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Does Your Guy Friend Want To Have Sex With You?

Caitlin Corsetti — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 15:45:57 +0000

And if you’re friend-zoned, here are some of our favorite ’90s friend-zoned characters

The world has been debating this for ages: can men and women really be friends? It seems that men don’t really think men and women can be friends, but a lot of women do. Especially men like Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate–and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top. Don’t worry if you can’t breathe after reading that title, it happened to me too.

So this guy was on a HuffPost Live chat with writer Olga Boyko and comedian and writer Nicole Paone. They were discussing this topic, and Steve eloquently responded with, “For men, it’s very very simple, we see a woman and we immediately think, ‘I would do her or I would not do her.’”

Basically, Steve says that every guy you’ve ever met has assessed within the first say, ten seconds of looking at you, whether or not he wants to sleep with you. If he does not want to sleep with you, then you can be friends. Yay! If he does want to sleep with you, it’s going to be much more difficult to create a friendship. Or just impossible.

But have no fear! Steve knows how you can get yourself out of the “do her” category if, in fact, your guy friend does want to hop in bed with you, “And if you fall into the ‘I would do her category,’ the only way you can get out of that zone is if you’re such a horrible person or you gain a lot of weight or you become somehow physically unattractive to him.”

It’s so easy! Pretty much all of your guy friends want to have sex with you. So all you have to do is become an absolutely wretched person or become an ogre to him. Steve has just solved the debate! We’ve been dancing around the answer FOREVER, and it’s just so simple!

I seriously can’t believe we didn’t realize this before. Nicole asked a question that I had, “What if you guys just don’t have a chemical attraction?” I’m curious because I have a ton of guy friends. And with the majority of them, we’re just not into each other like that. It’s not that they’re unattractive or they think I’m unattractive (OR MAYBE THEY THINK I’M DISGUSTING I DON’T KNOW). We just don’t feel anything there.

Steve had an answer for that too, “That’s not most guys.” Okay then. So my guy friends are either “not most guys” or are just really good at hiding their boners around me.

Do you think men and women can really be friends? What do you think about Steve’s categories? Is he right? Tell us in the comments!

Should I Sleep With My Ex When He Comes Back?

Caitlin Corsetti — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 19:00:33 +0000

Should you come out if you go to an all-girls’ school?

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, our girls are talking about if you should sleep with your ex:

jasmiine23 said:

“I met this guy last March. We went out on a few dates and then had sex within a couple weeks of meeting. (I wasn’t looking for anything because I had just ended w someone). About 2 weeks later, I went home for summer break but we kept in contact.

When I got back, we still had sex but the dates stopped. I started to want more, but I never directly said it. I dropped hints saying things like, “lets go out some time.” Etc. He said ok, but we never did. We’d have sex & he’d leave right after he showered. One night he fell asleep & I woke up in the mid of the night & I guess maybe he thought I was gonna ask him to leave so he rushed out. I wasn’t though. I basically think he might be either a jerk or scared of rejection. I get the most mixed signals.

We were getting anywhere so I tried to end the friendship completely. But he kept contacting me so that failed. Then a few months ago I got into a relationship & I called it off. He texted me 3 weeks ago & I told him I just didn’t want to be friends anymore. But last night, he called me (which was a major shock to me. He only used to text me & that bothered me) & said he missed me, etc. It’s crazy because I’m single now & I was thinking about him the entire week before he called.”

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Let us know what you think right here.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

Your Relationship With Your Parents & How You Deal With Them
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GIF My Life: Watching Sex Scenes With Your Parents

Ashley Reese — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 21:00:04 +0000

Watching a movie with the family is pretty standard bonding time, whether you call it family bonding time or not. I know that my family and I don’t necessarily call it that, but we’re not really that kind of family. When I’m home, my mom and dad and I rarely see movies as a group. But unlike them, I’m super lazy about seeing movies. Also, unlike them, I don’t get a senior discount.

Anyway, seeing movies as a family is rare, but watching an R-rated movie is rarer than Halley’s Comet. Why? Uh, I can’t be the only one who finds watching anything remotely racy and explicit with my parents to be incredibly awkward. I just can’t be. Well, I know that I’m not because GIF Girl agrees with me. Here’s her experience watching R-rated movies with her parents in GIFS!

You don’t come into the movie expecting anything gratuitous nudity. I mean, it’s a movie about something tragic like war…

Or a comedy.

And the violence isn’t the problem.

And the language isn’t a problem, either.

Nope, the problem is when the boobs and peen start coming out.

Look, I know that it says a lot about us as a culture to be so prudish about the human body; I think it’s ridiculous. Why do we feel more freaked out by a penis on the big screen than somebody’s head getting chopped off? But I’m not going to lie: As soon as the nakedness turns into a sex scene, the awkwardness is unbearable.

Honestly, I forget to breathe. Instead of focusing on the movie, I’m worried about what my parents think if all of this sudden surprise!sex.

I turn to dad who looks stoic as ever.

But I’m sure he’s wondering just how much I know about the mechanisms of sex.

We never had the talk, okay? Thanks, school.

Anyway, my mom looks like she is about to laugh because she feels just as embarrassed as I do.

But then she decides to cover my eyes once things get really heavy.

And I’m like…

Excuse me?

I’ve seen it all before, mom. I just turn the channel before you notice.

And speaking of watching TV, isn’t it ridiculous that when I’m watching something on TV, it looks like a puritanical dreamland when only I’m there.

But as soon as my parents come downstairs it becomes straight up soft-core porn.

I learned that the hard way with Girls and Game of Thrones. Maybe I just need to stop watching HBO around my parents. But I’m starting to think that there is some kind of conspiracy going on…

The media just wants us to feel as awkward as possible about genitals and sex around our patents. And it’s working, because I end up feeling like this.

Do you have an awkward story about watching scandalous stuff with your parents? Does watching racy stuff with your parents not bother you? Tell us in the comments!

8 Tips On How To Deal With Regret After Sex

Jessica Booth — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 20:04:52 +0000

I think we’ve all been in this situation at least once in our lives: you hook up with someone and then, for whatever reason, you regret it. Like major, stomachache causing regret. Like you wish you could turn back time and go back and stop yourself from hooking up with that person regret. Maybe you just hooked up with your best friend’s crush, maybe the hookup was terrible, maybe you did it with someone you really don’t have feelings for… either way, that feeling of regret sucks.

A new study on regret just came out and some of the findings were pretty interesting. Researchers found that the majority of the women studied were more likely to regret having casual sex that never led to a relationship while the majority of men were more likely to regret not having casual sex. Basically, women are more likely to regret a hookup than men are. And, as I said before, that icky feeling of regret is kind of the worst. So how do you deal with it? For starters, read these 8 tips on how to deal with regret after a bad hookup – even if you don’t need it now, it may come in handy one day.

Take A Shower

This but sound ridiculous, but seriously - take a shower! If you hook up with someone and immediately feel like you need to get out of your own skin, hop into the shower. You're literally cleaning yourself and it may feel like you're cleaning yourself of the hookup also. Basically, you'll feel clean and new after your shower. Also, a nice, hot shower is relaxing and can help you forget about what just happened.

Cut Off All Ties

If you're totally freaking out about a hookup, you shouldn't feel like you need to keep talking to this person just because you guys did stuff. At the same time, I wouldn't just drop him/her without saying anything. If they're still contacting you, let this person know that you're not interested. You don't have to be like, "I regret that SO much," but you can just say that you don't think things are going to work out.

Let Yourself Cry A Little

It's okay to cry! If you're feeling totally bummed out about what you just did, let it out. Ignoring your emotions and just trying to push it to the back of your mind so that you don't think about it isn't going to help you move on. Cry in the privacy of your own room, scream into your pillow, whatever. Just let it out, girl.

Don't Beat Yourself Up

Okay, so you had a bad hookup. Maybe you got with someone you weren't supposed to or maybe the whole thing was just awkward and embarrassing. Don't make yourself feel horrible about it. This stuff happens and once it's over, there's nothing you can do to take it back, so you just need to learn to forgive yourself. Don't make yourself feel awful just because you had one bad experience.

Don't Feel Like You Have To Tell Anyone

Totally embarrassed by what happened? Don't feel like you need to blab about it to your friends. It's okay to keep some things to yourself and if you're not comfortable talking about it, you don't have to. Yes, it may help you to open up to your best friend, but if you don't want to, don't force yourself. This can be your little secret to forget about.

Learn From Your Mistakes

Mistakes happen. The good thing about them? They can teach you stuff. Take this bad hookup as a lesson for what not to do in the future. Also, don't repeat it. Some girls feel like they have to hook up with a guy a second time - maybe because they feel guilty rejecting the person or maybe because they're just hoping things will be better the second time around. But if thinking about doing it makes you squirm, then don't do it!

Focus On The Future

Like I said before, don't beat yourself up about this. Learn from your mistakes and focus on doing things that you're more comfortable with in the future. Living in the past and feeling regret is never going to make you happen, so don't focus on what already happened. Remember, you can't change the past, but you can make the future better.

Forget About It And Move Forward

Finally, it's time to move on. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it and stop crying about it. Forget it ever happened and get on with your life. One bad hookup is not the end of the world.

10 tips on how to make your ex jealous

Have you ever regretted a hookup? How did you deal? Have you ever had a terrible hookup? Tell us in the comments.

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From The Message Boards: My Boyfriend Is Bad At Sex!

Caitlin Corsetti — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 20:00:52 +0000

Am I going to be alone forever?

Sometimes, sex isn’t always great. You can have awesome chemistry with someone, but you might not work together in bed. Or you might really love someone, and something just isn’t doing it for you in the sheets.

This week on the message boards, you girls are talking about what to do if your boyfriend isn’t great in bed because he only pays attention to himself so you end up faking it.

Let’s see what y’all had to say!

Nobody said:

It is a big deal, I’d seriously talk to him about it and tell him where you’re coming from. And I hate to say it but if he’s not willing to take the time to please you he really can’t be that great of a guy and care about you all that much (speaking from experience). Tell him something like “How would you feel if I got off all the time and you never did and when you got upset I just told you to go ‘masturbate’” and just see how it goes.

S0Exciited said:

My main advice to you is never fake it again. Your boyfriend is a selfish lover, and you aren’t making things any better by faking it and keeping your mouth shut. A silent lover is an unsatisfied one. Tell him he isn’t satisfying you because he’s not trying! He needs patience.

mandakim said:

If he can’t be bothered pleasuring you now, imagine how he’s going to be when/if you get married. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being literally used for his pleasure and him not giving a rats about yours?

He doesn’t need to “change a little”, he needs to “change a LOT” and needs to understand how important it is for BOTH of you to enjoy sex. It’s a two person activity. Make sure he knows that, and if he doesn’t care or cant be bothered changing, dump him! There a lot of guys out there who WILL care about your pleasure and make sure you both enjoy the experience.

It totally sucks when you aren’t having good sex with your boyfriend. But you absolutely need to speak up! Faking it is the worst thing you can do. He’s just going to keep doing the same thing since he thinks he’s getting it right!

If your sex life isn’t what you want it to be, you have to say something. You have to tell your partner what you want! You don’t have to tell your partner that they suck in bed, but just explain what you like and how you want things to be done. Let him know “I really like it when you do this,” or take a different approach and ask if y’all can try something new.

Sex is a two-way street. If your partner doesn’t know what you like in bed, there’s no way that they’ll be able to please you. Before you have sex again, sit your partner down and talk about it. Having an open dialogue about sex will also make things much better between you two.

Have you ever had a partner that was just no good? What did you do? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

10 Things We Wish We Learned In Sex Ed

Caitlin Corsetti — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 21:35:03 +0000

Sex ed is very important, y’all. A lot of schools are stupidly still teaching abstinence-only sex ed classes, which is proven to be super ineffective. At my school, they separated boys and girls and took us on this weird sex ed field trip to a museum. We then watched an old black and white film about periods and sex.

To say it was bizarre would be an understatement. And we really didn’t learn anything. After that, we didn’t have sex ed again. It was like one day. We learned some things in biology, but other than that, we were kind of on our own.

Basically this was my class. Source: weheartit

Fortunately, my best friend’s sister was way older than us so she was always there to tell us about sex growing up. And my mom is like the COOLEST so I was totally comfortable going to her if I had questions.

But I know not everyone is that lucky. I don’t know one person that had a useful sex ed class. Here are some things we wish we learned in sex ed!

Orgasms Don't Happen Every Time

Consider yourself lucky if you have an orgasm every time you have sex! Unlike guys, the female body is a lot more complicated. You might not have an orgasm at all during sex. And it might not always feel good. Sometimes it doesn't feel that great, which is sad but true.

Sex Can Change Things

Whether you want to believe it or not, sex does change relationships. It doesn't necessarily have to be a bad change, though. Sometimes sex brings couples closer and other times it pulls them apart.

Latex Allergies Are Real

You can be allergic to latex condoms! But that doesn't give you a free pass not to use them. There are alternatives to latex condoms like polyurethane.

Penises Are Weirder Than You Think

Yup, they totally are. I don't know how guys walk around with those all day. And they're all different. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Seriously.

Sex Doesn't Always Last That Long

Sex doesn't always last for like hours on end. If it did, you'd probably pass out. Sometimes sex can be really, really quick (like 2 minutes) and sometimes it can last a good while. It really depends.

You Don't Have To Have Sex To Go On The Pill

Yes, the pill prevents you from getting pregnant. But there are many reasons to get birth control like regulating your period, helping bad cramps or reducing PMS symptoms. I was on birth control for almost 3 years before I had sex.

UTIs And Yeast Infections Can Happen

Sex can cause more than STDs. Urinary tract infections and yeast infections both can be caused from having sex. UTIs can be very common when you're sexually active so the best way to avoid them is to pee before AND after having sex. While yeast infections aren't directly caused by sex, you can get them from having a lot of sex especially if your immune system is weak.

You're A Self-Lubricating Machine

You're not leaking or peeing your pants. That discharge you see every now and then is normal. Your vagina makes its own lube!

Sex Can Cause Swelling And Pain

If you have a lot of sex or really rough sex or if he's too big, you can get swollen down there. And it is not pleasant. You also might be sore for a bit after having sex. If it's really bad, sit on an ice pack. Trust me.

Check out our complete guide to oral sex

Are there any things you wish you learned in your sex ed class? Did you have sex ed? Tell us in the comments!

8 Places Where You Should NOT Have Sex

Caitlin Corsetti — Fri, 31 May 2013 17:11:13 +0000

Here at Gurl, we’re really supportive when it comes to being comfortable about sex. We like to talk about it and make sure you’re totally informed. And we’re totally cool with you spicing up your sex life!

My friend was telling me a particularly detailed story about having sex in her parents’ kitchen. Ew, right? I’m super open about sex, but I was not high-fiving her on this one. I just think there are some places that shouldn’t involve people getting their freak on.

I started thinking about inappropriate places people have sex in and thought it’d be a good guideline just in case you’re getting a little too adventurous with your partner. Check out these places where you shouldn’t be getting busy!

Kitchens

Your parents' kitchen, your friend's kitchen, his parent's kitchen. Just no. Unless it's your own kitchen (still gross) just avoid it. I mean you cook and eat there! There doesn't need to be any special sauce added to your meal, okay?

At Your Place Of Work

Whether you're hooking up with someone you work with or your boo comes to visit you, do not get it on in the office or supply closet! This is a serious no-no.

A Populated Beach

Unless you're on a private beach, don't do it. Even on a private beach, don't do it. Sex on the beach is NOT as romantic as you think it is. I've done it. There's a lot of sand involved. It gets places.

Public Bathroom, Public Anywhere

First of all, bathroom sex is disgusting. Second, public bathroom sex is just rude. Public sex in general is rude. Sure, there's the "thrill factor" but really you're exposing other people to your sex life. Plus, is it really worth the risk of getting arrested for public indecency? No.

Movie Theaters

I have unfortunately witnessed a couple having sex in a movie theater. It was during Napoleon Dynamite. I didn't appreciate it. You can wait 2 hours to find somewhere to bone. And why would you pay for a ticket to watch a movie when you're not even going to pay attention?

Parks

I don't mean that secluded part of the park where no one will see you. But don't start hooking up on top of a picnic table or in an open area where there are probably a lot of families and children playing like five feet away.

Someone's Bedroom At A Party

You know in Mean Girls when those people are hooking up in Cady's room at her party? Don't be that couple. It is not your house. You do not have free reign to go hook up wherever you want.

Your Parents' Bedroom

YOUR PARENTS HAVE SEX HERE. No. Ew. Gross. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Don't do it.

Have you had sex or hooked up in any of these places? Did you get caught? Are there any places you’d add to the list? Tell us in the comments!

We debunk some sex myths

10 Crazy & Interesting Facts About Masturbation

Jessica Booth — Wed, 29 May 2013 20:27:29 +0000

We write about masturbation a lot here at Gurl. But while we’ve written posts about our favorite masturbation scenes, reasons why you should masturbate more and how some girls are afraid to masturbate, we’ve never actually shown you guys a bunch of facts about masturbation. And, believe me, there are more than you would think.

You may think of masturbation as just a way to feel good or waste time when you’re bored, but it’s more than that. Masturbating actually comes with some pretty sweet health benefits, as well as some other awesome benefits. Want to know more about everyone’s favorite pastime? Read on to check out these 10 crazy and interesting facts about masturbation:

Masturbating Can Ease Pain

Orgasms are actually a natural pain killer. Bringing yourself to orgasm can help relieve menstrual cramps and backaches from having your period. So the next time you're feeling the effects of PMS, try doing it solo for a little bit.

Kids Can - And Do - Masturbate

Masturbation isn't just for horny teens and adults - kids can also indulge in a little self-pleasure (which honestly sounds so weird I can't even believe I just wrote it). Apparently, even babies can learn that touching themselves down there can feel good. Although it may be uncomfortable to talk about, it's perfectly normal and healthy for kids of any age to explore.

Masturbation Can Keep You Healthy

Not only can the orgasms resulting from masturbation help get rid of pain, but masturbation itself can help keep you healthy. It can help build up a resistance to annoying yeast infections. Some research even says that orgasms can help to prevent endometriosis, which is a pretty serious disease of the uterine lining that can lead to infertility.

Single People Probably Masturbate Less Than People In Relationships

You might think that people who don't have sex on a regular basis masturbate the most - after all, that would make sense, right? But you would be wrong. People who have sex on the regular (generally people in relationships) masturbate more than those who aren't always hooking up (generally single people). This is because masturbation makes you more open to sex, which means you have more sex. Get it?

Masturbation Can Get Rid Of Insomnia

Having trouble sleeping? Try getting down and dirty with yourself. You'll feel sleepy after you masturbate because it relaxes you. Beat insomnia by masturbating! Doesn't sound too bad, right?

The Majority Of Masturbation Myths Aren't True...

There are a lot of masturbation myths out there and the majority of them are not true. You may have heard that masturbating can lead to blindness, infertility and a decrease in libido. You also may have heard that masturbating make it more difficult for women to get pregnant and guys to produce sperm. None of this stuff is true. Masturbation is great and it's good for you and it's not going to make you blind. That's just silly.

Masturbating Might Cause Yeast Infections

Remember how I said masturbation is healthy and can help you build up a resistance to yeast infections? That's all true, but research has also found that in some cases masturbation can actually cause yeast infections. This can happen if you use your saliva down there - like, if you lick your finger and then put it down there to create your own lube. The saliva messes with your bacteria down there and all that. If you need something extra, go buy some lube.

Women Can Orgasm Without Touching Themselves

Here is a seriously awesome fact about women: we can bring ourselves to orgasm without even touching ourselves! Basically this means that we can use "thought masturbation" (I just made this term up) and orgasm just from thinking about sexy stuff. Crazy, right? I think you would need to be thinking some pretty intense thoughts, but think of this as a huge advantage we have over dudes. Go us!

Masturbation Can Make Sex Even Better

Remember how I said there are a bunch of myths about masturbating that aren't true? One of those myths is that masturbating too much can ruin your sex life. That's actually completely false - masturbating frequently can help make your sex life better. That's because you learn exactly what you like and how to get yourself off. It also, like I said before, opens you up sexually. So go masturbate! Your partner will thank you.

Solo Sex Helps With Stress

And remember how I also said that masturbation helps you sleep better? That's because, like I already mentioned, it relaxes you. Therefore, masturbating can help relieve stress. So the next time you're cramming for a final and freaking out over your potential grade, take a break for some very special you time and prepare to relax and feel better.