If you don’t want to say, “My first time was terrible,” then be sure you’re totally ready before you lose your virginity. | Source

Ask a most girls about losing their virginity and most of them will say something like, “My first time was awkward.” “My first time hurt a little.” “My first time was sort of weird.” “My first time was okay.” But apparently one third of girls, whether they admit it or not, will think to themselves, “My first time was a nightmare.”

A new study says that one in three girls under 16 actually regret losing her virginity. Sometimes it’s because of how it happened–one girl said her first time was on a bathroom floor (yikes!) with a guy who wound up blowing her off right after she lost her virginity to him. Other girls regret their first time because of why they lost their virginity: a lot of the girls surveyed revealed that their friends had sex, so they felt pressured to fit in with them.

Some experts in the study explained why losing your virginity before you’re really ready is a bad idea. “It’s a psychological disaster waiting to happen,” one psychologist said. “It leads to empty relationships and low self-worth. The experience creates worry, regret, self-recrimination, guilt, loss of self-respect, shaken trust, depression, stunted personal development, damaged relationships and relationship skills. It can also have a negative impact on marriage, should one ever take place.” That’s bad news bears, girls–but that’s not even all of it. Stats show that if you have sex too soon, you may be up to three times more likely to be depressed than someone who waited until she was truly ready.

A few of the girls in the study hinted that losing their virginity too early made them promiscuous later on, but honestly, that’s neither here nor there. We actually sorta dislike this portion of the original article and research, because, deliberately or not, it implies that there’s slut shaming going on, and that’s never cool. Think about it: If you’re having sex for the right reasons–you’re with someone you trust, you both are consenting and within a legal age range, and you’re both enjoying it safely and responsibly–there’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever. No matter HOW many times you have sex or how many people you sleep with!

Let’s face it: Few girls get together with their pals and gush, “My first time was magical! My first time was like the movies!” But losing your virginity should never feel like an obligation, a chore, or something to get over with.

That said, there’s no one way to tell whether or not you’re ready to lose your virginity, and there’s no set age for it, either (but make sure you’re not breaking any laws!). But the easiest way to tell if you’re ready? When you stop questioning and doubting it. If  you’re thinking of losing your virginity but there’s a nagging voice in your head saying not to, or if you feel more nervous than excited–then you’re not ready. Losing your virginity shouldn’t also mean losing yourself.

While you may not tell your friends, “My first time was amazing!” you surely don’t want to tell them, “My first time was a mistake.”

Do you feel pressured by your friends to lose your virginity? What was your first time like? Do you regret your first time? Do you wish you’d waited to lose your virginity? Tell us in the comments!

This Girl Feels Weird About Being A Virgin. Should She?

OMG. The fire alarm?! | Source: Shutterstock

I’d done a large variety of sexy time stuff, just not actual penis-and-vagina intercourse, by the time I was 22–so you’d think that Doing The Deed would be totally no big deal, only…it was. I was convinced that if I so much as slightly regretted my first time, I’d hate sex forever. So, I debated, worried, doubted, and put off my first time at sex, because I wanted to feel 100 percent convinced that I’d feel safe and happy when it finally happened (a decision I don’t regret). It wasn’t until after I’d broken up with a boyfriend that I realized he was the onewho would have been perfect for the job. I told him this, and he replied, “Too bad, too late now.”

A couple days later he called and said if I still felt that way, he could, you know, maybe help out. What can I say, I have good friends. I laughed and thanked him for the offer.

And then a week later, he came over. I was making dinner and put some homemade soup on the stove, but then we went in my room and got…distracted. I decided it was time to finally have penis-vagina sex. My friend asked me if I was sure a bunch of times, I said I was, and it was game on.

Both of us generally thought sex and genitals were funny, but this was a whole different level. I was uncomfortable. We put a pillow under my hips. We had to change positions, my buddy lost his erection. We sat and tried coaxing his penis back up. He regained his erection, so we had to change the condom and try all over again. And then?

It could have looked like this! | Source: Shutterstock

THE SMOKE ALARM WENT OFF IN THE KITCHEN. I uttered a few swear words and said we needed to go check it immediately. “Now?” asked my partner. The kitchen might be on fire, of course NOW!!! We ran naked out of my bedroom, where the kitchen was now smoky and smelled awful. I got lucky in that there wasn’t actually a fire, but there was a thick layer of blackened peas now permanently affixed to the bottom of my favorite pot and a bunch of gross-smelling smoke. We opened the windows and turned on the fans, and the alarm stopped. Dinner’s wrecked, so nothing to do now except go back to sex, right?

More coaxing an erection back to life, me being in pain, mood totally lost, apartment smelled terrible (and for the next few days, too). We gave up, got dressed…and picked up pizza. Hey, we still needed dinner, right?

I promise you I have been very attentive when cooking soup ever since.

Are you nervous about your first time at sex? Was your first time as crazy as mine? Tell me all about it in the comments!

Worried About Telling Him You’re A Virgin? Here’s How To Do It

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I didn’t so much lose my virginity as I was relieved of it. I was 21 when I finally gave up my v-card to my on-off/drama-filled/never-really-knew-where-we-stood boyfriend, J. I was so ready to stop being a virgin—it was starting to define me. But I had waited so long because I really wanted sex to be special. Meaningful. And frequent! When I was about 19 I figured that since I’d held out that long, I might as well wait until I found someone special.

And then it turned out my someone special had a waterbed. Yes, I lost my virginity on a waterbed. God knows why J had a waterbed in 2005 but he did and I was too in love with him to suggest, say, a stationary mattress for my first time having sex. I don’t recommend this.

The liquid-filled bed was like a third person in the room with us, gurgling and sloshing around like a big fat blubbery stomach. It made way more noise than a regular bed frame, to the point that J stopped in the middle and said the worst thing: “I can’t stop thinking about my parents.”

“You…you what?” I stammered, hoping I’d misheard him.

“No, not like that or anything weird,” he quickly backtracked. “I’m just worried that this damn bed is super loud!”

Well, it would have been the only loud thing. Based solely on movie sex scenes, I expected to either be in serious pain or serious ecstasy my first time. But really, I didn’t feel all that much. At least not in my lady regions. Emotionally though, I was more in love with J than ever. He was sweet and slow and nose-to-nose, always asking me if I was okay. It was so Cruel Intentions!

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But, eventually J’s paranoia got the better of him and we stopped. It was a fairly anti-climactic experience (in every sense of the word) but the real fireworks came the next morning, when my two best friends, Sam and Chrissy, met me for lunch.

As I gushed about J and how happy I was and how I thought this really marked the turning point in our romance, I noticed that my friends were wincing at every word.

“We need to tell you something,” Sam began. “Remember that rumor that J was sleeping with Lizzie?”

How could I forget! I’d had a meltdown over gossip that he was hooking up with one of my friends. But J swore up and down that it was totally false.

“Well,” Chrissy finished, “he was. We drove around all night looking for you to tell you before you slept with him but we couldn’t figure out where J lived! We’re so sorry honey!”

I sat there numbly as they poured out the details. I’d waited 21 years for this experience—who knew I needed to hold out 21 years and one day?

I ended up escaping to Italy for my study abroad about a month later and spending the entire time getting over J. Now, when I meet a boy I’m dying to have sex with, I make sure that I take a good hard look at the kind of dude he really is and wait as long as possible before sleeping with him.

Then I wait one more day.

Are you waiting a long time to have sex? Did you wait a long time? How did you know the time was right for you to lose your V-Card? Tell me everything in the comments!

Do you wish you’d waited longer for sex? Here’s how to deal.