So, what is it really like to lose your virginity? You probably shouldn’t expect a lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey romantic scene from a movie – instead, it might go something like this. Here’s what it’s like to have sex for the first time, as explained in GIFs:

You finally decide that you’re ready to “do it.” 

Source: Tumblr

You tell your boyfriend and he’s all: 

Source: Tumblr

You two try to figure out where you guys can do it without getting caught or in trouble. 

Source: Tumblr

Finally, you plan the perfect night to do it. 

Source: Tumblr

You start to get nervous… what is sex really like? Is it going to hurt?

Source: Tumblr

You look it up on the Internet. OH GOD NO. It seems terrifying. 

Source: Tumblr

So you ask a more experienced friend for help. 

Source: Tumblr

Nothing calms your nerves. Why is losing your virginity SUCH a big deal? 

Source: Tumblr

The night is here. You and your boyfriend try to act like it’s no big deal, but secretly, you’re both a little anxious. 

Source: Tumblr

Condoms are hard!

Source: Tumblr

You guys start hooking up and things feel a little… awkward. 

Source: Tumblr

Okay, ouch! Seriously, OW! Is it always like this?! 

Source: Giphy

What goes where? How does this work? What… what is happening?!

Source: Tumblr

You can’t help wondering what you look like in this position. 

Source: Tumblr

Thankfully, things improve as it goes on. 

Source: Tumblr

Afterwards, you’re both a little speechless. You finally lost your virginity! 

Source: Tumblr

But… it wasn’t, like, movie romantic. It was just… nice. A little awkward, but nice. 

Source: Tumblr

You don’t even feel that different. Is there something wrong with you?

Source: Tumblr

NOPE. Congrats! Cuddle time! 

Source: Tumblr

Have you lost your virginity yet? What was it like? Was this accurate? What did I miss? Tell me in the comments!

I lost my friends when I lost my virginity

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Source: Shutterstock

This week on the message boards, you girls are talking about if you should tell your younger sister that you lost your virginity. Should you tell her just to have a more open relationship? Or tell her in order to warn her about sex?

Let’s see what y’all had to say:

lucidkitty said:

You telling her isn’t going to stop her from having sex if that’s what you think. Tell her that you aren’t one, and say you are there to talk to her if she needs to about that stuff. But if you are like “erhmagerd ner serrxxxxxx”, chances are she won’t ever open up.

SmileyVamp said:
She isn’t going to ask permission to start having sex. It’s not like you did. Just let her know you are there if she needs to talk. You can’t stop her from having sex, but you can make sure she is safe about it. Don’t make it sound like you are just assuming she is having sex though. She could be a completely different teen than you were, and you don’t want to offend her.

open4801 said:
It’s up to you if you want to tell. Most sisters know it but they just don’t say anything first. So she may already know you’re not a virgin. Telling her will let her know that you care for her, but she has a mind of her own. Think of it as gurl.com. You’re giving and asking advice, but it’s up to that person to take your words and learn from it. I say tell and let her know why your telling her.

Since I don’t have any biological sisters, I asked a few of my friends for some input. One friend’s older sister told her she wasn’t a virgin when we were both very young. She basically became our go-to person to ask questions about sex, which was really helpful especially since my friend and I weren’t comfortable enough talking to our parents.

Another friend of mine is an older sister. She didn’t tell her younger sister she wasn’t a virgin because she didn’t want her sister to think she should have sex just because her older sister did. And they didn’t have the type of sisterly bond where they could talk about sex openly.

So I honestly think it depends on your relationship with your sister. If you’re going to tell her as some kind of warning to not have sex, don’t. Talking to a sibling, especially a younger one, is a very personal conversation. Don’t use it as some sort of lecturing device.

If I had an older sister, I would have wanted her to tell me so I knew I had someone I could talk to. I say, if you think it feels right to tell your baby sis, then tell her. She might be scared to ask you!
 
Would you tell your little sister that you’re not a virgin? If you’re a younger sister, would you want to know? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

Should you forgive a cheater and give him another chance?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Losing your virginity may not be a big deal in the long run. | Source: ShutterStock

Losing your virginity seems like it’s supposed to be some big, huge, cathartic event in your life. You hear so much about it all the time and how it’s so serious and intense . . . so what happens if you lose your virginity and it’s, well, not any of those things?

When I lost my virginity, my boyfriend at the time and I had been together a few months. He didn’t know I was a virgin, and I didn’t tell him because it wasn’t really an issue for me. I hadn’t been saving myself for marriage or anything, but I simply didn’t want to sleep with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with–and he just happened to be my first real boyfriend. In any case, we’d messed around a bit before, but never gotten too hot and heavy. But we both agreed we were ready for it and I made plans for me to sleep over that night. I’d been on the pill for a while for period issues anyway, and he had condoms handy, so I knew we’d be safe.

So what happened? He grabbed dinner, saw a movie and started making out at his house when it was over–and then he asked if I wanted to go to the bedroom. We made our way there, did everything we’d already done before . . . and that sort of just led to having sex.

I was mentally preparing myself for something scary and emotionally taxing and magical all at the same time. But it wasn’t any of that. For me, as lame as it sounds, it was just something else to do. I didn’t feel any different when it was over, and I didn’t feel like my life nor like my relationship had changed in some drastic way afterward. My boyfriend didn’t act any different and I still felt like myself. Maybe a slightly sorer version of myself, but I felt like myself.

For some people, their first time is this huge ordeal, whether in an awesome or an awful way. And that’s great (or not-so-great) for them. But for a lot of us, it’s much simpler. Mine? It was nice. But it was nothing to blog about (even though I just did), so don’t feel weird if yours wasn’t either.

Did you feel like your first time was a big deal? Was losing your virginity a life changing experience for you or just sort of “eh?” Tell us in the comments!

Ready to lose your virginity? If you’re ready for sex, read this now!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Source: Shutterstock

Sex is really intimate, and you need to make sure you’re ready to take that step with another person before losing your v-card. Losing your virginity often is not like the way it is in movies. You need to know that awkward things can and will happen.

I’m going to go through some ways that you can tell if you’re ready or not ready so click through for your complete guide to losing your virginity!

Source: ShutterStock

We’re constantly talking about slut-shaming here – why it sucks and why it needs to stop. One thing we haven’t spoken about as much? Virgin-shaming. As YourTango put it in a recent post, “Is virgin-shaming the new slut-shaming?” Wait, how about there is no new slut-shaming? How about both of these things just go away altogether?

Before I get into my rant, let’s be clear on what virgin-shaming is. It’s basically exactly what it sounds like, which is people making other people ashamed of being a virgin. Or it’s virgins being ashamed that they’re a virgin. Just like slut-shaming, which is people making others feel guilty about the amount of sex they’re having, virgin-shaming is about making other people feel bad about about their choices when it comes to sex. Virgin-shaming happens just as often as slut-shaming, if not sometimes more.

One example of a girl who has dealt with both virgin-shaming and slut-shaming (ridiculous, right?) is Taylor Swift. Tay-tay has dated a decent amount of dudes in Hollywood, which has caused everyone to feel like they have the right to discuss her sex life as if it’s their own. A lot of people slut-shame Taylor for all of the boyfriends she’s had, which just isn’t cool. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating around and if Taylor wants to be with more than just one or two guys in her life, let her! More power to her!

On the flip side, a mysterious source recently called Taylor out on being an antique-loving virgin – and critics ripped her apart for that also. Come on, guys. You can’t make fun of Taylor for being “slutty” and then turn around and make fun of her for being a virgin. I’m not a Taylor fan myself, but I’ve never slut-shamed her or cared about her sex life.

But back to virgin- and slut-shaming. Honestly? I’m over it. It seems like we as a whole just can’t win. If we’re hooking up with too many different people, we get called “slutty,” “skanky,” “trashy,” or a “whore.” If we’re not hooking up with anyone, we get laughed at and teased for being a prude. So which is it exactly that we’re supposed to do? Is there some perfect middle we’re all supposed to be striving for? That’s insane and ridiculous.

Here’s the thing: whether you’re having sex or not, it’s no one else’s business but yours. It’s your decision and no one has the right to make fun of you for it. If you’re not ready to have sex yet, don’t do it just because you’re ashamed of being a virgin. Whether it’s for religious or personal decisions, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You should never push yourself to do something you’re not ready for, especially when it comes to sex.

At the same time, no one should be making fun of girls (because, let’s face it, slut-shaming doesn’t really happen to dudes) for hooking up with a few different people. I don’t care how many guys a girl has been with – that doesn’t give anyone the right to call her a slut. It’s a mean, nasty word and it’s only purpose is to make someone feel bad about themselves. And for what? For enjoying themselves, for having fun or for connecting with another person? That’s something we should have to feel about?

Can we just all agree to stick to our own personal choices and stop caring so much about other people are doing? Someone else’s sex life isn’t for you to talk about and make fun of and judge. And for those of you who think you’re better than other people because you decided to wait until marriage to have sex or because you’re more experienced, guess what? You’re not better than anyone, especially if you’re making fun of others for their sex lives.

Are you sick of virgin-shaming and slut-shaming? Have you ever been shamed for being a virgin or a “slut?” How do you feel about this? Tell us in the comments.

How my mom convinced me I wasn’t a slut

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Source: ShutterStock

Good news, girl: I seriously doubt your mom is going to be able to tell when you’ve lost your virginity just by looking at you… unless she has superpowers, that is. In that case, you might be in trouble.

There are a lot of virginity myths out there and what you’re talking about happens to be one of them. Once you have sex for the first time, it’s not going to be obvious to anyone around you. You’re not going to walk differently for days after. You may be hurting a little bit, but that shouldn’t affect the way you’re walking – and if the sex really is that painful for you, that might be an issue to talk to your doctor about. Your body isn’t going to start transforming right in front of your eyes, either. Here’s what happens when you lose your virginity: your hymen breaks. Or sometimes it doesn’t, if it already broke from something else in the past.

The only way your body will change drastically after having sex for the first time is if you get pregnant or get an STD or STI. And those three things can easily be prevented by wearing a condom.

Awesome news, right? Look, if you feel ready to lose your virginity to your boyfriend, then go for it. Honestly, your mom is probably never going to want you to have sex. Why would she want that? You’re her daughter! But when it comes to stuff like this about our bodies, we need to do what we want and not what others want.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about having, and enjoying, sex – even from your mom. Sex is a part of life and it’s something your mom is going to have to eventually accept. Sex is also personal. You don’t have to tell your mom if you don’t want to! For now, focus on figuring out if losing your virginity is something you definitely want – don’t focus on whether or not your mom will be able to tell.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

What do guys think about virgins?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Though the first-time experience isn’t the same for everybody, we asked women responded what they wish they knew before they had sex. Hopefully this will help you get some answers and remind you that you’re definitely not alone out there. Here are 10 things that women wish they knew before having sex:

Skip this Ad

Next

ADVERTISEMENT

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

It Hurts A Different Amount For Everyone

There's no exact answer as to how much your first time having sex will hurt until it actually happens. That can be a little scary, but it's normal. It's going to be different for everyone. Don't let a thought of how much it "should" hurt keep you from communicating to your partner how you are feeling.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You're Not Alone

Thinking about when to have sex can be stressful, but you can talk to your partner about it. For example, it's not just a girl's job to worry about birth control. You have every right to express what you're feeling. For all you know, they might be thinking the same things. Guys out there get nervous about this kind of thing, too. You definitely aren't alone in how you're feeling just because you're a girl.

Source: Shutterstock.com

There's No Specific Timeline To Follow

The right time is going to be different for everyone. There's no specific timeline that is right for every person. It doesn't need to happen after a certain number of dates. It shouldn't matter when your friends did it. If you're in a relationship, you don't have to do it after a certain amount of time. It's whenever you feel comfortable.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Won't Always Have The Same Experience As Your Friends

Just as the right time for you may not be the right time as your friend, their first time is going to be different from your first time. If they had a first-time horror story, that doesn't mean you'll have an awful experience, too. On the flip side, they also might build up their experience, so you shouldn't feel disappointed if yours isn't the same either. It's okay to have a different experience than your friends.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Don't Have To Talk About It

Even if a friend told you her story or you told her you were thinking about having sex, once you have sex, you don't have to talk about it with anyone. It's your personal business and you don't owe anyone the details.

Source: Shutterstock.com

It Doesn't Always Mean He's Exclusive With You

While for you something like sex might be a big symbol of commitment, there is always the chance that your partner has a different interpretation. Just because he's having sex with you, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's exclusively sleeping with you, so it may be something you want to bring up ahead of time. It's also yet another reason why even if it's your first time, wearing a condom is super important.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Can Wait To Do It Again

Every time you have sex, you should want to do it. If you want to take a break for a while after your first time, that is one hundred percent okay. Just because you've done it once, doesn't mean you are ever obligated to do it again until you feel comfortable.

Source: Shutterstock.com

It Can Take Practice To Get Comfortable

There's a good chance your first time won't be super graceful. Sex is one of those things that will only get better with practice. That doesn't mean you have to immediately do it again if you don't want to (see previous slide). Rather, it's just good to remember that the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll probably feel, so things can really only improve from your first time.

Source: Shutterstock.com

Everything Could Change

Your relationship dynamic could shift or you may suddenly find yourself feeling differently about a person. All of this is normal, and you just need to figure out what it may mean for you specifically.

Source: Shutterstock.com

Nothing Could Change

Having sex doesn't define you as a person. It's a personal choice, and many things in your life are going to continue to go on just as normally as they did before. You still have practice, you still have school, you still go to work. It doesn't mean that it isn't a big choice in your life, but whether you have had sex or not, you are still the same "you" and it's normal for things to just keep going on around you as they did before.

Source: Shutterstock.com

 
What do you wish you had known before having sex? Do you still have questions about sex? Tell us in the comments!
 

7 Things To Do When The Condom Breaks

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Confused about what’s true about virginity? Here are some common myths. Source: ShutterStock

There’s no real “exact” definition of virginity — while it’s pretty much accepted that a virgin refers to someone who has not had sex with another person, what exactly “sex” is could mean different things to different people.

In addition, there are a lot of myths out there in regards to virgins and virginity. When those are continually spread around, it can cause a lot of confusion and pain. It’s best to clear up that info, so we’re taking a minute to just debunk a few virginity myths now.

Myth: An intact hymen proves you’re a virgin.
The hymen (that tissue membrane at your vaginal opening) can be stretched or “broken” for a whole host of reasons that don’t include sex. There are virgins who don’t have an intact hymen, but they are still virgins.

Myth: There has to be blood after your first time having sex to prove you were a virgin.
While it is totally normal to have some bleeding after your first time having sex, it’s also normal if that doesn’t happen. Again, because your hymen could have been stretched prior to you having sex for a number of reasons, you may not bleed after your first sexual experience, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t a virgin.

Myth: Using a tampon means you’re not a virgin.
This is a common one (it was even brought up in Mean Girls!), but it’s not true. Though yes, a tampon can stretch your hymen, using tampons has zero to do with if you are a virgin or not.

Myth: Masturbating causes you to lose your virginity.
While masturbation could stretch your hymen, if you masturbate that doesn’t mean you lose your virginity. Most people consider that you lose your virginity involves sex with another person, so someone who masturbates can still be a virgin.

Myth: A girl can’t lose her virginity to another girl.
As we said above, although when many people refer to virginity, they are talking about experiencing penile/vaginal sex, remember that virginity can have different meanings for different people. We all can define just what losing our virginity means, and as a result, two girls can definitely lose their virginity to one another.

Myth: Having sex with a virgin will cure illnesses.
There are some people in the world who believe that having sex with a virgin female will cure HIV/AIDS. There is no truth to this myth at all, and luckily there are people who are working to make sure others are properly educated on the actual facts regarding HIV/AIDS.

Myth: Being a virgin is weird. Or alternatively, being a virgin makes you better than non-virgins.
You completely have the choice to remain a virgin as long as you want and that doesn’t make you weird at all. In addition, choosing to not have sex doesn’t mean that you are better than those girls who are no longer virgins, as they also have the choice to make their own decisions about sex. Basically, whether you’re a virgin or not, it’s not something to stress over because it certainly doesn’t define you as a person.

Had you heard any of these myths about virginity before? What are other myths about virginity that you’ve heard? Tell me in the comments.

How To Tell Him “I’m A Virgin”

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Source: ShutterStock

Will your first time having sex impact the way your sex life will be forever? A new study suggests that it will… but I’m not really buying it. 

The study, which was published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, looked at over 300 people and found that those people who had a satisfying first time found their future sex lives “more fulfilling.” Similarly, they found that the people who were nervous or anxious when losing their virginity didn’t experience a particularly positive future sex life.

The lead researcher in the study, Dr. Matthew Shaffer said, “While this study doesn’t prove that a better first time makes for a better sex life in general, a person’s experience of losing their virginity may set the pattern for years to come.” So basically, according to this research, if you lose your virginity with someone you love and have a great experience, your future sex life will be more similar to your first time. And vice versa.

There are a few reasons why I have my doubts about this research. For one thing, the study was done on college students aged 18-22. Now, I’m not saying that it’s not possible for those students to have experienced a lot since their first time, but… don’t you think this study would have made more sense if the researchers looked further into the future? As the Huffington Post states, “the average American boy loses his virginity at 16.9 and the average girl at 17.4.” Do the math: the people in this study probably haven’t even been having sex for very long. Your sex life can change so much as you get older! As HuffPo says, “All this study suggests is that a good first time can lead to good sex in your early 20s.”

The other reason why I’m not buying this is because I don’t know many people who have had a spectacular, amazing first time. And that’s not a bad thing! Losing your virginity can be awkward, a little uncomfortable and kind of confusing. And it’s supposed to be, because it’s the first time you’re having sex. How are you supposed to know what you’re doing?! Saying that those who felt nervous or anxious during their first time won’t have a great future sex life sounds ridiculous to me. Who wasn’t even a teensy bit nervous their first time?!

I think what this study may be trying to say is that our first time having sex affects our attitude towards sex in the future and not the actual sex. I guess that would make a little bit more sense, but I still don’t fully agree with it.

Yes, a traumatizing first time may negatively affect your sex life forever. But at the same time, there are a lot of people who have had bad first times and then learn to love and appreciate sex later in life. You could have an awesome first time with an amazing guy – but then later, you could sex with dudes who have no idea what they’re doing. The point is, sexual experiences are subjective and everyone’s first time is different… and for most people, it’s not perfect. And saying that a great first time equals great sex for the future? I’m not so sure about that.

Do you agree with this study? What was your first time having sex like? Did it set the tone for your future sex life? Tell me in the comments.

What you’re thinking the first time you get naked

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Skip this Ad

Next

ADVERTISEMENT

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Read part 3 of this comic right here

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter