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When I was in high school, I dated a guy for about five years ( I know). As silly as it sounds, I barely ate in front of him when we first got together. I avoided dinner dates and stuck to “lady-like” foods like salads or picking at fruits when I was forced to eat so that I didn’t pass out. It was ridiculous.

As we got closer and more comfortable with each other, I let my guard down and actually started eating in front of him. My ex was relatively thin and could pretty much eat whatever he wanted without having to worry about gaining a pound. Me, not so much. Once I felt stable in our relationship, I started eating a lot. Like a lot. I figured, why should I care so much about my appearance? My guy loves me the way I am and he’s not going to leave me if I go up a few pounds.

Obviously, I gained a bunch of weight – and while my ex never said anything, it bugged me. I wondered if I was the only one who had gained weight once they were in a relationship, and I quickly figured out that I wasn’t. Over the years, I’ve watched many, many girl friends spend their single lives dieting like crazy, only to get into a relationship and gain all of that weight, and more, back. I’ve watched cousins get married and pack on the pounds. Basically, I’ve seen people literally transform once they get into a long-term relationship.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with gaining a little weight. It happens. It’s nothing to beat yourself up over. But I’ve always wondered: is there really a link between food and relationships? And apparently, yes, there is.

The Huffington Post recently spoke to a psychology professor Maryanne Fisher, who has done a little research on the subject. According to Maryanne, food and love are sort of linked in your brain. She says that in the beginning of a relationship, “Food is a way to display skills to a potential mate. You might buy nicer food, prepare better meals. It’s fascinating how it can be used as part of the relationship.”

TOTALLY TRUE. At least according to my love life. When I first started dating my current BF, I wouldn’t touch greasy chips or fries or candy in front of him – I wanted him to think I only ate healthy foods that are good for you. Why? I don’t know. I once watched my boyfriend wash down two jumbo Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with a bag of BBQ pork rinds, so I don’t know why I felt the need to lie about my own eating habits.

Maryanne goes on to say that in the beginning of a relationship, people tend to eat less due to the fact that they release an abundance of “reward hormones”. These hormones make you happy and give you energy, and can sometimes suppress your appetite.

However, those hormones don’t stay up throughout the entire course of a relationship. The levels go up and down, and in extreme cases they can even cause obesity. Many other studies have found that people who are married or in long-term relationships are more likely to gain weight. Why? I can only imagine that it’s for the same reasons I gained weight: you feel comfortable and secure in your relationship and you don’t really feel like you have anyone to impress anymore. So you let things slide.

This all makes total sense to me and I’m sure it’s something that a lot of us can relate to. So I want to know: have you ever gained weight during the course of a relationship? Have you ever seen friends do it? Tell me in the comments!

If you’re slightly overweight, you may live longer

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When you’re together with someone for a long time, things can start to change. Something change is good…but sometimes change can be bad. And it’s tough to know the difference. That’s exactly what this week’s video is about. Sara’s helping a girl figure out what to do about a boyfriend who’s change a lot and how to tell when it’s time to move on.

Have you ever dated someone and then been upset when they changed? Tell us in the comments!

Should You Take Him Back?!

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“Love Is All Around” gets stuck in my head often. | Source: WENN/Z.TOMASZEWSKI

I am sad to report that I have yet to see any Love Actually moments. I am still holding out for a romantic one, but I have now expanded the list to include other notable moments that I will settle for.

In case anyone else wants to play along, here are ten things from Love Actually that I feel I need to be a part of my Christmas this year:

1. A public singing of “All I Want For Christmas Is You”: Living in NYC, I’m actually really surprised this one has not happened in the streets. Come on, people!

2. A modern Nativity play. I had the coveted role of “Innkeeper” in my church Nativity play as a child, and I am very intrigued by the version with lobsters in the movie. I would like to see a similar one performed in its entirety.

3. A romantic airport chase: This one is pretty improbable with modern airport security, but maybe I could see this moment happen on a small-scale in the lobby waiting to check-in. A little less dramatic and urgent, but it will do.

4. A meticulous store gift wrapper: I’d wait in a crowded line all day to watch someone wrap a gift with the same hilarious detail as Rowan Atkinson’s character.

5. Hear Christmas songs by older musicians: I gave my boyfriend the Bob Dylan Christmas album a few years back, so if all else fails, I can cue up a few of those tracks

6. A workplace love story unfolding: Maybe I will camp out at my Starbucks and see if the two people behind the counter realize their holiday love for one another. That may mean I have to buy a lot of lattes though.

7. The return of a friend from overseas: In a little bit of a swap from the American women that come back to London in the movie, I would like if my friend brought some British guys.

8. A winter wedding: I think the wedding between Juliet and Peter (Ed. note: Whoops – I mistakenly had written Mark previously!) may have been more in November, but I am still going to count it. The fact that I don’t know anyone getting married also raises some concerns about being able to see this.

9. Be reminded of the meaning of love by a wise child: So precious.

10. A cue card love declaration: I would make an excellent disposed cue card holder for the person spilling their emotional guts. Preferably though, this person would not be revealing feelings to somebody who is married to their friend because I’m not sure I want that potential drama to hold over into 2013.

Sigh, even just a celebrity sighting of Colin Firth or Keira Knightley would be acceptable at this point. Universe, let’s make my Christmas dreams happen!

Do you like the movie Love Actually? What scenes from the movie would you like to see happen in real life? Have you ever seen a super romantic real-life holiday moment? Tell us in the comments!

8 Love Lessons We’ve Learned From Zooey Deschanel

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Welcome to Ask A Naked Guy: Mash-Ups Edition. We’re getting the naked truth from a bunch of naked guys about the topics you want to know about. This week, we’re talking cheating, friends with benefits, exes, hair down there and sex. Prepare to have your questions answered.

What would you ask a naked guy about love or sex? Tell us in the comments!

How Should You act AFTER A Date?!

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RIP Jelena: After Justin Bieber hung out with her ex, Nick Jonas, Selena Gomez broke it off for good! | Source: WENN

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have had a rocky relationship for a while. They broke up about a month ago, and Justin was hanging out with Victoria’s Secret models–not good. He had to work extra hard to win her back, and it looks like he blew it again. Another guy came between Selena and Justin: Nick Jonas. But not in the way you might expect.

It wasn’t Selena Gomez hanging out with the Jonas Brother. Rather, Justin hung out with Selena’s ex, Nick, in the recording studio and apparently beat the snot out of him in a ping pong match. The guys then tweeted about it (ouch!). This all set Selena off. “Justin and Nick Jonas hung out all night,” a source told Hollywood Life. “Selena was crying about it. He wouldn’t even return her calls when she found out and called him up. Hanging out with Nick proved that he wants to just be a jerk about this, and Selena’s sick of being heartbroken. They are finished, and I think it’s for good this time.”

Now, this is kind of a toughie. You can’t control who your boyfriend is friends with, but we can totally understand why Selena wouldn’t necessarily want Justin bonding with her ex–that’s uncomfortable and awkward: What if they’re talking about her? It’s just a weird situation all around.

How should you deal with your guy being friends with your ex? That depends on a few things.

First, were they friends before you started dating? Then you have less leeway, because it’s something you knew going in. You can try to set boundaries: “Hey, can you just not bring my name up? Or hang out when I’m around?” and if he’s worth your time, he’ll understand.

If they became pals after you got together, that’s a little weird, but not necessarily bad: If you and your ex are both genuinely over one another, you can just try to keep a safe yet civil distance. If you think there’s going to be drama, though, you may want to lay down the law with your dude. In addition to the guidelines listed before, you may also want to ask him why he’s suddenly BFFs with your old boyfriend just to get a better understanding of the situation: Do they both love ping pong? Are they each the only other guy they know who’s really into Deadpool? It may be innocent enough. Also consider this: Do you live in a small town? It may be a situation of proximity and a lack of other bromance options. Though Justin Bieber and Nick Jonas are pretty popular, in Hollywood, it’s a pretty small circle, and everyone is bound to run into one another at some point.

Obviously, having your boyfriend playing video games with your ex is a little awkward and may be off-putting. But if you’re secure in your relationship (and in yourself) and truly past your former flame, it doesn’t need to be as dramatic as the dilemma Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber got into with Nick Jonas. We think the issues Selena and Justin had before just made what may have not been a huge deal otherwise into a bad situation … and maybe inspired that dance!

Do you think Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are broken up for good? Do you think Justin Bieber hung out with Nick Jonas just to make Selena Gomez upset, or that it was a more innocent meeting than she thinks? How would you feel if your boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly started hanging out with your ex? Tell us in the comments!

Taylor Swift doesn’t want Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber to ever, ever get back together!

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Not so sure this’ll work! | Source: Shutterstock

So, since there is no love potion, what can you do to make someone fall in love with you? Well, here are the three best love lessons I’ve learned over the years. When mixed in equal parts and applied daily, they’ll be even more effective than any love potion some sorcerer could whip up for you. Promise!

1. Have Fun
A lot of girls end up so preoccupied by the person they like (“Is he looking at me? He’s looking at me! He’s not looking at me!”) that they forget to have fun at school and at parties. The more genuine fun you’re having, the more everyone will want to be around you–maybe even including that hottie you like.

2. Know You’re Awesome
I’m not saying you should become stuck up or start thinking you’re better than other people, but you should know that you’re pretty rad and that you deserve to be happy. If crushing over some guy makes you more bummed out than happy, move on! He’s not worth the time, and you are worth so much more.

3. Put Yourself Out There
Don’t be afraid to take a risk and make the first move. Maybe your crush is too shy to make the first move or doesn’t think you’d like him! Of course you could get turned down, but you’ll never ever know if you don’t try.

What do you think of my mental love potion? Think it could work? Tell me in the comments!

Check Out These Love Lessons From Rory Gilmore!

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And if you’re looking for a way to put your feelings into words, we’ve got your back. Here are 10 quotes that will totally describe the way you feel about your crush. Put them on your Facebook to send a subtle message (or not so subtle), or just share them on your private blog. Check ‘em out:

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Which of these quotes was your favorite? What did I miss? What do you want to see quotes about? Tell me in the comments!

10 quotes for the diva in you

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Love looks easy, but usually it’s not! | Source: Shutterstock

Here are the top 5 love lessons we learned from our favorite celebrities this year. Who knew Hollywood was so good at giving relationship advice?!
 
 
 
1. If you screw up, fess up
When Kristen Stewart was caught cheating on Robert Pattinson earlier this year, she didn’t deny it or try to make excuses. Instead, she issued one of the most honest-seeming public apologies ever. Did it work? Yes! She and R-Patz are back on and going strong!

2. You really can bounce back from heart break
Katy Perry started off 2012 with a big old divorce on her plate, but did that stop her from rocking this year super hard? No way! She bounced back and did her thing (even if she did end up dating John Mayer . . . blech!).

3. You really shouldn’t kiss and tell
We think Taylor Swift has been given some solid relationship advice over the years, but decided to ignore it in favor of making a ton of money with her overly confessional heartbreak songs. Seriously, kissing and telling the way she does is a huge turnoff to a lot of people (guys and girls!) and it could really mess up your romantic prospects.

4. Love and work can coexist
Contrary to all the relationship advice out there, on-the-job romance can work out! Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder are still going strong, and so is their show! Presto! Go ahead and ask out that cute guy at work!

5. Listen to your BFF’s relationship advice
Even when you don’t agree with her (we doubt Selena Gomez is loving Taylor Swift ragging on the Biebz), let her say what she thinks about your relationship. Chances are, she can see a lot more from the outside than you can from the inside, and she definitely has your best interests in mind!

What’s the best relationship advice you’ve heard all year? Which celebs do you think are good love role models? Tell us in the comments!

Even More Celeb Love Advice!

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Should you do it… or wait for him to make the move? | Source: ShutterStock

I tend to believe that assigning dating “jobs” to specific genders is a thing of my parents’ (or even their parents’) age, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a guy’s responsibility to open communication. And, as I wrote a few weeks ago, we love it when girls take initiative. Whether you’ve yet to go on a date, or have been hooking up for months, you should totally feel free to text him first. If the guy is into you, he’ll simply be psyched to hear from you.

Now, how and when you follow up from the initial contact is another story. I don’t believe in playing games once you’re in a relationship or have established some sort of exclusivity, but a little bit of mystery can only make things more exciting. You don’t have to adhere to any crazy hardfast laws (we’ve all heard of the “Three Day,” “One Hour,” or “Make Him Suffer” rules when it comes to returning a guy’s phone call), but it’s especially important in the opening weeks of any budding romance to be aware of pacing. This is absolutely crucial! For any relationship to take off, you must both be aware of how much space to give or pressure to apply, depending on the signs each of you put out there.

I want to stress again that there is absolutely never any harm in making the first move–but when you’re not getting back what you’re putting in, you have to kick back and wait for the guy to pull his own weight. Furthermore, if you’re not finding his consistently lame-o responses of “k” satisfying, or he habitually takes the “Make Her Suffer” response-time rule to the limits, the guy just might not be right for you. Ultimately, you’ll know you’ve found a match when the flirtatious gameplay feels exciting and fun, rather than like Chinese water torture.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

How much do dudes care about a girls weight?

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Let’s admit it: we all have some version of the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend in our heads. Whether it’s someone who makes you breakfast in bed and buys you presents on the regular or someone who is just willing to listen to you talk and give you a shoulder to cry on, we all have our own version of Prince (Princess) Charming.

So why don’t you tell us about it? And if you’re already in a relationship, you can still totally take this! Just fill in the blanks with the amazing qualities of your significant other and add in what you wish you could find in a person. And don’t take this too seriously – it’s all for fun! Just copy and paste the questions into the comments and start thinking up your dream boyfriend or girlfriend.

1. Is your dream significant other a girl or a boy?

2. If your perfect SO could look like any celebrity, who would you want them to look like?

3. What hair color would you want them to have?

4. Eye color?

5. Would you rather they be more funny or smart?

6. How tall would you want them to be?

7. Do you care about what their body looks like?

8. Name one personality trait you want your dream BF/GF to have.

9. Would you rather have a BF/GF that buys you expensive presents or makes you cute ones?

10. Do you care about how many people they’ve been with before you?

11. How old would you want your dream BF/GF to be?

12. What quality is a total deal breaker?

13. What’s one quality they absolutely have to have?

14. Would you want your dream BF/GF to be close with your friends?

15.  Do you care about how they dress?

16. Do you already have a real person in mind when filling out this survey?

17. Are you already in a relationship, and if so, is this person close to your dream BF/GF?

18. Would you rather your dream S.O. be really good at kissing or be able to make you laugh no matter what?

19. What’s one thing you really want to have in common with this person?

20. Name any other qualities you’re looking for in your perfect BF/GF!

Take more surveys here! 

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