While it’s true that the “right time” to have sex isn’t going to be the same for everybody, there are a few things to consider to make sure you’ve thought through your decision. That way, you can be more sure that your first time really is the “right” time.

Here are ten general guidelines to help you figure out if you’re ready for sex. Don’t think you can meet them all? You may want to give yourself a little more time until you’re 100% ready.

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Your Sex Ed Knowledge Is Stellar

Do you totally know how everything related to reproduction works? I'm talking, paid attention in health class and understand all the biological ins and outs of that part of your (and your partner's) body. If you aren't totally sure what a uterus is, that is a sign that you're probably not ready for sex.

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You Know Any Consequences

In addition to the biological aspects of sex, you also should be well-informed about any consequences, like pregnancy or STDs. Do you know how these happen? Do you know how to prevent them? Safe sex can minimize risks, but that doesn't mean you can just not think about them. If you don't really know what HPV is or could explain pregnancy in your sleep, you're probably not ready for sex.

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You've Talked About It: Part 1

Talking to your partner before you have sex is a good way to both be on the same page and to make sure that you're not just getting caught up in a hookup moment you don't want to end. It allows you to think about having sex clearly in a no-pressure environment. If you aren't doing this kind of pre-planning, that could be a good indication that you aren't ready for sex.

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You've Talked About It: Part 2

Okay, so when you do talk about it with your partner, what are you saying? "Wanna do it?" doesn't really show that you're totally ready for sex. Instead, you should have an honest, open conversation, and be able to talk about having sex without embarrassment. If you're ready to have sex with someone, then it shouldn't be too uncomfortable for you to talk about sex with them.

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You Have A Safe Sex Method

You know how different birth controls work and you've been able to find the contraceptives that meet your body's needs. Birth control and STD prevention shouldn't be an after the fact thought and if you are considering having sex without a method figured out, that's a big indicator that you aren't ready to do it.

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You Can Buy Condoms

On that safe sex note, if you can't bring yourself to buy condoms, you probably shouldn't be having sex. Taking ownership of your sexual health is important and if you find it too embarrassing or uncomfortable, it could be a sign that you're not totally ready to deal with bringing sex into the mix.

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You Have A Back-Up Plan

Do you know what you'll do if the condom breaks? It's important to think about those worst-case scenarios and know what you will do before they actually happen. Before you have sex, make sure you have thought-out back up plans (like literally, where can you go to get Plan B?). If you haven't thought about those things, you're probably not ready to have sex.

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You're Ready To Accept The Awkward

If you think that sex is definitely going to be magical and perfect, then it doesn't sound like you have a totally realistic grasp on sex. Before you have sex, you should be able to be realistic about the probability that sex will be kind of awkward and not always like it is in movies. If you're hung up on it being this flawless moment, you probably are not ready.

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You Are Doing It For You

If anybody else at all has any bearing on your decision to have sex, that's a red flag. If you're doing it to make someone jealous or because your BFF just had sex or because you think your boyfriend wants it, those are all reasons that could indicate that you're not ready for sex. Your decision to have sex should put you in the spotlight, and that means not letting outside people affect when you know the right time is for you.

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You Accept If You're Not Ready

If you try to convince yourself that you're still ready, despite not meeting many of these guidelines, honestly you're probably not. This might seem a little confusing, but if you can admit to yourself that this isn't the right time for you yet, that actually shows that you're probably in a good place when it comes to sex because you do want to take all of this decision-making seriously. It shows that you're in touch with your body and when you are ready, you should really be able to know. If you aren't ready right now, just give yourself a little time, and next time you're thinking about sex, check back in. The right time will happen for you!

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What do you think are signs that someone is ready to have sex? Tell us in the comments!

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Sara’s got a tough question to answer this week. A girl wrote in to say that she’s not ready for sex, but she doesn’t want her boyfriend to get bored because he’s already had sex. What should she do? Well, Sara’s got some helpful advice on how to deal when your sexual history and boundaries aren’t quite synched up with your partner’s. (Spoiler alert: It’s not that big of a deal and you’ll totally get through this!)

Have you had to tell a guy you just weren’t ready for sex? What if you’d had sex before, and your guy hadn’t? Would you wait for him? Tell us what you think in the comments!

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