it at a later time when you’re out of the moment. It’s okay to express if you feel a little hurt, but remember that you can't dictate their friendships.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Need To Give Him Back His Stuff

I think keeping gifts is totally allowed, but if he left his Xbox at your house before you broke up, it’s common courtesy to return it. If you really don't want to have to meet face-to-face, at least give him a heads up you want to return his stuff or tack a small, polite note with it. Just the idea of him just coming back to a beaten up cardboard box of stuff dumped on his doorstep doesn't really showcase maturity.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Get Assigned As Project Partners

When your grades are at stake, you've got to stay focused on the job. If the idea of meeting one-on-one makes you stressed, just meet in a public place like the library to be sure you stick to business. Blake Lively is a married lady now, but she kept working on Gossip Girl even after breaking up with co-star Penn Badgley. The show may be dramatic, but if they’d brought a bunch of break-up drama to set, that wouldn’t have been good.

Source: Stefan Jeremiah/WENN.com

He Sees You Looking Awful

This can be a total confident zap. By trying to make excuses, it will seem like you’re desperate for his approval, which you don't need because you're awesome all on your own! It might be tough in the moment, but just channel your inner goddess. We've been there and we know you will get through it.

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He Keeps Flirting With You

It can be awkward when an ex starts flirting with you and you have no intention of reciprocating. If you feel uncomfortable, let him know ASAP. Be polite, but direct with him about your feelings. Explain to him how you think this break-up was for the best. If he’s still trying to put moves on you, go find a group of friends to stick tight with until he gets the hint to leave you alone.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Had Big Plans In Advance

Deal with these head on. If your break-up ended with you deciding to try and stay friends, maybe he's still planning on the two of you going to prom. Though it may be awkward right after a break-up, it'll be worse if it's unresolved by the big day. Especially if the plans involved something like expensive concert tickets or a family event, get yourselves both on the same page in order to move forward.

Source: Shutterstock.com

Have you ever had an awkward moment with an ex-boyfriend? How did you handle it? Have any more advice about how to handle awkward moments like this? Let us know in the comments!

Is Taylor Swift Dating Harry Styles Of One Direction?

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If you’ve ever had a relationship end, then you have probably also experienced that feeling of regret where you wonder, “Why aren’t so-and-so and I together anymore? What went wrong?” After a breakup, when you’re feeling particularly lonely, sad and nostalgic, it always seems like  you look back on your relationship and remember only the good times. You know, all those times you two cuddled in bed and made up cute nicknames for each other, all of the inside jokes, the super romantic dates and the sweet gifts that were given. It just seems so easy to wrap yourself in a blanket and cry over the wonderful things you’re now missing out on.

What you probably aren’t thinking about? All of the reasons you two broke up in the first place. You probably aren’t thinking about all of those times your BF or GF made you feel like the smallest person on the planet. You’re probably not thinking about all of those fights that made you so angry you could throw something, or any of the times you fell asleep crying.

And why not? Wouldn’t focusing on those bad things make you realize that your relationship is better off being over, and thus make it easier for you to move on? Yeah, it probably would. But unfortunately for us, it turns out that we kind of can’t help but remember only the good times. One study says that it can be more difficult for our brains to remember negative memories than it is to remember positive ones. The study says that inhibition promotes this unfair bias in our brains. In psychological terms, inhibition is the conscious or unconscious restraint of a behavior, thought or impulse. Basically, whether we realize we’re doing it or not, our brains sometimes decide not to remember negative things.

As soon as I read that, I was like, “Huh. Well, that makes sense.” When you think about it, the finding is really a pretty obvious one: who wants to remember the times that made them feel miserable? Most people don’t enjoy looking back on the past and thinking only about the things that were difficult to get through or the things that made them cry. Most people want to look back and remember only the times that made them happiest.

Remembering only the good stuff? You’re probably not alone. | Source: ShutterStock

When it comes to applying that to relationships and breakups, it makes even more sense to me. A few months after I dumped my ex-boyfriend of five years, I started feeling doubtful. Suddenly, I couldn’t really remember why we had broken up in the first place. I mean yeah, there was some fighting. But I was mostly thinking about the good times we had: the vacations, the cuddling, the cute pictures we took. Why was I torturing myself like that? Because when I really let myself think about the hard times we went through that ultimately led to our split, I felt even more sad.

I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced this before when it comes to a breakup. I’ve listened to countless heartbroken friends go on and on about all of the things they miss about their ex. In the beginning stages of getting over a split, I think that’s pretty common – and that’s what makes people want to get back together with their exes. They’re looking back with rose-colored glasses and only seeing the good things. Of course they want to try to work things out! It’s easy to feel that way when you conveniently can’t remember all of that fighting that happened.

So here’s a little bit of advice on how to prevent this from happening to you – or how to deal with it if it’s happening to you right now: the next time you’re feeling particularly angry about your breakup, do yourself a huge favor and write down all of the things that sucked about your relationship or your ex. Look back and try to remember every bad thing that happened between you two. That might sound scary, because I know you don’t want to think about those things, but it will help you in the end. The next time you’re feeling nostalgic, sitting on your bed looking at pictures and crying over what you think you’re missing, pull out that list and read it. It will help you remember all of the reasons things ended in the first place, and that will help you move on.

Do you think this study is right? Have you ever done this after a breakup? Do you find it easier to remember good things rather than bad things in general? Tell me in the comments!

10 ways to avoid getting back with your ex

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Don't stare at his picture! | Source: ShutterStock

I’m sorry you’re going through this! Breakups stink and can be really hard to get through, especially when you weren’t the one doing the breaking up. I totally feel your pain, and so do tons of other girls out there – but unfortunately, it’s not the best idea to try to win your ex back. I know that’s not what you want me to say, but hear me out: letting him go and moving on is going to be the best thing for you.

Breakups happen for a reason, whether you want to admit or not. Your ex broke up with you because something was wrong in the relationship – if things were going well and you were both happy, you’d still be together or you would have gotten back together already. It can be hard to see that when you’re feeling heartbroken and lonely, but trust me: you two are probably better off without each other right now.

This is the perfect time to focus on yourself. | Source: ShutterStock

Trying to win back your ex is probably not going to happen the way you want it to. If you really feel like you want to say something, then call him to ask if you two can talk. If he ignores you, blows you off or tells you no, then leave it at that. That’s not him playing hard to get – that’s him letting you know he doesn’t want your relationship to start back up again. Pursuing him even is only going to push him away.

If he is willing to talk, then both of you need to sit down and really discuss what went wrong and why you broke up. Don’t just jump back into things.

But honestly, I’m not really encouraging you to talk to your ex. As I said before, the relationship ended for a reason. This is a great time to focus on yourself and try to move on. Spend time with your friends and family and focus on a hobby that you love. You finally have unlimited time for yourself to do whatever you want, and you should embrace that! If you and your ex are meant to get back together, you will eventually. But pursuing him and trying to talk to him if he doesn’t seem interested is never a good idea, and is never going to make you feel better. Save yourself the extra heartache, the embarrassment and the regret, and move on without him.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Here’s more advice on getting over a breakup