Seeing him with someone else isn’t so bad Source Shutterstock

I dated this guy for about three years in college, and we had a pretty nasty breakup. We both moved on but didn’t speak for a very long time.

Well I heard from him recently. He said he still thought about me all the time, but he’s been channeling everything that went wrong into making his new relationship work. I felt like he was checking in to see if I was miserable because he was finally happy with someone else.

I didn’t want the conversation to carry on. So when he was going on about his newfound love, I said I was glad that he was happy and I truly hoped things work out for them. I meant it, but he seemed surprised.

It can be really difficult to say you’re happy for your ex, but here are ten reasons why I really am.

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Our relationship became toxic

After about a year, we were fighting constantly and threatening breakups every other week. If we were still together, it would have just gotten worse every day.

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He's not my mess anymore

I felt like a mom more than a girlfriend most of the time. Yes, you want to take care of who you’re dating but without feeling like a parent.

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He needed someone different from me

I’m a pretty anxious and intense person, and he was super laid back about everything. Opposites attract, but sometimes not enough to last.

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I didn't want to move to Florida

I’m a Southern girl, but I always had a life plan to move to New York. He wanted to move back home after college and live in Florida. Forever. My hair can’t handle that humidity.

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I learned a lot

As tumultuous as it was, I can say that I learned a lot during the course of our relationship. Looking back, I know how to deal with issues that I didn’t before. Moving forward, my relationships will be much more healthy.

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I grew up

Two years ago, I wouldn't have written this article. That relationship kept me in a very immature state of my life where I was trying to move forward, but I just couldn’t because I was stuck.

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Closure

I moved on quickly after our relationship ended, but he didn’t. I was the bad guy. So to see him really move on with someone who’s right for him makes me feel better.

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I've dated some great guys since then

I had another serious relationship after this one, which I am so grateful for even though it didn’t work out. But I’ve dated some really wonderful guys.

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He's really happy

And that makes me happy. I was with him for three years, and while I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I still care about his wellbeing.

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I'm really happy

If I were miserable, I’d probably get really thrown off whenever I heard from him. But I’m not, so all is well.

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There are some exes that I don’t like to hear from ever, but it’s really nice to have those that still care about how you are. I’m not going to go hang out with this one in my spare time or anything. It’s comforting to know that we don’t hate each other like we did right after our breakup.

It takes a while to get to the point where you can be happy about your ex being with someone else. Or just being in general.  Most of the time it has to do with you being happy with yourself.

Is your ex dating someone new? How do you feel about it? Are there any exes that you’re truly happy for? Tell me in the comments!

This girl isn’t so happy with her ex, so she gets revenge instead!

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In case you need a reminder of why you and your ex broke up in the first place, well, we’re here for you girl. Getting back with your ex is (usually) a step in the wrong direction, and we want you to look forward to the future rather than staying stuck in the past. So read these quotes for a few reasons you shouldn’t get back with that loser who broke your heart, stop looking at his pictures and start realizing how terrific you are!

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Do you miss your ex right now? When was your last breakup? Which of these quotes was your favorite? Tell us in the comments!

10 quotes to help you move on after a breakup

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If you’ve ever had a relationship end, then you have probably also experienced that feeling of regret where you wonder, “Why aren’t so-and-so and I together anymore? What went wrong?” After a breakup, when you’re feeling particularly lonely, sad and nostalgic, it always seems like  you look back on your relationship and remember only the good times. You know, all those times you two cuddled in bed and made up cute nicknames for each other, all of the inside jokes, the super romantic dates and the sweet gifts that were given. It just seems so easy to wrap yourself in a blanket and cry over the wonderful things you’re now missing out on.

What you probably aren’t thinking about? All of the reasons you two broke up in the first place. You probably aren’t thinking about all of those times your BF or GF made you feel like the smallest person on the planet. You’re probably not thinking about all of those fights that made you so angry you could throw something, or any of the times you fell asleep crying.

And why not? Wouldn’t focusing on those bad things make you realize that your relationship is better off being over, and thus make it easier for you to move on? Yeah, it probably would. But unfortunately for us, it turns out that we kind of can’t help but remember only the good times. One study says that it can be more difficult for our brains to remember negative memories than it is to remember positive ones. The study says that inhibition promotes this unfair bias in our brains. In psychological terms, inhibition is the conscious or unconscious restraint of a behavior, thought or impulse. Basically, whether we realize we’re doing it or not, our brains sometimes decide not to remember negative things.

As soon as I read that, I was like, “Huh. Well, that makes sense.” When you think about it, the finding is really a pretty obvious one: who wants to remember the times that made them feel miserable? Most people don’t enjoy looking back on the past and thinking only about the things that were difficult to get through or the things that made them cry. Most people want to look back and remember only the times that made them happiest.

Remembering only the good stuff? You’re probably not alone. | Source: ShutterStock

When it comes to applying that to relationships and breakups, it makes even more sense to me. A few months after I dumped my ex-boyfriend of five years, I started feeling doubtful. Suddenly, I couldn’t really remember why we had broken up in the first place. I mean yeah, there was some fighting. But I was mostly thinking about the good times we had: the vacations, the cuddling, the cute pictures we took. Why was I torturing myself like that? Because when I really let myself think about the hard times we went through that ultimately led to our split, I felt even more sad.

I know I’m not the only one who’s experienced this before when it comes to a breakup. I’ve listened to countless heartbroken friends go on and on about all of the things they miss about their ex. In the beginning stages of getting over a split, I think that’s pretty common – and that’s what makes people want to get back together with their exes. They’re looking back with rose-colored glasses and only seeing the good things. Of course they want to try to work things out! It’s easy to feel that way when you conveniently can’t remember all of that fighting that happened.

So here’s a little bit of advice on how to prevent this from happening to you – or how to deal with it if it’s happening to you right now: the next time you’re feeling particularly angry about your breakup, do yourself a huge favor and write down all of the things that sucked about your relationship or your ex. Look back and try to remember every bad thing that happened between you two. That might sound scary, because I know you don’t want to think about those things, but it will help you in the end. The next time you’re feeling nostalgic, sitting on your bed looking at pictures and crying over what you think you’re missing, pull out that list and read it. It will help you remember all of the reasons things ended in the first place, and that will help you move on.

Do you think this study is right? Have you ever done this after a breakup? Do you find it easier to remember good things rather than bad things in general? Tell me in the comments!

10 ways to avoid getting back with your ex

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There’s no sugar-coating it: getting over an ex stinks. Whether a relationship was good or bad, long or short, or serious or not-so-serious, letting go of a person you trusted and gave yourself to is never easy. The only thing worse than dealing with a nasty breakup is still not being able to get over your ex after months of being single.

At some point in our lives, we’ve all wondered to ourselves how we’ll ever forget about one certain someone. It might even seem impossible at times… and that thought can really bring a girl down. So when I saw this topic in the message boards, I knew it was something that everyone could relate to. Check out some the awesome advice from one of our girls – then give some of your own.

boomtiing_ox said:
Honestly, I never thought I’d be posting something like this because I really believed that I wouldn’t have an issue like this; that I’d be strong and just be able to brush my ex off because I was the one who ended it.

Wrong.

I’ve deleted his number and Facebook so I never text him, but I still find myself messaging him. I feel almost like a failure and pathetic because I still feel attached to him and he has already moved on. He’s in a new relationship, he literally started dating her when we started college which was a few weeks after we broke up. How do you move on that fast? This irritated me because it’s like, look how quickly he gets a new girlfriend and I haven’t even had a guy take interest in me but I guess I’m used to that since I’ve never been popular with males; never have never will. I’m surprised I even have an ex to be perfectly honest.

When I talk to him I sound so desperate, because I tell him how if he was single I’d hook-up with him and that it’s not fair that I’m lonely and he isn’t. He was my first ever boyfriend and I had sex with him; I don’t regret that but maybe if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t still feel attached to him.

I also seem to have lost the bit of self-confidence I worked hard to get from advice given by you girls. I feel crappy, ugly, unattractive, needy and worthless. I feel that I’ll never have a boyfriend again, when I go to uni I’ll be the woman that never dates/hooks up with anyone and when all my friend’s are getting engaged/married/pregnant, I’ll still be single.

Now is a great time to lean on your friends. | Source: ShutterStock

I know what I need to do, cut ties with him and stop speaking to him. I’ve tried before believe me, but it’s difficult y’know.? I know it’s no excuse but I lack willpower; I won’t contact him and he’ll either contact me or I won’t stop thinking about him and give in.

I hate making posts like this because it just sounds like whining but I really think I need someone to speak to.

kissmeimirish said:
Okay, well for starters, go to a nail salon and treat yourself to a mani-pedi. You deserve it .

Second, people move on at their own pace. You can’t expect to find love just weeks after breaking up with him. Life just doesn’t happen like that. And if he’s saying he misses you and is still talking to you that’s a red flag that he moved on too quickly. The first thing you need to do is stop messaging him. As hard as that is, you don’t want to be the cause of the breakup of his new relationship, he may end up resenting you for it later. You don’t want to be “the other girl” and no girl wants to feel desperate – you’re making things worse on yourself by continuously talking to him. Plus, like you said, he has moved on and is in another relationship. The best thing you can do is leave him alone (as hard as that is) and be happy for him. What you’re doing isn’t fair to either of you.

It’s okay to feel crappy, he was obviously your first love and that’s normal to feel bad after you lose someone like that. This is many a girl’s problem after a breakup: You’re so worried about him and what he’s doing that you forget about YOU. Then you stop and go: Why am I not happy? He’s happy because he isn’t sitting around worrying about what you’re doing all day. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t or didn’t care about you, it just means that he’s going to live his life and you should too.

Do you go out with your friends? Do you call them to say hi and see how they’re doing? Try doing this a little bit at a time: Don’t think about him or talk about him when you’re with them. And the more you do that, the more you focus on the moment and where you are and the people you are with, the easier it will be to let go and think of him less. By the time you get to that point (and you will, it just might take some practice) guess what? You’ll be living your own life!

What are your tips for getting over an ex? Have you ever been in this situation? Are you dealing with something like this right now? Tell us in the comments! 

6 bad texts you should never ever send

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When I was in high school, I was obsessed with getting revenge on the people who hurt me. I watched a lot of movies and TV and read a lot of books, okay? In those fictional worlds, the main characters always had some elaborate, fabulous revenge plan that usually worked out perfectly, making them look like a total badass… while their ex looked like a total loser. I wanted to look like a total badass too!

Unfortunately, revenge doesn’t always work that way in real life. Also, I’m the opposite of a total badass. I’m 5 feet tall and I’m still afraid of the dark. So when I attempted what I thought was a movie-worthy revenge plan, I ended up just looking, well… kind of pathetic.

When I was 14, I dumped my boyfriend because I had a crush on someone else and didn’t want to be tied down. Sometime in the month after we broke up, I decided that I hated my ex because he was acting like a total jerk to me. Which, I can now admit, I kind of deserved – I did get my BFF to dump him for me, after all. But in my 14-year-old brain, his nasty comments were totally unjustified and the only way to fix the situation was to get revenge. I finally had a legitimate reason to get back at someone, and I was excited.

I knew that my ex’s best friend had a little crush on me. I also knew that my ex had always been jealous of his BFF, and if I hooked up with him, it would drive my ex insane. When the thought of using his BFF as a way to get revenge first crossed my mind, I figured it would never actually happen… I was way too shy to approach his BFF, a dude we’ll call R, on my own.

But then the opportunity presented itself all on it’s own. One night, my BFF was over when R and his friend called to say they were coming over. We met them in my backyard and after a little while, R asked me to go on a walk with him. A few minutes into our “walk” (which lasted to the end of my driveway), R pulled me towards him and tried to make a move. At first, I got nervous and resisted. I knew that if my ex found out what I had done, he would be furious… and really, really hurt. The other issue? I honestly didn’t even think R was cute… at all. Why was I going to kiss him just to teach my ex a lesson?

Not worth it! | Source: ShutterStock.com

A minute later, all of those more logical thoughts flew out the window, and I let R kiss me. All we did was make out for a few minutes in my driveway, but when it was all over, I felt exhilarated, nervous… and mainly really, really guilty. Suddenly, the thought of my ex’s face when he found out what we had done crossed my mind – and I felt a little sick. I made R swear not to tell anyone and he promised he wouldn’t, claiming he didn’t want my ex to find out anymore than I did.

Unfortunately, 14-year-old boys don’t always keep their promises. By the next afternoon, I had several hate emails in my inbox – a few from my ex, one from his girl BFF threatening me, one from R’s ex threatening me, and one from one of my friends who apparently had a crush on R, asking me what my problem was. I had the overwhelming urge to turn back time and erase my kiss with R. For one thing, it wasn’t even good – thinking about it grossed me out. For another thing, I felt awful. This wasn’t the kind of girl I was! I didn’t hurt people purposely. I was disgusted with myself. 

A few months later, my ex and I ended up getting back together. And while things ended up okay, he never let me forget about my kiss with R. He brought it up in every fight we had, and never failed to let me know that it had entirely changed the way he looked at me.

Looking back, that kiss might be one of the only things I regret doing in my life. It might not seem like a big deal to some people, but for me, it was. My reputation of being a super sweet girl who wouldn’t hurt a fly was sort of destroyed – everyone knew I had only kissed R to piss off my ex. And I felt super guilty for a long time. While this might sound corny, I know realize that the best revenge is moving on and showing your ex (or whoever) that you’re better off without them. Kissing my ex’s BFF only made it seem like I was looking for attention. So not worth it. 

Have you ever gotten revenge on anyone? Have you ever hooked up with someone just to make someone else mad? Would you ever do it? Do you think I was mean for what I did to my ex? Tell me in the comments.

5 reasons to not get revenge on your ex

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Source: Instagram

Up until a few weeks ago, I was a huge fan of Rihanna. When the video for “We Found Love” came out, I watched it obsessively… I put all of her albums on my iPhone and I loved her sassy, usually inappropriate tweets and Instagram photos. I mean sure, the girl can be a little rough around the edges, but I always thought she was seriously fierce and super interesting. And then she made the incredibly stupid decision of letting her abusive ex-boyfriend Chris Brown back into her life… and I lost whatever respect I had for her.

Listen, I’m not against people giving their exes a second chance. I myself have done it. What I’m against is a girl going back to a man who abused her as badly as Chris abused Rihanna. CB fans, you can try and say that it was a long time ago and we all need to get over it. But no, we don’t need to get over it. If someone you loved and trusted punched you in the face and bit your ear, would you be like, “Eh, it happened four years ago. Whatever, I’m over it.”? Uh, no you probably wouldn’t, because that is a serious situation and not something that should be so easily forgiven.

So when I heard the recent reports that Chris dumped his GF Karrueche Tran because of his supposed reuniting with Rihanna, I was literally shocked. I mean, are you kidding me? It was one (horrible) thing to record two songs with the guy, but it’s another thing to let him back into your life. I’m all about forgiveness and giving people the benefit of the doubt, and it’s fine if Rihanna decided to forgive Chris and move on with her life. But it’s not fine for her, or anyone, to go back to a man who treated you that terribly.

A recent pic Chris posted on Instagram | Source: Instagram

Lately, I’ve been hearing way more about the Rihanna/Chris/Karrueche love triangle than I’d like. In my opinion, Chris doesn’t deserve either girl or any of the good press he continues to get, and Rihanna is showing a side of her that makes me definitely reconsider being a fan. I wish there was a way for any stories about them to be immediately deleted from my site, but there’s not. On the bright side, Rihanna has taught me a few ways to be terrible at relationships (and in general):

1. Record a song about sex with the guy who abused you
Remember earlier in the year when Rihanna released the remix of her song “Birthday Cake” featuring a few lines from Chris? And then he released a remix of “Turn Up The Music” featuring Rihanna? Yeah, those songs were probably more about making headlines and getting people to listen to their music, but still. It was basically Rihanna telling her army of young fans, “Hey, it’s fine to forgive your abusive ex and then collaborate with him on a song!” And don’t even get me started on Chris’s lyrics: “…give it to her in the worst way.” Ah, I believe you already did that to her, dude.

2. Have your BFF fight your battles for you publicly
The latest Rihanna news is that her childhood BFF, Melissa Forde, has been slaming Karrueche Tran with racial slurs and insults since CB dumped her for Rihanna. I get that there’s tension between the two girls, but racial slurs? Never cool, whether it’s public or private.

3. Insult your ex’s new girlfriend publicly
Melissa Forde isn’t the only one attacking Karrueche – Rihanna is doing her fair share also. Before Melissa called Karrueche a “rice cake” (she’s of Vietnamese descent), Rihanna posted a picture on her Instagram of a bag of rice cakes wearing sunglasses and hoop earrings with the caption, “Ima make you my bitch”. And this might be a coincidence (it might not be), but the lyrics to Rihanna’s “Birthday Cake” go like this: “If you still wanna kiss it, Come, come, come and get it, Sweeter than a rice cake, cake worth sipping.” 

The offensive picture Rihanna posted | Source: Instagram

4. Get back together with the guy who abused you
Rihanna is a big girl and can make her own decisions… I get that. And I usually try not to pass judgement on other people’s relationships, since you never know what really goes on behind closed doors. But this decision? It’s a bad one, plain and simple. Not only do these two have a completely toxic relationship, but this sends a terrible message: that domestic abuse against women isn’t a relationship-ender. And it is. Because no matter what Ri-Ri did to piss off Chris, it will never justify getting punched and bitten.

Basically, Rihanna has pretty much lost me as a fan. Between her angry and ridiculous tweets, her terrible grammar and her budding new relationship with Chris, I just can’t stand behind someone who has such an immature way of handling things – and someone who lets an abusive and angry man like Chris Brown off the hook. I’m sure losing one member of the Rihanna Navy won’t affect the singer at all, but I’d rather feel good about the choice of celebs I support, thank you very much.

What do you think about Rihanna and Chris Brown’s relationship? Do you agree or disagree with me? Do you think it’s okay for her to get back together with him? Tell me in the comments.

10 ways to avoid getting back together with your ex

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Is it worth it? | Source: ShutterStock

After you’ve been betrayed, whether it was a friend, family member or boyfriend, revenge can seem so sweet – especially when it comes to a boy who breaks your heart or makes you feel like a fool. Thinking about getting back at that jerk who played you might seem like the best way to deal with things at the time, but is it really?

We saw this topic being discussed in the message boards and we wanted to get more thoughts about this. Would you ever get revenge on an ex? Have you ever? Should this girl try it? Read what she has to say, check out what other girls think and then tell us your opinion.

Oopyttenay said:
So I’ve been talking to this guy for months, and we’ve fooled around on video chat and stuff, but we didn’t actually hook up until a few days ago… in my car. We only got to second base. He had been kind of a jerk the whole time before we hooked up, but I just didn’t pay attention to it. Right after he finished, he said “My girlfriend is gonna be so mad if she finds out.” I was speechless. I had no idea he had a girlfriend! I am so mad and feel really bad about myself. What can I do to teach him a lesson?!?!

x-xbubblebeex-x said:
Be thankful it didn’t go any further, just forget about him. Nothing you can do to him is gonna make the fact that you felt hurt and used go away.

Emily Thorne, the queen of revenge | Source: WENN.com

ToxicDisco said:
Never talk to him again. That’s the biggest revenge you can give him… anything else is going to make you look silly and immature.

Did you notice that there isn’t any advice on an actual revenge plan? Like slashing his tires or spilling his deepest and darkest secrets to the whole school? That’s because revenge is almost never worth it. If you’ve ever watched a movie or even just the show Revenge, you should know that those kinds of plans usually end up backfiring… even more so in real life.

Girls, revenge isn’t going to make you feel better. Sure, at the moment you might feel really great, thinking you gave that dude what he deserved. But after time, you’ll realize it was the immature thing to do – stooping down to a jerk’s level is never the answer. Like these ladies said, the best revenge is moving on and showing that guy you’re perfectly fine without him. When he sees or hears about you having a great time without him, he’ll feel way more bummed out than he would if you did something terrible to him.

Would you get revenge on an ex? Have you ever gotten revenge on anyone? What advice would you give this girl? Tell us in the comments!

Take our survey about your most evil moments ever

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Should you delete him or not? | Source: ShutterStock

Going through a breakup is tough – and getting over that dude is usually even harder. And sometimes it seems like the best thing to do is to basically delete your ex out of your life. But in 2012, with all of the social media we’re all so addicted to, doing that can get a little bit complicated. So here’s the question: should you stay friends with your ex on Facebook?

We saw this topic in the message boards and knew we had to get more opinions. What do you think: is it a good idea to stay friends with your ex and keep yourself updated with his every status and picture? Or is it a better idea to delete the dude and basically remove him from your life (your online life, at least)? Read what these girls had to say and then give us your opinion in the comments.

misslmh11 asked:
Should I delete my new ex-boyfriend as a friend on Facebook? I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it if a picture of him and another girl pops up in my Newsfeed. But at the same time, if I do see something like that, won’t it make me stronger in the end? I’m super confused. I know if he realizes that I’ve removed him as a friend that I actually care about our breaking up and that remaining “friends” was too much for me. Any advice?

(L)iveYourLife. said:
I think it’s best to block or delete him for now. I think there’s a way to remove anything of his from appearing in your newsfeed, isn’t there? You can always unblock or re-friend him once you’ve moved on.

If you guys are like this, your probably shouldn't be friends on Facebook. | Source: ShutterStock

dunni.dipo said:
Keep him. I mean, unless you guys totally hate each other and aren’t friends, there’s no reason to delete.

What do we think? Well, deleting your ex is making a statement – it’s basically saying, “I want nothing to do with your life anymore”. If you do it, he’ll probably get a little bit insulted, so if you’re going to give him the axe on FB, make sure you’re okay with that.

That being said, deleting him is probably a pretty good idea. Keeping yourself updated with everything he does is only going to make you keep thinking about him and keep wondering what he’s up to. Doing that is never going to help you get over him. If you really don’t want to take the plunge in deleting him, then simply block him so you don’t see his updates. Taking away the option of stalking his Facebook pics can only be a good thing.

What do you think: should you delete your ex off of Facebook? Or should you keep him? Who do you agree with? Tell us in the comments.

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