But if you’ve never done it before and you’re feeling a little shy, the big question on your mind is probably how to talk dirty. Take it from someone who won the accolade Most Shy in high school – talking dirty can be seriously nerve-wracking at first. The good news? I have a few tips on how you can start that will make the process as painless as possible. Check these out and keep them in mind the next time you’re in the middle of a hookup sesh. Who knows? A little mid-hook up sexy convo could totally be your thing!

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Practice Makes Perfect

If you're super nervous, try practicing your dirty talk in front of a mirror by yourself before you actually do it. You might feel really stupid and silly talking dirty alone in your room while staring at yourself, but who cares? Hearing yourself say the words out loud a few times will make you more comfortable and it will help you realize what you really want to say during the deed.

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Hand Out Some Compliments

Start off easy by simply complimenting your guy. Tell him how hot you think he is or how sexy his arms look. (Scientific fact: Guys love compliments on their arms. Love 'em). It doesn't really matter what it is you're complimenting him on - everyone loves hearing good things about themselves, especially when they're naked.

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Ask Him What He Likes

Before you work up the nerve to tell him exactly what to do to you, have him start by asking him what he wants. It's a super simple way to kick off the convo. Bonus? You'll get some tips on how to make the hookup even better.

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Tell Him What You Like

A huge part of dirty talk is telling your partner exactly what you like and what you want him to do to you. Don't feel awkward about this or worry that you're hurting his pride. The best part about this is that not only are you making things exciting, but you're really helping yourself out.

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Realize You Don't Have To Sound Like A Porn Star

If you've ever watched a porno, you've probably set the bar for dirty talk pretty high. But don't sweat it. That stuff is all fantasy and you're real life. You don't need to get super explicit with him. Simple phrases like, "That feels so good" totally work.

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Only Say What Makes You Feel Comfortable

On the same note, you also shouldn't say things you're not comfortable with. Don't say what you think he wants to hear - say what you want to say. Plain and simple.

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Slow and Steady Wins The Race

Sometimes, talking quietly and more slowly is more intimate and sexy than being super loud. And whispering can feel a lot more normal during a hook up than your speaking voice.

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Remember: Dirty Talk Is Not Necessary

Not feeling any of these tips? Don't worry about it. Dirty talk is not a mandatory part of hooking up. If you're not comfortable with it, don't. do it A make out sesh is best when you're feeling comfortable and confident, so you should never push yourself to do things you don't want to do. Ever.

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Do you ever get nervous about talking dirty? Which of these tips is most helpful to you? What advice would you give girls that we didn’t cover? Tell us in the comments!

Read this hilarious confession about dirty talk

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Are they talking about YOU? | Source: ShutterStock

Dear Ethan,

What do guys tell their friends about sex? Do they explain every detail? Do they lie about stuff they’ve done? Do they talk about it like girls do? Do you think my boyfriend is telling his friends all the stuff we do? HELP!!!!!

First of all, breathe, girlfriend, BREATHE!

The truth is, if it’s is a one-night-stand we’re dealing with, then all bets are off – he may, indeed, reveal every little detail about your encounter to his friends. I wish I could vouch for my gender and assure you that we are all virtuous and respectful – but most guys are not, especially when we have no intention of hooking up with a girl again. And, unlike girls, who talk about sex plenty with each other, but often focus on its more romantic aspects and use euphemisms for private parts, guys do talk about the specific sexual acts which are done to “tits,” “asses,” and other words unfit for print here. You will never hear a guy refer to a girl’s genitals as her “thing.”

While dudes who discuss intimate details with their closest friends are often inevitable annoyances, guys who can’t be stopped from gossiping in public should simply not be trusted. And guys who lie about sexual encounters, while far less common, should be avoided altogether. Their motives may vary from case to case, but the vast majority of guys who lie about this type of stuff are merely insecure and trying to impress their friends. Unfortunately, it’s often at your expense – so while you don’t have to wage war against them, no guy has the right to brag about something that never happened. Not cool.

Relationships follow an entirely different guy code. The general rule is that the longer the relationship, the deeper the love, and the more private the sex. After my first date with my current girlfriend, I couldn’t resist telling my best friend every little detail about the makeout session. Now, two years later, I wouldn’t be caught dead telling any of my buddies what color underwear she owns (stop asking, Dave). Ultimately, if your boyfriend is incapable of keeping your sex life in the bedroom, he’s too immature to be a boyfriend.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys get turned off by virgins?

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Um, WHAT did you just call me? | Source: ShutterStock

If there’s one thing girls can always bond about, it’s an embarrassing hookup story. Trust us: we all have them. So don’t be shy! Read this OMG reader hook-up confession, and then send your own to confession@gurl.com.

My boyfriend and I were hanging out one day when we started hooking up. We were all alone in his house, so obviously we started having sex. Things were going really great… at first.

He’s louder than most guys, so I’m used to him making a lot of noise and saying stuff while we’re hooking up. This time, he was groaning when all of the sudden he said, “Jenna!” Now, most people wouldn’t care about this too much, except… Jenna isn’t my name. Even worse? His MOM is named Jenna.

I quickly rolled off of him because I was totally freaked out. I didn’t even know what to say! He started stammering a lot, and finally he said that his ex-girlfriend’s name was Jenna also. We laugh about it now, but it was so scary and awkward when it happened.

Do you think you can top this confession? Send your hook-up confessions to confession@gurl.com. Don’t worry: they’re totally anonymous.

Read more hilarious hookup confessions here!

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Play hard to get today, be dating tomorrow? | Source: Shutterstock

Looking for a new honey this holiday? Well, according to the findings of a new four-part study, playing hard to get seems to be a strategy that works if you’re in the market for a relationship.

The study looked at college students, and found that male students looking to enter a relationship were more into girls that put up a hard-to-get front. The female students looking for relationships were like Goldilocks – they wanted a guy who played hard to get; not too much, not too little, but a “jusssstttt right” amount.

When it came for a casual hook-up though, a hard-to-get gal was not what the guys were going for, whereas women were more interested in casually hooking up with a guy who was more of a challenge to get. Eesh, relationships are a confusing game.

One experiment in the study tackled the “why” these college students played hard to get, finding that they were trying to make themselves more desirable to the object of their affection (always want what you can’t have, right?) and to get a sense of their suitor’s commitment to them.

So what about the “how?” A different experiment in the study found that common hard-to-get strategies among the group of students surveyed included “acting confident” and “talking to others.” Overall though, women were more likely to play hard to get, and according to the survey, the ladies did things like “not call” and “not talk a lot” more than the gents. Anyone guilty of these?

Now, just because this study found evidence that playing hard to get could work in your favor if you’re looking to lock down a guy, I thought up a couple things that I think may be considered taking “hard to get” just a litttttle too far:

1. Changing every single one of your contacts – cell phones, emails, profiles, etc. – so the person can’t get in touch with you at all.

2.Legally changing your name so he REALLY has to work to track you down.

3. Physically hiding in completely secluded places. You know, like a game of hide and seek, but he is entirely unaware that he is the seeker.

4. Taking a vow of silence. Even if he asks you a question, just stare blankly back.

5. Transferring schools. Or moving across the country… or to another country!

Whether you want to play hard to get or not, just make sure that when it comes to relationships, you’re doing what feels right for you. Different things feel right to different people, so going with what is best for you is most important!

What do you think about playing hard to get? Has playing hard to get worked for you before? How do you feel when the person you are interested in seems to be playing hard to get? Tell us in the comments!

Does Playing Hard To Get Really Make Guys Like You?

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Definitely a must-see.

Wow. The upcoming documentary film Subjectified looks seriously awesome. I’m not big on documentaries (unless they’re about animals – Planet Earth will forever be my favorite), but this is one that I will definitely make an exception for. The film takes on the issue of women and sexuality, interviewing nine young women about sex… and judging from the trailer, it looks like it’s going to be really honest, informational and something every girl will totally be able to relate to.

In the trailer, these ladies talk honestly abut sex – like honest in a way you probably talk to your best friend about sex. In just a minute and half, they cover topics like masturbation, using (or not using) condoms, sexual assault, virginity and more. At the end, one woman explains why she likes sex, saying: “It’s pleasurable, it’s enjoyable, it’s worth having.” It’s so refreshing to hear real thoughts like this from women, especially when it comes to sex.

According to the Subjectified website, the film “presents a real, human picture of women’s diverse sexual experiences from around the U.S. When it comes to sex, women are so often seen (on billboards or television), but their authentic voices are rarely heard. Subjectified lets women speak for themselves.”

The site goes on to explain that throughout the film, they’ll be interviewing nine very different young women, with stories everyone should be able to relate to. The site says, “The stories may sound familiar: young moms, abstinent Christians, lesbians, survivors of assaults and STDs.  But outside the world of reality TV and sound bites, women approach their lives in complex and unexpected ways: sometimes hilarious, sometimes sobering, and always heartfelt.  Subjectified will change the way you think about women’s sexuality.”

My favorite part of this trailer is when one girl says, “I think we judge each other a lot, which is sad considering we should be supportive of each other.” YES! I’ve always felt that way and I’m so glad to see there are other ladies out there who agree.

Where has this documentary been all my life? Here at Gurl we’re always encouraging girls to be open about their sexuality, because we know it’s not something to be ashamed of, no matter what you’re doing or what you’re into. Basically, this film is kind of going to be our new favorite thing ever. We’re thinking about having a viewing party. Any takers? Watch the trailer and you won’t be able to say no:

Do you want to see Subjectified? Do you feel like women don’t always get to be honest about their sexuality? Can you relate to any of the ladies in the trailer? Tell us in the comments!

Are you grossed out by sex? Find out if it’s normal

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So… what’s going on? | Source: ShutterStock

Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about wanting to have sex more than your boyfriend does: 

need2kno123 said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for eight months. I think we’re past our puppy love stage because lately it’s been more about hanging out than hooking up. He watched TV when we hang out, and says that when I want to cuddle I’m “being clingy.” And I also noticed that I want to have sex more than he does. You know how usually the girls are the ones who make up excuses like, “I’m tired”, “I don’t feel good”, “we already did at an hour ago”? He’s the one making those excuses. Is there something wrong with me? Is there any way to fix this? Help please!!! 

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Talk about your own anxiety or give this girl advice on how to deal in our boards.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

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Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about dealing with anxiety about sex: 

kubsaT said:

This feels ridiculous. I don’t feel normal, and wherever I look and whoever I talk to about it leaves me unsatisfied, because no one I have spoken to has been through this.

I have terrible anxiety. It messes with everyday life. (For example: school assemblies leave me sitting there feeling sick and tense, after just minutes I want to run out. For our school exams I hand in a note to allow me to have a seat at the rear of the hall away from everyone because it affects my ability to do my best, still though, I will sit there worrying about everything), aaand, it leaves me still a virgin. So, I am 17. This anxiety has been with me for over 5 years, and has proved more frustrating than I originally thought. As I have gotten older and reached my teen years, I have found my anxiety also affects my relationships (mentally, emotionally, and sexually).

Over a year ago, I finally began going out with someone I had had a ‘thing’ with for over a year and I was ecstatic to finally be together officially. We had talked about sex before and I had told him I was waiting until I was legal before considering it (the legal age is 16 in NZ). We had ‘sexted’ (I really don’t like that word), kissed, hugged, cuddled and such before going out, however, when we started dating (and I was 16) whenever we met up we went nowhere. We went out for only two months and the most we did was make out and hug. I felt terrible, like I had led him on as I would always tell him an excuse like ‘I like the cute innocence of our relationship for now’, ‘my uniform will get in the way’, ‘I’m not feeling 100%’ (sadly, these are real excuses I used).

I knew I was ready though. When I thought about him when I was at home ‘sexting’ him, I was always hot and bothered, yet I couldn’t come to tell him the truth when I said no to him in person… The truth being that I was over thinking everything because I had anxiety and was terrified I was going to disappoint him and not be ‘right’.

When I have told people this part, they always say that “if he thought that then he wasn’t good enough anyway” or “you’re fine how you are, and he didn’t see that then his loss” but girls, surely you understand that this is not realistic. As a 16 year old girl with her first serious boyfriend, those words would not help, because I knew he was lovely. But when I was with him, I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to let him down by doing something wrong or not being good enough.

I am so sorry this is long, but this is the first time I have properly explained how I have been feeling for years, this is my vent. And I beg of you, if anyone else finds they cannot find it in them to trust a person enough with their body, due to anxiety or otherwise, please comment. I want to know if i can feel confident one day, preferably soon. I really want to be able to be carefree and love life! Thank you all.

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Talk about your own anxiety or give this girl advice on how to deal in our boards.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

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Honestly? No, I don’t think you should be in a friends with benefits type of relationship with this dude. Why? Because it seems like you have very strong feelings for this guy – and trying to have sex with no strings attached when you really like a guy is a recipe for heartbreak and disaster. Getting yourself into a FWB relationship is only going to make things much more complicated for you.

I can totally understand that you want to at least be with this guy in some way. We’ve all been there, and we all know how much that feeling stinks. But you obviously want this dude to be your boyfriend, and he doesn’t want that – he even said it straight up to you. You shouldn’t lower your standards just so that you can be with him a little bit, because in the end, that is never going to make you happy.

I mean, yeah, it might make you happy in the moment, when you two are cuddling in his bed. But what about the next few days, when you haven’t heard from him? Or what about if you see him flirting with another girl? Or if you hear about him actually being with another girl? That’s going to really, really hurt.

While FWB’s can be fun at times, they almost never end well – especially when you go into the situation with strong feelings for the other person. Yes, it’s possible for him to change his mind, but honestly, it most likely won’t happen. You can’t go into this thinking that he might end up being your boyfriend, because those expectations are too high for a strictly hook-up relationship.

Honestly, this dude is basically asking if he can use you for sex. If you didn’t like the guy, and you wanted the same thing, then I would say try it. But you do want something more, which is why it’s a bad idea for you to get involved with him like this. If he really wanted to be with you, he would be willing to settle down now. Sometimes, it’s better to leave a guy hanging then to give him exactly what he wants. Maybe if he sees what he’s missing out on, he’ll change his mind about you. And if not? Well, it’s his loss.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Ask A Guy: How do I make my FWB my BF?

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It’s important to get to know your doctor. | Source: ShutterStock

The lovely ladies from ChickRX, a new hotspot online for expert advice on getting happy, healthy and hot have expert answers to your questions. The ChickRX ladies are going to have their experts answer one of your health questions every week. Just leave yours in the comments and yours could be next week’s question.

At what age should I start seeing a gynecologist?

ChickRx expert Dr. Mandi Beman, Ob/Gyn says…

First let’s talk about what a gynecologist actually is. A gynecologist (or gyno) a doctor who specializes in female health, specifically the reproductive organs. One of the things a gynecologist does is a regular physical exam to maintain female health.

So, what happens at this exam? Glad you asked. During this exam, the doctor will perform a pelvic exam where the vagina is opened with a speculum and the cervix (the opening to your uterus) is swabbed. This is called a pap smear which tests for cervical cancer. The doctor will also insert a gloved finger into the vagina to examine your uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes for any abnormalities. While this exam is certainly no birthday party, you will be happy to know this exam is simple and not painful. It is normal, however, to feel a little uncomfortable or embarrassed during your first exam.

Alright, now that we’ve gotten the basics out of the way, back to your question. When should you go to your first gynecologist visit? The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends that girls start to see a gynecologist sometime between the age of 13-15. Yeah, I know that sounds early and that’s because it is. A visit this early is important because it is important to develop a relationship with a gynecologist. By doing so, when you need to discuss difficult topics such as birth control and sexual activity, you already feel comfortable with that provider. It’s also important for you to talk with your gynecologist about things such as drugs, alcohol, smoking, sexual transmitted diseases (STDs), diet, exercise and dating violence. Starting with your gynecologist early means you can educate yourself before you face any of these issues in real life. Planning and education are crucial for making smart decisions in your life.

You’ll probably be relieved to know that if you’re between the ages of 13 and 15, your first visit will likely not include a pelvic exam. Once you turn 21, you will need a pelvic exam and pap smear. You may need a pelvic exam earlier if you are sexually active, at risk for STDs or have other concerns such as pelvic pain.

Remember gynecologists are there to help educate you and keep you healthy so start early!

Have you already been to the gynecologist? How was your first experience? Another out there nervous? Let me know in the comments.

More from Chick Rx: Should I get the HPV vaccine?

The Complete Guide To Going To The Gyno

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