So when I met my current boyfriend, I made a promise to myself that I would never be like her or any of the other girls out there who chose their BF over their BFFs. But after a few months spent juggling time with my boyfriend, my friends, my family, my job and my me time, I kind of started to empathize with my old friend: making your buddies a priority when you’re in a serious relationship can be harder than you think.

When you start a new relationship, it’s natural to feel an urge to spend all of your time with your boyfriend. It’s normal to start spending less time with your buddies and more time with your BF – your priorities shift. It happens. But still – it sucks. So here are 10 reasons you absolutely need to make time for your friends, no matter how much cuddle time you want with your guy. Trust me, you’ll appreciate this one day.

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Your BF Shouldn't Be The Center Of Your World

I know your boyfriend is awesome and you're really into him. And there's nothing wrong with giving him a little extra attention. But your BF should never be the only important thing in your life - that's not good for your relationship. Both of you should have other friends and spend time apart once in a while. It's healthy and will help keep things interesting. Plus, if you only rely on him to be your everything, what will you do if things end?

Source: ShutterStock

You Need A Support System

Speaking of breaking up... what if you and your man do end things? Crawling back to your friends for support after you've spent the last few months or years blowing them off is kind of a crappy thing to do. Some of your buddies may not be willing to forgive you, and those who do are still going to feel a little taken advantage of. Even if you guys don't break up, you need your girls so you can vent if you and your BF get into a fight. That's what friends are for!

Source: ShutterStock

Girl Time Is Super Important

You can eat an entire carton of ice cream and a bag of chips with your girls, but you can't really do that with your boyfriend. I mean, you can, whatever, but isn't it more fun to pig out with your friends while gossiping about your celebrity crush? It totally is. Girl time is fun and no one should be missing out on it.

Source: ShutterStock

You Don't Want To Deal With FOMO

What happens when you ditch your friends for your boyfriend and they start hanging out without you? FOMO happens, that's what. In case you didn't know, experiencing the Fear Of Missing Out isn't fun - it's lonely. I'm not saying you have to be with your BFF's every day, but making time for them at least once or twice a week is a must.

Source: ShutterStock

You Don't Want To Hurt Your Friends

The last thing you want to do is be the source of your friends' pain. When you blow off your buddies for a guy, it hurts their feelings, and it may even end up being something they can't get over. Treating your friends badly is only going to make you feel bad in the end.

Source: ShutterStock

You Want Your BFF's To Like Your BF... Right?

I'm assuming you want your friends to be friends with your boyfriend, or at least give him their seal of approval. But guess what? If you keep ditching them for him, they're automatically going to hate him for taking their friend away. And that's not really fair to anyone.

Source: ShutterStock

Who Else Can You Watch Pretty Little Liars With?

Like I said before, girl time is important. There are just some things you can't do with your boyfriend - like watching the winter premiere of Pretty Little Liars. Don't force him to sit through something he doesn't like. Some rituals are best performed with friends.

Source: ShutterStock

Your Friends Need You, Too

Your friends need your support as much as you need theirs. If one of your girls calls you because she needs to vent or get advice, don't leave her hanging. Being a good friend is a really great quality to have - don't let a guy take that away from you.

Source: ShutterStock

Do you have trouble making time for your friends and boyfriend? Have you ever had a friend who ditched you for her relationship? Tell me in the comments.

7 ways to get out of a toxic relationship

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When you’re together with someone for a long time, things can start to change. Something change is good…but sometimes change can be bad. And it’s tough to know the difference. That’s exactly what this week’s video is about. Sara’s helping a girl figure out what to do about a boyfriend who’s change a lot and how to tell when it’s time to move on.

Have you ever dated someone and then been upset when they changed? Tell us in the comments!

Should You Take Him Back?!

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It stinks when they don’t approve. | Source: ShutterStock

Imagine you’re dating someone perfect. You really like the person, they really like you. You too get along great, you have a lot of fun together and everything is basically amazing – except for the fact that parents are getting in the way. What would you do if your boyfriend’s mom didn’t want you two together?

That’s happening to someone right now, and when I saw her story in our message boards, I knew I had to share it. It totally stinks when your boyfriend’s mom tries to get in the middle of your relationship. So how is this girl supposed to deal? Read her story, see what some girls had to say and then let us in on your own advice.

CarissaM said:
My boyfriend (who happens to be the love of my life) and I have been together for almost a year. We started out like any typical couple would, learning about each other and our lives. We found out we had a lot in common and we seemed great for each other. About a month into our relationship, I met his parents and they approved. He was happy, his grades improved. Then he found out that I used to be depressed/slightly suicidal and wanted me to promise him that I would never be again.

I sent him a message on Facebook explaining that I take the bad things that happen in my life to heart. But I also told him that it would most likely never happen as long as I had him and my friends. Well, a few weeks later, his mom decided she could dig through his Facebook. She found the message and demanded he dump me. Of course, that didn’t happen.

We hid our relationship after that since she had teachers watching us. When she found out we didn’t break up she forced him to call me and dump me (which was obviously not real). She just recently found out we’re still together and said I’m never to text him again or she’ll put a restraining order on me. This is really starting to wear on our relationship. I’m so sick and tired of hiding and hurting. I cry myself to sleep sometimes. I want to marry this boy, he’s perfect for me. But I’m scared she’ll never give up. Any advice?

Try talking to her yourself. | Source: ShutterStock

reverie0711 said:
Maybe you and your boyfriend should sit down with his mom and talk out the situation. Clearly, she’s going through quite a lot right now so she’s probably having trouble dealing with stressful situations, especially something that she worries will hurt someone she loves. But if you get the chance to explain to her that you feel secure in your life right now and have no intention of hurting her son, you may be able to work something out. Talking to her face to face may also give her a chance to get to know you and remember why she liked you before. You could also consider talking to your own parents about it, if you feel like having them to help you talk to her will help.

hotjamale said:
How old is your BF? That is absolutely ridiculous of his mother to do, and reading his texts and Facebook is such an invasion of privacy. Why doesn’t he put a password on his phone and change his password to his Facebook/make a whole new account? His mother is looking for any reason to dislike you and she has no justifiable one at all. If he can, I would really suggest your boyfriend move out. 

My advice? Try talking to his mom calmly before you suggest your boyfriend rebel any further. Explain to her how much you love her son and you don’t want to hurt him. Let her know how much her approval would mean to you. Maybe agree to set some boundaries at first to ease her mind. Try to compromise without totally sacrificing your relationship and see if she’ll give you a chance.

As for the fact that she went through your BF’s stuff – that’s definitely not right. But that’s something he needs to settle with his mom on his own. You can suggest they talk but don’t force him into a fight with her. That will only push her away from you more.

What’s your advice for dealing with a parent like this? Have you ever been in this situation? Tell us in the comments!

How do you know when it’s time to end your relationship?

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You can barely even notice their weight difference! | Source: ShutterStock

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about weight differences in a relationship:

fantastique wrote:

I really like this boy. He took me to homecoming. We cuddled all night and I’m seriously into him. But the problem is, he’s barely taller than me and he is SO thin. Like, very, very thin. He’s all muscle, but he’s just so SMALL. And I am not… I’m 5’8 and 145 pounds and I’ve heard him say he’s only 125 pounds. I feel like if we dated, I would feel so fat around him all the time. I already do!

So what I’m getting to is: Is this too weird? Is it totally wrong of me to dismiss him simply because of our size difference? Am I being too self-loathing in assuming he’ll secretly think I’m fat but won’t say anything, or am I underestimating how sweet he really is? 

I need some advice… what would you do?

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Tell her what you would do if you were in her situation.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

Ask A Guy: Are dudes really as shallow as we think they are?

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I go on a lot of family vacations – ski trips during the winter, week-long beach getaways in the summer, pumpkin picking upstate in the fall (what can I say, we’re kind of corny). So it was only inevitable that I would one day bring a boyfriend on vacay with my big, messy, disorganized family. And that day just happened to occur a lot sooner than I thought it would – when I was 16-years-old.

I had been dating my boyfriend, D, for over a year when the time came for my fam to start planning our annual skip trip. Even though I was looking forward to it, the idea of spending a full week away from D made me cry (literally – I’m a huge crier). I begged and begged my parents, and finally, after weeks of pleading, bribing and sobbing, I got my way: I could invite D to come with us!

The thought of being able to spend an entire week with my boyfriend was SUPER exciting. I couldn’t wait to spend every minute with him and have him get closer to my beloved family. I didn’t once stop to consider the potentially awkward moments that this could bring: where would he sleep? How could we possibly hook up while my parents were always around? What would happen if we got in a fight? We had never spent seven straight days together – what if we got sick of each other?

It wasn’t until I got there that I thought of all these things. And, um, yeah… it was pretty awkward.

My parents obviously wouldn’t let D and I sleep in the same bed, so instead, they blew up an air mattress and forced my little brother to sleep in the living room with him (I think my brother was supposed to babysit us just in case I wanted to sneak out of my bedroom in the middle of the night). When I woke up the first morning, in my glasses, old pajamas and crazy-looking bedhead, I practically had a panic attack wondering how to make it from my bed to the bathroom without D spotting me.

Hooking up proved to be super difficult – my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles seemed to be watching our every move. My cousins and siblings didn’t go to sleep until well past midnight, and I’m pretty sure my parents got zero sleep since they spent the majority of their night checking on us.

As expected, D and I got in a few small fights, and those were the worst. Try getting into an argument with your boyfriend while on a ski lift, only to angrily get to the bottom of the mountain and then take a 45-minute drive with him and your whole family stuck in one little car. Or try pretending not to cry in front of your grandma while your BF furiously texts you from across a hotel room. It sucks. Trust me.

By the end of the week, the seemingly impossible had happened: I was kind of getting a little sick of my BF. For me, family vacations had always meant sleeping late, joking around with my cousins, reading a new book and just generally relaxing. Now, I had this dude with me who kind of demanded all my attention. I had to compromise my vacation time, and honestly? I was kind of bummed about it.

I feel like I learned a lot from that vacation. I realized that sometimes it’s a good thing to spend a few days away from your boyfriend. I also realized that while I love bringing friends and/or boyfriends away with my family and me, I also love having vacay alone time – and quality time with my fam.

Have you ever brought a boyfriend/girlfriend on a family vacation? What was it like? Would you ever do it? Tell me in the comments!

Your complete guide to packing for vacation

]]> http://www.gurl.com/2012/08/11/vacation-with-boyfriend/feed/ 4 http://www.gurl.com/2012/08/06/public-display-of-affection/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=public-display-of-affection http://www.gurl.com/2012/08/06/public-display-of-affection/#comments Mon, 06 Aug 2012 17:00:42 +0000 Heather http://www.gurl.com/?p=74972 Read More]]>

What’s wrong with keeping touching private?! | Source: ShutterStock

It’s totally understandable to not be that into PDA. Being affectionate with your boyfriend is cute and super fun, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to keep that part of your relationship a little private. It sounds like your BF either wants to show off in front of his friends, or he just doesn’t mind being really flirty in public.

This is definitely something you should talk to your BF about. He probably doesn’t realize that he’s making you uncomfortable, but once he knows, he should be more understanding.

The next time you guys are alone, just explain to him how you feel. Tell him you love being cute and affectionate with him, but you’re just not comfortable with doing it in public. Let him know that it has nothing to do with him or your relationship with him. It’s as simple as telling the truth – there’s no reason to make excuses.

And if it happens again after that? Gently push him away and say something jokingly, like, “What did I tell you about that?” He might just need a little reminder sometimes.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

What do you do when you’re nervous about oral sex?

Look like anyone YOU know?! | Source: Shutterstock

Everything about your sweetie from the sound of his voice to his gorgeous eyes leave you in Swoon City. But, um, why is he talking to that skank? And, er, who’s the new blonde chick with cheap extensions all up in his Facebook page? Does he really have to be BFFs with a Ke$ha lookalike?

Slowwwww dowwn, hot stuff. You are in the JDZ, Jealousy Danger Zone. Luckily, we caught it early and you can inch your way back to the other side of the street (also known as SANITY) when your pride, dignity and sense of self-worth intact.

Jealousy can be confusing. We wonder, isn’t it totally natural to feel a twinge of the green monster when you love someone? Well, sure, we all feel a tad obsessive at times regarding the folks we love. However, when we’re secure in ourselves we don’t feel a need to act on these twinges.

Insecurity is never sexy– and being the jealous girlfriend is about as insecure as you can get.

Here’s how NOT to become the jelly-girl that guys–and girls–can’t stand.

1. Believe in yourself.
It’s no miracle that your crush likes you back. You’re quite a catch, girlie. With everything that you bring to the party, who wouldn’t like you? You’re the shizz and it’s time you knew that.

2. Trust your BF or GF.
All relationships are built on trust. Give your love life a strong start by picking someone who seems trustworthy to begin with. If you’re dating the school player then you may be setting yourself up to be played. If you’ve chosen someone worthy of all of YOUR fabulosity, then you should trust that they have eyes for only you.

3. Talk it out.
Communication is KEY to romantic happiness. If something your sweetie is doing makes you uncomfortable, speak up! It’s normal and healthy to ask questions. It’s NOT healthy to obsess or repeatedly accuse someone of cheating or other love misdemeanors, however. If you don’t trust the person you’re dating, it’s better to move on that to go all Jealous Jessie. I know you know what I mean.

4. Social media is for socializing, not stalking.
Repeatedly scanning somebody’s Facebook or twitter account for conversations and connections is unhealthy. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean becoming a detective. If you feel that you have to investigate your BF then something is wrong.

The bottom line: jealousy ain’t cute! Being secure within yourself means being secure within your relationship. Always remember that confidence is the sexiest trait you can have. Oh, and if you’re dating someone who goes out of his way to make you jealous on purpose, RUN, girl, RUN!

Have you ever been a jealous girlfriend? Do you know any girls who are a jealous girlfriend but don’t realize it? Do you have trouble trusting your boyfriend? Tell us everything in the comments.

Are You Too Jealous? Find Out With This Quiz!

When you're happy, you're happy! | Source: MovieWiseGuys.com

Imagine you meet the guy of your dreams. He’s funny, smart, likes the same things as you and is the biggest sweetheart ever. Only catch? He’s kind of lacking in the looks department. Do you let your lack of physical attraction to him ruin the relationship… or does it not matter to you?

Basically, we’re asking: are looks important? Is physical attraction a huge part of a relationship, or is that just superficial? We saw this topic in the message boards, and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. Read what these girls had to say about looks in a relationship, and then let us know what you think.

silver44 said:
How important would you girls say physical attraction is in a relationship? I know a guy who wants to date me, and he’s perfect other than the fact that I’m just not physically attracted to him.

(L)iveYourLife replied and said:
I couldn’t date somebody who I wasn’t physically attracted to. Looks matter, and sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. Keep looking and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t meet your standards!

Artie might not have been conventionally attractive, but it didn't matter to Brittany.

luckybiatch replied and said:
It’s important and I do agree with the above gURLS, however when I first met my boyfriend, I wasn’t necessarily physically attracted to him. I believe girls, including me at the time, have standards higher held than girls in the past would, because of how media is portraying beauty. The more I got to know my boyfriend, the more physically attractive he became in my eyes. Not even a short while after beginning to date, I found him sexy and handsome (and his attractiveness just increases even to this day). So I believe even though you’re not physically attracted to this guy, I bet if you give it time, you might actually become more attracted. In my opinion, the personality of an individual makes them better looking. Looks can only last so long (we all age), but personality lasts a lifetime.

So what do we think? The fact is, no matter how shallow it sounds, physical attraction is important in a relationship. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t date a dude unless he’s a male model… all it means is that you have to be a little attracted to the guy in order for there to be sexual chemistry.

That being said, luckybiatch is exactly right when she said that the personality of a person makes them better looking. If a guy doesn’t look exactly how you want him to but his personality is amazing, you’re going to find him attractive no matter what. In the end, a relationship is about a strong emotional and physical attraction – with an emphasis on the emotional.

Who do you agree with? How important is physical attraction to you? Tell us in the comments.

Do you have to be single in order to really get a college experience?

Should you? Shouldn't you? | Source: MagForWomen.com

But everyone has different opinions on at-work relationships, including the editors of Gurl. Read what we think and then let us know: is dating someone you work with ever a good idea?

Only the cutest TV couple ever! | Source: Photobucket.com

Julie Says: There’s Nothing Wrong With It
Work is where you spend a whole lot of your time. Of course you might meet someone you dig. If you’re responsible about it and you’re not your boo’s boss (or the other way around), it really shouldn’t be a problem. Sure, there’s a chance you’ll get hurt and have to see each other a bunch, but that’s a risk you take with almost anyone you date who isn’t a total stranger. Plus, I really dig the idea of earning a few bucks an hour while you fall in love!

Sometimes it can work | Source: WordPress.com

Melanie Says: It’s Okay For Some People
I’ve mainly just worked with girls (shocker: not many dudes work for women’s or teen magazines and blogs!), and since I date guys, I haven’t really been put in this situation too often. That said, I have a friend who’s dating a coworker, and they’re really happy. Personally, though, I like that my career and relationships are kept in separate worlds—it makes life more interesting!

Yes! This should be a policy everywhere | Source: HappyWorker.com

Jessica Says: It’s A Terrible Idea
Judging from my own personal experience dating three different dudes I’ve worked with, I can tell you that dating a co-worker is pretty much a horrible idea. Sure, in the beginning it’s great to have them around all the time, and to know all of the same people. But after a while, it’s just too much. And then when things go bad in the relationship, it’s so much harder to get through it knowing you have to work with that person. Plus, as hard as you might try to hide the drama from your co-workers, it always gets out. Take it from me: it’s uncomfortable, awkward and should be avoided whenever possible.

Who do you agree with? Have you ever dated a co-worker? Did it work out? Let us know in the comments.

What do you do when you hate your BFF’s boyfriend?

At Work Relationships

Can't stand how he texts? Don't worry. | Source: StopBeingALoser.org

Hi Heather,

I’ve been talking to this guy for a while now and everything seems good when we’re together. We’re pretty casual right now, but I know he likes me and I think it could turn into something serious. The only thing is that when we text, it doesn’t even seem like he wants to talk to me. He usually gives me one-word answers or hardly even says anything. What does that mean? Should I be worried?

Ugh. How annoying is it when you type out this long text message to someone and you get back… ‘k’. It’s like, seriously?! You can’t add anything else to that one little letter?? But in all seriousness, I honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about here. It sounds like this guy is just being a typical dude – just like they’re not always into having long conversations in person, they’re not always into pouring their hearts out over a text message.

I know it’s hard to believe, because most of us girls could have a full-blown argument/gossip sesh/catch-up talk through texting, but most guys aren’t like that. So when you text this guy and he gives you one-word answers over and over again, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s blowing you off or that he doesn’t want to talk to you. There are a few reasons he could be doing that, and none of them are something you need to stress over.

Seriously, no need to stress! | Source: MyGeegle.com

For one thing, he could actually be really busy. Maybe he’s at work, maybe he’s hanging with his friends, or maybe he’s playing a video game. Either way, he might be too busy to type back a long response, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Another possible reason is that he might not really be into texting. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve personally heard a lot of guys say that they would rather get to know a girl in person, because doing it through text messaging just makes things more confusing.

The bottom line is this: usually, if a dude is even taking the time to answer you at all, it means he cares at least a little bit. If a guy doesn’t want to talk to you or is trying to blow you off, he’ll probably do just that and not respond in any way. I wouldn’t start to really worry unless he starts ignoring you completely.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com