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When I read this question to my girlfriend, the topic hit so close to home that she had to check her Gmail outbox just to make sure she didn’t submit it herself while sleep-emailing. While guys often criticize girls for “oversharing,” apparently you’re not alone in feeling that guys have a tendency to “undershare.” Even as a dude who considers himself in touch with his emotions (and writes a weekly dating advice column!), I, too am guilty of this habit. However, in order to get your man to open up to you, I think it’s important to understand the difference between male and female communication.

In general, men like to talk in order to solve problems, while women converse in order to process their feelings and work out that which they want to express. Unfortunately, most of us guys view communication as a means to and end rather than as a process of discovery, and we often avoid discussing issues until we’ve figured out how to fix them.

Ultimately, the best thing you can do is to respect your boyfriend’s space; the worst you can do is to nag him or criticize him for being distant. Attacking or attempting to coerce a guy into discussing his emotions will most likely only cause him to retreat further into solitude. Feel free to share your own emotions without expectations of consistent reciprocation, and make it clear that you’re always there for him when he’s ready to talk. Try not to take his male-ness personally! If he’s a guy worth dating, he’ll open up to you on his own with just a little support and patience from the girl he loves.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys get nervous about a first kiss?

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So, this is pretty random. A recent study found that guys with baby faces are seen as more trust-worthy than guys with more… manly faces? I don’t know. But apparently if people are wondering how to know who to trust, they’re most likely going to go for the dude with a baby face.

A small study in the Czech Republic discovered this by having people look at a group of 40 men and 40 women and rating them based on their levels of trustworthiness, as well as a few other factors. The majority of people rated guys with baby faces as being more trustworthy, but the same didn’t hold true for women. This was a small study concentrated in only one part of the world, so let’s take it with a grain of salt, but I still think this is pretty interesting.

What exactly is a baby face? This article from the Huffington Post describes it as “bigger mouths, broader chins, bigger noses and more prominent eyebrows.” Hm. That’s kind of a lot to look for in someone, but I guess our brains register this information without us even realizing it. The baby faced guys who were seen as more trustworthy in this study also had a more cheerful face, which makes a lot of sense to me. If you’re trying to decide who you can trust, you’re probably going to go for the dude with a smile on his face rather than the one who looks angry at the world.

Does this mean you should always trust guys with baby faces? Um, probably not. This study didn’t find that men with baby faces are more trust-worthy, just that they seem more trust-worthy. Technically, baby faced dudes could kind of start using this to their advantage, but I’m going to trust that they won’t stoop so low.

After taking all of this in, I only have one question: is Ryan Gosling’s face considered a baby face? What about Zac Efron? Because, I don’t know, I just have always felt like I could maybe really trust those guys. You know? I’m not even kidding here, I’m being really serious. I’m curious! I’m definitely going to have to start paying attention to facial features on guys I deem worthy of my trust. Anyone else?

What do you think about this study? Do you think it’s ridiculous or interesting? What makes you see someone as trustworthy? Tell us in the comments. 

How to decide basically anything

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I dated this guy for about three years in college, and we had a pretty nasty breakup. We both moved on but didn’t speak for a very long time.

Well I heard from him recently. He said he still thought about me all the time, but he’s been channeling everything that went wrong into making his new relationship work. I felt like he was checking in to see if I was miserable because he was finally happy with someone else.

I didn’t want the conversation to carry on. So when he was going on about his newfound love, I said I was glad that he was happy and I truly hoped things work out for them. I meant it, but he seemed surprised.

It can be really difficult to say you’re happy for your ex, but here are ten reasons why I really am.

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Our relationship became toxic

After about a year, we were fighting constantly and threatening breakups every other week. If we were still together, it would have just gotten worse every day.

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He's not my mess anymore

I felt like a mom more than a girlfriend most of the time. Yes, you want to take care of who you’re dating but without feeling like a parent.

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He needed someone different from me

I’m a pretty anxious and intense person, and he was super laid back about everything. Opposites attract, but sometimes not enough to last.

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I didn't want to move to Florida

I’m a Southern girl, but I always had a life plan to move to New York. He wanted to move back home after college and live in Florida. Forever. My hair can’t handle that humidity.

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I learned a lot

As tumultuous as it was, I can say that I learned a lot during the course of our relationship. Looking back, I know how to deal with issues that I didn’t before. Moving forward, my relationships will be much more healthy.

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I grew up

Two years ago, I wouldn't have written this article. That relationship kept me in a very immature state of my life where I was trying to move forward, but I just couldn’t because I was stuck.

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Closure

I moved on quickly after our relationship ended, but he didn’t. I was the bad guy. So to see him really move on with someone who’s right for him makes me feel better.

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I've dated some great guys since then

I had another serious relationship after this one, which I am so grateful for even though it didn’t work out. But I’ve dated some really wonderful guys.

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He's really happy

And that makes me happy. I was with him for three years, and while I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I still care about his wellbeing.

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I'm really happy

If I were miserable, I’d probably get really thrown off whenever I heard from him. But I’m not, so all is well.

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There are some exes that I don’t like to hear from ever, but it’s really nice to have those that still care about how you are. I’m not going to go hang out with this one in my spare time or anything. It’s comforting to know that we don’t hate each other like we did right after our breakup.

It takes a while to get to the point where you can be happy about your ex being with someone else. Or just being in general.  Most of the time it has to do with you being happy with yourself.

Is your ex dating someone new? How do you feel about it? Are there any exes that you’re truly happy for? Tell me in the comments!

This girl isn’t so happy with her ex, so she gets revenge instead!

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Wondering how to date a man you like? According to “The Rules,” you have to leave him hanging. Lame! | Source: ShutterStock

A while ago, a book called The Rules came out, and it was basically a guide on how to date a man. A completely stupid, pointless guide that set women back about 40 years. Now, in the world of Facebook, match.com, and the like, an updated guide is available to set us back 20 more years, making that a total of 60.

The gist of it all? “If you want a guy to like you, don’t do anything. Just exist.” And I mean, fine–you’re wonderful, and that should be enough. But “The Rules” explain that how to date a man is actually to appear almost totally uninterested. You can’t approach him first, you can’t IM him first, nothing.

This is problematic for a few reasons. One, it’s pretty pointless to not go after what you want and just expect things to come to you. Two, if you act like you’re not interested, guess what? Guys may well assume you’re not interested, and they’ll move on to someone who makes no mistake that they like him back. And three? Well, it’s boring.

To be fair, some of their rules on how to date a man are fair enough: We like their “No contact after midnight” rule, because, well, those are booty call hours. If you’re looking for a hookup, by all means–but if you want him to date you, it’s probably a good idea to wait til the AM to respond.

Thankfully, a lot of us are smart enough to not buy into this nonsense. A new survey says 79 percent of us take the “why wait?” philosophy and initiate contact with dudes we dig online, whether it’s through a friend request, a tweet, or whatever. However, 71 percent of ladies agree with the book, which says to wait half an hour before texting a guy back–and 10 percent leave a dude hanging for four hours. Seems sort of hypocritical considering it drives you nuts when guys do that to you, doesn’t it?

Basically, The Rules wants you to start a relationship–or rather, wants the guy to start a relationship–based on game playing. It doesn’t sound like a really solid foundation, does it?

Our advice? Ignore all the rules on how to date a man. The real guide to how to date a man who deserves you–and the least stressful method–is to just be yourself and treat a guy the way you’d want him to treat you!

Do you think The Rules is a good guide on how to date a man? Do you think a  guy should always make the first move?  Tell us in the comments!

Hopefully your guy is a legit nice one–not one of these “nice guys!”

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Just friends? I don’t buy it. | Source: ShutterStock

This is a proud day because science has finally proven me right. Finally! Finally. I have always said that men and women can’t be just friends without at least one person crushing on the other person, and now new research has backed me up. It’s pretty much official, girls: researchers have stated that guys and gals can’t be simply friends without the opportunity for “romance” hanging out and waiting in the corner.

I know plenty of people are going to disagree with both me and these researchers on this. I’m sure there are tons of you who have guy friends who you would never dream of hooking up with or dating officially. But let’s face it, do you really know how they honestly feel about you? Because here’s the thing: as I’ve always suspected, men think about opposite-sex friendships much differently than women do.

This study looked at 88 pairs of opposite-sex friends and discovered that the majority of men were attracted to their female friends. The majority of men believed that their female friends were attracted to them also – but those guys were wrong. It turns out that majority of women were not attracted to their male friends and also had no idea that their male friends were attracted to them.

I’m not saying that I don’t think men and women can be friends at all. I do! I just think that in these friendships, one person is always going to have more than platonic feelings for the other person. Maybe your guy friend secretly thinks you’re hot and sort of wants to get in your pants. Maybe if the opportunity presented itself, he would take the chance of full on dating you.

Why do I feel this way? I’ve seen the evidence way too many times, and I’ve also discussed this with plenty of dudes who have agreed with me. Most guys I talk to about it say basically the same thing: they would date and/or hook up with any of their female friends if given the chance. Even our resident guy expert Ethan pretty much agrees! Do you know how many times I’ve heard dudes say that it’s not possible for girls to be friend-zoned because their friend would always be willing to try to take things to another level?

It’s also happened to me on numerous occasions. When I used to waitress, I was friends with most of the guys that I worked with. At work, we joked around and also talked about more serious stuff; after work, we hung out together with everyone else and had a good time. I had zero romantic interest in most of these guys. Almost all of them ended up hitting on me at one point or another. It was super disappointing, because I really wanted to believe that we could be just friends without having any awkward romantic situations going on. And I’m not trying to sound cocky, like it only happens to me – no, I’ve watched it happen to all of my girl friends at one point or another.

So what’s the definitive answer on this? Based on this research, it seems like guys are more likely than women to have romantic feelings for their opposite-sex friend. And while they might not come right out and say that they have a crush or that they would be willing to hook up, they would take things to that level if they had the chance.

But keep in mind that this research was only done on a small group of people. This doesn’t mean that every single guy out there thinks his female friend is hot. It doesn’t mean that there is no girl ever who feels friend-zoned by a guy. Still, I find myself pretty convinced: unless someone can prove otherwise, I truly don’t think guys and girls can be just friends without one of them sort of crushing on the other person.

What do you think – can guys and girls be just friends? Have you ever been in a totally platonic friendship with a guy? Do you agree or disagree with this study? Have you ever been friend-zoned? Tell me in the comments.

Is there a link between food and love?

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When I was in high school, I dated a guy for about five years ( I know). As silly as it sounds, I barely ate in front of him when we first got together. I avoided dinner dates and stuck to “lady-like” foods like salads or picking at fruits when I was forced to eat so that I didn’t pass out. It was ridiculous.

As we got closer and more comfortable with each other, I let my guard down and actually started eating in front of him. My ex was relatively thin and could pretty much eat whatever he wanted without having to worry about gaining a pound. Me, not so much. Once I felt stable in our relationship, I started eating a lot. Like a lot. I figured, why should I care so much about my appearance? My guy loves me the way I am and he’s not going to leave me if I go up a few pounds.

Obviously, I gained a bunch of weight – and while my ex never said anything, it bugged me. I wondered if I was the only one who had gained weight once they were in a relationship, and I quickly figured out that I wasn’t. Over the years, I’ve watched many, many girl friends spend their single lives dieting like crazy, only to get into a relationship and gain all of that weight, and more, back. I’ve watched cousins get married and pack on the pounds. Basically, I’ve seen people literally transform once they get into a long-term relationship.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with gaining a little weight. It happens. It’s nothing to beat yourself up over. But I’ve always wondered: is there really a link between food and relationships? And apparently, yes, there is.

The Huffington Post recently spoke to a psychology professor Maryanne Fisher, who has done a little research on the subject. According to Maryanne, food and love are sort of linked in your brain. She says that in the beginning of a relationship, “Food is a way to display skills to a potential mate. You might buy nicer food, prepare better meals. It’s fascinating how it can be used as part of the relationship.”

TOTALLY TRUE. At least according to my love life. When I first started dating my current BF, I wouldn’t touch greasy chips or fries or candy in front of him – I wanted him to think I only ate healthy foods that are good for you. Why? I don’t know. I once watched my boyfriend wash down two jumbo Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with a bag of BBQ pork rinds, so I don’t know why I felt the need to lie about my own eating habits.

Maryanne goes on to say that in the beginning of a relationship, people tend to eat less due to the fact that they release an abundance of “reward hormones”. These hormones make you happy and give you energy, and can sometimes suppress your appetite.

However, those hormones don’t stay up throughout the entire course of a relationship. The levels go up and down, and in extreme cases they can even cause obesity. Many other studies have found that people who are married or in long-term relationships are more likely to gain weight. Why? I can only imagine that it’s for the same reasons I gained weight: you feel comfortable and secure in your relationship and you don’t really feel like you have anyone to impress anymore. So you let things slide.

This all makes total sense to me and I’m sure it’s something that a lot of us can relate to. So I want to know: have you ever gained weight during the course of a relationship? Have you ever seen friends do it? Tell me in the comments!

If you’re slightly overweight, you may live longer

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Realizing that a guy doesn’t like you back is definitely maybe the worst feeling in the world. But even more terrible is having to pretend you aren’t completely crushed. And even more terrible-er? The fibs you come up with to keep up the act. Here’s what we know you’re thinking when you get negged by your crush.

The School Dance

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She said: Ask Luke to Sadie Hawkins? Pfft nah I don’t want to be tied to one guy all night long, let’s just to a big girls group!

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She meant: I already oh-so-casually brought the dance up to him and he mumbled something about a big guys group. FML.

Over Text

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She said: Haha omg I was kidddinnngggg it was just an emoji!

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She meant: Well. If he didn’t appreciate a kissyface emojicon over text I guess he won’t like one IRL. Excuse me while I bury my phone—and possibly myself—in the backyard so I’ll never text something so pathetic again.

When He Talks About Another Girl

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She said: Oh yeah, Allie is, like, soooo cool. If you’re into, ya know, boobs and long blonde hair and all that…

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She meant: I hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. I’ll think of a reason later.

When You Try to Flirt

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She said: My eye? Yeah uh guess my contact is all wonky or something…

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She meant: That was supposed to be a wink. Great. I probably look like I was having some sort of seizure. SEXY.

When You See Him on a Date With Someone Else

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She said: OMG you guys I soooo don’t care. It was just a “no.” I’ve heard that word before. I’ll BRB, bathroom.

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She meant: WHY GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME! I can actually feel my heart breaking in half. I’m going to lock myself in the stall for the next 20 minutes and weep. Then pretend I had an allergy attack.

When He Says You’re Like a Sister To Him

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She said: Haha umm thanks bro…

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She meant: I’m sure this is how Prince William described Kate when he first fell for her right, RIGHT?!

Ever been rejected by a crush? How did you handle it? With a little lie or two? Let us know in the comments.

True story: One of Gurl’s writers rejected Adam Levine!

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At first glance, dating a guy’s idol doesn’t seem all that cruel at all. But think about how you would feel if your ex rebounded with whoever’s poster happens to be on your bedroom wall. Do you want to picture your ex with, say, Taylor Swift or Rihanna? Horrible, right?

I know. And that’s exactly why I dated my ex-boyfriend’s hero.

J was probably the worst boyfriend to ever walk planet earth. He seemed to completely hate having me around. He refused to hold hands with me in public, cheated and one time let me walk into the street knowing an oncoming cab was speeding towards me.

“I was curious if you’d see it coming or not,” he shrugged after. I think he may have been a sociopath.

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But as soulless as J was, he loved one thing: Athlete X. I won’t say his name, but he’s a pro hockey player and J was beyond obsessed with hockey. I’d grown up playing hockey actually but by the time J and I dated, I’d forgotten all about the sport and didn’t care one bit. That didn’t stop J from gushing about Athlete X and his latest stats and game and even his equipment. Athlete X was like the third party in our relationship–unless of course you count all the girls he cheated on me with. Loser.

Eventually, I found a pair of panties in his bed. Ugly panties, too. And finally, finally, FINALLY broke up with him. Flash forward two months–I was an editor for a men’s magazine when my coworker casually mentioned that he was interviewing Athlete X.

“OMG Athlete X!” I chirped, jumping up from my chair, gushing about how much I loved him and rattling off his stats. No one in the office had ever heard me say boo about sports until that moment, and here I was rattling off info about Athlete X that I didn’t even realize I knew.

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“Well maybe I’ll set you two up!” chucked my coworker–and he did. Later that night I get a text from Athlete X! One thing lead to another and we began talking, then hanging out, then full on dating. At first, I was only doing it to spite J and oh, I made sure that he knew. Cryptic Facebook posts, vague Tweets about Athlete X’s team, an Instagram pic of X’s jersey number doodled on my hand inside a heart–oh yes. J knew. And it worked.

“You f’ing BITCH,” he wrote in a scathing email out of nowhere. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing but STAY AWAY FROM ATHLETE X!” You’d think I was sleeping with his wife or something.

I can’t lie–I felt kind of guilty and icky. I wondered if by dating Athlete X, who was terribly foxy, I had ensured that J and I could never be friends or even bump into each other and have a pleasant catch-up convo.

Then I came to my senses and realized that it was J’s crapbag behavior that had started this whole thing–all I’d done is finished it.

What do you think–is this the meanest thing you’ve heard of a girl doing to an ex? Was I totally wrong to rub Athlete X in J’s face? Or is all fair in love, war and professional sports? Tell me in the comments.

The 10 Worst Things Dudes Have Ever Said On A First Date

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Dude, shut up! | Source: Shutterstock

I’m one of the few people who actually enjoys first dates. Typically people are on their best behavior and trot out all their best stories and funniest anecdotes. But some people use a first date as an opportunity to shock and horrify, namely the dudes I tend to date. Check out the top 10—and believe me I could’ve done more—most awful things my dates have actually had the nerve to say on a first date. And bible, I’m not making these up.

10. “How the f*** do I know what’s in a matzo ball? What am, I your Jewish liaison?”

This charmer was going on and on about how much he loves matzo ball soup, which I’ve never had, so I asked him what exactly a matzo ball entailed. After this little exchange I told him that no, he’s not my Jewish liaison—he’s not going to be my anything.

9. “I try not to date girls your age. All you guys want to do is get married.”

Um, I’m sitting right here.

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8. “You got your nose fixed? Wow I had no idea you were so shallow.”

I got my nose fixed because I broke it. Yeah I’m shallow because I don’t want to spend my life as a mouth-breather. And BTW, he had just finished telling me about how he had his ears pinned back as a kid because people called him Dumbo. Now I guess they just call him Doucher.

7. “….And, that was the first time I had a penis in my mouth!”

Note to self: never ever playfully ask a guy to tell you a secret. You just may get an answer like this.

6. “I mean, don’t you think you’re what’s wrong with society?”

Because I’m an editor at Star magazine, which, OK fine, isn’t exactly going to earn me a Pulitzer, but I like our mag and so do our readers. He, meanwhile, was a member of the NRA.

5. “So can you, like, hook me up with Lauren Conrad?”

Source: WENN

I’m former MTV reality star but—shocker!—I don’t live in one giant compound with all my other network mates. And even if I did, even if LC and Pauly D and Teen Mom Maci’s hot baby daddy and I were sharing groceries and having cookouts together, is it really appropriate to ask to be set up with a different girl on a first date? WTF bro?

4. “No no no no no—here’s why you’re wrong…”

I firmly believe that I’m never ever wrong. And I’m even less wrong when I’m expressing an opinion, as I was on a date with this nightmare. I believe I declared Gladiator to be my favorite movie. And at the end of the date I also declared him to be unlovable. That is not wrong.

3. “Sorry. I’m broke from two DUIs, you’re gonna have to get this one.”

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ON A FIRST DATE. Seriously dude? If you can’t afford to take a girl out to coffee (my latte wasn’t exactly bank-breaking) then guess what: don’t ask a girl out! And certainly don’t be so rude about it. And certainly, certainly don’t get two DUIs, you loser.

2. “You’re left handed? Um, that’s like, kinda like being handicapped. Sorry but I don’t really see this going anywhere.”

Seriously.

1. “Oh c’mon don’t be so provincial! Open your mind!”

My date said this when he PULLED OUT A BOTTLE OF LUBE and set it on the table. ?!?!?!?!?! It was clear my mind wasn’t what he wanted me to open…

Which one of the above do you think is the most offensive? Tell us in the comments. 

One of the worst first date stories we’ve ever heard!

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