New Steubenville rape pictures and details have emerged–and they’re so scary. | Source: Shutterstock

As if the Ohio football team rape case couldn’t get any more horrifying, there’s more: Steubenville rape pictures were taken at the time, and they’ve made their way online.

You may remember last week when the Anonymous hackers group posted a video of some sadistic guys bragging about the brutal gang rape of an unconscious 16-year-old girl. The whole thing is sick, twisted, and super disturbing. But the only silver lining here is that these idiots who were so proud of the atrocity that they committed were also stupid enough to document it–and it’s what wound up getting some of them caught. (Like the Justin Bieber pot pics, only, you know, super harmful.)

Now, cell phone photos indicate that there may be two more victims of the Steubenville rape epidemic.

A football teammate of Ma’lik Richmond and Trent Mays–the guys being charged with the rape of the first victim–had photos of two other girls on his phone in various states of consciousness and undress. They’re lying face down on the same carpet that the photos of the first victim showed. Uh, what is wrong with these people?

The only reason the pigs that recorded this aren’t being charged with it is because some of them were smart enough to erase the photos before cops confiscated their phones for the investigation.

More details about the rape that got everyone talking are emerging, too, and they’re horrifying. Seriously, read on at your own risk:

Apparently, following a football win, the guys were eating at a friend’s house together when they started texting people to come party. The rape victim was one of them, and she was supposedly friends with some of the guys–a few of whom were said to have dated her, so you’d think they’d have more consideration or respect for her, her safety, her well-being, her humanity. Nope.

There were multiple parties that night, and in testimony, people said they saw her drinking from a cup at the first party–and that’s it. When she got to the second party, she wasn’t coherent and needed help walking. Who helped her? Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond, who were the same guys who allegedly raped her. Chances are she was so out of it that their help standing made her feel safe enough around them to let her guard down–that’s if she was even coherent enough to make that kind of a decision.

The victim threw up in the street, then left that party with Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond–who assaulted her in the car ride on the way to the next party. By this time, a witness who recorded the incident–and then deleted it–said she was talking, but no one could understand what she was saying. At the third party, she was completely silent. At one point, two of the guys held her by the wrists and ankles and led her into the basement. Once in the basement, she threw up again, then sat on the floor and fell to her side.

Shortly after that, a witness came into the basement and said she was on her stomach naked on the floor.

Ma’lik raped her while Trent tried shaking her shoulders to wake her up, and she was totally unresponsive.

Someone sent a photo of the girl to her mom’s phone–and then her parents took her to the hospital and to the police. Okay, can you just imagine for a second what that had to have been like? For her? For her mom?

No one’s sure what was in the cup at the first party, and too much time passed between the assault and when she reported it to run a toxicology test to see if she’d been drugged–though it sure sounds like she was, because it’s very, very hard to get blackout drunk and sick from one beverage unless it’s laced with someone a lot more sinister. What’s more, the victim showered–which got rid of physical and DNA evidence.

This is not the victim’s fault. She didn’t even know what happened to her. She had no recollection of anything after the first party. Chances are, she’s learning the details as quickly as the police and courts are. And even if she did remember and chose to shower and not report it? That doesn’t mean the rape is her fault. Ever.

The only people at fault for the Steubenville rape are the Steubenville rapists–and the disgusting excuses for human beings who recorded the incident instead of intervening and helping the victim. The very least they could have done was retain the evidence, accept responsibility and help bring these other monsters to justice. Our thoughts are with the victims, and may these atrocities be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. They’ve earned it.

What do you think is an appropriate punishment for the Steubenville rapists? How do you think more rapes like the Steubenville gang rape can be prevented? Tell us in the comments.

This girl almost got raped. Read her story.

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I was alone and really freaked out. | Source: Shutterstock

When we showed up, there was no party … just a key to an empty place with a big bed. Furious and scared, I asked my “date” to take me home. He laughed and said I was free to leave, but he wasn’t going to take me. I knew I had to get out of there, so I walked deserted blocks until my high heels hurt so much I was walking barefoot. Suddenly, a car pulled up.

“Hey!” a voice called. “Where you headed, honey?” I thought I was dead for sure. But it was a cabbie, and he turned out to have a daughter my age and a heart of gold. I paid him all I had–$18 – for what was certainly a $180 cab ride 50 miles to home.

That day, I got a lesson that money can’t buy. We love the funny phrase “TMI.” When someone treats us to the epic tale of their last breakup, blackout night, or their boyfriends’ bathroom habits we say, “Too much information!”

But really, there is no such thing as “too much information,” especially if it’s good information, information that comes from your gut. Most things that have turned out awful for me in my life (including going on that horror show date) were things I did even though I knew they weren’t worth it or were just plain wrong. Most of the time, I caved in to pressure. I trusted other people more than I trusted myself.

That guy? I knew that even if he really liked me, he was also really spoiled, and used to having anything he wanted. That time, “anything he wanted” was me.

I know I’m not to blame for ending up in that situation. Nobody should try to take advantage of someone like that. And it’s definitely never a girl’s fault if she does get raped (just because you agree to go out doesn’t mean you’re going to put out, obviously!). But since there are some major creeps out there, it does always pay to follow your gut.

The point is that “too much information” could have saved me a whole lot of time and a whole lot of pain that night. It could have saved me from being in a super dangerous situation. Now I try to listen a little harder to information from the wisest person I know when it comes to me – myself.

Is there a time when you wish you’d trusted your gut? Tell us about it in the comments.

Jackie’s new book, What We Saw At Night, is available now. Check it out here!

This Girl Helped Rape Survivors

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Hackers group Anonymous exposed a video of alleged rapists–but is it hurting the rape victim, too? | Source: ShutterStock

You’ve probably heard of the hacker group Anonymous. They’re a group of hackers who say they hack in the name of good. They’re kind of everywhere, they’re pretty intimidating, and they often, despite their reputation, have pretty decent intentions. They recently exposed a group of gang rapists from Big Red High School in Steubenville, Ohio who drugged and raped a 16-year-old girl from a neighboring town.

The Anonymous hackers leaked a video of the “Big Red Rapists” bragging, laughing, and joking about the brutalities they inflicted on this girl. I’m not going to post the video because it’s seriously one of the most disturbing, unsettling, sickening, and downright horrifying things I’ve ever seen. The reason that hackers Anonymous and their subgroups released the clip is because despite the girl being assaulted and drugged by multiple people, only two were charged. Some people think that because many of the rapists were on the Big Red High School football team–a big deal in the Ohio Valley area–that the town has been covering up for their high school “heroes.” So you figure, these guys pretty much deserve what they’re getting, right?

Here’s where it gets a little messy, though. While Anonymous hackers released not only a video of the alleged rapists–who also reportedly tweeted about the rapes–they also released the addresses, phone numbers, and personal information of the accused rapists and their families.

While there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that everyone involved with this horrific crime needs to be brought to justice and punished to the fullest extent of the law, I’m not entirely sure this is the best way to do it. Anonymous said that they’d release the information if the rapists in the video and accused of being parties to the rape didn’t issue apologies to the victim, who will likely be scarred for life. But it may be pretty dangerous for the victim herself for Anonymous to launch a cyber attack on her attackers.

Let’s be real: The rape victim is likely incredibly traumatized by whatever it is went down, and rightfully so. But having everything drudged up in the media probably isn’t making her feel any better. I think it’s commendable and wonderful that she has so many people on her side, and I love that people are so passionate about bringing her some form of closure and relief in the matter–but this form of vigilante justice is likely not what she really needs right now.

There’s also the issue that, even with gross videos like this, at the end of the day, people are still innocent until they’re proven guilty. The appropriate move may have been to send this video to the authorities, not post it online for the entire world. And releasing the home addresses of these monsters is a little unfair to their families, who most likely didn’t know anything about the incident until the rest of the world did–and who, chances are, had nothing to do with it.

You can watch the video here at your own risk (it’s seriously horrifying) and learn more about the case here. These guys absolutely need to be brought to justice–but there has got to be a better, more fair way to do it.

Do you think the Anonymous hackers are doing the right thing by exposing the alleged rapists? Do you think the town is covering up the rape case because the alleged rapists are on the football team? Tell us in the comments.

These guys aren’t the only ones who think rape is okay. Scary stuff.

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Source: pinklovesconsent.com

Okay guys, this is really, really weird. Victoria’s Secret might have come out with a line of anti-rape underwear, but they probably didn’t because this whole thing is most likely some sort of strange prank.

Apparently, an email from pr@pinklovesconsent.com was sent out that shows off a brand new line of PINK panties that is very different than anything Victoria’s Secret has ever done. The email says the line “promotes consent to fight rape in new panties.” The undies feature sayings like “No means no,” “Ask first,” “Consent is sexy” and “Listen to what I want.” In other words? Anti-rape underwear. 

A writer who received this email over at Jezebel.com was immediately suspicious. I can’t say I blame her – this is not something I’d ever expect to see come out of VS because, a) I used to work there and I know what kinds of sayings are really on their underwear and b) the site features models of all shapes and sizes (which is awesome) and we all know what a typical VS model looks like. Anyway, she contacted Limited Brands, the company that owns Victoria’s Secret, and they said, ”This is not an official PINK campaign,” and they are “looking into it.”

So, um, what? Is this just an incredibly elaborate prank aimed at making Victoria’s Secret look bad? If so, it’s pretty intense. I mean, look at the pinklovesconsent website. It looks completely legit – same font as the official VS website, same style, similar-looking hi-res images of the models. It even links to a Facebook app for the site, there’s a copyright at the bottom and there’s a way to sign up for a newsletter, among many other things. Plus, if this was a total fake, don’t you think VS would have completely shut it down already?

The site doesn’t only offer underwear you can buy. It also includes lots of information about consent, including a call to join the #LoveConsent revolution. Other parts of the site include a Q&A about sex, a game to create your own consent undies and a Then and Now section, which really makes me think this is fake.

Source: pinklovesconsent.com

That section shows off old PINK underwear compared to these “new” styles. One compares panties that say “No Peeking” to ones that say “No Means No.” Under the “No Peeking” undies, the site states: Across the country, women are saying “NO” and not being heard. Maybe it is because people (men and women alike) think that words like “no” are for flirting and don’t have much meaning. Kinda like the “no” in this “NO PEEKING” pair of PINK underwear. Cute, right? It’s cute when young women sport the word “no” as an invitation. It’s cute when young women learn that pretending to not want sex is a way to flirt. Cute when their partners learn that “no” really means yes. Ouch. That totally just ripped VS apart, although it is true.

But what if it were real – would this be an awesome idea? Although I think it might be a little strange to wear what’s basically like a stop sign over your vagina, I do think this would be a pretty great thing for Victoria’s Secret to do. While I fully admit to loving VS and purchasing all of my undies there, I have to say that some of their PINK panties shock me. I feel like suggestive sayings such as “Unwrap Me” and “Where’s My Gift?” don’t belong on the underwear of the 11-year-old girls who constantly snatch them up. While these “consent” undies won’t actually stop rape, the cool thing would be a huge company like VS supporting such a great cause instead of supporting underwear that isn’t super appropriate for young girls.

If this site is a fake, it looks like someone very convincing is using the Victoria’s Secret name to get a point across. It’s sort of amusing, but at the same time it makes VS look pretty bad. Victoria’s Secret has gotten some pretty bad press lately, between their leaked Photoshop jobs and the controversy over a Native American headdress worn in their infamous fashion show, which actually premieres tonight. You know what would be awesome? If one of the models strutted out onto the runway wearing one of these consent undies. I seriously doubt it will happen, but I would totally applaud if it did.

What do you think about these anti-rape undies? Would you wear them? Do you wish they were legit? Tell us in the comments!

Take our survey all about underwear right here

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The “Top Ten Ways To Get Away With Rape” puts a ton of blame on the victims. | Source: ShutterStock

A flier, aptly and horrifyingly titled “Top Ten Ways To Get Away With Rape” recently circulated in one of the university’s dorms. This isn’t something you’ll hear David Letterman chuckling about, either. The fact that a list like this exists is terrifying enough, but some specific tips were really scary: The list suggests sneaking through unlocked windows and raping women to “teach them not to do it again” (because, obviously, you were asking for it and need to learn), putting drugs in your drinks, taking advantage of the fact that you’re alone, and that “practice makes perfect.” (You can read the rest of this scary stuff here!)

Miami University called a mandatory meeting for male students once the flier was found, and whoever distributed and wrote it is liable for legal and disciplinary action–but some students think the school isn’t doing enough to investigate and deal with the problem.

Apparently Miami U. never told the student body what happened and attempted to sweep the allegations under the rug while they investigated the rape flier origins. That’s never a good thing: Whoever was insane enough to write something like this needs to know that their behavior and attitudes won’t be tolerated, and the women on campus need to know what they’re up against. Because even if the list of rape tips was written as a joke (and a painfully unfunny one at that), there will inevitably be some idiot who takes it seriously and abides by it–and that puts us all in danger.

Women Against Violence and Sexual Assault (WAVE) vice president and Miami University student Kate Von Fossen is taking the school to task for not notifying students of the rape tip list. “It could have been a joke, but the fact of the matter is that those thoughts are crossing someone’s mind. There are girls living in a hall where someone came up with that,” she said. “It’s just disturbing.” She’s right!

It’s even scarier when you consider numbers: 27 sexual assaults were reported on the Oxford campus of Miami University between 2009 and 2011, and 19 of those incidents allegedly went down within dorms. Keep in mind, these are only the reported incidents–a ton of sexual assault and rape cases are never reported, so there are likely plenty more than we know about.

For their part, the University says that the incident appears to be confined to one section of dorms, McBride Hall, and that they’re addressing the issue and taking investigative action. But if knowledge is power, they’re depriving a lot of the student body of the power to protect, defend, and secure themselves in what may well be a dangerous situation.

Does campus rape scare you? Do you think the rape tip list was a joke or something more sinister? What do you think the university should do in regards to the rape list? Tell us in the comments!

Does your campus promote sexual harassment?

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These are all horrible ways to think about women and female anatomy. Although we should look at these myths as a reminder of how far we’ve come in the United States and how we think about women. Just think of how alienating it would be to be a woman living in a different time or even a different nation today. Appreciate your feminist foremothers and the women who paved the way for us today!

Vagina Dentata

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Period Is Punishment

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Female Hysteria

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You Can’t Get Pregnant If It’s Legitimate Rape

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Sex With A Virgin Can Cure HIV/AIDS

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What are some vagina myths that you’ve heard? Let us know in the comments!

AnnaLynne McCord spoke out about her own sexual assault at a benefit for the Somaly Mam Foundation, which fights global sex trafficking. | Source: WENN

It’s a cause so close to AnnaLynne’s heart that she actually skips out on Christmas to volunteer her time across the planet. The foundation, founded by–you guessed it–Somaly Mam, is a charity that seeks to end sex trafficking around the globe by empowering survivors and informing the world about the horrors of human trafficking. “I go to Cambodia every single Christmas now because in this industry, we get two weeks off around Christmas and New Year’s,” she said. “My production staff are amazing–they know to get AnnaLynne out so that she can be on a plane. So this year they will be rushing to get everything done so I can get my ‘red eye flight’ to Cambodia. I will be jet lagged when I get back for the first two weeks and my acting will suck, but it is what totally makes me happy.”

AnnaLynne was brave enough to speak out about her own sexual assault, and she did it in a really relatable and strong way: She wasn’t a victim, she was a survivor–and she was also a testimonial that sexual assault can happen to anyone at any time, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It doesn’t mean that you put yourself in a bad situation, or that you’re weak.

It takes a lot of strength to report a sexual assault to begin with, but to address it to a room chock full of strangers is ridiculously freakin’ brave. And that’s just what AnnaLynne did, telling the crowd at the Life is Love event in L.A., “Has anyone ever been raped? Sexually abused? Not said ‘no‘ when you felt you didn’t have the right to? I know what it feels like.”

AnnaLynne explained, “I had a very similar experience to what these girls go through 20 times a night. It happened to me once by somebody that I knew, and it is a very interesting thing to feel that you do not have the voice to say ‘no.’ It wasn’t an attack or anything like that,” she added. “I just had no voice. I did not know how to say, ‘I don’t want this. Please do not do this to me.’”

Now, going through something like that is traumatizing enough just once–but 20 times a night? Can you even imagine? AnnaLynne gave more details about how her assault went down, making it an even more realistic scenario that a lot more women and girls have likely found themselves in than people realize. “It was a situation where I found myself in my own home being hospitable, and that hospitality was taken advantage of at an extreme level,” AnnaLynne explained. “I did not have a voice, and now I do, and I’m practicing using my voice for others. Finally I can say I was taken advantage of–not from my own shame that I did something to deserve that–and now I can have a clear conscience.”

She makes such an important point: No one deserves to be sexually assaulted, and if you are, it is not your fault. Here’s hoping she gives more girls the strength to speak up and stay strong.

Have you ever been sexually assaulted? Have you heard about sex trafficking? Do you think AnnaLynne McCord is doing something awesome? Have you ever been scared to speak up in an uncomfortable situation? Sound off in the comments!

And yet another reason to adore AnnaLynne McCord: She’s real!

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Amen. Source

Rape, and of course the ridiculous notion of “legitimate” rape, have been in the news a ton lately–and the people speaking up the loudest on the issue (as usual) are women and girls. I guess that’s because it’s women and girls who are most often the ones who experience rape, but I’ve always wondered where are the dudes in this conversation? I mean, if men are the ones most often committing rape (and they are), then isn’t it men who can be the most effective at stopping it by say . . . knowing when to stop and not raping people?!

And when it is men doing the talking, we so often just hear them say that girls shouldn’t get drunk, wear short skirts, walk around after dark by themselves, etc. etc. etc. because they should know that they’re putting themselves in harm’s way. EYEROLL. What about maybe addressing men and taking the “harm” out of the equation?

Finally, though, I think we’re seeing a little progress in this area. A kick ass campaign called My Strength (put together by the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault) is busting out all over the web with anti-violence and anti-rape messaging aimed at the people who need it the most: dudes! The message is that strong men don’t take advantage of girls who are drunk. Strong men listen–and know when to stop! Strong men never think a girl owes them anything. The campaign is sexy and smart and will hopefully get a lot of guys thinking about what kind of man they want to be. Here at Gurl, we freaking LOVE men–specifically strong men who respect girls and women.

Check out these posters for their campaign and think about sharing them on your Facebook wall, too. Let’s be honest here–who couldn’t use a few more strong men in their lives?

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What do you think about this campaign? Do you think it’s true that strong men know when to stop? Are you going to post one of these posters to your Facebook wall? Tell us in the comments!

Why We Care So Much About Rape

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Rape survivors are pissed at Todd Akin–and they have every right to be. | Source

Todd Akin is a politician who hates any possible idea of women having the right to choose what she should do with her own body. This is evidenced by his attempts to ban the morning after pill (which, we should add, is not an abortion pill), among other measures.

In any case, Akin, who is clearly a candidate for MENSA (we kid!) as well as the U.S. Senate (sadly we don’t kid!), was interviewed about his views on abortion. He was specifically asked about abortion in cases of rape. His response was so unbelievably stupid that it’s hard to wrap our heads around. Here it is, and we quote:

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”

In case you don’t believe someone could actually say something so idiotic, here’s a video. His abortion conversation and “legitimate rape” comments are right here:

Girls, to reiterate: Todd Akin thinks that in cases of “legitimate rape”–which is a concept so ridiculous that we’ll get to it in a second–rape survivors have magical powers in their bodies that make conceiving a baby nearly impossible. Though Akin later apologized and claimed that he “misspoke,” it still stands that he’s conveying an enormous amount of misinformation and misogyny in his policies. If we had magical powers, don’t you think we’d use them to NOT GET RAPED instead of just to not get pregnant as a result of rape? I mean . . . And as for the frequency of pregnancy resulting from rape? Rough estimates show that about 32,000 women get pregnant as a result of rape every year. It’s also important to bear in mind that these are just from rape survivors who reported their rapes–because many don’t.

However, now we have to question the legitimacy of those rape survivors. WTF is “legitimate rape”?! It’s actually a term that’s been used for a while. You know, starting in the 13th century. As in, the 1200s. You know, also known as the Dark Ages. Back then it was believed that if a woman didn’t give a guy consent, she couldn’t get pregnant from an encounter, even in which he raped and ejaculated inside of her, which, we all know because of handy thing called SCIENCE, is biologically how a lot of women get knocked up. Later it was believed that a woman couldn’t conceive unless she had an orgasm, which means that rape survivors who found the experience more traumatizing than titillating couldn’t possibly ever have their eggs fertilized by an attacker. As a result of this kind of Draconian, antiquated thinking, it was believed that if a woman got pregnant, she wasn’t really raped. We thought we’d gotten past that kind of absurd and offensive thinking roughly seven hundred years ago. Apparently not.

This is where Todd Akin’s brain is. In the dark ages. This is the same guy who tried to make only rape survivors who survived a “forcible rape” able to get funding for abortions if they so chose to have them. Which means if a guy, say, date raped you, you’d be on your own in terms of terminating your pregnancy. What. The. Eff.

Todd Akin doesn’t seem to understand what the rest of us do: Rape is rape. No matter what adjectives you put in front of the word “rape,” if you tell a guy no and he still has sex with you against your will, whether it’s “forcible” or not, it is rape. You know whether or not you’ve been raped. And if you’ve taken a biology class, watched TV, scanned Google, or had any form of unprotected sex–willing or not–at some point in your life, you’ll probably understand that you don’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant (and most women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone anyway).

It’s unfortunate and absurd that someone with such literally medieval ideas feels the need to tell us what to and what not to do with our own bodies, because he clearly has no idea how they operate. And it’s even more unfortunate and absurd that enough people agree with him to make him a somewhat plausible candidate for public office.

If you think politics are boring and that they don’t affect you, remember: They do. And if you don’t make your voice heard, he’ll make his the only one you hear. We’re pretty sure our I.Q.s dropped a few points just listening to this.

A silver lining, though? In trying to repeal our right to choose whether or not we can abort a pregnancy resulting from rape, this asshat effectively aborted his own chances at winning the Missouri Senate election. Or, so we hope. We REALLY hope.

Do you think Todd Akin misspoke when he talked about “legitimate rape?” Do you think abortion should be legal in cases of rape or incest? Do you think rape survivors should have a choice of what to do if they’re pregnant? Tell us in the comments!

Here’s What Rape Survivors Really Need

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Comedy & Tragedy are all in the same, right? | ShutterStock.com

Here are my thoughts. I can say wholeheartedly that I don’t mean to offend anyone with this post because I know it is a SUPER touchy subject, which is exactly why I think we should be talking about it. With that said, I personally (me, Emerald Pellot, the individual person) believe rape jokes CAN be funny. Mostly because I believe in comedy as an art form and I believe it can do really positive things. (Remember, Patch Adams, guys? Laughter is the best medicine!)

Books, movies, and film don’t ignore sensitive and heavy subjects, so why should comedy? Just because comedy is supposed to be funny doesn’t mean that bringing up certain subjects is making light of them or undermining how important they are. There’s a reason why comedy and tragedy were some of the first and most basic forms of high art.

I believe that “making fun” of things can help point out social hypocrisy, contradictions, and negative attitudes in a way that is humorous, but can also force you to really think critically. Teen suicide, bullying, murder and alienation aren’t funny, but in the movie Heathers they’re completely funny. The movie is a satire on these topics and it would help anyone think harder about the superficial ways we deal with teens who feel like outsiders.

I am a person of color and I’ve laughed at plenty of “racial” jokes, made by people who aren’t of my own race about my own race, because they were articulated in a way that was intelligent and funny. There is a difference between being mean and being funny. Although, you can think of being funny as a more constructive way of being “mean” because remember, you’re always laughing AT something. It’s a form of mockery and if you’re mocking bad, atrocious behavior then you’re actually being critical of that behavior and pointing out the ways that it is bad. Being mean is essentially just an attack with words. It’s just hating on something and some comedians (who aren’t funny or smart) will use rape, race, class or gender as a punchline. Maybe you’ve heard heard this joke: “What do you tell a women with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.”

It’s frustrating, I know. | ShutterStock.com

That? Well, that’s not good comedy. It’s mean, sexist, and just not clever because the punchline is essentially just that women are idiots who need to be put in their place with violence. But the thing is that good comedy–smart, thought-provoking comedy–can transcend taking cheap shots by dealing with heavy topics in a way that makes us think and laugh at the same time. Good comedians can talk about their own personal prejudices in a way that points out why they’re wrong and make you question your own personal prejudices, all while making you giggle.

Some people hear the word “rape” and get really upset. Well, duh, rape is really upsetting. It’s one of those trigger words that stirs fury because it is one of the most awful things anyone can go through, and it happens everyday. However, I do think it’s important to hear the whole joke, to hear the whole story, before deciding that someone was making a hurtful or hateful statement. Telling a joke where rape is a part of the story doesn’t mean the person is condoning rape as a positive behavior. Just like singers, painters, writers, there are some good comedians and some bad comedians and some of them will say offensive things just to piss you off because it gets them a response. Others though, are trying to make us think and working on helping heal wounds and stop stereotypes.

But–BUT–big but, as a public figure (and that means whether you are Tweeting, on stage or on TV) it isn’t up to you to decide what is offensive. When you make the choice to speak about a heavy topic, intelligently or not, you’re inviting the possibility that some people will get offended. You don’t get to decide how what you say affects someone emotionally or politically. If you do offend someone, you don’t get to make them feel bad about being offended either. I know that I’ve offended some of the readers on Gurl by taking a pro-choice stance. That’s not going to stop me from discussing abortions, but it’s not going to make me berate them into agreeing with me either.

We talk about heavy subjects to get people riled up and talking. If you’re offended by what I say I want to hear ALL about it!

So ARE you offended? Do rape jokes rub you the wrong way? Let us know in the comments!