Wondering how to date a man you like? According to “The Rules,” you have to leave him hanging. Lame! | Source: ShutterStock

A while ago, a book called The Rules came out, and it was basically a guide on how to date a man. A completely stupid, pointless guide that set women back about 40 years. Now, in the world of Facebook, match.com, and the like, an updated guide is available to set us back 20 more years, making that a total of 60.

The gist of it all? “If you want a guy to like you, don’t do anything. Just exist.” And I mean, fine–you’re wonderful, and that should be enough. But “The Rules” explain that how to date a man is actually to appear almost totally uninterested. You can’t approach him first, you can’t IM him first, nothing.

This is problematic for a few reasons. One, it’s pretty pointless to not go after what you want and just expect things to come to you. Two, if you act like you’re not interested, guess what? Guys may well assume you’re not interested, and they’ll move on to someone who makes no mistake that they like him back. And three? Well, it’s boring.

To be fair, some of their rules on how to date a man are fair enough: We like their “No contact after midnight” rule, because, well, those are booty call hours. If you’re looking for a hookup, by all means–but if you want him to date you, it’s probably a good idea to wait til the AM to respond.

Thankfully, a lot of us are smart enough to not buy into this nonsense. A new survey says 79 percent of us take the “why wait?” philosophy and initiate contact with dudes we dig online, whether it’s through a friend request, a tweet, or whatever. However, 71 percent of ladies agree with the book, which says to wait half an hour before texting a guy back–and 10 percent leave a dude hanging for four hours. Seems sort of hypocritical considering it drives you nuts when guys do that to you, doesn’t it?

Basically, The Rules wants you to start a relationship–or rather, wants the guy to start a relationship–based on game playing. It doesn’t sound like a really solid foundation, does it?

Our advice? Ignore all the rules on how to date a man. The real guide to how to date a man who deserves you–and the least stressful method–is to just be yourself and treat a guy the way you’d want him to treat you!

Do you think The Rules is a good guide on how to date a man? Do you think a  guy should always make the first move?  Tell us in the comments!

Hopefully your guy is a legit nice one–not one of these “nice guys!”

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Is he picking up on your crush vibes? | Source: Shutterstock

You’re crushing hard, but do you know what kind of vibe you are sending out to the object of your affection? Take our latest personality quiz to see what kind of signals you’re sending to that special crush.

Get started right here!

What do you think are the right vibes to give your crush? Can you tell when someone has a crush on you? Tell us in the comments!

What Does Your Room Say About You? Find Out With This Quiz!

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How to get a boy to like you? By not being able to walk away, apparently! | Source: ShutterStock

Here’s how it happened: I was home alone, and I have a habit of sitting with one leg curled under me. As a result, that foot falls asleep a lot. My doorbell rang, I ran downstairs to answer, and wound up twisting the heck out of my foot. Because it was asleep, I didn’t feel it right away–but when I got to my front door, I thought I was going to die. (For the record: It was a stranger asking me if I needed Jesus. After yelping in agony, I informed him that he would meet Jesus if they didn’t get off of my porch.)

I wound up breaking a bone in that foot (my metatarsus, which sounds like a dinosaur, doesn’t it?), so I couldn’t work out much . . . so I taught myself how to bake to pass the time. I’m not sure why I didn’t expect the end result to be none of my pants fitting, but whatever.

In any case, during that year, I got hit on more than I ever have in my entire life. I figured, “Okay, Jess. You look better with some more meat on your bones. Maybe that’s how to get a boy to like you.” Everywhere I went–the mall, the movies, parties–dudes wouldn’t leave me alone. I went to one concert and left with three different guys’ numbers. It was insane.

Thing is, the guys were all sort of creepy. The ones I bothered calling or answering were all very forward and clearly only after one thing. And it was sex. Apparently eating cake isn’t how to get boys to like you anywhere other than bed. (And none of them got me there.)

I had an epiphany this afternoon about that whole time, though. Once my foot healed, I didn’t get hit on as much–even though I didn’t shed all that weight right away. I realized: Maybe it wasn’t my change in weight. Maybe it was my limp.

My theory? If you’re desperate to know how to get a boy to like you and you don’t really care if he has creepy vibes, injure a lower limb, or maybe just stub your toe really hard. If you have a limp, guys will approach you. Not necessarily because they think you’re super cute (even though you are), but probably because they don’t think you’ll be able to run away fast enough to reject them. You’ll be beating them off with a stick. Or, you know, crutches.

(If you’re wondering how to get a boy to like you who isn’t a creep? Keep being you. You’re awesome.)

Have you ever had a guy approach you for a weird or unexpected reason? Have you ever resorted to crazy measures trying to figure out how to get boys to like you? Tell us in the comments!

We know what you’re really thinking when your crush rejects you!

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Other stuff you’ll love:

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Listen: the best/worst new song since “Friday” [HuffPost Teen]

Check out how Victoria Justice is doing good and helping out [Teen]

Find out why Emma Watson almost didn’t get into the US [Crushable]

Take a look at Justin Bieber’s new tattoo [Hollywire]

The 12 best, most accurate movies about life in your 20′s [College Candy]

Why men cheat and how to prevent it from happening to you [Your Tango]

9 things NOT to put on your resume [HerCampus]

6 ways to get out of any conversation [Smosh]

How to tell your friend you hate her boyfriend

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Play hard to get today, be dating tomorrow? | Source: Shutterstock

Looking for a new honey this holiday? Well, according to the findings of a new four-part study, playing hard to get seems to be a strategy that works if you’re in the market for a relationship.

The study looked at college students, and found that male students looking to enter a relationship were more into girls that put up a hard-to-get front. The female students looking for relationships were like Goldilocks – they wanted a guy who played hard to get; not too much, not too little, but a “jusssstttt right” amount.

When it came for a casual hook-up though, a hard-to-get gal was not what the guys were going for, whereas women were more interested in casually hooking up with a guy who was more of a challenge to get. Eesh, relationships are a confusing game.

One experiment in the study tackled the “why” these college students played hard to get, finding that they were trying to make themselves more desirable to the object of their affection (always want what you can’t have, right?) and to get a sense of their suitor’s commitment to them.

So what about the “how?” A different experiment in the study found that common hard-to-get strategies among the group of students surveyed included “acting confident” and “talking to others.” Overall though, women were more likely to play hard to get, and according to the survey, the ladies did things like “not call” and “not talk a lot” more than the gents. Anyone guilty of these?

Now, just because this study found evidence that playing hard to get could work in your favor if you’re looking to lock down a guy, I thought up a couple things that I think may be considered taking “hard to get” just a litttttle too far:

1. Changing every single one of your contacts – cell phones, emails, profiles, etc. – so the person can’t get in touch with you at all.

2.Legally changing your name so he REALLY has to work to track you down.

3. Physically hiding in completely secluded places. You know, like a game of hide and seek, but he is entirely unaware that he is the seeker.

4. Taking a vow of silence. Even if he asks you a question, just stare blankly back.

5. Transferring schools. Or moving across the country… or to another country!

Whether you want to play hard to get or not, just make sure that when it comes to relationships, you’re doing what feels right for you. Different things feel right to different people, so going with what is best for you is most important!

What do you think about playing hard to get? Has playing hard to get worked for you before? How do you feel when the person you are interested in seems to be playing hard to get? Tell us in the comments!

Does Playing Hard To Get Really Make Guys Like You?

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I’ve already touched on my love of holiday romance, and since the holidays are a season of many parties, there’s plenty of opportunities to seek out your crush and put in some quality flirting time. If you’re anything like me though, you don’t want to spend hours agonizing over what to stay and do – especially if that time stressing about how to flirt could be dedicated to fun winter break activities like sleeping in.

Based on everything we’ve learned about how to flirt, we’ve come up with a few shortcuts and hopefully these flirting tips will help you get right to the main point of your message: HEY I LIKE YOU! PLEASE LIKE ME TOO! Basically, our lazy girl’s guide to flirting seems pretty foolproof.

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Pucker Up

You've heard about girls plumping and pursing their lips to get attention? Throw a pair of wax lips candies in your purse and pop them in before engaging in any flirty conversation. Your crush will be spellbound by your flirty pout.

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Cast Your Gaze

Batting your eyelashes is a great way to flirt. Leave your glasses and contacts at home. That seductive look as you squint and blink to try and see your crush's face two feet in front of you will be irresistible.

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Be Loud And Clear

You want to make sure your crush hears all the funny and charming things you're going to say when you flirt. Make it as easy as possible by amplifying it with your own handheld megaphone.

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Make Your Like Public

Take a picture across the room with your phone, upload it your Facebook and like it. Walk over and show him that you already “like” him. It's Facebook official! He’ll be impressed by how you don't fear commitment, not to mention your quick technology skills.

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Show, Don't Tell

Bring some snacks over to your crush to serve with a great pick-up line: “Hey just so you know, I think you’re really hot…. Even hotter than the twelve jalapenos I just slipped into that dip.” As he suddenly gets the hit of hot peppers, your crush really get a sense of how just how hot you think that is. That’s pretty special.

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Power of Poetry

Remember all those Shakespeare love poems from English class? Take a cue from the Bard and conduct all your conversations in rhyming couplets. Your crush will be swept away by your romantic poetry. What rhymes with "That's cool your favorite color is orange?"

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Be Scent-sational

A signature scent is important to leave a lasting impression when you get in close to your flirting target. You want to make sure you're unforgettable so skip the regular perfume that the other girls may be wearing and grab one of those car air fresheners to wear around your neck. Bonus points: it's basically cool jewelry!

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Twirl It Up

One of the oldest flirting trick is the hair twirl. Make it super obvious by chopping off most of your hair, but leaving one long lock the regular length that you can keep twirling and twisting all night. With basically no other hair on your head, nothing else will distract your crush from the twirl. An added bubble gum twirl from your mouth is equally as alluring.

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Give Obvious Signs

You want to make sure that your crush knows those "accidental" hand grazes are actually totally intentional flirting. Paint your hands (it can even match your outfit if you like!) so your crush doesn't mistakenly think your hands touching it was a figment of the imagination. Oh no, you did try to hold hands already.

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Continue The Conversation

As you're walking away, slip him a napkin with your phone number written on it. But just in case something happens to it, also include your home phone, your email address, your Twitter profile, your YouTube user name, your Tumblr handle, your Facebook URL, and a flirty note that reads "Now you have no excuse for not to getting in touch with me!!!! MWAHAHA!!!!!"

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What do you think of our flirting tips? Do you think you’re good at flirting? What advice would you give a girl who is wondering how to flirt? Tell us in the comments!

How To Get His Attention…Really

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We talk a lot about how to deal with crushes here on Gurl. But what we don’t talk about is how to deal with no crushes, which can be just as stressful. Scratch that. It can be even more stressful. Well, no sweat. Sara’s here to help you through your crush desert and make you feel great about your crush status, no matter what it is. Whether you have a crush or not.

Can you relate? Do you have crushes or feel like you should have a crush just to fit in? Tell us in the comments!

Are You And Your BFF Into The Same Guy?!

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The 20 hottest short dudes in Hollywood [Hollywire]

Justin Bieber’s manager is furious that he wasn’t nominated for a Grammy [Crushable]

28 reasons why kids ruin Christmas [Buzzfeed]

7 unbelievable but true benefits of having sex [Your Tango]

If he sexts you, does that mean he doesn’t want a relationship? [HerCampus]

Why was One Direction pulled over by the cops? [Teen]

5 cute animals that have killed people in real life [Smosh]

How to make the cutest snow globe ever 

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

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Ladies, working to get his attention is a subtle art, one that rarely involves being totally transparently honest. I mean, can you imagine flirting with total honesty? “JAKE LOOK OVER HERE I LOVE YOU!” That’s how I’d sound, at least. Instead, we use sneaky little sayings, imagination tickles, and pretty little lies to get your guy right where you want him! What are some other ways you snag your man’s attention? Leave them in the comments–I’m always looking for new tricks.

When He Calls

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She said: Yeah I’ve got the syllabus somewhere in my bag but hey can I call you right back? I just got out of the shower…I’m all wet.

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She meant: False. I’m  watching Nashville in sweats and Uggs…but why not let you picture something far more interesting, right??

While Working Out

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She said: I’ve been doing yoga all month and I’ve FINALLY mastered the splits!

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She meant: Yesssss I am quite flexible, aren’t I? Oh and you just happen to have a small car with a teeny tiny backseat? What a coincidence!

At the Mall

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She said: Oh ya know just picking up a few…things…at Victoria’s Secret. NBD. What are you up to?

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She meant: I bought a lip gloss but made them give me the extra large bag just so your imagination would run wild!

Accentuating Your Best Features

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She said: Hey what do you think of this lip gloss? I just got it…

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She meant: And now you’re staring at my plumped, glossy lips. Yes I feel kind of stupid puckering in your face but this is SO gonna be worth it when these lips are on his under the mistletoe!

Using Your Outfit Strategically

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She said: Cold? No I’m so hot! In fact, I should probably just take off this sweater…

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She meant: Do you think I spent $50 on this Victoria’s Secret push-up so I can sequester it away under some lame sweater? I think it’s time to let my oh-so-low-cut camisole do the talking!

In Class:

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She said: Hey do you want to study for the quiz together?

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She meant: Okay, so we both know I’m acing this one, but that’s perfect because now I can tune out whatever you’re saying while we study and just stare at your face.

Chatting About Your Weekend

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She said: Not much, just grabbed some dinner at this little hole-in-the-wall churrascaria place near–wait you studied abroad in Brazil? Get out! I’m learning Portuguese right now!

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She meant: I’m so not doing any of those things. But I am spending hours sifting through your Facebook page and then fabricating my weekend plans accordingly.

The Lazy Girl’s Guide To Get His Attention!

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What is it about bad boys that make them so much more irresistible than, well, good guys? You know what I’m talking about – those dudes you crush on who you know you shouldn’t be crushing on. Those guys who lie, can’t commit, flirt with other girls right in front of you, string you along, play hard to get like it’s their job and just generally make you miserable. Yeah, those guys.

It’s easy to laugh at the “pathetic” looking girls who chase around guys like this, but let’s admit it: we’ve all been there at some point in our lives. I have several friends who are hanging out with guys like this right now, and as much as I want to shake them until they see the reality of the situation, I know they need to figure it out the hard way. I also remember being in that situation quite a few times myself – and I think we can all agree that it stinks. So why do we keep falling for guys like this when we know they’re only going to disappoint us in the end?

According to a new psychiatric study, we actually do enjoy these sort of unpredictable relationships (is he going to call me back? Is he going to blow me off tomorrow? Does he want to be more than just FWB?!), as much as we say we don’t. And, hey, this applies just as much to guys as it does to girls, by the way. The New York Times recently wrote about this study, which monitored 17 subjects’ brains using MRI scans. The study found that a person’s pleasure center lights up way more when it’s presented with an unpredictable pattern. In simple terms? These people were happier when they were surprised or presented with something they didn’t expect. Basically, no matter how much we all crave a stable, loving relationship, us humans really love variety and unpredictability – playing hard to get.

It makes sense, because think about it: bad boys give us just that. We never know what they’re up to or what their next move is going to be. Not knowing what’s going to happen next is exciting for us, even though it also makes us miserable. Or at least, it’s more exciting than knowing that you’re going to see your BF tomorrow and he’s going to call you before he goes to bed.

This study might explain some of your confusion. | Source: ShutterStock.com

Does that sound crazy? Um, yeah, a little bit. But at the same time, I totally get it. When I was in college, I was mysteriously only into guys who just weren’t that into me (don’t laugh – you’ve done it). We would hang out and have a good time, and we’d be sort of dating, but those guys would never make a real commitment to me. I never knew when I was going to get a call from them or if they were actually going to follow through with our plans. And as much as I complained about how much of jerk each of these guys were, I actually liked not knowing what was going to happen. Every time one of those guys blew me off or ignored my texts or liked another girl’s Facebook profile picture, my crush would grow even stronger.

Whenever I think about that incredibly frustrating period of my life, I’ve always chalked it up to low self-esteem, and I do still think that that has a lot to do with it. But this new study makes sense also. Whenever a guy actually showed interest in me, I’d be into it at first – and then he would text me a lot and always be available and always ask me out, and I would be like, “huh, this is boring.” I used to think I was just crazy, but thinking back, those dudes just weren’t as exciting to me as the bad guys I was crushing on. In short? I loved the whole hard to get game.

The study also found that people might not even be aware that their brain is enjoying these unpredictable reactions more than the predictable ones – which explains why we’re always like, “WHY do I like this loser?! Why, why, why?!” It also explains why we want to stop being with these guys, but we sort of can’t help it.

But if you’re thinking of using this new info as an excuse to legitimize your “relationship” with that jerk you’ve been hooking up with, don’t. In the NY Times article, Richard A. Friedman writes, “None of this is to say that just because our reward circuits light up in the face of unanticipated rewards, that we are off the hook. Far from it. We use conscious knowledge to override our unhealthy or undesirable impulses all the time. Except for a few limited circumstances, we are expected to be in charge of our brains.”

So here’s the thing, ladies: yes, that bad boy in your English class might be totally unpredictable and exciting, but in the end, he’s still not worthy of your time. Yeah, maybe you’ll subconsciously enjoy his spontaneous behavior, but it’s up to you to determine that it’s ultimately only going to make you sad. I think a little unpredictability can be good in a relationship – but as with most things, too much is bad news. Don’t be fooled by those stupid little reward circuits in your brain – apparently, they don’t know what’s really best for you.

Are you attracted to bad boys? Do you sort of like playing hard to get? Do you think this study makes sense? Tell us in the comments!

Does playing hard to get really make a guy like you?

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