How do you deal with an argument between you and your boo?

Make sure you subscribe to us on YouTube!

Source: Shutterstock

You’re nervous in the spring as letters start to come in. And the minute a school rejects you, it feels like the world is ending. There are several ways to deal with being rejected by your college of choice.

One option is to write a piece for The Wall Street Journal like Suzy Lee Weiss, who has a serious bone to pick with all of the Ivy League schools that turned her down.

In her letter she claims that her lack of diversity is the reason: “For starters, had I known two years ago what I know now, I would have gladly worn a headdress to school. Show me to any closet, and I would’ve happily come out of it.”

As you can imagine, people are freaking out about her article calling her “entitled” and some other choice words that I can’t say. Responding to the backlash, she insists that the entire thing was a satire: “It’s a satire. That’s the point. Just like ’30 Rock’ is a satire, which pokes fun at things that are politically correct. That’s what I was trying to do.”

Source: itsthegilmoregirls.tumblr.com

While I’m sure Suzy didn’t mean for her letter to come off as offensive, it definitely did to the groups that she was discussing. I do feel her pain though.

I didn’t get into my number one choice either. I remember sitting on my driveway in front of the mailbox with this small envelope crying my eyes out at the “We regret to inform you.” It was a sucky feeling.

So what did I do?

I went all Rory Gilmore and made pro-con lists for all the schools I did get into! I know rejection isn’t fun, but you have to remember that it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.

Here are some ways to deal with your rejection:

Consider appealing the decision: There is an appeal process that you can go through to tell the school that you really, really want to be there. I had a lot of friends that appealed their rejections and got in because they showed how serious they were.

Talk to the admissions office: It’s totally valid for you to want an explanation as to why you were rejected. Most admissions offices will be happy to give you feedback that will help you understand what happened and give you an idea of what they were looking for at the time.

Think about what it means: Maybe you’re really not meant to go to this school. As cheesy as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. You might not realize it now, but fate has already put you somewhere else.

Look at your other options: You obviously liked these schools enough to apply! Go back through all of your choices and weigh the pros and cons of each one so you can figure out what the best fit will be.

Have you been rejected from your top choice school? How did you handle it? Are you still trying to go there or have you decided on somewhere else? Tell me in the comments!
 

These quotes will help you deal with rejection

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Rejection… it’s not fun for anyone involved. Source: Shutterstock

It can really suck when you get rejected and it’s usually just as bad to be the person put in the position of rejecting. There were a few times in high school when I got asked out, and I just wasn’t interested. The guys were perfectly nice, but as I’ve shared before, I don’t really like dating.

I really wanted everyone to think of me as a “nice girl,” so I always resented being put in the position of rejecting someone. Looking back, that was a pretty selfish attitude, especially considering it takes a lot of guts to put your feelings out there. Anyway, though I was scared of being mean to these guys, it definitely doesn’t mean that I handled rejecting them well.

When I was 15, I went out on a couple dates with a totally nice guy, but I kind of freaked out about where things were going. We didn’t know each other super well, but we did have some mutual friends.  I am cringing just thinking about it, but I had my friend reject him for me since I couldn’t tell him to his face. I guess I convinced myself that if I didn’t have to actually do the rejecting, then I would still seem “nice.” As you can maybe guess, I barely saw him again after that.

A couple years later, a guy I knew asked me out when I was not expecting it at all. My initial response: “Oh, maybe.” That was a mistake when I knew what I meant was “no.” When he checked back in a couple days later, instead of calming down and explaining that I didn’t think it was a good idea, I told this very elaborate story about how I was kind of hooking up with another guy. Now, this wasn’t a lie, but I probably exaggerated my involvement with this other guy as a way to give myself an excuse without seeming “mean.”

This ended up being a bad idea because my tryst with that other guy was very much on the DL, so I just looked really suspicious pulling his name out as my excuse. Naturally, the guy I rejected asked our mutual friends if it was true… but they didn’t know I was hooking up with someone. When they said no, I suddenly found myself having to explain my business and do some damage control to make sure I hadn’t exaggerated too much. It wasn’t the “easy” rejection I’d imagined.

Cut to my freshman year of college when one of my guy friends told me that he liked me. I got panicky flashbacks for a second, but I thought about how badly my previous attempts at rejection had turned out. I decided for the first time to just be totally honest with my rejection. I mean, this guy was cool and I wanted us to be friends. I didn’t want to have to chart new paths around campus to avoid ever seeing him (yup, totally did that in high school).

So I took a deep breath and explained that I didn’t think us getting together was a good idea, but that I really liked being friends. Yeah, he was kind of bummed out (which obviously made me feel kind of bad), but he understood. And you know what? Though it was a twinge uncomfortable in the moment, we both made it out alive and even stayed friends.

I realized how much I’d matured since that first rejection that had left me with a lot of awkwardness and regret. I had realized that rejecting someone doesn’t make you a bad person or not a “nice girl.” If anything, it shows your character if you can stay true to yourself without being reckless with someone else’s feelings. In these situations, it really is just best to be straightforward. I know that doesn’t seem like a mind-blowing secret, but I will stand by it as the method that works the best.

Have you ever rejected someone? How did it go? Do you have any regrets about how you handled your rejection of someone? Tell me in the comments.

10 Quotes To Help You Deal With Rejection

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Here’s where I’m going to sound like your mom: as horrible as rejection is, it happens to everyone. We can’t all get what we want all of the time (although, man, that would be amazing), and so we’re all going to go through some form of rejection a few times. Dealing with the blow of being turned down can be rough, but these 10 quotes should totally help you through it. They’ll make you realize that even if the love of your life just blew you off, life still goes on and can still be awesome. Check out our 10 favorite rejection quotes right here:

Skip this Ad

Next

ADVERTISEMENT

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Are you dealing with rejection right now? What happened? How do you make yourself feel better? Which of these quotes was your favorite? What did we miss? Tell me in the comments!

10 quotes that will help you love your body

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Source: ShutterStock

Unfortunately, rejection is always going to hurt someone’s feelings – especially if you’re rejecting someone who has a crush on you. But despite the fact that it’s going to sting no matter what, there are nicer ways to go about it rather than just telling the dude to get lost. I can’t promise that you can keep your friendship intact (things might be sort of awkward), but I can tell you the nicest way possible to let this guy down.

If you’re really stressing over telling your friend you’re not interested in him that way, try a more subtle approach first. Don’t flirt back with him (you may be doing that without even realizing it) and don’t give him too much more attention than you give your other friends. Basically, don’t give him any reason to believe you like him back. You can also drop hints by mentioning other guys you think are cute or talking about your own crush. But don’t go overboard with that. You don’t want to completely kill this dude’s self-esteem.

Really, the best way to do this is to say something and get it over with. If this guy is head-over-heels for you, subtle attempts at letting him know you don’t feel the same way might not work. Has he ever came out and told you he likes you? Or has he ever asked you out? If so, respond by saying that while you love being his friend, you’re just not interested in him that way. I know that sounds harsh, but those simple terms don’t leave much room for a deeper meaning. If you say something like, “I’m not interested right now” or “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now” he might take that to mean that you will be interested in the future, and then you’ll get his hopes up.

If you do end up telling him you’re not interested, follow up that statement by telling him how much his friendship means to you. Let him know that you don’t want this to affect your relationship right now. I can’t say for sure whether or not your friendship will be okay after that. You may need to give him some time to get over the blow before things can go back to normal. If it’s too much for him to stay just friends with you, you need to respect that.

In the end, the best thing you can do is to be honest. Avoiding this guy or just blowing him off is a way of rejecting him, but it’s not a nice way. I mean, let’s be real, there is no nice way to reject someone. But by being truthful and open with the person, you’re showing them that you at least respect them enough to tell them what the deal is. And even if they don’t appreciate that right now, they will eventually.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

How can you stay just friends with a guy who likes you?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Source: ShutterStock

Imagine if you finally got the nerve to convince yourself to tell your crush that you like like him (not just as a friend). Then imagine that instead of the fantasy daydream you had happening in your head where he confessed his undying love for you, he just sort of… never answered. At all.

How do you deal when you kind of, sort of get rejected, but you’re not really sure because you haven’t heard a yes or no at all? That’s what this girl is dealing with right now, and I know she’s not alone. So what is she supposed to do – bring it up again to get an answer, or drop it altogether and move on? Read what some girls had to say, then give us your opinion.

dolce_amore said:
I’ve been crushing on one of my guy friends for a while. I had a feeling that he liked me too because of how much time we spent together alone just talking and having lunch, so I decided to tell him how I felt. When I told him, he just kept smiling and seemed to be at a loss for words. All he really said was, “I don’t know what to say” so I slowly strayed away from the topic . He has never had a girlfriend so I can’t help but think that maybe he just doesn’t know how to handle the situation. It’s been about a week and neither one of us have reached out to the other, but I really want to talk to him. How can I bring it up to him without seeming desperate?

pumpkinspice said:
Get to know him better. You could try flirting and see how he responds. If he seems to give in and tag along, then he likes you and you guys can ease into a relationship. When you flirt and he inches away or pulls away…then he wants to stay friends. And be cool with it, you don’t want to lose your best friend.

chunkier_munkey said:
If I were you, I would prepare myself to take a hardhit. This could go either way in which it would either go you two become boyfriend and girlfriend or you guys could never talk to each other.  Prepare yourself mentally so at least if it turns out the way you didn’t want it to, you can move on easily. Then definitely talk to him face to face, and just make it a casual talk: “hey, I like you and I think that we should hang out sometimes more than just a friend, what do you think about that?” If its a no-go… on to the next one, but if it goes well make sure he’s comfy with it since it would be his first.

Let me just congratulate you on having the guts to tell your crush how you feel. I’ve personally never made the first move like that, and I admire anyone who does it – and it’s something you should be proud of, regardless of how things turn out.

That being said, the only way you’re going to get a real, concrete answer to this is if you talk to this dude again. You can say something like, “Hey, have you thought about what I told you at all?” or “Are you interested in being anything more than friends, or no?” If he still doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s time to forget it and move on. If he rejects you, it’s your decision whether you want to stay friends or not. And if he says yes? Yay! But I’d say the best thing you can do here is talk to him – otherwise you’ll forever be wondering what’s going on in his head.

What advice would you give this girl? Have you ever been in this situation? What do you think this guy is feeling? Tell us in the comments.

He has a girlfriend, but still flirts with you. What do you do?
You should follow us on Twitter

Can you change his mind? | Source: ShutterStock

Before I give you some advice, I just want to give you major props for having the courage to tell your crush how you feel about him. That isn’t easy and it takes a lot of guts. I know things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to, but you should still be proud of yourself for being able to speak your mind.

As for changing this guy’s mind? I hate to say this, but I’m afraid that probably won’t happen. I know you’re hurting from being rejected and I can completely understand why you want to try to turn things around here. But when it comes to rejection, the best thing to do is to move on and forget about it.

Here’s the thing: trying to change his mind is only going to make you look a little silly. If he already told you he isn’t interested and he’s made it known that he has feelings for your friend, well, then that’s that. It’s nearly impossible to change the way someone feels about someone else – that’s a personal thing and not something for you to try to mess with. Any attempts at making your friend look bad and making yourself look better are only going to come off as a little desperate and probably push both of them away from you.

But forget about what you look like to them – focusing your time and energy on trying to make someone like you is only going to make you feel bad about yourself. You don’t want to lower your own self-esteem trying to be the kind of girl this guy is into. If he’s not into you, then it’s his loss. He’s missing out! If he’s ever going to come to the conclusion that he made the wrong choice, he’ll have to do that on his own, without your help.

So for now, try to take a step back from this situation and forget about it. I know it hurts and I know it stinks, but this isn’t the last guy you’ll have a crush on. Not everyone is always going to like us in this world and that’s okay. Focus on being your awesome self rather than trying to convince him to like you. You’re so much better than that!

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Ask A Guy: How to deal with rejection

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

ShutterStock.com

We’re not sure that there’s a cure for that besides time and some serious self-reflection, but until the clock ticks away there are always some pretty helpful distractions.

Turn up the Adele, grab a box of Oreos, and pick up the phone–don’t worry you won’t be needing too many Kleenex. Here’s how to get over him by getting under Siri–your new BFF. Got dumped? Yeah, there’s an app for that; we found nine.

Distract Yourself With . . .
 

Songza

Have you ever been dumped or rejected? Let us know in the comments!

Um, take a hint, dude! | Source: ShutterStock

Eek! This guy obviously has good taste (he’s into you, after all!), but it sounds like he really needs to take a hint and move on. No matter how flattering it might be to have someone be that into you, no one wants some dude following them around when they aren’t interested. The good news is that there are a few ways to get him to back off for good.

While I don’t blame you for the lie you told to spare his feelings (turning someone down can be really hard), you have to come clean with the truth here. By telling him that lie, you made it seem like you would like to be with him, you’re just not allowed. You unintentionally made it seem like he still has a chance with you, and that’s probably why he hasn’t gotten the hint yet. I know it stinks to hurt someone’s feelings, but lying is just as bad. What if you end up meeting someone you really like and you start dating him? When this guy finds out you totally lied, that will probably hurt him even more.

There's a big difference between mean and honest. | Source: ShutterStock

If you don’t feel comfortable telling him the truth in person, then do it in a way you do feel comfortable – Facebook messaging, a handwritten note, an email – whatever works for you. All you have to do is say that he seems like he’s a cool guy, but you’re not interested. Don’t try to make excuses like you just need to focus on school or you’re not ready for a relationship. Saying things like that will continue to make him think there’s a chance you like him. By flat-out saying you’re not interested, it’s hard for him to take that any other way. And if he presses the issue, say that you’ve already made your decision and nothing he can say will change that.

Try to keep things between just you two, but if this dude continues to be seriously creepy and perverted, say something to a trusted adult like a teacher, school counselor, or your parents. Maybe if a person of authority tells him to back off, he’ll listen. The main thing is that it’s not okay for him to make you feel uncomfortable with sexual remarks – that’s not cool! Don’t be afraid to tell someone about it.

In the meantime, avoid this guy when you can. I know you might feel guilty for rejecting him, but don’t feel like you need to be overly nice to compensate for it, because that will give him the wrong idea. Unfortunately, rejection is a part of life, and he’s going to have to learn to deal with that.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

And if someone rejects you? Here’s how to deal