Seriously, can we stop saying “tease” (and “slut” and “prude”). Thanks. Source: Shutterstock

I really hate the word slut. I really hate the word prude, too. But right up there with those two is another word that equally makes my blood boil: tease.

I think what I hate most about the word tease is that it is double shaming. Slut shaming and prude shaming are bad enough on their own. When someone is branded a “tease,” they are getting shamed for acting in a “suggestive way” (slut shaming) and then also for not going “all the way” (prude shaming). It’s the worst of both worlds.

When I was in college, I got called a tease by this guy I knew and it just completely threw me for a loop. I literally could not stop thinking about that term – I was so fixated on thinking about what I had done wrong to warrant being called that.

Was it for flirting in the first place? Was it that I didn’t end up doing anything with one of the guys? It was so confusing because while I tried to figure out what I could have done “right” in the situation, it seemed like there was still judgment coming from every angle.

I internalized all of this blame until I finally realized that I didn’t do anything wrong. I was living my life and being comfortable with my own choices before someone decided to add their unwarranted two cents and mess with my head. I never should have been placed in this no-win situation for something that was never anybody’s business.

I still sometimes get insecure about being called a tease that one single time. I think that should be a reminder of how lasting that can kind of terminology can be. Unfortunately, I still hear it used all time, even by my peers who really should know better. It sometimes seems to be a default word used to describe someone who is flirting.

Here’s the real deal, though: flirting and hooking up can be fun and there’s nothing wrong with doing it. At the same time, once you start flirting or hooking up, it does not need to escalate beyond your comfort zone just to make someone else happy.

At the end of the day, I know who I am and choose how I act. I am comfortable with it and that is all that matters. If other people aren’t comfortable with it, well I feel bad because that is a waste of their time.

Slut, tease and prude are all examples of derogatory terms used against a woman exercising her right to make her own choices regarding her sexuality. Those decisions should be allowed to be made without judgment from other people.

Whether you choose to have sex or you choose to not have sex, that is your personal business and it doesn’t make you any better or worse than someone who makes a different decision. It is a personal choice and not something people should be judging.

Let’s just erase “tease” from our vocabulary then, shall we? Let me fill your head space with a cooler word instead. Hey, how about sesquipedalian, which means “having many syllables.” Yeah, it is a better word than tease (and slut and prude) in absolutely every way.

How do you feel about the word “tease?” Does it bother you when people use it? What are shaming words or phrases that you wish people would stop saying? Tell us in the comments.

Can Your Parents’ Marriage Affect Your Own Relationships?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Source: Shutterstock

But the things my mom taught me about sex and relationships are probably the most important.

One thing that I really love about my mom is how honest and open she is with me. Especially about sex. My mom never avoided the topic. She has always given me great advice when it comes to sexy time. Relax, it’s not like she’s sharing sex tips with me or anything!

But she’s always been there for me to help me navigate the complications that come with sex and the stigmas surrounding a subject that so many people don’t want to discuss. If I sleep with someone, my mom is usually the first person I call to tell.

One of the most important things my mom did for me is convince me that I wasn’t a slut.

Ugh I cringe just typing that word. Let me go on the record as saying I hate that term and would never call another girl (or guy!) a slut, no matter what their sexual decisions are. Slut-shaming is always wrong, but that’s the word that kept popping into my head when I thought about myself until I talked to my mom.

I was always in a relationship. That was my thing until last year. Life really changed for me after my last breakup, and I started worrying about what it meant if I was sleeping with someone who wasn’t my boyfriend. I had friends who did, and I never thought anything of it. But when it was me, that was a different story.

I felt weird about being single and hooking up with guys I wasn’t dating. I felt like a slut. While my friends easily told me I wasn’t, I knew I had to talk to my mom. I remember asking her if I was being slutty, and she just laughed.

She straight up said “No,” and told me that hooking up or sleeping with guys as a single girl was my decision. As long as it was up to me and it was what I wanted to do, then I wasn’t a slut. She even encouraged me because I had been tied down for so long and never took time to be single. She reminded me that sex was my business and that no one has a right to judge me except for me.

So Mom, I know you’re reading, thank you for always making me feel special and that the decisions I make for me are the right ones.

Do you talk to your parents about sex? Have they ever given you sex advice? Are you scared to talk to them? Tell me in the comments!
 

This apparently is how guys tell if women are good in bed

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

There are a zillion better things to do on the Internet than looking at slut shaming memes. | Source: ShutterStock

There are few things that make me more mad than slut shaming, and the fact that there are a bunch of slut shaming memes made by girls really bothers me. Why? Well, aside from slut shaming in general being gross and sexist, when girls slut shame other girls it’s setting all of us back even further. How? Because it pits us against one another when we should be working together to improve.

But what’s most infuriating about slut shaming memes is that they’re such an epic waste of time, and on top of that–dude, they’re just not that funny.

There are so many better ways to waste time on the Internet. In fact, we’ve conjured up ten of our favorite things with which to occupy ourselves online–and guess what? While some of them may set you back in, say, finishing that paper or starting our algebra homework, none of them will make us slam your heads into glass ceilings. So there! (Please note that reading Gurl.com is obviously the best option, but I’m trying not to be selfish.)

1. Instead of criticizing girls for wearing makeup, you can learn how to apply it.
Wearing eyeliner doesn’t make anyone a slut, so slut shaming someone based on her makeup is pretty stupid, and frankly, it doesn’t make sense. Is a mascara wand a penis? No? Didn’t think so. (And if it is, I have a lot more to learn about animal testing than I thought.) So instead of posting things like this that harp on girls for wearing makeup, how about learning how to do an awesome smoky eye yourself? The fact is, a lot of girls wear makeup out of insecurity–and if you need to pick on anyone else, chances are you’re insecure, too. Check out these awesome YouTube tutorials from inspiring ladies for ideas.

2. Poke your crush on Facebook.
Is poking in general creepy and annoying? Well, yeah. But it’s still not as bad as slut shaming. Plus, he may be into it and message you. That is, if he knows a good thing when he sees it. Who knows? He may even want to poke you in real life. Hi-yoooo!

3. Dogs. On swings.
This needs no explanation.

4. Follow Cher on Twitter.
No, seriously, do it. Or you might miss gems like these:

Brushing teeth,then, omg! NO EXCUSE 4 ME !Pres Obama killed Bin Laden! Cher U might want 2 dial Down the passion & dial up brain 2 hand !

— Cher(@cher) October 17, 2012

RT Snoopy Dance site !

— Cher(@cher) October 10, 2012

5. Buy stupid things.
Want an inflatable moose head? Or a garden gnome that moons you? You didn’t know that you did, but you totally do. And so does your little brother and weird cousin who does that thing with his eye at Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah, that one.

6. Meet Scumbag Steve!

You can see more of him here. Doesn’t he sort of look like Mike Posner? No offense to Mike Posner. I don’t know if Mike Posner’s actually a scumbag. I do, however, think a lot of his songs are annoying. Wait, what was I talking about?

7. Tweet at One Direction.
They might just answer. And Harry Styles might just fall in love with you. YOU NEVER KNOW. That’s what I keep telling myself.

8. Spam your dad’s Facebook wall.
Especially if he still gets email notifications whenever someone posts something. Just make sure you’re only writing and posting pleasant things, that way he’s confused as to whether or not he should be pissed at you. I recommend lots of emoticons, followed by, “Dad, aren’t I your favorite?”

9. GIFs!
Pictures that move?! Pictures of Ryan Gosling that move?! Yes please. If there were a way to project these onto my ceiling … nevermind.

10. Bee dogs.
They’re dogs. Dogs that are dressed like bees. That’ll be two hours of your time, thank you.

Do you think slut shaming memes are damaging? Do you have a favorite meme? What memes do you find most offensive? What’s your favorite Internet timewaster? Tell us in the comments!

These are totally fine, but please don’t roofy your parents to go online!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Taylor Swift dating 13 guys in three years seems farfetched–and certainly doesn’t make her a slut. | Source: WENN

Taylor Swift has had a tumultuous and often public love life, and now she’s starting to get some unwarranted heat for it. A certain entertainment news correspondent tried to slut shame Taylor Swift over Twitter recently, and while we won’t validate this guy by linking you to his post or telling you who he is, we’ll sum it up: He compared Miley Cyrus‘ somewhat rebellious, loose reputation with Taylor Swift’s wholesome, All-American girl through their love lives. He pointed out that Miley’s been dating and is now engaged to the same guy for three years (the gorgeous Liam Hemsworth). He then pointed out that the Taylor Swift dating life that she’s so notorious for: a rumored 13 guys in the same three years.

Here’s why that’s a problem.

First of all, it’s no one’s business who anyone else has sex with. But since he’s making every effort to make it his business, we should point out that Taylor Swift probably hasn’t actually dated every single guy she’s been linked to in the press–where would she find the time? And even if Taylor Swift dated these dudes, that doesn’t mean she was sleeping with them (not that it would make a difference either way).

Of course, this all comes with a bit of irony. Taylor Swift herself was rumored to be slut shaming actress Camilla Belle in her lyrics to “Better Than Revenge,” rumored to be about ex Joe Jonas. She sings, “She’s an actress / But she’s better known for the things that she does on the mattress.” Not nice, Swifty! Hopefully she knows better now about how damaging that attitude is. Slut shaming in general is a way to keep women down–and when women do it to one another, it stunts our progress and growth twice as much. It’s just as bad as imaginary celeb feuds.

Having sex doesn’t make someone a slut, no matter how often she has it nor with however many lucky guys she as sex with. The only thing that creates a slut is a misogynist attitude and unwarranted judgment from others. Period.

The fact is, Taylor Swift, Camilla Belle, and Miley Cyrus are all adults and their sex lives are their own business. As long as they’re all happy, safe, and consenting, who cares what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with?

Okay, maybe Harry Styles cares. But that should really be it.

Do you think Taylor Swift has a good or bad reputation? Do you think it’s fair to compare Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift? Do you think slut shaming is fair? Tell us in the comments!

At least we know Taylor Swift is probably having safe sex!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Ke$ha may not have her own dollar like another famous feminist, but she’s got a dollar sign in her name! | Source: WENN

When you think of a famous feminist, a few strong ladies probably come to mind: Gloria Steinem, Susan B. Anthony, and … Kesha? You read that right. The glitter goddess is on a mission to bring equality to the sexes!

When she first broke out with “Tik Tok,” the Cannibal Queen came under a lot of fire for her free spirited, party girl persona–and whether or not you think brushing your teef with a bottle of Jack is dentally hygienic, she raises a pretty valid point about the whole thing: Guys sing about similar things all the time and no one even bats an eye at it.

“If men can talk about drinking in every awesome rock n’ roll song and every awesome rap song, why can’t a woman?” she sassed in a new interview. She also drew attention to the rampant slut shaming not just in music, but also in society, where the same things guys get high-fived for, women and girls get judged on. “Just because I drink doesn’t mean I’m a drunk,” she griped. “Just because I have sex and I’m not embarrassed doesn’t mean I’m a whore.”

As if we didn’t love her enough already, right? But wait! It gets better.

She flat out asks, “If men can do it, why can’t a woman do it?” And dude, she’s absolutely right. She’s making it her mission to point out the imbalances between guys and gals–and to even those out through her music and her activism.

Though Kesha may not have her face on her own dollar yet, the dollar sign diva is definitely onto something, and we applaud her for it. Whether or not you like her music or agree with her lifestyle, it’s unfair for women to be criticized for the same behavior for which men are usually rewarded. She explained, “I really feel one of my main reasons for being on this earth is to level out the playing field just a little bit.”

A big part of leveling the playing field means not being judged for playing the field. Props to Kesha for being vocal about it!

Do you think Kesha is a good feminist icon? Do you agree with Kesha about the double standards in society? How do you think we can end slut shaming? Tell us in the comments!

Watch Kesha kill it at the 2012 American Music Awards!

Subscribe To Us On YouTube!

Do you think this makes a girl look easy? | Source: ShutterStock

With Halloween right around the corner (because with Halloween comes many, many skimpy costumes), I decided that this message board post was the perfect topic of discussion. One girl wonders if wearing revealing clothing makes you seem easy to guys. It’s not the first time I’ve heard the question, and I know it won’t be the last. So let’s chat about it!

Do you think wearing revealing clothing makes you seem “easy” or “slutty”? Do you think guys think that? I say, girls should be able to dress however they want without having to worry about what a dude, or anyone else, thinks… but I know that’s not always the case. Read what these ladies had to say about it and then tell us your opinion:

mickey5499 said:
My whole life, I’ve been pretty well-endowed in the chest area, and I’ve always “out-boobed” (yes, out-boobed) my friends, and a lot of people in my school. And pretty often, actually basically all the time, the clothes I wear are revealing, as in they go down pretty low in the front, showing a lot of “boobage”. It’s not like I feel pressured by society to do that or anything; it makes me feel attractive and comfortable, so I usually don’t care.

But I have always had a lot of people asking me out; I guess I’m considered “hot” by a lot of guys. Which is fine by me, because even though some girls feel insulted by that, I take it as a compliment. But the thing is, sometimes I wonder whether guys want to be with me because my revealing nature makes them think I’m “easy” or something, or because of me. Do you think that if you wear clothes like that, guys take it to mean you’re “easy”? And any ways to know if a guy truly likes you for you?

skaitlin said:
I will be completely honest. Guys are wired to be visual. They see things and if they like it they go for it. So, if you are revealing a lot with your clothes, yes guys will notice, and yes they may want to pursue what they see. I am not saying that all guys are creeps or anything close to that. All I am saying is that guys are easily drawn to physical features. If you want to “weed out” the guys that only want something physical, then try to dress less revealing and see what happens. I am sure you are a lovely person inside and out. And you deserve the guy that will notice you for the person you are and your beautiful personality; and will appreciate your physical beauty.

Conservative or revealing, people will probably still talk. | Source: ShutterStock

I am one of those women that chooses to dress modestly. Some of my friends have told me that I am somewhat of a prude because I don’t show cleavage or wear mini skirts. But it is simply my decision to dress the way I do. To me, my body is something that I only want to share with the man that I marry. And my fiance is of the opinion that other guys shouldn’t be given the opportunity to see me in a purely physical/sexual way. My fiance is very respectful of me and my body because I set a standard and he respects me for it.

To each their own. How you dress is completely up to you. I am not trying to be judgemental or anything. I just want you to know that you have the choice to set a higher standard for the guys in your life. Like I said, not all guys are creeps. But all guys are visually wired. They will take notice.

and_all_that_jazz_x3 said:
Honestly, yes, there are probably a lot of guys who are asking you out because of your body and not your personality. However, I don’t see that as a reason to change how you dress. It’s unfair to assume that you are “easy” based on the size of your chest, something you cannot control and you have every right to dress how you feel most attractive. Guys, and people in general, need to stop making assumptions about people based on how they dress. If you are comfortable with how you dress then I say go for it – what you like is all that matters.

I love what both of these ladies had to say because here’s the thing: no matter what other people think or say, you should wear what you like, what makes you happy and what makes you comfortable. Unfortunately, people are going to pass judgement no matter what you wear – whether it be conservative clothing or something a little more skimpy. That’s why you should focus on wearing what you like rather than wearing what others think is appropriate.

The bottom line is that if a guy is going to judge you as “easy” just because he can check out your cleavage, he’s not a guy worth pursuing. Mature people should realize that there’s more to a person then just their appearance. So wear what you like, and don’t worry about what dudes have to say!

What do you think about revealing clothing? Do you wear it? Do you think it makes girls look “easy”? Do you agree with what we had to say? Tell me in the comments!

Dress like 10 of your fave cartoon characters!

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Felicia Garcia was a victim of bullying and slut shaming before her suicide. This needs to STOP. | Source: Facebook

We were so devastated to hear about the death of Felicia Garcia. Felicia was a 15-year-old high schooler from Staten Island, New York, who was probably a lot like you–and this week, Felicia killed herself after nonstop harassment, bullying, and slut shaming from classmates. In fact, some of them were harassing Felicia to her face in the very moment that she ended her life. And that’s something they’re going to have to live with for the rest of theirs.

Felicia was rumored to have had a relationship with a member of her school’s football team, which is something that is only her and his business. But apparently a lot of people at her high school thought it was their business too, and bullied Felicia at every turn. One classmate told press, “This poor girl was called a slut. She was teased on Facebook. People knock books out of kids’ hands.”

It’s not like Felicia didn’t try putting a stop to the taunts, either. Some classmates said that she complained to school officials about the bullying, but nothing happened after a mediation session the day that she died–it actually got worse–and now police are investigating the incident.

Here’s what’s even more heartbreaking, and what a lot of bullies don’t realize about their targets: They’re people, and there’s a lot more to them than what people see in the cafeteria or the hallway or on the bus. The people who gave Felicia Garcia Hell for maybe dating a football player or for having piercings or looking different (based on her photo above, we think she was beautiful!) never got past the surface. Felicia, and other bullying targets, are full-fledged human beings. Maybe she liked the same bands as one of the people who pushed her to the edge. She probably had a sense of humor that one of her bullies may have appreciated if they took the time to get to know her or just left her be. The person you watch get picked in algebra may bake the best cookies ever, may have a puppy they adore, or be the best painter since Picasso. But if all you ever know about her is that she’s allegedly a slut, you’re going to miss out on all of that.

Felicia Garcia also had problems aside from the ones she dealt with at school. As if being called a slut to her face every day wasn’t bad enough, she had to deal with it online, then go home to her foster care family (some classmates said Felicia’s birth parents died, but that hasn’t been confirmed yet). She was a frequent runaway. Point being, there are a lot more hardships in people’s lives than you can observe.

It’s super important for us, as girls, to stick together, now more than ever. Slut shaming is not only wrong, but it’s also, whether people realize it or not, an extremely sexist way to try to control women‘s behavior. By making girls and women feel guilty for existing as a sexual being, people–men, women who partake in slut shaming–are holding women back and holding women down. We already have enough to deal with in terms of politicians trying to control what goes on in our vaginas. We don’t need strangers in the hallways hassling us for something that’s not their business and for something that men are just as “guilty” of but face no consequences for. (Notice that the guy Felicia supposedly slept with wasn’t a target? Exactly.)

If you hear anyone called a slut, the only person who should be ashamed is the person who said it. The only person who should feel guilty as a result of slut shaming is the person who does it: Because they are clearly a shortsighted, immature, insecure shell of a person who may well be fearful of his or her own sexuality.

If you take nothing else from this: Please don’t use the word “slut.” And please remember that the person you’re tempted to use the word “slut” for is a person–and every time you use “slut,” you’re only bringing yourself down. You’re better than that, and so is she.

Have you or a pal ever been slut shamed? Does slut shaming happen a lot at your school? What would you have said or done to help Felicia? Tell us in the comments!

Felicia Garcia isn’t the first victim of slut shaming that committed suicide. This is a HUGE problem.

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Scarier than a slasher flick: The “Fantasy League” at one high school was a sexual fantasy league used to slut shame girls. | Source: ShutterStock

In the case of this particular fantasy league, we hate the players and the game.

Just in time for Halloween, something absolutely horrifying came to light in a California high school. A group of pervy guys at Piedmont High School, close to San Francisco, are in big trouble following the fantasy league they created. It’s not for football or baseball, but there is scoring involved.

These jackasses created a sexual fantasy league, affectionately dubbed a “Fantasy Slut League.” They “drafted” girls, and if they documented any sexual activity with these girls, they scored (in more ways than one). (An uh, we don’t even want to get into the “documented” part–there could be a slew of child pornography charges at play there.) Here’s what’s really scary: Not only did most of the girls not know they were part of a sick game, but reports are saying these guys actually got the girls drunk to get more points. Because, you know, sexual objectification, sexual harassment, slut shaming, and date rape are all part of a game.

Incidentally, the news broke when the school principal sent a letter out to parents notifying them of the fantasy league, which apparently had been going on online for about five or six years. Five or six years. Apparently students tipped off school administrators after a date rape prevention assembly.

While it’s unclear who specifically was behind the “slut” fantasy league, reports say that it’s linked to the school athletes. Problem is, about 75 percent of the guys at Piedmont High School are involved in some sort of sports, so that doesn’t narrow it down much–and it’s unfair to lump all of them into something like this when chances are it was only a few jerks behind it.

While it’s great that the school is addressing the fantasy league and the slut shaming it promotes, it might not be doing enough. The principal explained, “While off-campus activities are not subject to school discipline, because it involves our students, it involves us. At this point, because we do not have specifics about participants or victims, our focus is on education and understanding moving forward, not discipline for past activities.”

While obviously no one can really be punished at school for things they do outside of it, if any criminal activity went down, it’s something that really needs to be addressed and investigated, if not through the high school, then by law enforcement. If victims of the fantasy league don’t think anything will happen to the people behind it, they may have little incentive to come forward and heal. Further, other people may not take the school’s stance seriously if nothing is done to curb or investigate the league’s origins or participants–and that can just open up the fantasy league for another season.

The sexual health, self esteem, and integrity of everyone involved in a sexual fantasy league–especially those who don’t know they’re even participating–are nothing to play around with.

What do you think Piedmont High School should do about the slut fantasy league? Has your school ever had anything like a sexual fantasy or slut fantasy league? What punishment do you think the guys behind the slut fantasy league should get? Tell us in the comments!

One college has something just as scary as this slut fantasy league!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Does this REALLY make someone a slut?! | Source: ShutterStock

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about what makes someone use the word “slut”: 

JaneSmith said:

What makes someone use the label “slut” or “slag”? It’s a question I have been wondering about for a while now. What makes someone in another’s eyes a slut? Is it cheating, the amount of sexual partners they’ve had, the age of sexual contact, a way of dressing or acting ?

I find myself asking this question because I am a girl of 16 (still a virgin) and I have been in a relationship for three years now. Would having sex now get me the label slut? Because I am still not clear on what the definition of this label is.

Sara has a note in from a girl who had sex and then girls at school started calling her a slut. She wants to know what to do. Sara’s got a ton of advice for this girl. But first, a note to all girls: Drop the word slut from your vocabulary. We are all so over it! Gross, gross, gross! Now onto this girl, hold your head high, be proud of your decision, and don’t stoop to their level. Want more on how to deal? Then watch!

Have you ever been called a slut? What would you do if girls were saying you were a slut? Tell me everything in the comments!

Need To Talk To Your Guy About Sex? Here’s How!