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Sex Mission Part 4

Gurl — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 23:00:07 +0000

Art & Story by Martina

Read part 3 of this comic right here

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How Do I Tell Him I’m A Virgin?

Jessica Booth — Sat, 15 Dec 2012 18:00:33 +0000

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Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about how to talk about your virginity with a guy:

Missfiction said:

I want to be a virgin until I get married for religious and personal reasons. Every time my mom hears this from me, she’s all like, “yeah, sure” like I’m not going to make it until then. I know hormones and stuff can get the best of you and what if I have a boyfriend one day and we get carried away? I don’t want to be one of those girls who doesn’t want to give it up until marriage and then accidentally gives it away. How can I avoid this but still have a boyfriend? My mom says all boys want is sex. Is this true? If I do have a boyfriend, then how can I tell him I’m a virgin?

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Give this girl advice on how to tell a guy she’s a virgin.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

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Sex Mission, Part 3

Gurl — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 23:00:48 +0000

Art & Story by Martina

Read part 2 of this comic right here

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Ask A Guy: What Do Guys Think About Virgins?

Ethan Fixell — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 23:00:00 +0000

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Dear Ethan,

I’m a virgin and I have never been on a date with a guy. I’ve never even been kissed. I always feel like guys are totally turned off by this. Do guys really find it a turn-off if you’re a virgin and inexperienced in relationships?

Don’t despair! For one thing, did you know that in some ancient cultures, virgins were so highly regarded that they were employed as sacrificial offerings to the Gods? …Okay, so maybe that doesn’t make you feel any better. But the good news is that in general, guys are not “totally turned off” by inexperience — though the two-part question you pose does require a two-part answer.

First, not only is virginity nothing to be ashamed of, it’s also not something you should worry about guys being turned off by. For the most part, any good guy will respect and admire the fact that you don’t take sex lightly. Of course, how each specific guy will react to this information depends both upon your reasons for waiting, and the guy’s intentions. Does your religion encourage you to wait until marriage? Are you holding out for someone worthy of the privilege? Or have you simply not had the chance to yet? Seeing as all are totally valid reasons, treat the sharing of this info with your potential partner as an opportunity to test compatibility. If he’s anything but totally understanding about your sexual history, consider yourself lucky to have avoided a relationship with a guy who’s not right for you, and possibly even a jerk.

And as for your lack of all romantic experience, I think the fact that you’ve never been kissed is really only as important as you choose to make it. It other words, a guy will less likely be turned off by the actual number of dates you’ve been on than he will by a lack of confidence over that fact. If you’re able to own your status as a dating newb, guys will be put at ease by your casually positive attitude. If you can treat your inexperience as a non-issue, he can too!

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Your virginity is really no big deal

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A New Documentary Discusses Women And Sexuality – We Can’t Wait To See It

Jessica Booth — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 19:43:36 +0000

Definitely a must-see.

Wow. The upcoming documentary film Subjectified looks seriously awesome. I’m not big on documentaries (unless they’re about animals – Planet Earth will forever be my favorite), but this is one that I will definitely make an exception for. The film takes on the issue of women and sexuality, interviewing nine young women about sex… and judging from the trailer, it looks like it’s going to be really honest, informational and something every girl will totally be able to relate to.

In the trailer, these ladies talk honestly abut sex – like honest in a way you probably talk to your best friend about sex. In just a minute and half, they cover topics like masturbation, using (or not using) condoms, sexual assault, virginity and more. At the end, one woman explains why she likes sex, saying: “It’s pleasurable, it’s enjoyable, it’s worth having.” It’s so refreshing to hear real thoughts like this from women, especially when it comes to sex.

According to the Subjectified website, the film “presents a real, human picture of women’s diverse sexual experiences from around the U.S. When it comes to sex, women are so often seen (on billboards or television), but their authentic voices are rarely heard. Subjectified lets women speak for themselves.”

The site goes on to explain that throughout the film, they’ll be interviewing nine very different young women, with stories everyone should be able to relate to. The site says, “The stories may sound familiar: young moms, abstinent Christians, lesbians, survivors of assaults and STDs. But outside the world of reality TV and sound bites, women approach their lives in complex and unexpected ways: sometimes hilarious, sometimes sobering, and always heartfelt. Subjectified will change the way you think about women’s sexuality.”

My favorite part of this trailer is when one girl says, “I think we judge each other a lot, which is sad considering we should be supportive of each other.” YES! I’ve always felt that way and I’m so glad to see there are other ladies out there who agree.

Where has this documentary been all my life? Here at Gurl we’re always encouraging girls to be open about their sexuality, because we know it’s not something to be ashamed of, no matter what you’re doing or what you’re into. Basically, this film is kind of going to be our new favorite thing ever. We’re thinking about having a viewing party. Any takers? Watch the trailer and you won’t be able to say no:

Do you want to see Subjectified? Do you feel like women don’t always get to be honest about their sexuality? Can you relate to any of the ladies in the trailer? Tell us in the comments!

Are you grossed out by sex? Find out if it’s normal

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Sex Mission, Part 2

Gurl — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:00:43 +0000

Art & Story by Martina

Check out the first part of Martina’s sex mission right here

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Your Virginity (Or Lack Thereof) Is Really No Big Deal

Melanie Abrahams — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 16:48:02 +0000

Don’t let the whole V-Card thing get you down. | Source: Shutterstock

Everybody thinks virginity is such a big deal. Here at Gurl, we hear from a lot of girls who are virgins and worry that people (mainly dudes) will judge them for never having had sex before. We also hear from a lot of girls who aren’t virgins and are worried that people (mainly dudes, again) will judge them for having lost their virginity already. And then there’s the slut-shaming that’s wrapped up in all of this: girls who hold their virginity up like some kind of status symbol to slam girls who have had sex, and girls who have had sex calling virgins lame or prudish.

What’s wrong with this picture? A lot. Here’s why: Your body and your sexual experiences are yours and yours alone. If you are a virgin, it’s probably because you haven’t found the right person to get that intimate with or that you’re simply not ready for something that serious. Does that make you a loser? No. Does that make you less smart, interesting, or sexy? No. But it’s also important to remember that your virginity doesn’t make you superior or better than other girls who have lost their virginity.

It’s easy to get caught up in Team V-Card or Team Sex or whatever when you’re in high school–I know, I’ve been there, and it’s not a pretty place in terms of how girls treat each other; but in the grand scheme of things, how old you are when you lose your virginity isn’t going to make a ton of difference. What will make a big difference? How you treat other people, how hard you work, and how much fun you can have on any given day.

Too many guys already judge girls based on sex–what a girl will do in bed, how far she’ll go, if he can be her “first,” whatever. Being seen as nothing more than a sexual conquest is creepy and icky and not okay, but what’s even worse is girls judging other girls for those things. Why would we do that to our own people? Being a girl and growing up is hard enough without this huge thousand pound weight of virginity to worry about. So, my advice to you, girls? Just stop worrying about it.

If you’re not a virgin anymore, I hope you’re being safe (condoms are absolutely a must!) and that you know that sex is natural, normal, and totally okay! And if you ever don’t want to do it–even though you’ve done it before–don’t feel like you have to. If you are a virgin, I hope you’re not too obsessed with virginity and get that one day you’ll probably have sex, and that it’s so totally okay that it hasn’t happened yet. Just don’t do it to be popular or because you think it’s the thing to do, unless it’s the right thing for you.

What do you think about virginity? Do you think it is a big deal, or am I right that we put too much importance on it? Tell me in the comments!

What Really Counts As Virginity, Anyway?

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Sex Mission, Part One

Gurl — Sun, 25 Nov 2012 23:00:44 +0000

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Lena Dunham’s First Time Was With Obama

Emerald Pellot — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 17:04:17 +0000

Sometimes, in politics, you got to roll with the punches and take a joke. Unfortunately actual politicians, on both sides, like to mud sling and sometimes blow things out of proportion to make the other party look irresponsible. Lena Dunham, the writer and star of Girls, made this video comparing having sex for the first time to voting for the first time. It’s great, but there were some reporters and politicians who thought it was offensive.

Lena says, “Your first time shouldn’t be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy. It should be with a guy with beautiful … somebody who really cares about and understands women . . . My first time voting was amazing. It was this line in the sand. Before I was a girl. Now I was a woman. I went to the polling station and pulled back the curtain. I voted for Barack Obama.”

One writer, Ben Shapiro, kind of missed the entire point, saying, “It’s an astoundingly tasteless ad comparing voting for the first time to losing your virginity. Really. And Dunham recommends that if you’re going to have sex–-er, vote–-for the first time, you should really do it with President Barack Obama.”

Lena is comparing voting for the first time with virginity for two reasons: A) It’s hilarious. B) Voting for women, right now, should be just as important and thoughtful as losing your virginity.

Shapiro continues, “So she chose to do it for the first time with Barack Obama, since he ‘cares about and understands women.’ In fact, he understands them so well that he exploits them for insane commercials comparing losing your virginity with voting. Obama has young daughters. But that didn’t stop him from releasing this commercial. Because this is what Obama thinks of your daughters. This is Obama’s official campaign ad. Paid for with his campaign money. Distributed by his campaign. If this ad were any more demeaning to women–-who apparently care only about having sex–it would be produced by Bill Maher and star Bill Clinton.”

Let’s break this down.

*Obama has young daughters. This video doesn’t mention sex once, you would only get the joke if you had pre-existing knowledge about how we talk about sex and virginity. It’s like when I was a kid and I would listen to O-Town’s, “Liquid Dreams.” I didn’t know that song was about wet dreams until this year. These things go way over the heads of the children it would be inappropriate for. If you get the joke then you are old enough to get the joke. Remember, you can’t vote until you’re 18.

*This is exploitation of women! Lena Dunham chose to endorse Obama and she chose to make this video. She wrote the script. How is honoring a woman’s choice to have a voice (that rhymes) anything but giving her the most control over her life and decisions?

*Women only care about sex. There is nothing in this video about sex, Lena is just playing off the language we use to talk about sex to make a joke. If anything this video values sex highly. It’s comparing voting to how much anxiety, thought, and significance we place on losing our virginity. The first time you have sex is special. The first time you vote should be special. She is urging women and men to use caution about who they choose. She happens to be endorsing Obama.

Watch the video here.

Do you find the video offensive or not a big deal? Let us know in the comments!

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5 Myths About Your Vagina You Won’t Believe

Emerald Pellot — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 16:00:48 +0000

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People have been talking about vaginas, yours and mine, for thousands of years. Word on the street, they’re not so good. Embracing, loving, and caring for your vagina is a relatively new idea only brought on by decades of women’s rights movements. One of the ways that society kept sexism firmly in place was by stigmatizing the vagina. Oh, and it went far beyond the belief that they “smell bad” or are “yucky”. Vaginas, for many centuries, were considered the source of women’s psychological woes and malicious behavior, a sign that we were punished by God, and used as a tool to justify rape.

These are all horrible ways to think about women and female anatomy. Although we should look at these myths as a reminder of how far we’ve come in the United States and how we think about women. Just think of how alienating it would be to be a woman living in a different time or even a different nation today. Appreciate your feminist foremothers and the women who paved the way for us today!

Vagina Dentata

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There are many South American legends about “vagina dentata” or vaginas with teeth in them. Of course, this is completely untrue. These stories were told to demonize the female anatomy and were used as metaphors to worn men of “seductresses” and “promiscuous women.” I know, *eyeroll*.

Period Is Punishment

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During medieval times it was believed that a woman’s period was a punishment from God for Eve’s original sin. It was also believed that if you were to have sex with a woman on her period, it would kill the semen or create deformed children if she got pregnant. Yay for science, right?!

Female Hysteria

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Until the 20th century “female hysteria” was considered a legitimate medical condition found in “sexually deprived” women like virgins, nuns, spinsters, and widows. Although it was actually just a way to oppress women by citing their vaginas as a source of psychological disease. A common treatment for hysteria were “pelvic massages” conducted by physicians. Doctors would blast water or use vibrating machines causing the “hysterical woman” to orgasm. If you ever wonder why vibrators were invented, there you go. The truth behind hysteria was that women were often deeply unhappy because they were repressed in society. Eventually, hysteria was determined to be a conversion disorder, which is when the emotional difficulties of someone’s life manifests itself physically in the form of blindness, numbness, paralysis or fits. Basically, any woman who became inexplicably ill was diagnosed as hysterical.

You Can’t Get Pregnant If It’s Legitimate Rape

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Although conservative politician Todd Akin’s recent statements make him a supreme douchebag, he didn’t come up with the notion that if a woman is “legitimately raped” she cannot get pregnant. This idea dates back to 13th century Britain, where legal documents stated, “If, however, the woman should have conceived at the time alleged in the appeal, it abates, for without a woman’s consent she could not conceive.” For centuries it was believed that if a woman orgasmed then it meant she gave consent and that when she was raped her body would release chemicals that would prevent her from becoming pregnant.

Sex With A Virgin Can Cure HIV/AIDS

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This has been a longstanding myth in Zimbabwe, and one that continues to be fought by various organizations until today. It is believed by many misguided folks, that sleeping with a virgin girl can cleanse the blood of the infected person and cure their disease. Of course there is no scientific or factual basis to this. There is no such thing as virgin vagina with healing powers. It’s just a clear lack of education, lack of human rights for women, and idolization of virgins at play here.

What are some vagina myths that you’ve heard? Let us know in the comments!

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