I have been best friends with this guy since 7th grade, I’m in 10th grade now. We tell each other everything and we are extremely close. But in the past couple years he’s been trying to hook up with me. I don’t mind cause I’ve always had feelings for him, but I just can’t bring myself to do anything with him. This has happened multiple times. My friends say I should just go for it cause something good may come of it. But I’m too scared to take the risk. What should I do?

As you know, guy BFFs can be amazing and yes, it can get complicated because of how close you feel to him. I totally understand your dilemma: He means so much to you, that you worry if it’s worth the risk of saying something or not (and the possibility of rejection is scary!). You’ve shared so much these past few years, and I’m guessing he’s the one you want to confide in and have built great trust with—not to mention special memories! I can imagine how hard it must be to keep this inside, when you feel so open and free with him to let it rip about everything else. He’s been the one you spill everything to and suddenly, even though it’s only one little secret, it kind of becomes all you think about when you’re with him…and even when you’re not. Don’t you hate and love it at the same time, feeling that much for someone? Yes…No…tell him…don’t tell him…? Uuuggghhh!!

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To go for it or not to go for it…that is the question! I’m not saying it’s easy—I totally get the nerves you must be feeling! Here’s the good news: in your case, you already have the great benefit of knowing he DOES have feelings for you. Your situation feels like it is worth the risk to say something, knowing that once you do, even though it could change the dynamics of your friendship, it’s what you both want. And, like your other friends say, your relationship with this guy could be even more amazing than it is right now. I’m excited for you!!

An Ask Elizabeth girl I work with wanted to support you and share this with you: 17 year-old Abby went right to the heart of the question, “It’s such a risky thing. I know people think you can go back to being friends if it doesn’t work out, but that hardly ever happens. I feel like I want to say don’t date your best friend, but if you can’t date the guy you feel closest to, then who should you date?!?”

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-elizabeth

What do you think of Elizabeth’s advice? Should the gURL go for it? What would you do? Share your stories below.

Dear Heather,
I’ve been best friends with this guy for 3 years now. Recently when I was going through a tough breakup I said some things I shouldn’t about how I wish guys were more like him. It turns out that he’s been in love with me for these 3 years, but I tried to keep my distance hoping he would get over it. But he didn’t.

He has been steadily getting creepier and creepier. He even walked 5k to see me at work for 10 minutes! At this point, not wanting to lead him on, I let him know that I wasn’t interested but I hoped we could still be friends. Since then he has been pretty passive aggressive and we’ve fought a few times, mostly about my taste in guys, but then he apologizes and I let it go and we go back to our friendship.

But now I can’t take it anymore. I’m on the verge of dating this new guy and my guy friend is getting meaner and meaner. I feel awful for what he’s going through but I can’t blame myself because I don’t feel the same way. What can I do? Should I just cut off all contact with him so that he can get over me?

So far, your actions have been really great. Distancing yourself and directly telling him that you’re not romantically interested in him are two very important steps. He’s clearly not getting/believing the message that you two will never move out of the friend zone, so I think you should follow your gut and cut him off before he gets even creepier.

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I’m also glad that you’re not blaming yourself for your guy friend’s feelings. Some people may think his actions are sweet, but when he’s trekking to see you for a few minutes at work, fighting with you about your taste in men, and trying to control your life, he’s taken things too far and is no longer respecting your personal boundaries. It is not your responsibility to feel bad for him and date him, and while you did make a mistake in telling him that you wished more guys were like him, it’s not your fault that he read that incorrectly and is now creeping you out.

In the future, even if he never talks about being in love with you ever again, don’t talk to him about relationships or involve him in your love life. Find a gURL friend to talk to, or someone who truly has your best interest at heart and not their own.

|Heather helps a gURL who’s afraid her lack of love now will lead to problems in the future. WDYT?|

Good luck, stay strong, and let me know how to goes.

WDYT she should do, gURLs? Has a friend ever fallen for you? What happened? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

First of all, good for you for asking out the guy you liked! Not many gURLs would do that, so I applaud you for being so bold and making the first move with your crush. But I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t work out the way you’d anticipated them to.

Why was this guy being such a jerk? I can’t tell you. For some reason, guys sometimes think it’s funny to play with gURLs’ emotions, and unfortunately that’s something that they really won’t outgrow until they get older and more mature. Guys in middle school and high school can be real pests sometimes, can’t they?

|Think you’ll never get over it? Trust these gURLs — you will.|

But, you can’t let this get you down. What was a joke to this guy and his friends was just that — a joke. He was probably trying to look cool to his friends and figured that being obnoxious was the best way to do that. He most likely didn’t even factor your feelings into the equation at all and was just thinking about himself when he played you.

The truth is, this guy is probably so immature that if any gURL had asked him out he would’ve said “yes” as a joke to them too. You shouldn’t perceive it as a personal attack or him not liking you, because it’s obvious to me that this guy isn’t ready for a date with anyone.

|Not all gURLs are lucky in love. These have trouble finding boyfriends, too!|

As for how you can get over it? Promise me when I tell you that you will. It’ll probably take time, and it may take a few guys who do like you to realize that one not liking you doesn’t matter. But until that happens, just be proud of yourself for making the first move, and realize that this loser so isn’t worth your time anyway.

take care,

heather

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Ask yourself who you can picture being in your life the longest: your boyfriend or your boy friends? If you are head-over-heels in love and you feel fairly confident that the relationship isn’t a fleeting crush, maybe he’s worth holding on to.

On the other hand, if your guy friends are your best, best, best friends and not just dudes you crack jokes with in the back of math class, you might decide that friendship is more important to you than your flavor of the month.

Regardless of what you decide, making you choose between him and your friends is a pretty low move on your boyfriend’s part. Ever heard the phrase, “Bros before hos?” Not to say that your boyfriend is a “ho” — of course he isn’t — but it is pretty solid advice. If your boyfriend is jealous, explain to him that they’re just friends and that you’re dating him, not them, for a reason.

take care,
heather

What are you worried about? What’s troubling you? Let me help! Send your questions to heather@gurl.com.

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Wow, it seems to me like your friend isn’t being a very good friend to you at all. But I don’t think this spells out the end of the friendship…at least not yet. The first step is to have a talk with your friend, in person and with no one else around, where you explain your feelings. Tell her that you love her, and want to continue being her friend, but it is a bit hard for you when she is constantly putting you down in front of other people. (It helps to have specific examples ready, in case she doesn’t remember, which she probably won’t.)

To look at it from her side, boys are suddenly a crazy, exciting new world, one that she hasn’t really experience before. She’s learning about relationships, how to flirt, and what is successful when trying to attract a mate (if you look at it biologically). But none of that means she has to sacrifice your friendship. So explain to her how you feel, say you know and understand why she’s doing what she’s doing, and then ask her to simply tone it down.

You’re obviously not saying you don’t want her to ever talk to boys again, but she should treat you with respect when you’re in mixed company…or any company. If she refuses? Then she may not be your friend, but cross that bridge when you come to it.

take care,
heather

send in your questions for heather to heather@gurl.com.

have your friends ever ditched you for a guy? let us know in the comments below.

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!