Seeing him with someone else isn’t so bad Source Shutterstock

I dated this guy for about three years in college, and we had a pretty nasty breakup. We both moved on but didn’t speak for a very long time.

Well I heard from him recently. He said he still thought about me all the time, but he’s been channeling everything that went wrong into making his new relationship work. I felt like he was checking in to see if I was miserable because he was finally happy with someone else.

I didn’t want the conversation to carry on. So when he was going on about his newfound love, I said I was glad that he was happy and I truly hoped things work out for them. I meant it, but he seemed surprised.

It can be really difficult to say you’re happy for your ex, but here are ten reasons why I really am.

Skip this Ad

Next

ADVERTISEMENT

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Our relationship became toxic

After about a year, we were fighting constantly and threatening breakups every other week. If we were still together, it would have just gotten worse every day.

Source Shutterstock

He's not my mess anymore

I felt like a mom more than a girlfriend most of the time. Yes, you want to take care of who you’re dating but without feeling like a parent.

Source Shutterstock

He needed someone different from me

I’m a pretty anxious and intense person, and he was super laid back about everything. Opposites attract, but sometimes not enough to last.

Source Shutterstock

I didn't want to move to Florida

I’m a Southern girl, but I always had a life plan to move to New York. He wanted to move back home after college and live in Florida. Forever. My hair can’t handle that humidity.

Source Shutterstock

I learned a lot

As tumultuous as it was, I can say that I learned a lot during the course of our relationship. Looking back, I know how to deal with issues that I didn’t before. Moving forward, my relationships will be much more healthy.

Source Shutterstock

I grew up

Two years ago, I wouldn't have written this article. That relationship kept me in a very immature state of my life where I was trying to move forward, but I just couldn’t because I was stuck.

Source Shutterstock

Closure

I moved on quickly after our relationship ended, but he didn’t. I was the bad guy. So to see him really move on with someone who’s right for him makes me feel better.

Source Shutterstock

I've dated some great guys since then

I had another serious relationship after this one, which I am so grateful for even though it didn’t work out. But I’ve dated some really wonderful guys.

Source Shutterstock

He's really happy

And that makes me happy. I was with him for three years, and while I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I still care about his wellbeing.

Source Shutterstock

I'm really happy

If I were miserable, I’d probably get really thrown off whenever I heard from him. But I’m not, so all is well.

Source Shutterstock

There are some exes that I don’t like to hear from ever, but it’s really nice to have those that still care about how you are. I’m not going to go hang out with this one in my spare time or anything. It’s comforting to know that we don’t hate each other like we did right after our breakup.

It takes a while to get to the point where you can be happy about your ex being with someone else. Or just being in general.  Most of the time it has to do with you being happy with yourself.

Is your ex dating someone new? How do you feel about it? Are there any exes that you’re truly happy for? Tell me in the comments!

This girl isn’t so happy with her ex, so she gets revenge instead!

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

RIP Jelena: After Justin Bieber hung out with her ex, Nick Jonas, Selena Gomez broke it off for good! | Source: WENN

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have had a rocky relationship for a while. They broke up about a month ago, and Justin was hanging out with Victoria’s Secret models–not good. He had to work extra hard to win her back, and it looks like he blew it again. Another guy came between Selena and Justin: Nick Jonas. But not in the way you might expect.

It wasn’t Selena Gomez hanging out with the Jonas Brother. Rather, Justin hung out with Selena’s ex, Nick, in the recording studio and apparently beat the snot out of him in a ping pong match. The guys then tweeted about it (ouch!). This all set Selena off. “Justin and Nick Jonas hung out all night,” a source told Hollywood Life. “Selena was crying about it. He wouldn’t even return her calls when she found out and called him up. Hanging out with Nick proved that he wants to just be a jerk about this, and Selena’s sick of being heartbroken. They are finished, and I think it’s for good this time.”

Now, this is kind of a toughie. You can’t control who your boyfriend is friends with, but we can totally understand why Selena wouldn’t necessarily want Justin bonding with her ex–that’s uncomfortable and awkward: What if they’re talking about her? It’s just a weird situation all around.

How should you deal with your guy being friends with your ex? That depends on a few things.

First, were they friends before you started dating? Then you have less leeway, because it’s something you knew going in. You can try to set boundaries: “Hey, can you just not bring my name up? Or hang out when I’m around?” and if he’s worth your time, he’ll understand.

If they became pals after you got together, that’s a little weird, but not necessarily bad: If you and your ex are both genuinely over one another, you can just try to keep a safe yet civil distance. If you think there’s going to be drama, though, you may want to lay down the law with your dude. In addition to the guidelines listed before, you may also want to ask him why he’s suddenly BFFs with your old boyfriend just to get a better understanding of the situation: Do they both love ping pong? Are they each the only other guy they know who’s really into Deadpool? It may be innocent enough. Also consider this: Do you live in a small town? It may be a situation of proximity and a lack of other bromance options. Though Justin Bieber and Nick Jonas are pretty popular, in Hollywood, it’s a pretty small circle, and everyone is bound to run into one another at some point.

Obviously, having your boyfriend playing video games with your ex is a little awkward and may be off-putting. But if you’re secure in your relationship (and in yourself) and truly past your former flame, it doesn’t need to be as dramatic as the dilemma Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber got into with Nick Jonas. We think the issues Selena and Justin had before just made what may have not been a huge deal otherwise into a bad situation … and maybe inspired that dance!

Do you think Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are broken up for good? Do you think Justin Bieber hung out with Nick Jonas just to make Selena Gomez upset, or that it was a more innocent meeting than she thinks? How would you feel if your boyfriend or girlfriend suddenly started hanging out with your ex? Tell us in the comments!

Taylor Swift doesn’t want Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber to ever, ever get back together!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Remember how Taylor and Conor Kennedy broke up a couple months back? Well it was actually Conor’s dad, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. who presented Taylor with this award. We know that Taylor is a classy girl and that this award goes way beyond who’s dating who–but we still imagine it could have been a teensy bit awkward for her to be up there with her ex-boyfriend’s dad. Right?

It’s usually inevitable that after a breakup you’re going to have to see your ex or their family once in a while–but you don’t have to let that awkward moment spoil your day. Just like her, there’s more to you than your past relationships, so sail on through that awkward moment and get back to living your awesome life.

Here’s how to minimize awkwardness (and drama!) with your ex. You can thank us later!

Skip this Ad

Next

ADVERTISEMENT

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

You Run Into His Family

If you live in the same town, there's a good chance you'll run into your ex's family. Handle these moments with the same poise as Taylor did up on stage. You have no idea what version of the break-up story they heard, so don’t bring the conversation back to your ex. Ask his mom about her gardening or his dad about baseball. It’ll show that you still valued getting to know them and that you don’t hold whatever happened between you and their son against them.

Source: Andres Otero/WENN.com

You See Him With A New Girl

If you guys start chatting, be sure to acknowledge the new girl with a friendly “Hello" and your name. It would be weird if you only direct any conversation at your ex like she is invisible. Just be polite and genuine - no over-the-top fake compliments that will make her insecure. Also, don’t bring up your past relationship. That’s your guy’s decision as to when to discuss his past romantic life with his new girl.

Source: Shutterstock.com

He Sees You With A New Guy

Labels can be kind of tricky with these introductions because you don’t want to rub your new guy in your ex’s face, but you don’t make your new guy feel like he’s in the middle of something unfinished. I would just introduce them to each other by name, and you can further explain whatever labels like "ex" or "new boyfriend" if you choose to in private.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You See Him Hanging Out With Your Friends

Don't let this blow up into a "taking sides" thing – you and your ex can still have mutual friends. Just give a quick "Hey guys!" and go about your way. Don't lurk around waiting for them to include you because that could really multiply the awkward. If the run-in is really bothering you, talk to one of the friends about it at a later time when you’re out of the moment. It’s okay to express if you feel a little hurt, but remember that you can't dictate their friendships.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Need To Give Him Back His Stuff

I think keeping gifts is totally allowed, but if he left his Xbox at your house before you broke up, it’s common courtesy to return it. If you really don't want to have to meet face-to-face, at least give him a heads up you want to return his stuff or tack a small, polite note with it. Just the idea of him just coming back to a beaten up cardboard box of stuff dumped on his doorstep doesn't really showcase maturity.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Get Assigned As Project Partners

When your grades are at stake, you've got to stay focused on the job. If the idea of meeting one-on-one makes you stressed, just meet in a public place like the library to be sure you stick to business. Blake Lively is a married lady now, but she kept working on Gossip Girl even after breaking up with co-star Penn Badgley. The show may be dramatic, but if they’d brought a bunch of break-up drama to set, that wouldn’t have been good.

Source: Stefan Jeremiah/WENN.com

He Sees You Looking Awful

This can be a total confident zap. By trying to make excuses, it will seem like you’re desperate for his approval, which you don't need because you're awesome all on your own! It might be tough in the moment, but just channel your inner goddess. We've been there and we know you will get through it.

Source: Shutterstock.com

He Keeps Flirting With You

It can be awkward when an ex starts flirting with you and you have no intention of reciprocating. If you feel uncomfortable, let him know ASAP. Be polite, but direct with him about your feelings. Explain to him how you think this break-up was for the best. If he’s still trying to put moves on you, go find a group of friends to stick tight with until he gets the hint to leave you alone.

Source: Shutterstock.com

You Had Big Plans In Advance

Deal with these head on. If your break-up ended with you deciding to try and stay friends, maybe he's still planning on the two of you going to prom. Though it may be awkward right after a break-up, it'll be worse if it's unresolved by the big day. Especially if the plans involved something like expensive concert tickets or a family event, get yourselves both on the same page in order to move forward.

Source: Shutterstock.com

Have you ever had an awkward moment with an ex-boyfriend? How did you handle it? Have any more advice about how to handle awkward moments like this? Let us know in the comments!

Is Taylor Swift Dating Harry Styles Of One Direction?

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter

Taylor Swift is wearing the best revenge on an ex: A smile! (Okay, and a cute coat.) | Source: WENN

In a new interview, Taylor explains that “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is “a definitive portrait of how I felt when I finally stopped caring what my ex thought of me.” But did she really stop caring if she, you know, wrote a song about it? She explained that she still needed to get back at a guy who “made me feel like I wasn’t as good or as relevant as these hipster bands he listened to,” she said. “So I made a song that I knew would absolutely drive him crazy when he heard it on the radio. Not only would it hopefully be played a lot, so that he’d have to hear it, but it’s the opposite of the kind of music that he was trying to make me feel inferior to.” Taylor, remember how Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”? Remember it!

Taylor’s right–it does get played a lot. A lot. but if he likes hipster bands, chances are he’s not into the radio stations that play her songs anyway. So why bother dwelling on an ex and talking smack about them? Taylor said simply, “Because that’s fun.”

To be fair, it sounds like this dude (cough, Jake, cough) really did a number on her. She wrote her song “All Too Well” two years ago when she was pretty fragile. “There’s a kind of bad that gets so overpowering you can’t even write about it,” Taylor said of her post-split state (she didn’t say who, but do the math). “When you feel pain that is so far past dysfunctional, that leaves you with so many emotions that you can’t filter them down to simple emotions to write about, that’s when you know you really need to get out.”

But aside from writing songs that break records, Taylor Swift finally mastered the real art of revenge: Living well and moving on. It’s a lesson we can all learn: Letting yourself be happy feels a lot better than feeling resentful, and chances are your ex has moved on, too. “I can say I’d honestly rather be happy than have 30 to 40 songs that I’ve written about these thrilling, exciting, horrible, unhappy times,” Taylor admitted. “I know red flags, and I steer away from them, because I have a priority on being happy. At some point, you grow out of being attracted to that flame that burns you over and over and over again. Thankfully, I hadn’t learned that lesson yet when I wrote this record.”

We’re thankful for that, too. If only because Taylor Swift writes some of the best breakup songs in the biz!

Do you agree with Taylor Swift about getting back at your exes or do you think it’s better to move on? What’s your favorite Taylor Swift song? Are you looking forward to Taylor Swift’s Red? Tell us in the comments!

Taylor Swift + Katy Perry both dated John Mayer–here’s why he’s bad news!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

But so, it seems, is Robert Pattinson. I hear that Rob is totally addicted to reading tabloid reports about his breakup with Kristen Stewart, which pretty much tells me that he’s not as over it as he’s letting the world believe. If you’re going through a split too, you probably don’t have the gift/curse of having magazines and blogs devoted to your ex, but you may be obsessing over him nonetheless. Read on and see if any of these post-breakup behaviors sounds eerily familiar…

Skip this Ad

Next

ADVERTISEMENT

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

1. You Follow His Movements Obsessively

I don’t mean this literally. But stalking an ex online is just as bad, if not worse, for you as actually stalking him because you can draw your own creepy, paranoid conclusions about how much fun he’s having without you--and possibly with someone new. R.Patz, are you listening?

Source: WENN

2. You Tell EVERYONE You’re SO OVER IT

Ever heard the phrase “The lady doth protest too much”? It means that when someone is a little too demonstrative about something, the opposite is usually true. Like how Jennifer Aniston manages to mention Brad Pitt in ever single interview she does? Yeah. So if you’re always crowing about how you TOTES don’t care that your ex is dating someone else, you ain’t foolin’ anybody, honeychild.

Source: WENN

3. You Still Mark Time As Though You’re Still Together

My college BFF is so hung up on her ex, she sends me texts saying things like “Happy Labor Day! I bet John is at his beach house--I should be there with him :(“ or “Today would’ve been our 6-month anniversary...I wonder what he would’ve got me?” Um how about a restraining order? No, no, I sympathize with her, but she’s only prolonging the misery of the breakup by framing her life in terms of a romance that doesn’t exist anymore.

Source: Shutterstock

4. Suddenly You Love Tennis Too!

Don’t kid yourself: you don’t actually love tennis. Or dubstep. Or Breaking Bad or whatever else your ex was super into that you never really cared about--until he left. It’s just a way to be tangentially close to him. There are more boys out there--and better sports to watch anyway--so don’t immerse yourself by things that won’t let you emotionally move on. Do you, girl!

Source: WENN

5. His Friends Are Still Your Friends

Don’t kid yourself about this either. Sure, his bros might be cool and funny, but so are a lot of other dudes...dudes who have NOTHING to do with your ex. If you’re secretly hoping that his pals will go to bat for you and remind your former flame of your awesomness, you’re wasting your time...and your heart!

Source: Shutterstock

6. People in Love Can Go Eff Themselves

Oh, you’re happy and in a good relationship? GREAT GO KILL YOURSELF. After my last breakup, I was so lovesick over my ex that that was pretty much how I felt about my coupled-up friends. But when I truly moved on and got over it, suddenly PDA and starry-eyed lovers gave me hope--not hatred!

Source: Shutterstock

7. Looking Back, He Was So Perfect!

When I dated my ex, Mark, I found him so stupid and boring, I usually just tuned him out completely. But since he’s moved on and found love with someone else, suddenly I remember him as the cleverest, most adorable boy ever created. I literally had to write Post-Its for myself highlighting what a complete doofus he was. So if you come visit me and see a note reading “HE DIDN’T KNOW THE PRESIDENT OF HIS OWN COUNTRY!” on my mirror, that’s why.

Source: WENN

8. You Date Versions of Him

Earlier this year I fell in love with a boy and--shocker--it didn’t work out, so I coped by going to therapy and yoga. Hahah just kidding! Instead I dated two guys who looked exactly like him and one with his same name! So that’s pathetic. Learn from my mistakes and recognize if you’re merely dating Your Ex 2.0.

Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

9. No One Will Ever Compare to Him

Poor Chelsy Davy--can you imagine trying to find a boyfriend to top Prince Harry? The next step after looking back on your ex with rose-colored glasses is to hold every other boy you meet to these impossibly high--and fictional!--standards! Don’t make your new crushes compete with your ex-BF’s overly-awesome ghost. /P>

Source: WENN

10. The Breakup Was 100% His Fault--Or So You Think

I have a friend who has been fixated on her (seriously awful) ex for seven months now, and she’s constantly asking why why whyyyy he left. Finally, I pointed out that she flirted with his brother and called him a loser every time she got drunk, but she merely waved it off and preferred to wallow and see herself as the victim. We would all like to pity ourselves, but owning up to your role in the romance’s demise is step #1 on getting over it!

Source: WENN

Nick Jonas was Miley Cyrus’ first love, and they broke up and got back together quite a few times. | Source

If you want an ex back, even after a long time, you’re in good company. A new study says that one in five of us want to reunite with a former flame–and nearly one in four guys want an ex back, too–and they specifically want their first love back. And a lot of people are doing something about it.

About 14 percent of people who want an ex back actually make contact with their first love in an effort to win them over (we guess Kristen Stewart’s in that camp). Here’s what’s interesting: Even if they do want an ex back, women and girls are less likely to actually make the first move to do it. Four in ten of us who do, though, want to seduce the guy. Ow ow!

Of course, Facebook makes it easier to connect with your first love (or your second, third, fourth…), and a lot of us put it to use. In fact, 74 percent of us use FB to link up with (or at least lurk) our exes. Dudes, however, are more likely to use email or texting than social networking to check in on a former love. Why? One expert explains, “Men are more likely to fall into this bracket because they are less monogamous and they have lower emotional intelligence than women.” Basically, dudes are a little dumber and a bit more likely to stray. Great!

The good news amid all of these numbers? If you want an ex back, there’s about 25 percent chance that he wants you back, too–those are pretty good odds! The bad news? Reuniting with your first love usually doesn’t work out the way we hope it will.

If we dated Ryan Gosling back in the day, we’d want an ex back too! | Source

Psychologists say that we have a habit as human beings to rewrite and romanticize history in terms of our first love. As in, we remember the time he brought us flowers when we were sick and conveniently forget that time he grabbed our cousin’s butt on Thanksgiving. One expert put it this way: “These people, particularly men, who pine after their first love are probably doing so because they’re unhappy about something in their current relationship but are afraid to confront it. It is escapism and avoidance and it’s not healthy.” That means when we’re lonely or unsatisfied in a relationship, we tend to look back at our first love and reminisce instead of dealing with whatever our current issue is. Yikes!

So if you want an ex back, make sure that’s really what you want–and that you’re not just scared of flying solo or lying to yourself about how perfect you guys used to be together. Because chances are if a relationship ends, it ends for a reason. Like in Miley’s case, upgrading to Liam Hemsworth.

Do you still reminisce about your first love? Do you want an ex back? How of ten do you think about or hit up your first love? Tell us in the comments!

Is It Okay To Date Your Friend’s Ex?!

Catch Us On The Tweet Side!

I wanted revenge at ANY cost! | Source: Shutterstock

You’ve got to understand, this is my first serious high school boyfriend we’re talking about. You know, the one who I planned on marrying? The one I lost my virginity to? The one that I imagined being with for forever? Yep, that was him. One day we were perfect and the next we were over.

The following day at school I anticipated the worst: Passing each other awkwardly in the hall, having to sit near him at lunch and not laugh when he said something funny, him knowing that I had been crying during the minutes before class. But that “worst” doesn’t even come close to what really happened. Ready for it? Are you sure?

HE WAS WITH ANOTHER GIRL. Like really? How could he be so awful to me? They were holding hands and even kissing during passing period. I wanted to die. Cue the combination of humiliation and depression. Obviously our relationship had meant nothing to him–when to me, it was one of the most important things in life. How could I have been such an idiot for letting him mess with my emotions that way. I wasn’t sad anymore, I was livid. And I needed to find some way to get even with him.

If he thought he could just go off and be with another girl so quickly after our relationship was over, that sure meant that I could do the same with another boy. But not just any boy, I wanted to make sure that it was the one person that would hurt him the most—one of his best friends.

I knew which one to pick immediately; he had always been someone that my ex-boyfriend was jealous of. Without consulting my friends, I texted him the next day, asking if he wanted to hang out, but I’m sure he knew that I meant something more. When he came over, I was ready. There had always been some sexual tension between us but now, with my boyfriend out of the picture, nothing was stopping us . . . or me from having revenge sex.

I felt TERRIBLE afterwards. | Source: Shutterstock

It was such a convoluted experience of things I thought I wanted and the emotions that only made me realize how bad of an idea it had all been. I felt dirty and wrong. Believe me, the sex was good while it was happening (when isn’t it?), but the way it made me feel after was so not what I expected. Revenge sex is NOT all it’s cracked up to be in the movies.

I wanted to go back in time and forget the whole thing. I wished that I could have found ANY other way to get over this relationship. Anything besides having revenge sex. I just wish I had known that it would have felt so wrong. If I had, I would never have done it in the first place.

Have you ever had revenge sex, or have you been tempted to do something else super bad to get revenge on an ex? What was it, and how did it make you feel? Do you regret having revenge sex? Tell us everything in the comments!

Did We Post Porn On Facebook?! NO Way!

Are you cool with her? | Source: ShutterStock

There are a few lucky people out there who can breakup with a boyfriend and magically still stay friendly with the dude. I’m kind of kidding about the magical stuff, but actually I am a little bit jealous – it can be super hard to keep things cordial with an ex! But if you are genuinely over your ex-boyfriend and feel happy for him if he has a new girlfriend, then major props to you.

Here’s a question that we saw in the message boards: should you make friends with your ex’s new GF? It’s one thing to play nice and put up a mature front, but it’s definitely another thing to actually be friends with the chick. Would you be able to do it? Actually, should anyone do it? Read what these girls had to say and then tell us your thoughts.

314Princess said:
Okay, so my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend and I run on the same track team. We recently became really cool with each other, and she added me on Facebook. When I looked at her profile, it said that she was in a relationship with my ex. I’m actually happy for them because they do look cute together. But is it ok to become friends with your ex’s new girlfriend?

drizzledays replied:
That’s totally okay. Just…make sure you don’t let your ex get in the way of your friendship.

Shopping buddies? Okay. BFFs? Maybe not. | Source: ShutterStock

lovely_calamity replied:
I see nothing wrong with being friendly- That just shows good character. But from my personal experience, I would be careful about becoming friends. It can create an awkward triangle and not-so-great things can follow.

What do I think? Being friends with your ex’s new girlfriend can be very, very tricky. It’s something that should only be done if you honestly feel that you are completely over him. If you hate your ex or if you feel even a little bit of romantic feelings towards him still, then this new friendship is going to get super messy, super fast.

If you’ve completely moved on from this ex and you really like his new girlfriend, then go for it! But be careful – I still wouldn’t make this girl my BFF, because no matter how over him you are, you’re still probably going to feel a little awkward hearing her talk about him or seeing them together. In the end, there’s nothing wrong with this as long as you’re totally comfortable with it.

Do you think it’s okay to be friends with your ex’s new girlfriend? Have you ever done it? Would you? Tell us in the comments.

 Speaking of exes, should you delete yours from Facebook?

For More Awesomeness, Follow Us On Twitter!

Zac and Vanessa are supposedly still friends after breaking up.

Turns out, the editors over at Gurl all feel differently about this one. Read our opinions and then let us know what you think:

It's broken for a reason!

Emerald Says: Make It A Clean Break
So we’ve just broken up – why are you still hanging around? Go away! Your time is up! Consider yourself snubbed from the Oscars. After you’ve split up, probably for a list of very good reasons, why confuse things by hanging around each other? Maybe we’ve called it quits after a huge, crying, screaming fight, or maybe it happened amicably – either way, when things are first over, it’s real easy to get a case of the “lonelyboos.” You’ll immediately start wondering: but, why me?! Is there anyone else out there who thinks the Josie and The Pussycats Movie was high brow, cinematic art? Then I’ll think about what could have been, and what was and all those wonderful things that used to be. Now, I’m back at square one, stuck in rut with someone who was only half compatible with me. It’s a slippery slope, make a clean break, and then maybe after 100,000 months of separation, hindsight and perspective we can be besties again.

Do you EVER see these two together? No!

Jessica Says: I Wish, But No
You don’t know how much I wish I could call some of my ex-BF’s a friend (some of them, not so much), but I just don’t think it’s possible. No matter what happens at the end of a relationship, breakups are always a little messy and upsetting. How can you put aside all of those emotions and just move on to a friendship? Once I’m done with an ex, I don’t want to be reminded of our cute memories or our awful fights – and I definitely don’t want to deal with the jealousy of seeing them with another girl. I just think a friendship with your ex means that one of you is still holding onto something, and I also think it will inevitably lead to one of you getting hurt.

This will probably be the result.

Julie Says: Just A Little Friendly
Post breakup, I’ll be sad, mad and hyperventilating crying on public transportation for a few days. You know, the usual. Then I’ll think I’m over it and friend up the guy. It’ll be hunk dory… until he gets a new girlfriend. And then I’m sad, mad and subway sobbing all over again. I’ve realized that I’m never really friends with an ex. Half of me is in the friend zone and half of me still wants to date the guy. It’s beyond icky to basically have a never-ending break up. So, I’ve forced myself to start having clean breaks. No halfsies friendships for me anymore. It’s harder at first, but it helps me move on a lot more quickly…and cuts the subway strangers watching me sob in half.

So basically this is Mel, her BF and her ex in the future.

Melanie Says: Of Course You Can!
Considering that my first real boyfriend, Eric, is now one of my super best friends — like, the kind of friend who I can call when I can’t decide what kind of ice cream to get at Baskin-Robbins — I think my response to this is obvious. Of COURSE you can be friends with an ex (if you want to, that is), and it absolutely does not have to interfere with new relationships. In fact, my awesome boyfriend has met Eric and now they’re Facebook friends! Boom—proof that it works! The thing is, there are some rules to making a smooth transition from dating to friends. Definitely take a longish break after the split (at least a few months!) where you don’t talk to that person for a while so you can move on with your life and meet other people and be silly and single without feeling like yesterday’s news is looking over your shoulder, but if you were friends when you were dating and you legit have stuff in common (besides you know, the fact that you used to smooch or whatever), then why the heck shouldn’t you be friends again? Just keep your friendship out in the open, and make sure anyone you’re dating knows that they’re the one you’re all ga-ga over, not that guy you used to date, who still chews with his mouth open (Eric, I’m looking at you!).

So who do you agree with? Are you friends with your ex? Tell us in the comments.

Should you be snooping through your sweetie’s phone?

Friends With Ex

The king and queen of dating an ex.

As it turns out, the editors of Gurl all have different opinions on giving your ex a second chance – and we want to know what you think about it also. Check out what we had to say, and let us know who you agree with.

Are you? Probably!

Melanie Says: No Game!
Oh, girl. Why, why, why would you want to go back to that person who you either decided wasn’t good enough for you, or who broke your heart? Unless you only broke up because you moved far away from each other, there’s almost never a good enough reason to get back together with an old flame. Ask yourself why you’re even considering it. Maybe you don’t get out a lot and have trouble meeting new people. If that’s the case, ask your friends about their friends, or if you’re over 18, try online dating! Trust me, you’ll find someone new and great. No need to revisit yesterday’s relationship.

Just be careful....

Julie Says: It Depends
Sometimes going back to an ex is the right thing to do and sometimes it’s so wrong. It really depends on why you broke up the first time around. Was your ex a total sweetheart and timing was just off? Then, yeah, go for. But if your ex was nasty or icky or cheaty when you dated, then why jump back into something you know isn’t as awesome as you deserve? The comfort of an old flame can be really attractive. Before you run back into those familiar arms though, think long and hard about the last time you were in them and why you left.

These two on-again/off-again lovebirds are getting married!

Jessica Says: Give Them Another Chance
Maybe it’s just because I’m a huge believer in giving people second chances, but I really do think that even an ex deserves one. Yes, maybe things were bad between you two at first – but that doesn’t mean you can’t work things out and make them better than ever! Everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes people just need some time apart to realize that they should be together. I think that ruling out an ex just because they’re your ex is a bad idea: you could be throwing away something potentially good just because of something that happened in the past. There are definitely some instances where you shouldn’t go back to the person, but in general, I say that everyone deserves a second chance, no matter who broke who’s heart. Plus, if you don’t give them one, you’ll probably always wonder what could have happened if you did.

Who do you agree with? Would you re-date your ex? Tell us in the comments.

Is oral sex a big deal? Join the debate.

Dating Your Ex