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Your Virginity (Or Lack Thereof) Is Really No Big Deal

Melanie Abrahams — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 16:48:02 +0000

Don’t let the whole V-Card thing get you down. | Source: Shutterstock

Everybody thinks virginity is such a big deal. Here at Gurl, we hear from a lot of girls who are virgins and worry that people (mainly dudes) will judge them for never having had sex before. We also hear from a lot of girls who aren’t virgins and are worried that people (mainly dudes, again) will judge them for having lost their virginity already. And then there’s the slut-shaming that’s wrapped up in all of this: girls who hold their virginity up like some kind of status symbol to slam girls who have had sex, and girls who have had sex calling virgins lame or prudish.

What’s wrong with this picture? A lot. Here’s why: Your body and your sexual experiences are yours and yours alone. If you are a virgin, it’s probably because you haven’t found the right person to get that intimate with or that you’re simply not ready for something that serious. Does that make you a loser? No. Does that make you less smart, interesting, or sexy? No. But it’s also important to remember that your virginity doesn’t make you superior or better than other girls who have lost their virginity.

It’s easy to get caught up in Team V-Card or Team Sex or whatever when you’re in high school–I know, I’ve been there, and it’s not a pretty place in terms of how girls treat each other; but in the grand scheme of things, how old you are when you lose your virginity isn’t going to make a ton of difference. What will make a big difference? How you treat other people, how hard you work, and how much fun you can have on any given day.

Too many guys already judge girls based on sex–what a girl will do in bed, how far she’ll go, if he can be her “first,” whatever. Being seen as nothing more than a sexual conquest is creepy and icky and not okay, but what’s even worse is girls judging other girls for those things. Why would we do that to our own people? Being a girl and growing up is hard enough without this huge thousand pound weight of virginity to worry about. So, my advice to you, girls? Just stop worrying about it.

If you’re not a virgin anymore, I hope you’re being safe (condoms are absolutely a must!) and that you know that sex is natural, normal, and totally okay! And if you ever don’t want to do it–even though you’ve done it before–don’t feel like you have to. If you are a virgin, I hope you’re not too obsessed with virginity and get that one day you’ll probably have sex, and that it’s so totally okay that it hasn’t happened yet. Just don’t do it to be popular or because you think it’s the thing to do, unless it’s the right thing for you.

What do you think about virginity? Do you think it is a big deal, or am I right that we put too much importance on it? Tell me in the comments!

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Girls Are Saying I’m A Slut. What Can I Do About It?

Gurl — Fri, 25 May 2012 21:00:49 +0000

Sara has a note in from a girl who had sex and then girls at school started calling her a slut. She wants to know what to do. Sara’s got a ton of advice for this girl. But first, a note to all girls: Drop the word slut from your vocabulary. We are all so over it! Gross, gross, gross! Now onto this girl, hold your head high, be proud of your decision, and don’t stoop to their level. Want more on how to deal? Then watch!

Have you ever been called a slut? What would you do if girls were saying you were a slut? Tell me everything in the comments!

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Good People Can Make Bad Decisions–Can’t We Forgive Them?

Melanie Abrahams — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 17:00:26 +0000

Careless Tweeting got her in hot water | Source: Shutterstock

A few weeks ago, here on Gurl.com, we posted a story about Katy Perry and how awesomely she portrayed the military in one of her recent videos. Practically right after it went up, a few girls contacted us and told us that Katy Perry is transphobic (meaning that she discriminates against transgender people) and that they can’t stand her because of it.

I was super surprised to hear this–but since we don’t want to promote hateful people on the site, I did my research to see what all the drama was about. Turns out, back in 2009, Katy posted a tweet that was offensive to the transgender community. Now, I don’t know Katy (and I’m pretty sure the girls who were so quick to say she’s transphobic don’t either), but I don’t think it’s a stretch to guess that the girl who dedicated her song “Firework” to the “It Gets Better Campaign” which supports bullied gay girls and guys either 1) didn’t think about her tweet before she sent it and didn’t mean it to offend anybody–but now feels bad about it, or 2) that she just thought it was funny but now feels terrible about it and wants to show the world that she’s a better person than that.

Either scenario resulted in a tweet that upset people, which I’m not saying is good, but I don’t think Katy should have to be stuck with that bad decision three years after the fact. It’s not like she shot someone or set out to ruin someone’s life–she just said something completely thoughtless.

Doesn't a heartfelt apology count anymore? | Source: Shutterstock

My point is that good people sometimes make bad decisions, and that those bad decisions don’t necessarily make them bad people. I have friends who sometimes say bad or stupid things are “retarded.” Does that term upset me? Yes. Do I tell them that? Yes. Do they apologize and we all move on? YES! Have I said irresponsible things from time-to-time either not realizing they were offensive or not thinking about the implications of what I was saying? Of course–and I bet you have, too. Think about it.

Why shouldn’t we let celebrities make mistakes, too, without labeling them forever as bad people? I get it that their words have a greater impact because all eyes are on them–but nobody’s perfect. We’re all just human here (even the stars among us), and the great thing about life is that it’s not static. We all (you, me, and even Katy Perry) have the ability to grow and learn and be better people each and every day. We all do totally stupid stuff from time-to-time, and hopefully those experiences make us better people instead of worse.

Let’s try to look at people (and yes, even celebrities!) with a little compassion before we go labeling them as “phobic” this or “anti” that. After all, how can you expect anyone to change for the better when you don’t give them a chance?

Have you ever forgiven a friend for saying something hurtful? Do you think good people can make bad decisions sometimes? Tell me all your thoughts–including your thoughts on Katy Perry–in the comments!

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