When we have a crush on someone, it can be hard to see them for who they really are, especially if that person is a player. Players are sweet-talkers. They’re a little manipulative and they know how to get a girl to fall hard. They also usually know how to lie like a pro. Dating one kind of, well, sucks. So before you start to fall too hard for this dude, figure out whether or not he’s a player. Luckily, you have this handy guide to help you. Check out these 10 signs that he’s a player:

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Your Relationship Is All About Hooking Up

This is probably the biggest sign there is that a dude is a player. If he's all about hooking up, that could definitely mean that he's just using you for sex or a steamy makeout sesh. If he never asks you out on a date, test him. The next time he asks if you want to hang out, say, "how about we go see a movie/grab something to eat?" If his response is something like, "I'd rather just hang with you at my place :)" or there's no response at all, that shows that he just wants to hook up. If a dude really likes you, he'll want to get to know you and he'll want to impress you - meaning he'll want to take you out and show off.

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He's ALWAYS Busy

Sure, there are some guys out there who work a lot or have a lot of school stuff going on and they genuinely don't have much free time. But in general, if a guy really likes you, he will make time for you or at least make a serious effort to make time for you. If a dude is all like, "Oh, I'm busy all weekend, how about Tuesday night?" every single week and you know he's not that busy, get rid of him, fast.

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He Only Texts You At Night

Another telltale sign of a player? He's only interested in hanging out at night or at weird times and only for a little while. That's because he either only wants to hook up or he is trying to juggle a few different girls on a tight schedule. Also, if he ONLY hangs with you on Thursdays, that could mean that you're just his Thursday girl... which is lame.

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Girls Are All Over His Facebook

Time for a little bit of Facebook stalking! Check out who this dude is friends with. Does he have over 1500 friends who are all attractive females? Warning! Does he have 85 likes on his latest profile picture? Warning! Are girls falling all over themselves commenting about how cute he is or trying to one-up each other with inside jokes? Yup, you guessed it - warning! If a dude's Facebook is all about other chicks, there's a good chance you're not the only one doing stuff with him.

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He Never Talks About Himself Or Cares About Your Feelings

When a guy likes you, he wants to get to know you and he also wants you to get to know him. He'll tell you stuff about his life and his past and maybe even open up to you - and he'll ask you questions as well. If he's not doing that and your conversation is limited to what happened at school that day or you two just watch TV without really talking much, that probably means it's because he doesn't really care.

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His Phone Is Always Blowing Up

This is similar to the Facebook thing, but this time, no stalking. Don't look at his phone - rude. Instead, pay attention to how often it goes off when you guys are together. If he's talking to other girls, it's not like they're going to avoid texting him when he's with you - because they don't know to do that, most likely. If he's constantly getting texts he keeps private or phone calls he ignores, it could be a sign that those are other ladies calling him.

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He's A Big Sweet-Talker

Players become players for a reason - they're smooth, they know how to flirt and they know how to get a girl to fall for him. Therefore, they're usually big sweet talkers. You know what I'm talking about: they know all the right things to say at all the right times and their compliments make your whole body blush. Don't fall for it, girl! If he's a sweet-talker but nothing else, that's a bad sign.

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Other Girls Have Warned You

Have any other girls warned you about him being a player? It's easy to brush off those warnings as mere jealousy or manipulative tactics to try to keep you away from a guy you like, but usually, you should pay attention. If a girl you generally get along with says something like, "watch out for that guy," there's probably a reason. Maybe he played her or her friend or someone she knows. She's probably trying to look out for you and you should probably listen to her. Of course, look into her claims, but don't ignore them completely.

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You've Never Met His Friends

If a dude is into you, he'll be excited to introduce you to his friends and show you off. If he's a player, he obviously doesn't need his friends getting attached to you or anything like that. And he doesn't need to risk bringing you around only to have them say something they shouldn't. If you haven't met them yet, ask if you can. If he avoids it like the plague, you'll know something is up.

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You Don't Trust Him

In the end, go with your gut. You know this guy, not me. If something inside of you is telling you not to trust him, there's probably a good reason why. Listen to yourself!

Have you ever dated a player? Do you think you’re dating one right now? What other signs did I miss? Tell me in the comments.

10 tips on how to play hard to get like a pro

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A new study on regret just came out and some of the findings were pretty interesting. Researchers found that the majority of the women studied were more likely to regret having casual sex that never led to a relationship while the majority of men were more likely to regret not having casual sex. Basically, women are more likely to regret a hookup than men are. And, as I said before, that icky feeling of regret is kind of the worst. So how do you deal with it? For starters, read these 8 tips on how to deal with regret after a bad hookup – even if you don’t need it now, it may come in handy one day.

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Take A Shower

This but sound ridiculous, but seriously - take a shower! If you hook up with someone and immediately feel like you need to get out of your own skin, hop into the shower. You're literally cleaning yourself and it may feel like you're cleaning yourself of the hookup also. Basically, you'll feel clean and new after your shower. Also, a nice, hot shower is relaxing and can help you forget about what just happened.

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Cut Off All Ties

If you're totally freaking out about a hookup, you shouldn't feel like you need to keep talking to this person just because you guys did stuff. At the same time, I wouldn't just drop him/her without saying anything. If they're still contacting you, let this person know that you're not interested. You don't have to be like, "I regret that SO much," but you can just say that you don't think things are going to work out.

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Let Yourself Cry A Little

It's okay to cry! If you're feeling totally bummed out about what you just did, let it out. Ignoring your emotions and just trying to push it to the back of your mind so that you don't think about it isn't going to help you move on. Cry in the privacy of your own room, scream into your pillow, whatever. Just let it out, girl.

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Don't Beat Yourself Up

Okay, so you had a bad hookup. Maybe you got with someone you weren't supposed to or maybe the whole thing was just awkward and embarrassing. Don't make yourself feel horrible about it. This stuff happens and once it's over, there's nothing you can do to take it back, so you just need to learn to forgive yourself. Don't make yourself feel awful just because you had one bad experience.

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Don't Feel Like You Have To Tell Anyone

Totally embarrassed by what happened? Don't feel like you need to blab about it to your friends. It's okay to keep some things to yourself and if you're not comfortable talking about it, you don't have to. Yes, it may help you to open up to your best friend, but if you don't want to, don't force yourself. This can be your little secret to forget about.

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Learn From Your Mistakes

Mistakes happen. The good thing about them? They can teach you stuff. Take this bad hookup as a lesson for what not to do in the future. Also, don't repeat it. Some girls feel like they have to hook up with a guy a second time - maybe because they feel guilty rejecting the person or maybe because they're just hoping things will be better the second time around. But if thinking about doing it makes you squirm, then don't do it!

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Focus On The Future

Like I said before, don't beat yourself up about this. Learn from your mistakes and focus on doing things that you're more comfortable with in the future. Living in the past and feeling regret is never going to make you happen, so don't focus on what already happened. Remember, you can't change the past, but you can make the future better.

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Forget About It And Move Forward

Finally, it's time to move on. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it and stop crying about it. Forget it ever happened and get on with your life. One bad hookup is not the end of the world.

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Have you ever regretted a hookup? How did you deal? Have you ever had a terrible hookup? Tell us in the comments.

10 tips on how to make your ex jealous

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Two words: run away. Seriously. This guy sounds like a jerk and you deserve to be treated waaaayyy better than this.

I’m not surprised that you’ve heard that when guys are mean to you, that means they like you. I think we were all told this when we were little kids – whenever a boy was picking on you at school and you complained about it to an adult, he/she probably said something along those lines. Here’s the thing, though: while this is sometimes true for very young, immature boys with a little crush, it’s not true for older dudes who really do have feelings for you. 

Yes, your average teen boy full of hormones who doesn’t know how to deal with feelings may tease you or bully you a little bit if he likes you. But he most likely wouldn’t take it this far, especially if he’s already hung out with you and hooked up with you. This isn’t harmless and annoying teasing to try to get your attention – this is being genuinely mean, rude and insensitive and it’s not cool.

It sounds like this guy is way too immature to handle any sort of relationship right now. He’s into hooking up with you, but it doesn’t seem like he wants anything more than that. It also sounds like he has a crush on your best friend and it’s totally not okay for him to keep rubbing this in your face. If he likes your BFF, he never should have hooked up with you in the first place. Also, he shouldn’t be telling you about it and he definitely shouldn’t be comparing you two! That is NOT okay. He’s acting like a jerk and not a jerk who just doesn’t know how to tell you he likes you – he’s a jerk who thinks he can treat you however he wants.

So, here’s what I think you should do: stop talking to and hanging out with this guy ASAP. You don’t deserve to be compared to your best friend by a dude who knows you have feelings for him. When a guy likes you, he’s not going to purposely make you feel bad about yourself (unless he’s 12-years-old). He’s going to go out of his way to talk to you, hang out with you and make you feel good all the time. If a guy is into you, he’s not going to tell you he thinks your best friend is hot. Plain and simple. Let this dude go and find someone who will give you the respect you deserve.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Scared to have sex? Read this now!

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I read a crazy post on the Daily Mail today (no surprise there!) about something called “revenge plastic surgery.” Apparently this is an actual thing where women going through breakups or divorce get plastic surgery so they can look “better” and make their ex jealous.

DON’T DO THIS.

No, seriously, don’t. If you want to have plastic surgery for your own reasons, go for it. I’m not against you getting plastic surgery. What I’m against is girls getting plastic surgery just to try to impress someone else or, in this case, make someone else jealous. I don’t want to sound like a nagging mom or anything like that, but plastic surgery is a big deal! We’re talking about a serious medical procedure that changes your body forever. This is definitely not something you should resort to in order to try to make an ex jealous.

That being said, I can totally understand the urge to want to make your ex jealous – and I can totally help you out with that. It’s natural to want to make your ex feel a (giant) twinge of regret after you two break up, especially if he’s the one who dumped you. But there are much better ways to do that than getting surgery… so read on to find out what they are! Doing any of these 10 tips will make him so jealous he won’t believe he ever let you go in the first place.

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Ignore The Breakup

Over time, I have learned that one of the best ways to get under someone's skin is to ignore them. So, one of the best ways to make your ex jealous? Ignore the fact that the breakup happened. Don't post sad status updates on your Facebook and don't tweet out heartbroken Taylor Swift lyrics. Even if you haven't moved on yet, fake it 'till you make it! Make him think you don't care that you guys ended things and he'll end up wondering why.

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Don't Do Things Just To Get His Attention

This goes along with that tip about ignoring your breakup and your ex. Don't do anything just to get his attention even if you think what you're doing is going to make him jealous. Maybe it will, but it will also be obvious that you're just trying to get him to pay attention to you and that only comes off as desperate... and I know that's not how you want him to see you.

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Make It Clear That You're Happy

Instead of posting sad things all over your social media sites, post happy things instead! Show your ex how happy you are without him. Not happy yet? Pretend to be - eventually, it will actually happen. You don't need to shove it down his throat (making a status like "so much happier without YOU" is obviously a call for attention), but try something more subtle, like a status update with just a smiley face. This will make him wonder exactly what you're smiling about when you're supposed to be crying over him.

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Win At Life

Now that you're single, this is a great time to go out there and focus on yourself. You know those hobbies you didn't have much time for when you were busy with your ex? Work on them now! Do productive things that make you happy, like joining an art club or taking up a new sport. Once your ex sees how awesome you're doing, he's going to feel super jealous of your new, exciting life.

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Keep Your Distance

Remember how I said to ignore the breakup? Yeah, well you should also ignore your ex as well. Don't text him or call him to ask for him back and if he texts you, either don't answer, or wait a while before you do. It will make him wonder what you're doing without him around.

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Buy A New Outfit

You don't need to go out there and blow hundreds of dollars on a complete makeover, but you should buy something new that makes you feel confident and good about yourself. Maybe it's a new pair of shoes or maybe it's a gorgeous new bag. Whatever it is, treat yourself. Wearing something you love that you just bought will make you feel great and anyone around you will be able to see how happy you are.

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Make New Friends

A lot of girls think that the only way to make an ex jealous is to go out there and hook up with a new dude immediately. Don't search for a rebound - it's not fair to you or the other person. Plus, dating someone new just to make your ex feel like crap is kind of lame. Instead, make new friends - guys and girls if you want - and post pictures of you guys having fun on social media sites. If he happens to see them, he'll be all like, "Whoa, look at how much fun my ex is having without me." Score.

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Flirt A Little Bit

Just because you're getting over your ex doesn't mean you can't indulge in a little harmless flirting! Just make sure you're flirting with guys you actually want to flirt with and not guys like your ex's friends just to get his attention (remember what I said before?). Don't go out of your way to make him notice - but if he does, you KNOW he'll feel super jealous.

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Be Nice When You See Him

You could ignore your ex if you ever run into him... or you could play nice. Saying hello and acting polite will show your ex that you're totally over him (even if you're really not). Plus, he'll walk away from the encounter thinking about what a sweet girl you are. If you act like a brat or say something immature, he's going to walk away thinking, "thank God I don't have to deal with that anymore." Get it?

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Don't Focus On Revenge

Keep in mind that old quote is true - "living well is the best revenge." In order to make your ex seriously jealous, you need to be happy and look like you don't care about him. If you spend all of your time focusing on how to get revenge on him or how to make him jealous, that's not going to make you happy - it's just going to make you think about him! The best thing I can tell you is to focus on making yourself happy. That alone will make him jealous.

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How do you make your exes jealous? What advice did I miss? Have you ever done any of these things? Tell me in the comments.

10 quotes about revenge

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But seriously, girls? Opening your eyes and admitting to yourself that he doesn’t like you can only help you. Yeah, it sucks – but it can also stop you from continuing to put yourself in a position where you’re only going to get hurt. If a few of these reasons below apply to your crush who’s been acting weird, then it’s possible that he just isn’t crushing on you back. Your best bet is to move on and find someone who does like you. There’s no point in trying to change his mind. So, if you’ve been wondering if he’s into you or not, read this list – and remember this stuff forever.

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He Never Calls Or Texts First

It's pretty simple: when a guy likes you, he wants to talk to you. And if he wants to talk to you, he's going to text you or call you. Sure, it's fine to sometimes be the one who reaches out, but if you're the only one initiating any sort of conversation, that's a good sign that he's not into you. If a guy really wants to talk to you, he's almost never too busy to send a quick text, so don't be so quick to buy his excuses for why he hasn't gotten in touch.

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He Doesn't Talk Or Listen

When he does text you or talk to you, what does he say? If a dude is texting you and only sending a one word answer to your long paragraph, that's a sign that he's trying to subtly hint that he's not interested. If he never asks you any questions about your day or about you in general, that means he doesn't care to get to know you. And if you know nothing about him? That means he doesn't want to open up to you.

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He Only Hangs Out To Hook Up

When a guy likes you, he wants to impress you - and only bringing you up to his dirty room to make out on the bed isn't exactly impressive. If a guy is into you, he wants to know more about you than just what you look like naked. He'll want you to know that, so he'll take you out or make an effort not to make everything about sex. If he only calls you after 11 PM to hook up, that is a good sign that the only thing he wants from you is to get into your pants - and please don't confuse that for a crush.

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He Bails On You Without A Backup Plan

If you guys make plans, whether it's to go out or just to hang at his house, and he bails on you, pay attention to what he does afterwards. If he just says, "Can't make it tonight, sorry," and nothing else? Not a good sign. If he says, "Can't make it tonight. Are you free tomorrow instead?" Good sign. That means he genuinely feels bad about cancelling and still wants to see you. If he bails without saying anything else, that means he really doesn't care. And if he keeps bailing and making more plans and then bailing again? That means he doesn't have the balls to tell you he's not interested.

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He ALWAYS Has An Excuse

This is similar to bailing on you without a backup plan. Maybe he never asks you to hang out, so instead you decide to take the reigns and ask him to hang out. If he constantly has some sort of lame excuse, that again means that he doesn't have the guts to just say no. He's hoping you'll eventually just stop asking so he doesn't have to be the bad guy (makes no sense). An excuse once in a while can, of course, be legit, but if it happens more often than not, it's probably not. If a guy wants to see you, he WILL find a way. Trust me.

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He's Weird In Social Situations

If you two really hit it off when you're alone cuddling in bed together, but he gets weird the second you're somewhere public, take it as a bad sign. If he acts super distant with you in school or at a party, that means he doesn't want other people to think there's something going on. That's not only mean, it's also shady. If a guy likes you, he won't be afraid to flirt with you in front of his friends or your friends.

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He Flirts With Other Girls In Front Of You

Story time: One night my friend Doug was hanging out with a bunch of my friends and I. We took some pictures that were totally innocent and one of them was of me and him. When I put it on Facebook, he texted me to ask very nicely if I could take it down because he didn't want the girl he was pursuing to see it and get the wrong idea. THIS, ladies, is what a guy will do when he likes a girl. He will make sure you don't think he's interested in other girls because he doesn't want to lose you. If he's obviously flirting with other girls in front of you? He wants you to know he's not tied down.

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He Talks To You Like Your His Buddy

At the same time, if he has no problem telling you he thinks another girl is hot, that might also mean he doesn't really care about you. When I first met my boyfriend, he was hesitant to even admit to me he found Mila Kunis hot. I mean, come on. If a dude is talking to you like you're just one of the guys, that more than likely means that that is the only way he sees you.

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He Panics If You Get Too Close

If he freaks whenever you bring up the word relationship or ask for plans for next weekend or anything like that, it could mean he's just scared of commitment... but it probably means he doesn't want a commitment with you. A guy once told me that dudes who say they don't want a relationship really mean they don't want one with you - because if they find the right girl, they'll be willing to take the leap, scared or not.

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Your Friends Are Weird About Him

Sometimes our friends, who are outside of the situation, can tell when our crush isn't into us. But since they're our friends, they don't want to hurt us by being the bearer of bad news. If your friends get kind of weird when you bring him up and try to steer you away from the guy, it's a good indicator that they think things aren't going to happen for one reason or another. Ask them to be completely honest with you about what they think and pay attention to their reaction - you'll be probably be able to tell if they're being genuine or not.

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Did these tips help you? What did I miss? How do you deal when you find out your crush doesn’t like you? Tell me in the comments.

10 reasons guys cheat

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When it comes to sex, I’m sure you’d like to know exactly what guys want us ladies to know. I mean, we’re not mind-readers! How are we supposed to know exactly what dudes want or, more importantly, why they want it?! It’s impossible. Well, good news. If you’re wondering what guys want us to know about sex, someone else has already done the work for us.

Tracey Cox (who researches all things sex) recently took a poll to find out exactly what guys want us to know about sex and it’s pretty interesting. Also interesting? Tracey pointed out that we’re much more likely to be honest about sex stuff with the same sex. In other words, girls are more likely to tell their friends what they want and why they want it rather than their partner. That sounds ridiculous, but think about it: a lot of people are worried that being honest with their partner will hurt their feelings. You can be candid with your friends and not worry about whether or not it will insult them.

But even though it makes sense, it’s still not good. It’s really important to be open about sex with your partner, otherwise you’re probably never going to get exactly what you want. With that being said, let’s check out what dudes wish we knew. Here’s a list of a few things Tracey found that guys wish we knew:

1. “I use sex to express my love for you. Sometimes I find it difficult to express emotion and sex is a way of getting physically close to you.” Aw! This is cute and sweet. Girls who think guys only want to have sex to feel good – further proof that that’s not always true.

2. “When you reject sex with me, I feel like you’re rejecting me as a person. Please do it kindly.” I know some girls who reject guys in a really mean way like it’s no big deal. If you don’t want to have sex with a dude, that is totally fine, but be polite about it (unless he’s being a jerk). Put yourself in their shoes.

3. “My sexual system is simple. I know yours is different but I need you to tell and show me specifically what you want so I can understand your body properly.” We’ve said that a million times here on Gurl. You need to give guys a little bit of direction sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that! They like it. Seriously. It turns them on.

4.“Just because I want to try new things, doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re sexy. I just need and want variety.” Completely understandable. Doing the same exact thing in bed every other night can get pretty boring. Be willing to spice it up!

5. “I am a visual person. I like to look at sexy things. There’s nothing sinister about me looking at erotic photos, it’s just what men do.” I know a lot of you girls worry about porn and whatnot. But like we’ve stated before… it’s most likely nothing personal.

6. “Stop worrying about your body. I like you to look nice but I focus on the parts I love, not the bits you hate.” See?! Guys are thrilled that you’re naked. No reason to feel super self-conscious and want to cover up.

7. “When you act like you’re only have sex to please me, it makes me angry and disappointed. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do.” No guilt sex! If you’re not in the mood, don’t do it to make him happy, because it won’t.

All of these things are great to keep in mind whenever you’re having sex with anyone, whether it’s your long-time boyfriend or someone new. Now go forth and start communicating more so you can learn these things on your own!

What do you wish guys knew about sex? What other sex myths do you want cleared up? Do you talk openly with your partner about sex? Tell us in the comments! 

 Are you making these mistakes in bed?

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But if you’re certain that the guy you’re crushing on doesn’t know you exist, or just sees you in the friend zone, there are a few surefire ways to get his attention so he comes to his senses. Here’s how to get a guy to like you–hopefully he can handle it!

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Watch Him!

If you don't observe him, how will you know what he's into? Keep your eyes open . . . and hopefully his curtains. Then use that knowledge to your advantage!

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Lose 10 Pounds!

It'll be so much easier for him to sweep you off your feet if you fall over more easily. If you look too sturdy, you're going to intimidate him--but if you appear frail, he'll want to play prince to your damsel in distress (and starvation).

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Show Off Your Boobs - All The Time

Sure, guys care about your personality... but let's be real: they're also really into your body. Especially stuff like boobs and legs and butts - so why not show them off? Wearing a lot of low-cut shirts, short skirts or really tight pants will absolutely make every guy notice you.

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Wear A Lot Of Makeup

You can't just go out looking totally natural all the time. If you want dudes to really notice you, then you need to stand out and look really pretty. So, wear a lot of makeup. Foundation and bronzer will make your skin look better and pretty eye makeup will make you look awesome.

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Find Out What He Likes And Start Liking It Too

Is he really into football? Learn everything about the sport and his favorite team ASAP so you two can chat about it. Does he love cars? Find out what his favorite car is and become an expert on the subject. Put aside your own interests for a little while and focus on what he likes - but totally act like it's what you've always liked.

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Become BFFs With His Mom!

When a guy's mom likes you, he definitely will too. Also, a sneaky way to get him to ask you out? Suggest she ground him if he doesn't.

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Rent Out Your Marching Band!

Have them spell out "Mike, I love you!" Then arrange an elaborate color guard choreography that involves you doing naked cartwheels. He won't be able to say no!

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Wear A Wedding Dress!

Know you're going to be running into your crush? Plant the seed in his mind: Rock a wedding dress to the party or dance so he knows just what you want.

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Just Kidding!

April Fool's! You already know if that if a dude is dumb enough not to notice you, you're too good for him anyway. Also, you should know that we would NEVER give you these tips. Like, ever. These are the worst!

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Do you have any recommendations on how to get a guy to like you? What’s the craziest thing you’ve done to get a guy to like you? Tell us in the comments!

Check out the 10 best April Fool’s pranks from ’90s TV!

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When you start dating someone new, the number one thing you start thinking about is probably when you should make your relationship official. Am I right? Wondering when to start calling that dude you’ve been hooking up with your boyfriend can be super stressful. If you say it at the wrong time, it can destroy any chance of a future relationship – but the same thing can happen if you wait too long. Argh.

Well, a recent study done by both Zoosk and Glamour revealed something a little bit surprising about when to make things official. They took a look at over 1,000 girls and 1,000 dudes and this is what they found: 25 percent of women think that you should wait “at least a few months” before making things legit, while 43 percent of guys thought “it takes a couple of good dates.”

So, how do you know when to make your sort-of-relationship an official relationship? That can be a little bit tricky.

Here’s something important that you need to remember: you have every right to ask the dude you’ve been hooking up with what he wants and if he’s interested in being your boyfriend. I know too many girls who are too afraid to ever bring up the Big Talk because they’re worried that it’s going to scare the guy off. That is ridiculous. 

Listen, girls: if bringing up the r-word (relationship) is really going to scare the guy off, then he was never interested in seriously dating you to begin with and waiting longer was most likely not going to change that. That may sound harsh, but it’s true. If a guy is interested and worth your time, he’s not going to go running out the door when you ask him about being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Back to the first question. How do you know when it’s time to bring it up? I’m siding with the guys here: it’s best to wait until after a couple of great dates and hang out seshs. Don’t be all like, “BE MY BOYFRIEND” in the middle of a first date, okay? That will freak anyone out. Wait a few weeks, after you guys have been hanging out for a little while. This will give you both time to get to know each other and to figure out if you’d like to be in a relationship together. It will also give you time to get more comfortable to talk to him about it.

Want this? Sometimes you need to be strong and ask for it yourself. | Source: ShutterStock

Okay, so then how do you bring it up? I know that starting this conversation with a dude can be awkward, uncomfortable and completely nerve-wracking. Trust me, I know. I’ve done it a million times and let me just tell you guys something: I am really shy. So if I can talk about this with dudes, anyone can. I promise.

Like I said, this might be a slightly awkward convo – there might be no getting around that. But it’s worth it! Would you rather be lame and sit around waiting to hear what he thinks or would you rather take the initiative and find out where his head is on your own? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Here’s what to do: first of all, this conversation should happen in person, not through text messages, Facebook chats or even on the phone. Second of all, you should be relatively calm when you bring it up. The worst time to do this is in the middle of a fight or in the middle of sex.

When asking your guy what he wants and if he wants to make the relationship official, you just need to be blunt. There’s no beating around the bush. Just say something like this: “I think we’ve been having a lot of fun these past few weeks and I really like you. I just want to know what you want out of this relationship? Are you interested in getting serious or are you not looking for anything like that?” Yes, ladies, you do have to tell him how you feel.

Another important thing to keep in mind: going into this, you need to know what you want. If you want a relationship, you need to say that. If you don’t, say that too. And don’t agree to things you don’t want. If the guy says he has no interest in being serious, he means it. Don’t be like, “Oh, okay, we can be friends with benefits” and secretly hope he’ll change his mind. He won’t. As much as it sucks, you may need to cut ties with him if things don’t go well. Don’t settle for something you don’t want just to be with him in some way!

Basically, this is a conversation that needs to happen. I know waaaayyyy too many girls who have been hooking up with a guy they really like for months and are too afraid to ask him what he wants. And you know what? These girls aren’t happy. They’re stressed because they have no clue what this dude wants because they’re too scared to say what they want. And you deserve better than that.

So, for lack of a better choice of words, man up and have The Talk with your guy after a few weeks of dating. No matter what happens, I promise that you won’t regret figuring things out on your own.

Have you ever had The Talk with a guy? What did you say? Are you afraid to ask to make things official? Tell us in the comments.

Should you make it Facebook official?

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Well, guys aren’t the only ones who can do that breaking up stuff – girls can too. But even if we’re feeling tired of the relationship, it can sometimes be hard to figure it out on our own. When we really care about someone, we want to hold onto them, even if deep down we know it isn’t right. Sometimes we overlook the signs that we want the relationship to be over because we’re not ready to be alone. So how do you know if you two should break up? For starters, read these eight signs:

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You're Really Bored

Relationships aren't going to be exciting every single day, especially long-term ones, but if you find yourself feeling bored and restless more often than not, that's not a great sign. Try spicing things up and doing some different stuff. If none of that brings the spark back, it may be out for good.

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You Don't Really Call Him Anymore

You used to text him updates all day and call him every night before bed, but now... well, you just don't really care. Or maybe you just forget to get in touch. If you don't have a desire to talk to your boyfriend when you're not with him, something's going on. Even if you're just "forgetting," there's a reason behind that. You don't forget to call someone every day.

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You're Super Jealous Of Your Single Friends

Mourning the loss of your single life freedom is completely normal when you're in a long-term relationship, but eventually you should settle in and feel happier to be with someone you love. If you're constantly feeling jealous of your single friends and wishing you could be out there with them, that might indicate that you actually want to be single also.

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Everything He Does Annoys You

When you first started dating your boyfriend, you probably thought the weird little things about him were adorable. Now? Not so much. When your boyfriend can't do anything without making you want to pull your hair out in frustration, that's not good. If everything he does and says is doing more than just bugging you, but actually making you really angry, things might be over.

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You've Thought About It More Than Once

It's totally normal to consider breaking up once in a while, especially after a big fight. But if you're thinking about it all the time, constantly wondering what it would be like and fantasizing about the things you would do, you're doing that for a reason. Maybe you really do want to break up with this guy. If you didn't, it wouldn't always be on your mind.

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You Don't Find Him As Attractive As You Used To

Maybe your sex drive has dwindled down to basically nothing. Maybe the things you once thought were cute about him, like his crooked teeth, are suddenly, well... gross. Physical attraction is not the main part of a relationship, but I do think that you still need it in order to keep the passion going. If you no longer think your dude is cute, then why are you still dating him?

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You're Happier When He's Not Around

When you're with your friends, you're happy: smiling, laughing, being a total goofball. But whenever your boyfriend comes around, your whole personality changes. Suddenly, you're irritable, bored and kind of bummed out. If that sounds like you, take notice. You may need to start paying close attention to your moods, but if you notice a pattern similar to that, it's a definite warning sign.

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You Have A Crush On Someone Else

I'm not just talking about a teensy, harmless crush here. No, I'm talking about liking someone else so much that you think about him more than you think about your boyfriend and you may even be considering cheating. If you have feelings for someone else, it's best to end the relationship you're in. You owe that to yourself and your boyfriend.

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Do a lot of these signs feel familiar to you? Do you think it’s time for you to break up with your boyfriend? How would you break up with someone? Tell us in the comments.

8 things you have to do when your relationship ends

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Big changes afoot, girls! Since I’m coupled up (aka boring), I’ve decided to  focus on giving you darlings love advice rather than prattling on about my own (boring) love life! If you didn’t know, I post romance advice vids to my YouTube page so I thought hey, why not share it with my favorite girls?! But beware–I don’t sugarcoat things. We all have friends who just tell you what you want to hear–I’m not that friend. I’m the one who’s going to be honest and help you make the best decisions possible. It may not always be pretty, but it WILL be the truth!

This week, let’s kick things off with this question…

Dear Shallon,

I like this guy who is moving very far away. He knows I like him but hasn’t said anything about it – he’s just ignores the subject. We talked last night and he didn’t say anything about it. I even brought him cookies for his birthday. He is moving at the end of the summer and he is 15 and I’m 14 we are both in 9th grade. What should I do? Should I just leave it be?

Please help!!

–Emma

My Baking Beauty Emma,

The best guy advice I’ve ever received came courtesy of my dude friend, Matt, who explained that contrary to our belief, there is no such thing as “the shy guy.”

“If a guy knows you’re into him, it doesn’t matter how “shy” he is – if he’s into you, he’s going for it. Plain and simple,” he stated. “This whole ‘Oh he’s just bashful’ thing that girls tell themselves is BALONEY. It’s basically this ghost story that works against you and keeps you hanging on to a guy that needs to be cut loose.”

SHY IS A LIE!
Source: Shutterstock

I think you know where I’m going with this – your crush isn’t into you. I know, this is terrible, hurtful news, but I want you to walk in the light of the truth and not waste your time chasing someone who isn’t giving anything back to you. From what you say, he’s had PLENTY of opportunities to go for it and make a move and if he hasn’t, then either he just doesn’t want to or he’s too much of a wuss. Whatever the case, you’re better off using your energy – and baking talents – on someone who is going to pamper you, too!

And while it might be tempting to keep in touch with him after he moves, really, what’s the point? Guys are very much “out of sight, out of mind” creatures – if he hasn’t fallen for you by now (which is ridiculous – you’re amazing, I can just tell!), he probably won’t when he leaves town.

So here’s what you do: use this guy kind of a practice crush. If you’re looking to brush up on your in-person flirting skills, make him your guinea pig. Or if you (like me) have a hard time being “just friends” with guys, chat him up on a totally platonic level. What’s the worst that could happen? He’s leaving soon so any embarrassing gaffes you may make will get packed up and shipped out right along with him.

Dating and dealing with guys is just like anything else – you have to practice to be good at it. Ditto with baking, but it sounds like you’ve got that one down!

Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

Is he busy or blowing you off?

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