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Everyone is always talking about how orgasms are the best things in the world – but if you’re new to all of this sex stuff, how are you supposed to know if you’ve had an orgasm? What do orgasms feel like? We’ve got all of your answers on how to know for sure if you’ve had an orgasm.

ChickRx expert Roz Van Meter, Sex Therapist Diplomate and Licensed Marriage Therapist, says: 

Getting wet and having an orgasm are two different things. Getting wet may be the precursor of an orgasm, but it isn’t one. As frustrating as this sounds, you’ll know when you have an actual orgasm – but I know that doesn’t seem very helpful.

With an orgasm, you’ll feel a kind of release… that’s the sneeze analogy. It’s usually an intense feeling of release along with feeling very, very happy. However, be aware that no two orgasms are exactly alike. Not only do they vary from woman to woman, but they can be different in the same woman at different times. Some orgasms might make you holler, a la movie drama. Some are like gentle ripples. Some can be repeated several times and others can last for a long time. 

You should also keep in mind that normally when women orgasm, there is no physical evidence of that happening like there is when a man orgasms. But just because you’re seeing an absence of “stuff” down there doesn’t mean you haven’t climaxed. For women, it’s more of an intense feeling, like I said before.

The most important thing to know? However you orgasm is just right for you. There is no right or wrong here. Don’t compare yourself to the experience of porn stars, celebrities acting in movies or TV shows or anything your friends have told you about their own orgasms. And if you don’t think you’ve had an orgasm yet, don’t freak out. Try reading some of these tips and remember:  ”The best is yet to come” – so to speak.

Got more questions? Post them in the comments below or head on over to ChickRx.com.

Does using a vibrator make it harder to orgasm during sex?

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Joanie_A said:

“Basically, I’ve been thinking of taking a break from everything sexual. I am turning 21 in May, and have been sexually active since I was 16. I haven’t had as many sexual partners as my friends have, but I wouldn’t say I’m green either. I have a very high sex drive, though most often I deal with it by masturbating and not by sleeping around as I don’t personally like casual sex and I do not feel I am in a place in my life where a relationship would be a good idea. Lately, I’ve been thinking of making a promise to myself to go one whole year without sex. I plan to include sex in all it’s forms… including oral, handies and masturbation.

I’ve been struggling with my sexuality for a long, long time. I think I’m gay, but I still feel very lost for a number of reasons that I don’t need to bore you with. I have been with both men and women, so I feel like I’ve done what experimenting I need to do. I feel like I just need to take a step back from it all for a while. I also want to do this for a sense of accomplishment for myself, and to release myself from the “grasp of my sexual desires”.

So…anyway, I just wanted to know what you all think of this idea. Do you think it would be productive? Do you think I should go for it? Or do you think it would be counter productive or otherwise a bad idea?”

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Let us know what you think right here.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

What do you do if you have a crush on a friend who’s also a girl?

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Something a lot of us do is settle for being friends with benefits with a dude we actually like. Trust me, I’ve been there – I’ve so been there. I thought I could handle hooking up with my crushes without wanting to actually date them, but I couldn’t. So, here is what being in a friends with benefits relationship is really like – at least according to my experience. Yes, it’s totally possible for the roles to be reversed, where the dude wants a relationship more than the girl. But these GIFs are based on what has happened to me – and a lot of girls I know.

You meet a super cute guy.

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You guys end up hanging out one day and things are pretty… passionate.

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Before you know it, you guys are always hanging out to hook up.

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You’re super happy about where things are going.

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Then he says he’s not ready for a relationship, but he still wants to hang out. You like him, so you decide to give it a try. 

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You tell yourself this is great – someone to just hook up with, no strings attached!

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At first, things are super fun.

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You tell your concerned BFF that you’re cool with everything. 

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But he only calls to hang out at night.

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It’s fine, though.

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You realize you’re kind of starting to like him. Maybe he’ll change his mind?

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Your friends tell you to ditch him because he’s a loser.

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You insist you’re fine. Things could still work out!

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One day, you see him flirting with another girl.

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A week goes by and he still hasn’t called. Enough is enough! You’re saying something to him.

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When you get mad that he treats you so badly, he just doesn’t get it and he’s all like:

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You realize you really like him, but maybe he doesn’t like you.

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You start to feel like this may not be working out.

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You let yourself be sad… really sad.

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It gets a little intense.

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Your BFF is tries to be sympathetic but kind of fails.

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After a while, you start to wonder why you even got yourself in the situation in the first place.

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When he calls you a few weeks later asking to hang out? You’re like, pssh whatever! Bye! 

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Have you ever been in this kind of situation? Do you like having a friend with benefits? Have you ever had one? Tell me in the comments!

7 reasons why I think being FWB is a terrible idea

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But try to take away my coffee or my laptop or my phone, and you’re nuts. Apparently, a lot of women feel the same way I do. According to a new study, women would rather go a week without sex than without their phone or coffee.

The study also showed that men on the other hand were not as willing to give up sexy time. 20% of men opted to hold onto sex as opposed to the 5% of women.

I’d like to know what you would be willing to give up. But I feel like a week is way too easy. I mean, I can give up Ben & Jerry’s for a week if I wanted to (I don’t want to so I won’t). I want to know what you’d be willing to give up for an entire year! A whole 365 days. Let me know in the poll below!

What did you pick? Do you think you could actually give that up for a full year? Tell us in the comments!
 

You’ll be surprised to know what guys think about love at first sight

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Put that body on lockdown if you’re just not ready!
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Hi Shallon,

I’m in desperate need of help! I’m a freshman in high school and everyone is getting felt up and fingered and stuff and I don’t feel so comfortable with all of this. I don’t want to look juvenile by not wanting to do it, but I don’t want to do something I’m not ready for…right? Obviously I’m not having sex–that would just be ridiculous–but seriously, should I just experiment and or wait? If I don’t hook up, will guys get bored and ditch me for some girl who puts out?

I’m so confused! 

–Kathryn

Dear Un-Kinky Kathryn,

Peer pressure is all around us and most of the time, we give in, and most of the time, it’s really no big deal. Stuff like: Oh, everyone’s getting a smoothie? Meh, I kinda feel like pizza but whatever, sure I’ll have a smoothie or, Wait, zebra print is out? Ugh fine!  That’s just how life goes. But hooking up is a big deal, and should NEVERRRRR be something you do when you’re not 100% into it. I’ve learned this the hard way.

Feels like EVERYONE can tell how inexperienced you are?  They can’t.  Source: Shutterstock

As I’ve told y’all, I was basically the world’s oldest virgin. I didn’t kiss anyone until I was 18 and didn’t go all the way until I was almost 21. I was just a late bloomer! And I’d like to say that I wasn’t bothered that ALL my friends were hooking up and getting it on, but that’s a huge lie. I was. I felt totally left out and that whenever a romance went sour, I worried it was because I wasn’t putting out. So, I started letting guys take things a little further.

As a hopeless romantic, I had dreamed–great, swirly Taylor Swift-ian dreams!–about hooking up, but the real experiences never measured up. I was talking myself into it because I didn’t want to be the odd girl out.

But by doing that, I kind of became the odd girl out in my own life, if that makes sense. I felt like I wasn’t being authentic to who I was and what I wanted. I was masquerading as a sexpot and trust me honeychild, people can smell a phony a mile away! It was actually a guy friend who was like “You know, it’s no ones business how far you’ve gone” and a light went off in my head. Or rather, pelvis, I guess. It really wasn’t. And my friends didn’t care ONE BIT if I was hooking up or not. If anything, they liked being the “wiser,” more experienced ones.

Not into it? Don’t stress!
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And I got to learn from their mistakes. Like my friend who told me that to give a proper handjob, you have to grip the guy AS HARD AS YOU CAN, because a girl’s tightest grip isn’t anywhere near their tightest. Mercifully, I wasn’t HJ’ing anyone so I didn’t have to find out first hand what EPICALLY BAD advice that was–but she did. Ohhh she did, and to this day our high school friends call her The Iron Fist of Death.

So, while it’s kind of awkward now to feel like the only girl on Earth not hooking up, that feeling is FAR better than feeling icky and creeped out that a guy got farther with you than you wanted. And if you think that everyone is so aware of how inexperienced you are, remember something my grandma always tells me: You wouldn’t care so much what people think about you if you knew how seldom they did!

XOXO,

Shallon

Want me to give you advice? Feel free to leave your love Qs in the comments or drop me an email to AskShallon@gmail.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @ShallonXO

Should I tell my crush I like him?

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While many things are difficult during your period, hooking up seems to be one of the more complicated things. You feel gross and it’s messy. So this week on the message boards, y’all are talking about fun things to do with your guy during your period.

Let’s see what you had to say!

NocturnalMistress said:

Can I ask why you two cannot do anything because of your period? Is it because he’s grossed our or you just don’t like it or what?

amused said:

My boyfriend and I go for everything when I’m having my period….I just don’t see any reason not to! He enjoys it, so why not?Give it a try, it’s just another different experience that you may really like.

Wolf-Fire said:

Try doing something in the shower, as there is no worries of mess then.

S0Exciited said:

If your guy doesn’t mind the blood and you’re both down then go for it. My advice to go is to relax.

The hooking up on your period thing definitely boils down to personal preference. I’m physically incapable of even like walking when I’m on my period so I rarely hook up when it’s that time of the month.

If you feel comfortable getting it on and you’re partner is cool with it, then go for it! I will say that you should be prepared for a mess. I’d recommend getting into the shower, but if you’re in bed just throw down a towel to keep things tidy. And of course, use condoms! You can still get pregnant on your period.

If you don’t feel comfortable hooking up on your period, you can do other things like cuddle or have a steamy makeout sesh. I will say that you shouldn’t let your period stop you from doing something you want to do. Don’t let cramps and PMS ruin your love life!

And if you’re just not up for anything, have a movie marathon with your guy. See if there are things you can do together that will make you feel better like going for a walk or baking some double chocolate chip cookies.
 
Have you ever hooked up on your period? Do you have any tips for it? What about other fun things you can do? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

I don’t want a relationship. Does that mean something’s wrong with me?

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Is it normal to have a lower sex drive than usual if you’re on certain kinds of medication? Don’t freak out if you find yourself wanting to hit the sheets less and less when you start taking a new kind of medicine – it might not be because of whatever you’re taking. Find out more below. 

ChickRx expert Evelyn Resh, MPH, CNM (Certified Sexuality Counselor & Nurse Mid-Wife), says: 

The longer I practice, the more I believe that virtually anything is possible when it comes to side effects of medications. When you investigate side effects on websites or even in medication-specific inserts, you’ll see a list of the most common side effects reported, not any of the uncommon ones. Check the list of side effects out first and then talk to the doctor who prescribed you the medication to see if any other patients have reported this happening to them.

Additionally, if your concentration has been changed from the medication – which of course is the point of using it – then it’s possible that whatever change you’re experiencing in your cognitive state could reflect a shift in your feelings and thoughts about your current sexual partner or the sex you’re having now.

One common pill that a lot of girls take that can result in a lower sex drive is actually birth control. Some forms of the birth control pill come along with the side effect of a low libido. That sounds ridiculous – you’re on the pill so that you can have safe sex, but you don’t want to have sex as much when you’re on it – but a lot of women have reported it happening to them.

Other common medications that have been known to lower your sex drive include anti-depressants, diabetes drugs and anti-seizure medications. However, side effects from medications can vary from person to person – your best bet is to speak to a doctor about it.

Something else to note is that lower sex drive in women can be caused by more than just certain medications. Other causes are sexual problems like pain down there, hormone changes, serious fatigue, stress, alcohol and drugs, low self-esteem, a history of abuse and mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. Keep these factors in mind before placing the blame on your medication.

Got more questions? Post them in the comments below or head on over to ChickRx.com

Should I be taking breaks from my birth control pills sometimes?

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First and foremost, know this: you did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, I’d say you did everything exactly right! Your first kiss is special and should be treated as such. More importantly, when it comes to hooking up, you should only ever take things as far as you want to. Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do, no matter what the circumstances.

It’s also quite natural to have feelings for this guy, since you shared such an important, intimate moment (or 60) with him. And let’s not forget the fact that you were crushing hard on this dude to begin with. The fact that he took your “make-out virginity” will only intensify those feelings, no matter how he acts afterward.

However, the fact that he hasn’t talked to you since is a bit weird, and at the very least, rude. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions yet, though – his aloofness could be due to myriad reasons. Sure, it’s possible that he lost interest or wants to date someone else with more sexual experience (either of which scenarios would signal that he’s not mature enough for you to date in the first place). But I think it’s more likely that this guy is embarrassed by getting turned down, or might even assume you’re not into him.

I’m not generally against playing coy to get a guy’s attention, but in this scenario I would recommend that you go the direct route and ask him out. If he turns you down or gives an excuse without an alternative plan, you can rest easy at night knowing that he’s not a match for you. But if he’s as innocent as I’m hoping, he’ll be relieved that you made the next move and will accept excitedly. At the very least you’ll know exactly where you stand, and whether you’re dealing with an immature jerk or a sweet guy who’s just feeling a little insecure.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Is my BF using me to hook up?

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When you get to know a new, cute guy, you probably can’t help wondering at some point, “is he good in bed? Is he a good kisser?” It’s totally normal to want to know what a dude is going to be like when it comes to hooking up, but in order to know for sure, you have to, you know, hook up with him first. Obviously. But if you’re feeling impatient and you want to know that info before you hit the sack, there might be a few ways to tell what kind of hookup he’ll be.

According to Tracey Cox , the sexpert over at The Daily Mail who also provided us with this info, you can tell what kind of a hookup a dude is going to be just by carefully studying some of his actions. Let’s take a look at what she says, shall we?

Pay attention to how he eats. Tracey says that “A good appetite usually means they’ve got a lusty libido to match.” So basically, if your crush eats a lot and really loves eating, that means he’s more passionate in bed. Also, if he’s not willing to try some crazy new food, he’s probably also not willing to try something different in the bedroom.

Focus on how he talks. If he’s one of those guys who’s constantly talking with his hands and getting really into a conversation, he’ll probably get really into hooking up as well. Passion!

Watch them in social situations. If he’s outgoing, that means he’ll be able to tell you what he likes and wants when it comes to hooking up. But if he’s shy and reserved? He’s not going to be great at sexually connecting with you, according to Tracey.

Pay attention to where he sits. Okay, so say you guys go out to dinner or sit together in the cafeteria or something. If he sits facing you and only you, that means he’s focused on you. But if he sits in a perfect people-watching spot, he’s not that into you?

Watch how he touches other people. If he has enjoys his personal space and doesn’t walk around hugging people or whatever, he’s not open to intimacy. Tracey says, “Physical distance often translates to emotional and sexual distance.”

Is this an indication of his hookup skills? | Source: ShutterStock

Look at how he holds your hand. Does he only lightly hold onto your fingertips? Bad sign, girl, bad sign. You’re getting warmer if he’s doing a traditional “palm-to-palm clasp,” but if he does that, don’t think he’ll be spontaneous in bed, because he won’t be. You’ve got a winner if intertwines your fingers together because that’s more erotic.

So, if you carefully study all of those actions, you should be able to determine whether he’s going to be a fun, exciting, passionate hookup… or if he’s going to be lame and shy and boring.

Or maybe you could just wait until you hook up with him to find out for yourself?

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m not buying these hookup clues. Okay, yes, some of these things do make sense. It would make sense for an outgoing guy who’s pretty passionate about everything in his life to be just as passionate when it comes to getting down and dirty. But, and this is a very important lesson, that doesn’t mean that always happens. You can be hanging with the most friendly, outgoing dude ever and then hook up with him and find that you’re just not into it. At the same time, you can hook up with a quiet guy who’s just not into holding hands and he could maybe even be the best hookup of your life.

Basically what I’m saying is that you don’t need these clues. Please don’t sit around and study your crush for all of these things and try to figure out whether he’s going to be good in bed or not. First of all, you’ll look a little crazy. Second of all, you could be missing out on something awesome. Maybe he’s nervous and uncomfortable around you because he likes you. That doesn’t mean he’s a bad hookup!

Doing this stuff is essentially judging a book by it’s cover and we’re not down with that at Gurl. What we are down with is giving people a chance to really show you what they can do rather than assuming you know what they’re going to be like based on a few clues you read about online. Trust us on this one – go with your gut, give everyone a fair chance and don’t take these hookup clues seriously.

Would you ever use these clues as a way to tell if a guy is a good hookup? Do you think this is stupid or good advice? Tell me in the comments.

7 ways men know if we’re good in bed

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Okay girls, listen up: we’ve discovered (or, you know, just read about) the secret to being happy with your sex life. And while I wish I could say it’s something awesome, it’s kind of not. In fact, it’s pretty disappointing.

A new study has found that the key to being happy with your sex life is to know that you’re having more sex than any of your friends. No, really, that’s what the study found. Apparently, we’re all sitting around comparing our sex lives to the sex lives of our friends, enemies and anyone else we know. And if we feel like we’re the ones who are getting it on the most, we’re going to be more pleased with ourselves and our sex lives.

Well, that’s kind of lame. The research, done at the University of Colorado Boulder also found that your sexual happiness also depends on how often you’re having sex – this one makes total sense. I mean, obviously if you’re not having sex, you’re not going to be happy with your sex life. Unless you don’t want to have sex. Then that’s a different story.

Tim Wadsworth, the professor who worked on this research, looked at data from over 15,000 people between 1993 and 2006 – so I’m going to go ahead and say these results seem pretty legit. After discovering that people are happier about their sex lives when they’re actually getting some, he found the other stuff. If respondents who were having sex two or three times a month knew that their friends were getting it on once a week (in other words, more than them), they were 14 percent less likely to report being happy with their sex lives – even if they had previously said they were happy with it.

Wadsworth says, “There’s an overall increase in sense of well-being that comes with engaging in sex more frequently, but there’s also this relative aspect to it. Having more sex makes us happy, but thinking that we are having more sex than other people makes us even happier.”

Have sex when YOU want to, not because others are doing it more. | Source: ShutterStock

So, is the key to a happy sex life really knowing that you’re having more sex than your friends? According to this study, apparently, but that still seems so silly to me! I mean, who cares what other people are doing? Who really cares how often your BFFs are getting laid? Just because they may be having sex more than you doesn’t mean they’re having better sex than you. Maybe they’re sleeping with someone who’s totally boring. And maybe you’re only having sex once in a while, but maybe that works for you. As the Huffington Post says, “knowing how you stack up to others only tells you if you’re average. It doesn’t tell you whether how much or little sex you’re having is right for your relationship.”

Another thing to keep in mind? Your friends could be lying to you. Maybe they’re telling you they have sex with their BF three times a week, but in reality, they’re only doing it three times a month. And then you go and feel all bad about your own sex life because you’re not doing it as much as them – doesn’t that seem pointless?

The moral of the story is this: Your happiness regarding anything, sex or not, should never be based on what other people are doing. Comparing yourself to others is always a slippery slope and almost never helps in making you feel better about yourself. The real secret to being happy with your sex life, or your life in general, is to stop caring what other people do or think and start caring about what makes you feel good.

Do you ever find yourself comparing your sex life to the sex lives of your friends? Would you feel bad about your sex life if you found out your friends did it more than you? Tell me in the comments!

The only relationship timeline you should follow

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