Seeing him with someone else isn’t so bad Source Shutterstock

I dated this guy for about three years in college, and we had a pretty nasty breakup. We both moved on but didn’t speak for a very long time.

Well I heard from him recently. He said he still thought about me all the time, but he’s been channeling everything that went wrong into making his new relationship work. I felt like he was checking in to see if I was miserable because he was finally happy with someone else.

I didn’t want the conversation to carry on. So when he was going on about his newfound love, I said I was glad that he was happy and I truly hoped things work out for them. I meant it, but he seemed surprised.

It can be really difficult to say you’re happy for your ex, but here are ten reasons why I really am.

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Our relationship became toxic

After about a year, we were fighting constantly and threatening breakups every other week. If we were still together, it would have just gotten worse every day.

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He's not my mess anymore

I felt like a mom more than a girlfriend most of the time. Yes, you want to take care of who you’re dating but without feeling like a parent.

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He needed someone different from me

I’m a pretty anxious and intense person, and he was super laid back about everything. Opposites attract, but sometimes not enough to last.

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I didn't want to move to Florida

I’m a Southern girl, but I always had a life plan to move to New York. He wanted to move back home after college and live in Florida. Forever. My hair can’t handle that humidity.

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I learned a lot

As tumultuous as it was, I can say that I learned a lot during the course of our relationship. Looking back, I know how to deal with issues that I didn’t before. Moving forward, my relationships will be much more healthy.

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I grew up

Two years ago, I wouldn't have written this article. That relationship kept me in a very immature state of my life where I was trying to move forward, but I just couldn’t because I was stuck.

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Closure

I moved on quickly after our relationship ended, but he didn’t. I was the bad guy. So to see him really move on with someone who’s right for him makes me feel better.

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I've dated some great guys since then

I had another serious relationship after this one, which I am so grateful for even though it didn’t work out. But I’ve dated some really wonderful guys.

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He's really happy

And that makes me happy. I was with him for three years, and while I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I still care about his wellbeing.

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I'm really happy

If I were miserable, I’d probably get really thrown off whenever I heard from him. But I’m not, so all is well.

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There are some exes that I don’t like to hear from ever, but it’s really nice to have those that still care about how you are. I’m not going to go hang out with this one in my spare time or anything. It’s comforting to know that we don’t hate each other like we did right after our breakup.

It takes a while to get to the point where you can be happy about your ex being with someone else. Or just being in general.  Most of the time it has to do with you being happy with yourself.

Is your ex dating someone new? How do you feel about it? Are there any exes that you’re truly happy for? Tell me in the comments!

This girl isn’t so happy with her ex, so she gets revenge instead!

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RIP Jelena: After Justin Bieber hung out with her ex, Nick Jonas, Selena Gomez broke it off for good! | Source: WENN

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have had a rocky relationship for a while. They broke up about a month ago, and Justin was hanging out with Victoria’s Secret models–not good. He had to work extra hard to win her back, and it looks like he blew it again. Another guy came between Selena and Justin: Nick Jonas. But not in the way you might expect.

It wasn’t Selena Gomez hanging out with the Jonas Brother. Rather, Justin hung out with Selena’s ex, Nick, in the recording studio and apparently beat the snot out of him in a ping pong match. The guys then tweeted about it (ouch!). This all set Selena off. “Justin and Nick Jonas hung out all night,” a source told Hollywood Life. “Selena was crying about it. He wouldn’t even return her calls when she found out and called him up. Hanging out with Nick proved that he wants to just be a jerk about this, and Selena’s sick of being heartbroken. They are finished, and I think it’s for good this time.”

Now, this is kind of a toughie. You can’t control who your boyfriend is friends with, but we can totally understand why Selena wouldn’t necessarily want Justin bonding with her ex–that’s uncomfortable and awkward: What if they’re talking about her? It’s just a weird situation all around.

How should you deal with your guy being friends with your ex? That depends on a few things.

First, were they friends before you started dating? Then you have less leeway, because it’s something you knew going in. You can try to set boundaries: “Hey, can you just not bring my name up? Or hang out when I’m around?” and if he’s worth your time, he’ll understand.

If they became pals after you got together, that’s a little weird, but not necessarily bad: If you and your ex are both genuinely over one another, you can just try to keep a safe yet civil distance. If you think there’s going to be drama, though, you may want to lay down the law with your dude. In addition to the guidelines listed before, you may also want to ask him why he’s suddenly BFFs with your old boyfriend just to get a better understanding of the situation: Do they both love ping pong? Are they each the only other guy they know who’s really into Deadpool? It may be innocent enough. Also consider this: Do you live in a small town? It may be a situation of proximity and a lack of other bromance options. Though Justin Bieber and Nick Jonas are pretty popular, in Hollywood, it’s a pretty small circle, and everyone is bound to run into one another at some point.

Obviously, having your boyfriend playing video games with your ex is a little awkward and may be off-putting. But if you’re secure in your relationship (and in yourself) and truly past your former flame, it doesn’t need to be as dramatic as the dilemma Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber got into with Nick Jonas. We think the issues Selena and Justin had before just made what may have not been a huge deal otherwise into a bad situation … and maybe inspired that dance!

Do you think Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are broken up for good? Do you think Justin Bieber hung out with Nick Jonas just to make Selena Gomez upset, or that it was a more innocent meeting than she thinks? How would you feel if your boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly started hanging out with your ex? Tell us in the comments!

Taylor Swift doesn’t want Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber to ever, ever get back together!

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Taylor Swift is wearing the best revenge on an ex: A smile! (Okay, and a cute coat.) | Source: WENN

In a new interview, Taylor explains that “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is “a definitive portrait of how I felt when I finally stopped caring what my ex thought of me.” But did she really stop caring if she, you know, wrote a song about it? She explained that she still needed to get back at a guy who “made me feel like I wasn’t as good or as relevant as these hipster bands he listened to,” she said. “So I made a song that I knew would absolutely drive him crazy when he heard it on the radio. Not only would it hopefully be played a lot, so that he’d have to hear it, but it’s the opposite of the kind of music that he was trying to make me feel inferior to.” Taylor, remember how Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”? Remember it!

Taylor’s right–it does get played a lot. A lot. but if he likes hipster bands, chances are he’s not into the radio stations that play her songs anyway. So why bother dwelling on an ex and talking smack about them? Taylor said simply, “Because that’s fun.”

To be fair, it sounds like this dude (cough, Jake, cough) really did a number on her. She wrote her song “All Too Well” two years ago when she was pretty fragile. “There’s a kind of bad that gets so overpowering you can’t even write about it,” Taylor said of her post-split state (she didn’t say who, but do the math). “When you feel pain that is so far past dysfunctional, that leaves you with so many emotions that you can’t filter them down to simple emotions to write about, that’s when you know you really need to get out.”

But aside from writing songs that break records, Taylor Swift finally mastered the real art of revenge: Living well and moving on. It’s a lesson we can all learn: Letting yourself be happy feels a lot better than feeling resentful, and chances are your ex has moved on, too. “I can say I’d honestly rather be happy than have 30 to 40 songs that I’ve written about these thrilling, exciting, horrible, unhappy times,” Taylor admitted. “I know red flags, and I steer away from them, because I have a priority on being happy. At some point, you grow out of being attracted to that flame that burns you over and over and over again. Thankfully, I hadn’t learned that lesson yet when I wrote this record.”

We’re thankful for that, too. If only because Taylor Swift writes some of the best breakup songs in the biz!

Do you agree with Taylor Swift about getting back at your exes or do you think it’s better to move on? What’s your favorite Taylor Swift song? Are you looking forward to Taylor Swift’s Red? Tell us in the comments!

Taylor Swift + Katy Perry both dated John Mayer–here’s why he’s bad news!

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When it comes to his ex, Zayn looks the other way. | Source: Daniel Deme/WENN.com

While it’s true that one of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend of mine, and I think it’s good to part ways on good terms whenever possible–sometimes that’s simply not possible and that’s okay, too.

Most of us have plenty of friends (or at least could make new ones if we wanted to). So, if you and your dude were never friends outside your relationship, how exactly are you going to form a “just friends” relationship once you split? It’s hard! I’m not saying it can’t happen (in fact, I’m proof that it can) but it is hard sometimes.

Which is why I think it’s totally fine and normal for One Direction’s Zayn Malik to admit that he and his ex, fellow X-Factor alum Rebecca Ferguson, just don’t communicate. He said, “It did end quite badly, so we don’t talk anymore.”

Honestly, I think that’s a super respectful way for him to put it. He’s not placing blame. He’s not pointing fingers, he’s just saying, “Look, it was bad, now it’s over, and we’re through. Really.”

Sometimes a clean break really is the best thing.

What do you think, girls? Do you think you should try to be friends with your exes, or is that a waste of time? Tell me in the comments!

Maybe Katy Perry Should Follow Zayn’s Example!

Catch Us On The Tweet Side!

Nick Jonas was Miley Cyrus’ first love, and they broke up and got back together quite a few times. | Source

If you want an ex back, even after a long time, you’re in good company. A new study says that one in five of us want to reunite with a former flame–and nearly one in four guys want an ex back, too–and they specifically want their first love back. And a lot of people are doing something about it.

About 14 percent of people who want an ex back actually make contact with their first love in an effort to win them over (we guess Kristen Stewart’s in that camp). Here’s what’s interesting: Even if they do want an ex back, women and girls are less likely to actually make the first move to do it. Four in ten of us who do, though, want to seduce the guy. Ow ow!

Of course, Facebook makes it easier to connect with your first love (or your second, third, fourth…), and a lot of us put it to use. In fact, 74 percent of us use FB to link up with (or at least lurk) our exes. Dudes, however, are more likely to use email or texting than social networking to check in on a former love. Why? One expert explains, “Men are more likely to fall into this bracket because they are less monogamous and they have lower emotional intelligence than women.” Basically, dudes are a little dumber and a bit more likely to stray. Great!

The good news amid all of these numbers? If you want an ex back, there’s about 25 percent chance that he wants you back, too–those are pretty good odds! The bad news? Reuniting with your first love usually doesn’t work out the way we hope it will.

If we dated Ryan Gosling back in the day, we’d want an ex back too! | Source

Psychologists say that we have a habit as human beings to rewrite and romanticize history in terms of our first love. As in, we remember the time he brought us flowers when we were sick and conveniently forget that time he grabbed our cousin’s butt on Thanksgiving. One expert put it this way: “These people, particularly men, who pine after their first love are probably doing so because they’re unhappy about something in their current relationship but are afraid to confront it. It is escapism and avoidance and it’s not healthy.” That means when we’re lonely or unsatisfied in a relationship, we tend to look back at our first love and reminisce instead of dealing with whatever our current issue is. Yikes!

So if you want an ex back, make sure that’s really what you want–and that you’re not just scared of flying solo or lying to yourself about how perfect you guys used to be together. Because chances are if a relationship ends, it ends for a reason. Like in Miley’s case, upgrading to Liam Hemsworth.

Do you still reminisce about your first love? Do you want an ex back? How of ten do you think about or hit up your first love? Tell us in the comments!

Is It Okay To Date Your Friend’s Ex?!

Catch Us On The Tweet Side!

Can't see eye to eye? Then you're better off without him! | Source: Shutterstock

How do I get over him? Ugh. Breakups are tough. Even if it’s not dramatic, even it’s mutual–at the end of the day, they still hurt. And if you really like the guy or gal? They hurt lot. And it’s so much worse when it’s someone you see around all the time–it’s like your split keeps getting thrown in your face, so you have no choice but to be miserable… Or do you?

There are ways to make a breakup hurt less and for a lot less time.

The main thing? You have to truly want to get over him, not just go through the motions and secretly wish you’ll get back together later!

Once you get to that point, if you play your cards right, instead of asking yourself “How do I get over him?” he’ll be asking, “How did she get over me so fast?!” Except by then, you won’t care that he said that, because you’ll be over him. Funny how that works, right? Now read on for all the steps to get a lame ex out of your hair–and your heart–for good!

Open wiiide (or not!) | Source: Shutterstock

Some dude in London made an appointment to get his teeth checked by his ex, who happens to be a dentist. I guess he figured everything was okay enough between them for her to help him with his tooth ache–but he was totally wrong, because it turned out his ex was completely and totally nuts. We’re talking Crazypants Island here.

Get this–she drugged him, then pulled out all of his teeth, leaving him completely toothless.

Obviously he’s pissed . . . but she’s the one who looks like a complete psychopath (I don’t want her working on my teeth!). Not only could she face three years in prison for her biting revenge tactics, but she might lose her dental license, too!

Just goes to show that when it comes to getting revenge on an ex, you might want to stick with drawing devil horns on a picture of him–or throwing out that awesome lame shirt he lent you.

Have you ever wanted to get revenge on an ex? Tell us all about it in the comments!

Here’s How To Avoid Being The Scary Ex!

I couldn't tear myself away! | Source: facebookjustice.wordpress.com

Oh, not that kind of stalker. Not the illegal kind. Not the kind who lurks in the bushes outside her victim’s house, scheming and sobbing and spying through the windows. I was a Facebook stalker–where even the most casually curious observer can see all the photos, updates and intimate details of someone’s life at the mere click of a mouse? Oh, I stalked. I stalked HARD.

I stalked my high school’s mean girls — the ones who called me “fat-ass” when I sprouted womanly hips during sophomore year–and chuckled with malicious glee when a beach vacation photo album revealed their spare tires and cellulite and stretch marks galore. I stalked my fifth grade frenemy, clicking backward through tons of wall posts to find the place where her marriage had unraveled. And, of course, I wouldn’t be a very good Facebook stalker unless I stalked my exes.

What were they doing? Who were they dating? In the aftermath of our breakups, had they become handsome and accomplished and enviably successful? Or were they sad, sloppy shadows of their former selves and full of regret that they’d ever let me–the one perfect girl they’d ever know–get away?

It was as addictive as candy! | Source: phill.co

Naturally, it was for this one, more than any other guy, that I put my Facebook stalker skills to use. Secretly, shamelessly, clicking through his photo albums and friendships in search of any evidence that he was getting his cosmic comeuppance. I am not embarrassed to admit that, each time I visited, I hoped to see that he had lost his job. Or his hair. Or his penis, preferably in an accident involving a factory fire and at least one shark.

But it was also this same ex who brought my stalking to an end… when, mere hours after posting to friends and family that I’d gotten some incredible and long-awaited job-related news, I received a sarcastically congratulatory–and typically smarmy–message from him. Turns out, he’d been stalking my profile just as hard as I’d been stalking his (and possibly harder).

Not anymore! | Source: blog.hudsonhorizons.com

And if, through the karmic magic of the universe, he does end up losing his penis in a terrible shark fire? I’m sure I’ll find out on Twitter.

Have you ever been a Facebook stalker? Who were you spying on? Did you stop or are you still Facebook stalking? Do you think you have a Facebook stalker? Fess up in the comments!
facebook stalker

Memories...

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should biebs be jealous?

Even though Selena Gomez is official (without actually confirming it) with Justin Bieber, that doesn’t mean he’s the only guy in her life. In fact, the gURL still hangs out with her ex, Nick Jonas.

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Says Selena, “I try to be a good person and a good friend to people…. That’s something that’s very important to me. Nick is a very good friend. He’s a lovely guy, we’re good friends and I enjoy his company!”

Do you feel the same way about your ex? Are you two still friends? Does it make your current sweetie jealous? Discuss!

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!