Source: Shutterstock

And I saw a penis.

A guy sexted me a picture of his penis. Like he looked down and thought, “She would really like this,” took a picture and hit the send button.

Well, I did not. It’s not that I don’t like penises. I’m not scared of them, and they don’t offend me. I just don’t want pictures of them on reserve in my phone! I don’t want to open a text to be confronted with that!

Now, I’m not against sending steamy texts and talking dirty. That’s all gravy. You text what you want. But you have to be sure the person you’re talking to is down for that. A guy has never sent me a picture of his junk before. Never. Not even boyfriends. I really didn’t know what to do.

I deleted the picture immediately and responded with “Um, I’m not really into that.” And left it alone. I think I may have deflated his ego a bit, but I don’t care. It’s not like we were sexting and it escalated into pictures. No. I was completely unsuspecting.

Everyone likes different things. I am just one of those people who does not like getting pictures of penises. It doesn’t do anything for me, and I’d prefer to not have nude pictures hanging out (pun intended) in my phone.

I could tell he was trying to steer the conversation back to normal, but I don’t think I’ll be talking to him anymore. I mean, what are you supposed to do in that situation?

Have you ever had a guy surprise you with a picture of his penis? How did you respond? Do you like getting penis pictures? Tell us in the comments!
 

Speaking of pictures, your Snapchat photos are getting leaked!

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Source: Shutterstock

“Every message on Burn Note is automatically deleted using a timer when it is opened. Deleted Burn Notes are completely erased and can not be recovered. While being viewed, our patent-pending Spotlight system makes message contents resistant to copying, capture via screenshots, and the glances of curious bystanders.”

Some are saying that this is great for “safe sexting,” but I completely disagree about that because there’s no such thing as safe sexting, even with an app like this.

These days, flirting via text is a big part of our culture. I’m not encouraging you to send sexy pics to anyone, but there’s nothing wrong with some flirtatious texting when you’re being smart about it. You can still have fun without sending explicit messages or pictures.

That being said, there’s the “What if?” factor here. I’m always wary about third party apps. I mean, Snapchat pictures weren’t supposed to allow screenshots either, but you can still do it. And it actually turns out that you can take screenshots of Burn Note messages, but only part of them:

“While recipients can take a screenshot, the patent-pending “Spotlight” display system we use limits the amount of information which will be released at one time into the screenshot by only allowing the recipient to view a small portion of the note in the Spotlight area.”

What if someone figures out how to get around their “Spotlight” technology and screenshots a whole message? And what happens if their database gets hacked and all of these messages go public?

This seems like it would be pretty cool app for harmless flirting or having a secret conversation like planning a surprise party or talking to your friend about your boyfriend. But as far as sending anything explicit, I’d say that is still a no go because you’re sending information out into someone else’s hands no matter how protected the app seems. No matter what you’re sending, if it’s something you have to self destruct the message over, you probably shouldn’t be sending it anyway.

I’d much rather pick up the phone and have a conversation than risk trusting an app.

What do you think about Burn Note? Have you used it before? Do you think it’s safe? Would you use it? Tell us in the comments!
 

Also, you probably shouldn’t use an app to find out if he has an STD either

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Could taking a class clear up questions teens have about sexting and its consequences? Source: Shutterstock

I’ll just come right out and say it: sexting is not a good idea. As soon as that picture is taken, control over what happens to it can quickly slip out of your hands. That’s scary stuff.

Now an “online diversion course” is being offered through the Utah-based website CourtEducationOnline.com. The class sets out to educate teens about sexting consequences and prevent it in the future.

A little legal backstory: in Utah, it is a misdemeanor for teens to sext one another. Students at one Utah high school took this online class, and afterward it was revealed that 90 percent of the students didn’t know that sexting was against the law prior to this. Yikes!

Believe me, I’m not blaming these students. With something like sexting – a relatively new phenomenon – it’s tricky for a teen to navigate it alone. I’m not surprised that many of these students didn’t know the law in their state, but at the same time, that wouldn’t really be an excuse if they were to get in trouble for it.

From what I can tell, this online class is applicable to Utah laws (remember, laws about sexting in your state could be different). According to the course topics for “Cell Phone Safety and Texting,” this class covers things like “laws and legal implications of sexting” and “review of real-life case studies.”

This all sounds really valuable to me. I like being informed and proactive, and acting like something doesn’t exist is in my opinion a surefire way to make sure it keeps happening. My one issue with this class is that as a diversion program, it seems targeted primarily toward students who have already run into trouble with sexting. To me, that just seems like mainly dealing with a problem once it has already caused a problem.

Yes, this intervention could prevent from sexting again in the future, but maybe that teen’s sexting has already had social consequences which can’t just be erased with taking a class. I just wonder if there’s a way to make this kind of program more widely available than it seems to be now so it is even more of a preventative educational measure.

I can perhaps see the fear that teens would use this kind of course as a way to find loopholes in the legal system so that they could still sext without getting in “trouble.” I guess though, I just like to think that when presented with all the information out there, teens won’t approach it that way. In addition to laws, the class also reiterates social consequences and loops parents into the conversation.

It seems promising to have everyone working together to get on the same page moving forward and taking such a well-rounded approach to educating people about sexting. I am curious to see if other states adopt it and tailor it to their states, and if this becomes a go-to method of educating teens about sexting and its consequences. Anyone else?

Do you think classes like this would keep teens from continuing to sext? Do you think a program like this should be put in place before teens even get in legal trouble? Do you feel like you are informed about the laws around sexting in your state? Tell us in the comments!

Can Sexting Give You STDS?!

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Um… now what? | Source: ShutterStock

Let’s face it: naked pictures and videos happen, no matter how many times people are advised not to do them. While it may be fun in the moment, the aftermath may not be as much fun. It stinks and a lot of us have been there before. So how do you deal when you totally regret what you did?

When I saw this topic being talked about in the message boards, I knew I had to bring it to everyone’s attention. This girl got naked on camera, and now she feels super guilty. What should she do now? Read her story, see what some other girls said, and then tell us what you think.

SugarRaine said:
I was being an idiot and stripped on camera. There’s no need to tell me how wrong this was, I already know. I feel so guilty. The guy is my age and so hot and he took his shirt off and one thing led to a next and we were both naked. 

He assured me that he didn’t take any screenshots or anything but I’m just still worried. You can’t really believe people through the Internet, ya know? He’s telling me that he prefers to have me to himself and wouldn’t want to share photos of me. 

How can I stop feeling so guilty? I mean, I had so fun but I feel like a slut and believe me, this is not something I would do very often. I just have low self-esteem and he was telling me everything I wanted to hear.

Don’t beat yourself up over it! | Source: ShutterStock

beccsx0x said:
There’s no need to feel guilty for that. Sure, maybe you could have been more careful, but there’s nothing you can do about it now. Doing things like that doesn’t make you a slut and it’s only shaming if you let it be.

I know how you feel- I used to do stuff like that. I would feel guilty about it too, after. But just like you, I did it because I had super low self-esteem, and these guys just know exactly what to say.

Ellie7 said:
You’re definitely not a slut! I agree with these girls, we all make mistakes or do things we’re not proud of, but we learn from them and move on!

What would I tell this girl? Don’t put yourself down for this – as these ladies above me said, it happened and now it’s time to move on. We all make mistakes and we all do things we’re not proud of at times, but that doesn’t mean you’re a “slut” or a bad person. And you should never make yourself feel that way!

Keep this in mind for the next time you’re in this kind of situation, and maybe think twice before taking naked pictures or video again. Even if nothing bad happens the first time, you never know. For the future, it’s best to keep cameras out of the bedroom.

Have you ever been in this situation? Can you relate to this girl? Would you ever get naked for the camera? Tell us in the comments.

What do you do when your BF’s mom hates you?

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Naked pictures were risky already, but now sending them got a whole lot scarier. | Source: Shutterstock

Professional douchebag and “revenge porn” curator Hunter Moore is back. You may have heard of his old website, IsAnyoneUp, which had people send naked pictures of their exes in, usually without the naked person’s consent. You’re probably like, “But wait! That’s illegal!”

Not necessarily. Obviously if you’re a minor, there are a lot of legal repercussions, but if you’re over 18, Hunter Moore has a whole bunch of legal loopholes to protect him from lawsuits or jail time. (We did mention he’s a douchebag, right? Because he is.) And if you’re under 18 and post the photos yourself, you can get in trouble for distributing child porn. Sounds not-so-fun, right?

Hunter Moore sets up his site so that whoever posts the naked pictures on it–usually a vindictive psycho ex–is the one who can get sued, and he generally coasts scott-free despite providing a service to make lives miserable. Here’s where it gets even scarier: In an interview about his new site (we’re not even going to give the URL for it, because the whole thing is disgusting, disturbing, and not worth your time), he actually said he’d provide a mapped photo of the addresses of whoever’s naked pictures were on the site. He later took it back and said he was “drunk and coked up,” but um, either way: Bad news bears. (And do you really want to support the work of someone who conducts professional interviews when they’re wasted and on illegal drugs?)

The fact is, even if you don’t actually send anyone naked pictures, it doesn’t mean strangers won’t see them. What happens if you lose your phone or your laptop gets stolen? And what about people who can hack into your phone? They exist, and they’re freaky. There are a lot of sick people out there, though perhaps not so sick and sociopathic as Hunter Moore–and trust us, those will be the people who snag and send your naked pictures. And what’s even worse is, if you try to penalize them for sending out naked pictures you never wanted anyone else to see, guess what happens? More people–law enforcement, your parents, lawyers–will see them.

You’re hot. You know that. You don’t need to prove it to anyone by snapping naked pictures of yourself or anyone else. If you wouldn’t want your dad or cops to see them–or a giant douche nozzle like Hunter Moore–naked pictures are really, really not worth it.

Have you ever sent or received naked pictures? Do you know anyone whose naked pictures showed up on IsAnyoneUp? Would you ever send an ex’s naked pictures out? Tell us in the comments!

No, seriously. Naked pictures are a really, really bad idea.

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The Snapchat icon.

Last month I went to visit my sister at the college she goes to. While we were out to dinner, in the middle of eating her pasta, she put down her fork, picked up her iPhone and snapped a shot of herself making a really weird face. Obviously, I was like, “Um, why did you just do that?” and then she introduced me to Snapchat.

Snapchat is a relatively new iPhone app that I’m a little obsessed with. It allows you to take pictures of yourself and send them to other Snapchat users. What makes this app different from, well, just sending a picture via text message is that these pics don’t get saved on your phone or the phone of the person you’re sending them to. The person who receives the picture can only look at it for up to 10 seconds (you can choose exactly how long you want them to see it), and then it just disappears. As my younger sister describes it, you can send really ugly/weird pictures of yourself to people without worrying about them using it as blackmail later on.

So what does this have to do with sexting? Well, what’s the first thing you think of when you hear about an app where you can send pics for only a few seconds before they disappear? Um, sexting. Right? That was my first thought when my sister described it to me. Think about it: you send a revealing picture of yourself, the lucky person who’s getting it gets to see it for a few seconds and then, poof, it’s gone. You can stop worrying about your racy pics going viral or being shown off to various pervy dudes.

Except… is that true? While Snapchat doesn’t allow photos to be saved on your phone, it can’t stop the person who receives the pic from taking a screen shot. Although the app will alert you that the person is taking a screen shot, it’s still happening – and there probably isn’t much you can do about it.

Buzzfeed.com calls Snapchat a “sexting” app, and talks about all of the problems that come along with this sort of app used by unsuspecting teens. Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel has stated that “The minute you tell someone that images on your server disappear, everyone jumps to sexting.” He also said this about sexting using Snapchat: “I just don’t know people who do that. It doesn’t seem that fun when you can have real sex.”

Source: ShutterStock

Uh, hold on, Even Spiegel. While I don’t know if teens are using Snapchat specifically for sexting, I do know that lots of teens out there sext in general. And no matter how much we talk about how much sexting can suck, people are still going to do it.

But, I don’t know – is that really all people use Snapchat for? Or are just some teens using it for this and giving it a bed reputation? I personally don’t use Snapchat for sexting and maybe that’s because I’m really boring or maybe it’s because it does have other purposes. For example, my sister and I use Snapchat together on a daily basis. She lives at her college three hours away, and we miss each other! Instead of just texting or calling, we send Snapchats to each other throughout the day. They’re usually just of us making weird/funny faces, showing off the food we’re eating or one amazing one she sent me was of her dorm room pet mouse floating in a  homemade boat in the sink.

Basically, Snapchat is how we keep in touch. It’s also how I keep in touch with a few of my other friends who I don’t get to see as often. I mean, who wants to open up their camera app and take a picture and then send it and then wait, like, two minutes for it to go through texting/iMessage when they could just snap a pic quickly with Snapchat and send it within 10 seconds?

I’ll admit that Snapchat at first seems like a perfect way to sext. And if taking screen shots weren’t possible, then maybe it would be. After all, the pictures would disappear, never to be seen again, and you and your buddy could both be happy about sending each other nakey pics (although, still…). But the fact is, taking screen shots is still possible, and so your private pictures are not 100 percent off limits to the rest of the world. The worst part? You’re literally being notified that it’s happening.

Bottom line? You probably shouldn’t use Snapchat for sexting. Aw, don’t look at me like that guys. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s fun, but sexting is just such a bad idea! You’ll thank me later when your naked body isn’t being passed around your school or online. Trust me.

Do you use Snapchat? Do you use it for sexting? Do you think doing that is stupid or foolproof? Tell us in the comments!

Is it ever okay to sext a friend?

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Is sexting a bad idea? Probably. | Source: ShutterStock

Here’s the thing with sexting: it can be risky no matter who you’re sending those racy texts to. I’m not trying to sound like your grandma here, but the fact is, sexting is really easy to use against someone. The dude you’re sending scandalous texts or pictures to can hold onto those things forever – and once they’re on his phone, there’s not much you can do about getting them back.

Don’t get me wrong… there is nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting with a friend. In fact, that can be the best kind of flirting because there’s no pressure there. There’s also nothing wrong with having sexual moments with just a friend either. Exploring your sexuality is completely fine and totally normal – and doing that with someone you’re comfortable with rather than someone you don’t know very well is even better.

I’m not saying it’s wrong for you to sext a friend. I’m saying that you should be very careful with sexting in general, whether he’s your BFF or a dude you’ve been dating for four years. Is this a text only kind of sexting? Or are you also sending him naked and/or revealing pictures? Sending pictures is where it gets really tricky. We’ve all heard the unfortunate stories about girls who have naked pics who haunt them forever – and we’ve all seen our share of celebrity nudity thanks to hacked cell phones.

I know this may sound dramatic, but you need to make sure you’re not next in line. Is this a guy you can really trust? Even if he seems like the sweetest person ever, he could have a totally different side to him if you guys get in a fight or there are hurt feelings between you in the future. Like I said, once he has those pictures, he can potentially have them forever. That means that not only can he show whomever he wants, but it also means he could keep it and get off on it 15 years from now when you two don’t even speak anymore. Creepy, right? And what if he loses his phone and it winds up in the wrong hands? Then who knows where your pictures will wind up. Creepier, right?

If you’re going to sext, I’d say keep things as PG-13 as possible. I’m going to seriously advice you against sending naked pictures. It’s your body and you can do whatever you want with it, I just don’t want to see you getting hurt.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

He sent me a picture of his penis – now what?!

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Can sexting cause STDs? Not really–but a lot of teens who sext are more at risk for STDs. | Source: Shutterstock

You already know that sexting and sending nude photos is risky–they can get passed around and you can get not only humiliated, but also in big trouble for it. Now there’s even a link between sexting and STDs. Wait, what?

A study was done in Houston, Texas, showing that around 1 in 4 high school students sent a nude photo of themselves to someone else–and those students were shown to be much more likely to engage in risky, unprotected sex. This is scary, girls! Here are more numbers: 40 percent of teens surveyed said they’d had sex, and only two-thirds of those who were sexually active used condoms.

That doesn’t mean that everyone who sends a nude photo is going to get an STD, or that sexting causes STDs–that’d be physically impossible, dude! But it does imply that people who send naked photos may lack the foresight and smart decision making skills that come with having safe sex.

The study also noted that girls who sent naked photos were also more likely to engage in drugs or alcohol before having sex, which lends some credibility to that idea as well. Often these behaviors go hand-in-hand with low self esteem, and chances are if you don’t respect yourself, you won’t really care about having safe sex or being healthy.

Another thing the study shows? That your offline life is a reflection of your online life, and vice-versa. If you’re taking sexual risks in the digital world, you may well be doing that in the real world, too. We’re not going to tell you not to have sex, because, well, that’s dumb. It doesn’t work. But if you’re going to have sex–and that’s totes your prerogative, given you and your partner are both legal and willing–we just want you to be safe and make smart decisions. And sending nude photos is almost never, ever a smart decision!

Do you think there’s a link between sexting and STDs? Have you ever sent a nude photo? Do you always use condoms? Has anyone ever sent you a nude photo? Tell us in the comments!

Just because some perv asks you for hot photos doesn’t mean you have to send them. Sexting can get you all in big trouble! | Source

A girl named Sophie was being asked repeatedly by a guy in her class to send him naked pictures, so what’d she do? She was used to denying the requests or flat out ignoring them, but this guy apparently really wanted to see her boobs, because he asked her 10 times in one day. So she felt kinda special and pretty–after all, no one asks to see ugly girls naked, right? So she took off her top and sent the guy a topless photo.

Except she didn’t just send it to him, because he forwarded it to every guy in their class. As a result, she was bullied, lost a lot of her friends, and got grounded. Her self-esteem took a hit, so she relied on the attention of guys to make her feel better about herself–and then did the same thing again with another dude, who also sent it out to everyone else.

What sucks about Sophie’s situation is that it’s far from unique. Four in ten teens have sent nude photos over their phones. But there are so, so, so many disturbing things about this particular story that we think are pretty telling.

First off, Sophie said the guy asked her ten times in one day for a nude photo. That’s not flattering. That’s sexual harassment. Giving in and giving creeps like this what they want makes them think that their behavior is okay. It’s not. And it’s a slippery slope from asking a girl to sext him a hot photo to thinking it’s okay to make lewd comments at her in the hallway. From there, he may think it’s okay to grab her and other girls’ butts or boobs–because, you know, naked pics and stuff were okay. And then he may figure, “Well, she clearly wants to bone me!” And then what else may he feel comfortable pressuring girls into doing? (You see where we’re going with this.)

Second, you need to know that even if you totally trust the guy you’re sending nude photos to, there’s still a chance that your topless pic will go public. What happens if he loses his phone or gets it stolen and someone looks through his files? What happens if you forget you have topless pics on your phone and hand it over to a pal to take a call and they see them? There are so many freakin’ bad scenarios with this.

Thirdly, Sophie said something in the story that really disturbed us. “It’s just normal. If a boy likes a girl, the first thing he does is ask for your picture. Some of my friends had done exactly the same thing for boys.” Uh, wrong, Sophie. If a guy likes a girl for who she is, the first thing he asks for is her phone number, a date, your favorite color–he’ll ask you about you as a person, and he’ll ask for your time. He won’t ask for topless photos. It sounds like Sophie, and a lot of the girls in her school, have a really screwed up idea of how romantic relationships work. Genuine interest stems from mutual respect. If the first thing a guy asks you for is a naked photo, he doesn’t like you. He doesn’t respect you. And he sure as sh–er, shoelaces–doesn’t deserve to see you naked.

You already know that sexting nude photos is a bad idea–c’mon, girls, you’re not dumb. We know that just by reading a lot of your comments on here! But that doesn’t mean that sexting isn’t more popular than ever with teens, with four in ten sending topless photos (and sometimes bottomless, too) over their cells.

If you insist on sexting anyway, you need to know the risks. Depending on how old you and whoever receives the sext are, you can be arrested for child pornography charges. You can be publicly humiliated (and believe us, we hate slut shaming–but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen). And if you’re sexting just because some guy tells you to, you’re proliferating sexism and sexual harassment by reinforcing the message that some pig’s behavior is okay. As Sophie put it, “Boys think they have the right to do this. They treat girls like dirt. It’s just the way life is. Adults can’t change that.”

How To Keep Your Private Pics Private

Ew! What IS that?! | Source: ShutterStock

Eep. I feel your pain, girl. Although we all appreciate the male body over here at Gurl.com, we have to face facts: penises are awkward and weird. They’re just strange to look at it, especially for the first time. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with them at all, and not all girls feel this way, but I think I can safely say you’re not alone in getting turned off by a penis picture.

Besides the fact that penises can be, um, kind of ugly at times, there’s another reason why not every girl is into pictures of genitalia the way dudes are. Guys are visual creatures, and they get super turned on by seeing something, whether that be porn, racy cell phone pics or even just two people making out. But girls generally get turned on more by thinking about something – thus the reason the book of Fifty Shades of Grey is insanely popular. Get what I mean?

Not to make you panic, but this could totally happen. | Source: ShutterStock

Basically, this guy probably thought he was going to be turning you on by sending you a picture of his nether regions, because he would get totally turned on if you sent him a picture of your lady bits. I’m sure he wasn’t doing it to be creepy or weird. But it’s fine that you weren’t into it. If you don’t want to say anything right now, you don’t have to – unless it made you feel seriously uncomfortable. If that’s the case, feel free to say, “Hey, don’t ever send me a naked picture like that again. I don’t appreciate it.” But if you let it slide this time, and he does it again, then maybe that time say something.

As for sexting a guy friend, you might want to rethink that. It’s not just the “guy friend” part we have a problem with here at Gurl, it’s the sexting part in general. I know how fun and exciting sexting can, but you need to be super, super careful. Once you send a racy picture, this dude could hold onto it forever. Meaning he could show it to other people, and before you know it, your life has turned into a celeb nude photo scandal.

Be extra cautious since this guy isn’t your boyfriend. If you feel uncomfortable with it, then stop. Make sure that this guy knows that he needs to respect your privacy and you as a person. Just don’t be afraid to say what you feel.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

The science behind sending nude pictures

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