Three really is a crowd!
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Hi Shallon,

I like this guy in my grade and he’s told me he likes me, we go out sometimes and have made out. The problem is, he has a girlfriend. He says he’s not in love with her and doesn’t like her…so why won’t he just dump her and be with me? I don’t understand!!

–Lizy

Dear Lizy in a Love Triangle,

Oh, Lizy. I have been where you are – many times – and it never ends well. Lemme tell you a story: a few years ago I was an editor at FHM magazine (before it folded) and was regaling my poor 20-year-old male intern with my love life woes. I was dating a guy, Cory, who had a GF, but he CLEARLY liked me more. I went into needless detail, a 20 minute saga, insisting that my situation was complex and so different from the trillions of other girls who have fallen for a taken man.

Finally, at minute 26, Carlos put up a hand to silence me.

“Shallon,” he said sternly, “he’s just a jerk who likes having two girlfriends. Period.”

BOOM! CRACK! KAPOW! A huge lightning bolt hit me. He was SO RIGHT. Of course! Of course he just plain liked having two girls to fawn over him! And guess who was stopping him? NO ONE. I certainly wasn’t – I continued to date/sleep with him knowing he was taken. And his GF probably had no idea.

Carlos continued: “I mean, what is really stopping him from dumping his girlfriend? They aren’t married or living together. No kids. No joint car or pet. It doesn’t get any easier than that.”

Again, huge epiphany. I (and I’m sure a lot of you) have been dumped with one quick text, one brief phone call, one 5-minute meet up. It’s really not that “complicated” at all, despite what Cory wanted me to believe.

Yeah SORRY I’m not waiting around for you!
Source: WENN

The point it: neither is your situation. I wish that your dude was a good guy who could just pick one girl but listen: he’s not. He’s not a good guy. He’s a jerk who likes having two girlfriends. He likes it now, and he’ll like it when he’s older, too, and probably when he’s married. That’s just how he is.  You can’t change it. But you CAN change your behavior. Cut him off. No texts, no nothing. Cold turkey. Draw the boundary and DO NOT CROSS IT. It will be hard, it will be painful, but it will also be the best possible decision you can make.

And remember: if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you. And don’t we deserve more than that?

XOXO,

Shallon

Want me to give you advice? Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

Why won’t my friend with benefits date me?

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Is this how your FWB makes you feel?
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Dear Shallon,

There’s this guy who is my “friend with benefits” and I feel like he likes me but he just won’t ask me out–is he shy or what? Why won’t he take things to the next level?

–Stephanie

Dear So Not Getting It Steph,

He’s not asking you out because… why would he? I hate the old adage “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free,” but it’s really true. Why would he ask you out when you’re giving him sex (or maybe BJ’s or whatever it is) with ZERO effort on his part?

Here’s the thing: to a guy, a girl falls into one of three categories:

1. Girlfriend (or girl you’d like to seriously date)

Don’t get mad, get smart about what a category you’re in!Source: Shutterstock

2. Friend (or girl you have no sexual attraction to)

3. Booty call (girl who you’re sexually attracted to but there isn’t anything else)

So, if you’ve locked yourself into the Booty Call category, you’re stuck. It may seem like he like likes you, but he doesn’t. He likes the fact that you hook up with him. And he knows that he needs to turn on the charm to ensure that that keeps happening.

Basically, write this guy off as a dude you want to date. In fact, NEVER, EVER become a FWB with a boy you’re legit interested in–it’s never going to transition to that, I don’t care what some lame episode of Girls tells you. That total BS will drive you slowly insane.

Instead, pick a hot, fun guy to be your hookup buddy. Get your sexual energy out on him so that when you do meet a BF-quality boy, you’re not overrun with hormones and put out too soon. But the biggest bit of advice I can give is that putting out DOES NOT MAKE A GUY LIKE YOU. In fact, if a boy wants to seriously date you, giving it up ASAP whenever he wants tells him that you’re just a good-time girl and not looking for a relationship.

I’m not opposed to having a side piece–if I’m at all semi-decent in bed it’s because of my college FWB!–but lying to yourself about what you really want from the guy is only going to break your heart!

XOXO,

Shallon

Want me to give you advice? Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

I don’t want to hook up, but I feel pressured to – help!

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So, how would you describe your relationship with your crush? I have a feeling that at least one of these tweets will ring true for you. Check out my 25 favorites:

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Talk About Your Crush Night

Best Friends quote EVER.

Talk About Your Crush Night

In case you guys can't read the tiny letters, the light blue color means: "Lurk from a distance and stalk them every day in school, imagining a relationship with them." Yup, accurate.

Talk About Your Crush Night

I can always appreciate a good Freaks & Geeks quote, especially this one.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Evil sloth is evil.

Talk About Your Crush Night

What's REALLY better than peanut butter?

Talk About Your Crush Night

Yes, I have to agree... she is the best.

Talk About Your Crush Night

It's getting a little raunchy on Twitter right now, guys.

Talk About Your Crush Night

What? This isn't normal?

Talk About Your Crush Night

It's fine. IT'S FINE.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Soooo this one might have made me tear up just a little bit. Don't judge me!

Talk About Your Crush Night

Nooooo, don't ever give up hope!

Talk About Your Crush Night

We've all been there, girl.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Sleep soundly knowing this.

Talk About Your Crush Night

WHYYYY? Seriously, why?!

Talk About Your Crush Night

Oh, Spongebob. You always get me.

Talk About Your Crush Night

This is pretty cute, not going to lie.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Also, I really want to be lounging on the beach, but, um, I'm not.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Sad? Yes. Funny? Definitely.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Oh, refrigerator jokes. When will you get old?

Talk About Your Crush Night

Remember when I said what is really better than peanut butter? I found the answer to that question.

Talk About Your Crush Night

This... I love this.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Yeah. It's getting pretty serious.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Or, the more 2013 version of this meme applies also.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Mean Girls quotes. They never get old.

Talk About Your Crush Night

Sigh. Get outta there, Eva.

Which of these memes/tweets was your favorite? Which would you use to describe your crush? Tell us in the comments!

Here’s what not to do on a first date

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Source: ShutterStock

I’ve seen just as many crazy, ridiculous apps out there as I have really bad dating advice. And somehow, magically, this app manages to combine both into one huge tip on how NOT to get his attention. 

HowAboutWe.com posted a review of the app in question, called Equala, and I couldn’t resist letting you girls in on it. Equala is an app that basically connects to your Facebook profile and fills you in on what music other people are listening to. On Equala’s website, they market the app as a great way to “rely on your friends’ music to be the best radio station!” It would be an app you could use if you needed some new music, but weren’t sure where to look for it.

If Equala was just all about that, it would be fine. I mean, kind of stupid and pointless (you don’t need an app to see what music your Facebook friends like. All you have to do is… go on their Facebook), but fine. Except that’s not how they presented the app to HowAboutWe… and the issue I have with Equala is how it claims to help your dating life. 

The press release Equala sent to HowAboutWe suggests using the app as a way to get the attention of the guy you’re crushing on. Their way of doing that? By pretending to like the stuff they like, obviously. Here are the suggestions on how to get his attention from their press release:

Get familiar with his top jams. Listen [to them] yourself (or at least, pretend to).

Make sure you share on social media how awesomely amazing his favorite bands/songs are (discreetly, of course). 

When you see him next, use this musical insight as an icebreaker. For example, you cannot wait for their next show. You love the new single. You think their first album was absolutely epic in comparison to this one. 

Hook, line, sinker. He will be interested. Music is the way into a dude’s heart. (Um, sorry, since when?)

Ummmm. Where should I start? So many choices, so many choices.

Let’s see… while there is nothing wrong with using social media as a way to get to know your crush on your own, there is something wrong with pretending to like what your crush likes just to get his attention. News flash, Equala and anyone else who acts fake in order to get noticed: guys, and people in general, like individuality. No one likes when someone pretends to be someone they’re not just so they can get what they want.

Look, if you want to get a guy’s attention, don’t do this. Don’t pretend to like his favorite band just to impress him. Don’t talk about his favorite band to him like you’re sooo familiar with them when in reality you just looked up the lyrics to their biggest hit song two days ago. That’s not cool and it will probably backfire. Either he’ll know you’re not being honest and will be totally weirded out or he’ll eventually find out the truth and get totally weirded out. Either way – you end up looking lame. Do yourself a favor and stick to being passionate about what you like. A guy will be more into your confidence than into the fact that you like the same song.

Would you ever download this app and use it to impress guys? Do you ever pretend to like something your crush likes just to get his attention? Tell us in the comments. 

Is the Internet ruining your relationships?

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Source: S Bukley/ShutterStock

Let me start this out with a story: When I was in high school, I was friends with a girl who was in the same situation as you are - she liked a guy who was shorter than her and he liked her also. They started going out and a few people teased her for being taller than her boyfriend. Even though she seriously liked this guy, the teasing eventually got to her and she broke up with him. About a year later, she ran into him and discovered that not only had he hit puberty, but he had also shot up in height and was now a lot taller than her. Not surprisingly, she was suddenly interested in him again. She did everything she could to win him back, but it didn’t work… and she was the only one left miserable.

That might sound like a lame story I just made up to ultimately get my point across, but it’s very much the truth. You’re not the first girl to think twice about dating a guy who is shorter than her. But here’s the thing: there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating a dude who’s not as tall as you. In fact, it’s kind of silly to throw away what could be a great relationship just because of someone’s height.

If you genuinely like this guy and he likes you back, then I think that you should definitely give him a chance. Think of it this way: would you like to be judged based on some part of your physical appearance that you have no control over? Probably not. So it’s not fair to automatically reject him over his height. If you get to know him and find out that you guys have a connection, the fact that he’s short will most likely stop mattering to you. After all, his height has nothing to do with his personality and what kind of person he is.

The truth is, there may be some people out there who will tease you guys for your height difference and that sucks, but it’s something you have to learn to ignore if being with him is worth it. Or, don’t ignore it. If people have something to say about it, let them know it’s not cool and you don’t appreciate what they’re saying.

Another thing to keep in mind? If you two are in high school, chances are, he hasn’t hit his full height yet. Guys hit puberty later in life than girls do and they can actually keep growing until they’re in their early 20′s. It’s totally possible that your crush will grow a few inches within the next few months or years and end up being a lot taller than he is now. And then you’ll be stuck in the same position as my friend, who seriously regretted the fact that she let her ex go over his height.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Everyone teases me for being single, what do I do?

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Source: ShutterStock

Is love at first sight a real thing or is it just a sweet-sounding romantic myth that has been floating around for what feels like forever? Is it one of those things that only happens in movies, with some cute love song playing in the background, or does it actually happen in real life? Honestly, I don’t know – it’s something I’ve always wondered about myself. But you may be surprised at who seems to really believe in love at first sight.

A study taken out of the book The Normal Bar, which is based on studies taken of over 7,000 people, says that according to their research, 48 percent of men have said that they’ve fallen in love at first sight compared to only 28 percent of women who said the same. Surprised? A lot of people had a similar reaction. The concept of love at first sight is so mushy-gushy romantic that I think it sometimes seems like something women believe in more than men – but apparently that’s not true.

Does this mean that guys are more romantic than girls? Are girls more cynical or jaded about this type of stuff? Or are dudes only falling in lust at first sight and confusing it with the real thing? I don’t know. I’m going to say the last question sounds more accurate to me, because honestly, I’m having a hard time believing this particular study.

Truthfully, I don’t believe in love at first sight, which is weird for me, because I’m a romantic. But I don’t know – I just don’t see how falling in love just by looking at someone is possible. Maybe that’s because I’m taking the phrase way too literally or maybe it’s because it’s never happened to me. In my opinion, falling in love is a process. It takes time. Love is a big deal! You don’t just throw the phrase around (or at least I don’t), and you definitely can’t know if you love someone after a few hours.

I mean, I believe in lust at first sight. Lust is more of a strong sexual desire feeling, about being very attracted to someone and feeling some sort of sexual connection. Sometimes, lust is so strong that people confuse it for love – and I think that’s what people are feeling when they describe love at first sight. But, like I said, maybe I’m just taking the phrase way too literally and maybe I’m also just feeling extra grumpy this Monday morning.

Still, it’s sort of sweet to think that almost half of the dudes out there are walking around thinking they’re falling in love at first sight (or, okay fine, maybe they really are). Kind of makes you wonder if your boyfriend or crush fell for you the first time he saw you, huh?

I want to know what you think – do you believe in love at first sight? Has it ever happened to you? Do you think it happens to people a lot? Or do you feel like I do? Tell me in the comments.

10 ways to tell if your crush doesn’t like you back

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But seriously, girls? Opening your eyes and admitting to yourself that he doesn’t like you can only help you. Yeah, it sucks – but it can also stop you from continuing to put yourself in a position where you’re only going to get hurt. If a few of these reasons below apply to your crush who’s been acting weird, then it’s possible that he just isn’t crushing on you back. Your best bet is to move on and find someone who does like you. There’s no point in trying to change his mind. So, if you’ve been wondering if he’s into you or not, read this list – and remember this stuff forever.

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He Never Calls Or Texts First

It's pretty simple: when a guy likes you, he wants to talk to you. And if he wants to talk to you, he's going to text you or call you. Sure, it's fine to sometimes be the one who reaches out, but if you're the only one initiating any sort of conversation, that's a good sign that he's not into you. If a guy really wants to talk to you, he's almost never too busy to send a quick text, so don't be so quick to buy his excuses for why he hasn't gotten in touch.

Source: ShutterStock

He Doesn't Talk Or Listen

When he does text you or talk to you, what does he say? If a dude is texting you and only sending a one word answer to your long paragraph, that's a sign that he's trying to subtly hint that he's not interested. If he never asks you any questions about your day or about you in general, that means he doesn't care to get to know you. And if you know nothing about him? That means he doesn't want to open up to you.

Source: ShutterStock

He Only Hangs Out To Hook Up

When a guy likes you, he wants to impress you - and only bringing you up to his dirty room to make out on the bed isn't exactly impressive. If a guy is into you, he wants to know more about you than just what you look like naked. He'll want you to know that, so he'll take you out or make an effort not to make everything about sex. If he only calls you after 11 PM to hook up, that is a good sign that the only thing he wants from you is to get into your pants - and please don't confuse that for a crush.

Source: ShutterStock

He Bails On You Without A Backup Plan

If you guys make plans, whether it's to go out or just to hang at his house, and he bails on you, pay attention to what he does afterwards. If he just says, "Can't make it tonight, sorry," and nothing else? Not a good sign. If he says, "Can't make it tonight. Are you free tomorrow instead?" Good sign. That means he genuinely feels bad about cancelling and still wants to see you. If he bails without saying anything else, that means he really doesn't care. And if he keeps bailing and making more plans and then bailing again? That means he doesn't have the balls to tell you he's not interested.

Source: ShutterStock

He ALWAYS Has An Excuse

This is similar to bailing on you without a backup plan. Maybe he never asks you to hang out, so instead you decide to take the reigns and ask him to hang out. If he constantly has some sort of lame excuse, that again means that he doesn't have the guts to just say no. He's hoping you'll eventually just stop asking so he doesn't have to be the bad guy (makes no sense). An excuse once in a while can, of course, be legit, but if it happens more often than not, it's probably not. If a guy wants to see you, he WILL find a way. Trust me.

Source: ShutterStock

He's Weird In Social Situations

If you two really hit it off when you're alone cuddling in bed together, but he gets weird the second you're somewhere public, take it as a bad sign. If he acts super distant with you in school or at a party, that means he doesn't want other people to think there's something going on. That's not only mean, it's also shady. If a guy likes you, he won't be afraid to flirt with you in front of his friends or your friends.

Source: ShutterStock

He Flirts With Other Girls In Front Of You

Story time: One night my friend Doug was hanging out with a bunch of my friends and I. We took some pictures that were totally innocent and one of them was of me and him. When I put it on Facebook, he texted me to ask very nicely if I could take it down because he didn't want the girl he was pursuing to see it and get the wrong idea. THIS, ladies, is what a guy will do when he likes a girl. He will make sure you don't think he's interested in other girls because he doesn't want to lose you. If he's obviously flirting with other girls in front of you? He wants you to know he's not tied down.

Source: ShutterStock

He Talks To You Like Your His Buddy

At the same time, if he has no problem telling you he thinks another girl is hot, that might also mean he doesn't really care about you. When I first met my boyfriend, he was hesitant to even admit to me he found Mila Kunis hot. I mean, come on. If a dude is talking to you like you're just one of the guys, that more than likely means that that is the only way he sees you.

Source: ShutterStock

He Panics If You Get Too Close

If he freaks whenever you bring up the word relationship or ask for plans for next weekend or anything like that, it could mean he's just scared of commitment... but it probably means he doesn't want a commitment with you. A guy once told me that dudes who say they don't want a relationship really mean they don't want one with you - because if they find the right girl, they'll be willing to take the leap, scared or not.

Source: ShutterStock

Your Friends Are Weird About Him

Sometimes our friends, who are outside of the situation, can tell when our crush isn't into us. But since they're our friends, they don't want to hurt us by being the bearer of bad news. If your friends get kind of weird when you bring him up and try to steer you away from the guy, it's a good indicator that they think things aren't going to happen for one reason or another. Ask them to be completely honest with you about what they think and pay attention to their reaction - you'll be probably be able to tell if they're being genuine or not.

Source: ShutterStock

Did these tips help you? What did I miss? How do you deal when you find out your crush doesn’t like you? Tell me in the comments.

10 reasons guys cheat

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Source: Shutterstock

Hi Shallon,

I have a huge crush on a boy in my class! Next year I’m going to high school and this could be the last year I have to tell him I like him. He’s been showing me these mixed signals and I have no clue what to do! What’s the best way to tell him I love him?

–Flo

Dear Flirty Flo,

My take on how you tell a guy you like him? YOU DON’T.  Seriously. I’m firmly in the camp of not revealing too much to dudes.

I get that this urge to confess your feelings is SO strong, but I think doing that is actually a big mistake. Why? Well, from my experience, guys don’t really know how to react. And honestly, girls don’t either. Think about it. What would you do if out of the blue someone was like, “I really, really like you!” Probably say “Thanks” and then run away, right? Even if you liked the person! It’s just weird to get a feelings confession out of the blue.

So, even if he does like you back, he’s not going to know what to do with this information. Ask you out? Kiss you? Declare that you’re BF/GF? Again, even if that’s truly what he wants to do, putting him on the spot like that will make him freeze up and panic.

Trust me, he’d rather play Xbox than hear about your feelings.
Source: Shutterstock

Instead, think about your ultimate goal. Is it to get all of this emotion off your chest because it’s driving you crazy? If it is, write a letter. Not a letter to send to your crush, but one just for yourself. Get out every little gushy urge and schmoopy thought to help take the pressure off.

Or, do you just want to spend more time with him? Then draw him to you! How? Through subtle eye contact. Through striking up a convo about a mutual interest. Through inviting, relaxed body language that says “Come talk to me” not “I’m insanely nervous.” Play a little game of hard-to-get by being a little more mysterious and flirty. This will get his attention without making him feel trapped.

But if you really, reeeeaaaally can’t resist taking the reigns, ask him to hang out in a casual way like, “Hey, a bunch of us are going to see Pain & Gain this weekend, wanna join?” Asking him for a hang or a date is much easier for him to process than a huge OMFG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH declaration over lunch break. 

Taking it slow and easy is the best way to ensure that he doesn’t freak out–and you don’t either!

XOXO
Shallon

Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

Is he just using me to hook up?

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