Gurl.com &#187; ex boyfriend

How to deal when your ex won’t leave you alone

Ask A Guy: Why Do Guys Always Try To Talk To Their Ex-Girlfriends?

Ethan Fixell — Thu, 09 May 2013 22:00:04 +0000

Source: ShutterStock

Dear Ethan,

My ex-boyfriend started texting me last week after we haven’t talked in months. But, um, he has a girlfriend! This isn’t the first time an ex has gotten in touch with me even though he’s dating someone else. Why do guys try to talk to their exes even when they’ve clearly already moved on? Help!

There are lots of reasons your ex-boyfriend might contact you even though he has a new flame. Unfortunately, most of them require you to stay far, far away.

Perhaps the most harmless possible motive is that he truly values your friendship, and doesn’t want to lose touch with you altogether. Some serious relationships can be very difficult to say goodbye to when two people have bonded so closely. An ex-girlfriend of mine had become one of my best friends by the time we had broken up, as we had revealed sides of one another no one else had ever seen before.

The only problem with this hypothesis is that your ex waited months to contact you. Why wouldn’t he make an effort right away? Maybe if you totally devastated him in the breakup, he only felt secure enough to talk to you again once he found someone else – but I would wager he’s probably reaching out with ulterior motives.

Most likely, he’s not happy in his current relationship and is testing the waters with you out of boredom. If he has a history of cheating, promiscuity, or Shiny New Toy Syndrome (i.e. always on the hunt for the next new thing), he could very well just be looking for some “extra-curricular activities” with someone other than his girlfriend. Or, his new lady might not be all she’s cracked up to be, and he’s regretting breaking up with or letting go of you. If either of these are possible scenarios, you absolutely need to keep your distance. You don’t want to be responsible for messing with whatever he’s already got going on – and besides, he already had his chance to make things work with you!

The only way you should continue talking to him is if you are certain his intentions are respectable and that you’re fully ready to have a platonic relationship. If both of these conditions can’t be met, you need to cut him off – at least until he’s single, if not for good.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

What Goes Through Your Mind When You Try To Delete An Ex’s Number

Caitlin Corsetti — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 21:26:42 +0000

I was looking through my contacts in my phone the other day and came across a few numbers that I probably should have deleted by now. I still have phone numbers for every guy I’ve dated and every guy I’ve had an almost relationship or non-relationship with. I decided it was time for a serious purge.

But there were some numbers that I just couldn’t get rid of. Here are all of the things that go through your mind with an ex’s number:

Seeing his number when you forgot you had it

What you want to do to your phone

You text your friend to tell her about it

And you’re all “I’m totally gonna delete it!”

Then you have second thoughts

You start thinking about the relationship

Maybe you should text them

No you should delete it

But what if they call and you want to screen them?

Or need something important?

Then your friend you texted earlier tells you you’re being stupid

And you know they’re right

So you go to delete it

And actually do

Check out the differences between freshman and senior year of high school

Congratulations!

How do you feel when you’re about to delete an ex’s number? Could you actually go through with it? Tell us in the comments!

Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

After A Breakup: 7 Things You Can’t Blame On Your Ex-Boyfriend!

Jessica Sager — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 20:39:28 +0000

Justin Bieber can’t blame this gas mask on Selena Gomez–not even after a breakup! | Source: WENN

After a breakup, it’s easy to do things you regret and to feel down about it. That means you’re human! Justin Bieber is in the same boat: reports say that his recent problems, ranging from spitting in a neighbor’s face, trying to attack a photographer, smoking weed and sipping sizzurp, are all stemming from his breakup with Selena Gomez–and that she’s torturing him with mixed messages. But behaving badly after a breakup is ultimately you own fault, not that of your ex-boyfriend, because you’re responsible for your own actions.

Of course, there are things you can blame on your ex-boyfriend: If you’re crying, having trouble sleeping or have a hard time trusting guys, that’s fair! But here are things that aren’t his fault . . . probably!

1. Driving recklessly!
Really, Justin? It’s Selena’s fault you like racing Ferraris down your block? Just as dumb as that sounds, it’s also not your ex-boyfriend’s fault if you run a red light or text behind the wheel. Be safe out there!

2. Gaining or losing weight.
Comfort food is called “comfort food” for a reason: it makes you feel better! But your new boyfriend isn’t at the bottom of that Ben and Jerry’s carton, and it’s not your ex’s fault that your spoon is scraping the bottom of it, either. Similarly, some of us lose our appetites after a breakup. That’s not your ex boyfriend’s fault–it’s your nervous system’s!

3. Picking up vices.
Drinking, smoking weed or popping pills to make the pain go away after a breakup isn’t your ex boyfriend’s fault. It’s yours. You are responsible for your own behavior, and if you can’t cope with the split without chemicals, that’s on you. It’s a much better idea to lean on girlfriends or seek help than to sip sizzurp. Are you paying attention, Biebs?

4. A bad haircut.
Believe me, I understand why you may want a image overhaul after a breakup. But if your hair stylist manhandles your mane, you can’t really get pissed at your ex-boyfriend for it. You can, however, get a hat or two until it grows out.

5. Passive aggressive Facebook updates or subtweeting.
Even if your ex boyfriend is lame enough to do this after a breakup, it doesn’t mean you need to stoop to his level! Keep it classy . . . and private.

6. Snapping at your friends, family and people who love you.
Sure, everyone is apt to be cranky after a breakup–but that doesn’t mean it’s your skeezy ex-boyfriend’s fault if you’re rude to others. Even if you’re miserable, try not to take it out on anyone else–especially not the people who genuinely just want you to be happy–otherwise, who’s gonna be there to cheer you up? If you need to be alone, tell them nicely.

7. Wearing a gas mask in public.
No sane person does that without chemical warfare involved, Justin. You can’t pin that on Selena!

And one thing you can blame on your ex boyfriend: Feeling better than ever!
Of course, you’re going to be sad, angry or confused after a breakup. But once that part passes? We bet you’ll feel great, because you just weeded out a douchebag who doesn’t deserve you anyway. On to the next one, ladies!

Has your ex boyfriend ever blamed you for something dumb after a breakup? Have you ever unfairly blamed an ex boyfriend for something random after a breakup? What sort of thing do you think is actually your ex boyfriend’s fault after a breakup? Tell us in the comments!

Selena Gomez apparently doesn’t know what to do after a breakup either!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Taylor Swift & Ed Sheeran Might Be An Item! Is It Cool To Date Your Ex-Boyfriend’s Friend?

Jessica Sager — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 18:21:11 +0000

Taylor Swift is rumored to be dating Ed Sheeran, who is one of Harry Style’s BFFs! Is it too risky to date your ex boyfriend’s friend? | Source: WENN

Dating your ex-boyfriend’s friend is risky, but it hasn’t stopped Taylor Swift! She’s rumored to be shacking up with Ed Sheeran (who she’s touring with this summer) following her breakup with Harry Styles. But is it worth it? That’s your call, and it varies from situation to situation. Here are some pros and cons you should consider before deciding once and for all whether or not to date an ex boyfriend’s friend.

Pro: You probably have stuff in common.
This can eliminate part of the awkward “getting to know each other” stage, because chances are you’ve hung out in groups already and are somewhat familiar with one another at this point.

Con: You have your ex-boyfriend in common.
If you start dating your ex boyfriend’s friend, chances are his name is going to come up a lot. Can you handle it? Can your ex boyfriend handle it? Most guys hate hearing about your ex boyfriend, but if he’s how you met your current boyfriend, that gets a little murky.

Pro: You may realize you were dating the wrong guy all along and find someone awesome.
If a guy is your ex-boyfriend, chances are he’s your ex for a reason. You can’t help who else you meet along the way, and he may have opened the door for someone perfect to step in. Taylor Swift seems to have more in common–at least musically–with Ed Sheeran than she does with Harry Styles, so maybe this was meant to be!

Con: Your ex-boyfriend may cause drama.
Unless you already knew your ex boyfriend’s friend before you started dating your ex-boyfriend, your ex may think you used him to get to his pal–and that will cause drama and headaches for all of you if he’s still hurt over your split.

Pro: You’ll be happy!
Listen, if a guy is good for you, whether or not he’s your ex-boyfriend’s friend, you deserve him. If you know he’s awesome and he’s proven that he cares about you, your relationship should be able to sustain whatever drama your ex may drudge up. If your intentions are pure–and so are his–go for it.

Con: You may have ulterior motives.
This isn’t as evil as it sounds, because you may not even realize what you’re doing. Do you actually like this guy a lot or are you just trying to get back at your ex? Is it a little of both? Then you may want to reconsider until you’re absolutely sure this is right. Because by being with your ex-boyfriend’s friend strictly for vindictive purposes, you’re ultimately hurting yourself more than anyone else. That’s time you could have spent finding someone great who doesn’t come with so much baggage!

Have you ever dated an ex-boyfriend’s friend? What would you do if your ex-boyfriend dated one of your friends? Have you ever had relationship drama with an ex-boyfriend’s friend? Tell us in the comments!

Find out how this girl got her annoying ex to leave her alone for good!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Want To Delete Your Ex For Good? Now You Can!

Jessica Booth — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 22:06:52 +0000

Breakups are the worst. Breakups in the age of Facebook, where you can find hundreds of pictures, statuses and wall posts that make you relive your relationship on a regular basis? Yeah, that makes breakups even worse than they were before.

There’s one obvious solution to not having to deal with your lame ex boyfriend on Facebook: delete him. But… then what about all of those old mushy statuses about how in love you were? What about those wall posts full of inside jokes that will break your heart no matter how things ended? And what about the pictures? Ugh, those pictures… kissing selfies of the two of you, cute vacation pictures, ones your friends commenting on to say how adorable you are. What are you supposed to do with all of those?

If you’re starting to get upset just thinking about it, don’t: we’ve got a solution. Or actually, we’ve found a solution. It’s the brand new app called KillSwitch, which allows you to digitally delete your ex from every part of your Facebook in one shot. Spend a few minutes on KillSwitch and, BAM, your ex is off your Newsfeed and off your profile forever.

Intrigued? You should be. KillSwitch accesses your account, lets you find your ex (or exes) and then shows all of the stuff between you guys. You pick what you want gone and “make the kill.” As the app’s website says, “no more staring at your ex’s stupid face every time you login.”

There are two things that make this app even better than you probably already think it is: one, part of the proceeds are donated to The American Heart Association of New York so that, as the app adorably states, “broken hearts can help broken hearts.” Two, if you’re super stressed about the idea of legitimately deleting any trace of your ex off of your Facebook, there’s a solution. All of the pictures you “kill” get saved in a hidden album on Facebook in case you ever want to look at them again.

Honestly? This is a great idea. As the app says, “Outta sight, outta mind is the first step to making breakups suck just a little bit less.” And girls, this couldn’t be more true. Breaking up with someone only to get constant reminders of what they’re doing without you is never going to help you move on. Deleting him out of your Facebook life? That will definitely help. While it may be a big step, it’s also a necessary one.

Would you download this app? Would you be able to delete your ex off your Facebook? Have you ever done that? Tell us in the comments!

The most fun and pointless app ever

What do your dreams mean?! Find out!

What Do You Dreams About Your Ex Boyfriend Really Mean?

Jessica Booth — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:08:12 +0000

Source: ShutterStock

Some dreams can be so perfect (like that one I had about hanging with Ryan Gosling – everything was amazing until I WOKE UP), while others can be so creepy and uncomfortable. One of the worst dreams to have ever? Besides those horribly sad dreams that make you wake up with tears in your eyes, I think we can all agree that dreaming about your ex boyfriend or girlfriend in any way pretty much sucks.

What does dreaming about your ex even mean? Does it mean that you miss him and want to get back together – even if you don’t feel like you miss him in real life? Does it mean you two have some sort of unfinished business? Does it mean that you seriously hate him but are kind of obsessed about it? Or does it just mean that at some point during the day, the thought of him popped up… then appeared in your sub-conscious later on?

I know I’ve wondered about these things myself. A few weeks ago, I was innocently sleeping when my ex from a long time ago appeared in my dream. It was too weird – and it also made me think a lot. I couldn’t help but wonder where that dream came from. I’m sure I’m not alone, because we all have the occasional confusing dream about our exes. So, awesome news, we finally got some answers.

HuffPost Live recently posted a video about the meaning of dreams – in particular, the meaning of your dreams about your ex. And what they said left me, um, kind of surprised. According to celebrity dream decoder (side note: didn’t know this was a job, now I want it) Lauren Lawrence, dreaming about your ex means that something is missing in your current relationship.

Lauren says, “Basically, it doesn’t have to be the ex. It could be some qualities in him that the person liked and maybe they’re not satisfied with their current partner or boyfriend, and then they will dream of someone they used to have because there are certain things that are missing in the relationship.”

So what she’s basically saying is that dreams about your ex don’t necessarily mean you miss your ex – they mean you miss certain things about your old relationship that you don’t really have in your new relationship. She goes on to say that “relationship dreams reveal things that you need to know” about your current relationship.

Am I buying this? Ehhhh. Not really. I guess I believe in dream interpretation to an extent, but I have to say I can’t fully believe in it. I think sometimes a dream is just a dream, without any deeper meaning. Does dreaming about your ex, even if he was totally, 100 percent awful, always mean that you’re missing something from that relationship? Maybe sometimes, but I wouldn’t say always. Does this mean you should be feeling guilty if you dream about an ex? No! We can’t control what we dream about… although if we could, that would be seriously awesome.

And do I think that relationship dreams reveal things you need to know about your current relationship? Maybe. It’s totally possible for our deepest worries and desires to come out in a dream. But that doesn’t mean you should always take them seriously. Like I said, sometimes a dream is just a dream.

But if you’re really into this stuff, check out the rest of the video – Lauren doesn’t just touch on relationship dreams, she talks about a lot of other dream meanings also. Watch it:

Do you think all dreams have a deeper meaning? When was the last time you had a relationship dream? Do you ever dream about your ex? Tell me in the comments.

Sexy Sexy With Shallon: How Can I Leave My Ex Behind – For Good?

Shallon Lester — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:00:21 +0000

The gurls have spoken!

Welcome back, girls, to the circus of ridiculousness that is my love life! Last week, I was torn between giving my (horrendous) ex, M, another shot or moving forward with a new (princely) boy, B. I had the chance to invite one away for a romantical weekend and left the decision to you guys to vote on.

SHOCKER: almost everyone voted for B. Like, you guys hate my ex. And, as of today, I do too!

Let’s go back to last week: I asked B to go on the mini-break with me, and of course, of course, later that night, M – who is the king of flakes and mind games – crawled out of the woodwork and wanted to see what I was doing for the weekend. Over text, obvs. GOD FORBID he actually behaves like a man and calls me to ask for a date.

Rather than play the same stupid games right back, I told him the truth: I was going upstate with a boy.

In typical d-bag fashion, he sniped that I clearly wasn’t serious about giving us another chance and that I’m to blame for things heading south this time.

I reminded him that it’s been two weeks since I’ve seen him, because he hasn’t bothered to ask me out, and that all of his pathetic promises about a new wonderful relationship were just complete crap.

B, Mr. Adorable, and I at dinner!

Furious and dark and twisty, I tried to put it behind me and enjoy the weekend with B, which was magical. Seriously. I don’t think I touched a door handle all weekend—the kid is such a gentleman! We laughed and talked and just had a marvelous time. I was shocked we weren’t sick of each other after 72 straight hours of togetherness. Stupid M started texting me halfway through the weekend, but I didn’t respond. I was too happy in my cocoon of squishy, mushy luuuuurve with B to even care.

Until I got back to the city, that is. Once back in NYC, reality set back in. B is amazing, so wonderful, and would never pull the crap that M did/has/will probably always do. But M still haunts me. Last week I was sad—this week I’m angry. I’m absolutely livid that I let myself get pulled back into his swamp of horribleness. And I’m just confused. Why is he doing this? What was the point of all this? An ego boost? The most dangerous part about M is that he actually believes his own lies.

And because of that, I know it has to be over. Really over this time. It feels surreal, though. Like some awful nightmare that can’t possibly be true. M can’t possibly be doing this…can he? The boy I’ve waited for for a year can’t really be letting history repeat itself?

Source: Shutterstock

Here’s where I need your help: I know that I’ll hear from M again. He’s not the type to go quietly into that good night, even though a normal, moral person would realize they were hurting someone who loved them and would just let them go.

So when he reaches out with more baloney, what do I do? Not respond? Or unleash a venomous breakup rant and hope he finally gets the memo to leave me alone forever? Which has worked best for you? To engage or to ignore?

Tell me your thoughts in the comments, and don’t forget to visit me at my website and follow me on Twitter and Instagram. I’ll blindly obey and be back next week with a fresh new update!

8 ways to avoid bad dates

The 10 worst things guys have said to me on first dates

Sexy Sex With Shallon: The Ex Or The New Guy?

Shallon Lester — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 21:00:44 +0000

Me, the Queen of Clueless!

I am good at a few things: eating Nutella with a spoon, hoarding lip gloss and writing about my love life. One thing I am not good at? Managing my love life - this has become painfully clear. I have a pretty popular YouTube channel where I dispense dating advice to teens, but when it comes to my own life, I’m totally clueless. It’s weird how advice works that way, isn’t it? You have so much clarity with other people’s problems but your own are, like, SO COMPLICATED YOU GUYZ.

So I figured I’d enlist y’all for help. Each week, I’ll update you on my love life and then ask you how I should handle certain situations. And unless you tell me to shave my head or something, I’ll obey.

First up: The Saga of My Ex Boyfriend.

M and I dated last year and it was magical, the stuff of happy Taylor Swift songs. It was a sleeping puppy on your lap, the best movie on TV, a pantry full of your favorite snacks type of wonderful. But when he “got scared” and ran away, it was the stuff of bad Taylor Swift songs. It was sitting in a dry bathtub and crying for two hours. It was pure, uncut misery.

I’ll admit it: I’ve never gotten over him. But lo and behold, he came crawling back last week wanting another chance. He says he’s grown up and is ready for a real, mature relationship.

“I just want the chance to prove to you that things can be different,” he said. And, because I’m still in love with him, I told him I’d give him that chance. I was cautiously ecstatic.

LOL JK! “The New M” lasted one week. One. And now he’s back to his usual crap—flaking on plans, not really asking me out, vague pointless texting—and it’s killing me.

Here’s where the plot thickens. There’s another guy, B, who I’ve been slowwwwwly getting to know and the kid is a prince. He treats me the way M used to, but, the thing is, he isn’t M. He’s B. And I don’t know how much chemistry we have. M has cast this awful shadow across all of my subsequent romances…but is that kind of passion and intensity sustainable?

Now, the plot gets even thicker: I have a free stay at a completely adorbs bed n’ breakfast in Vermont this weekend—who do I invite?

Do I ask M and give him a second (make that 100th) chance, even though he’s been such a crap weasel? Or do I throw caution to chemistry and take B and see if I actually fall for the good guy for once? Vote! Help!

Want more of Shallon? Follow her on Twitter and check out her website for all of her fabulous updates!

What would you do if you were in my situation? Have you ever taken back an ex? Did it work out? Does it ever? Tell me in the comments! And visit me at my website or follow me on Twitter!

10 Reasons I’m Glad My Ex Is Happy

Caitlin Corsetti — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:16:22 +0000

Seeing him with someone else isn’t so bad Source Shutterstock

I dated this guy for about three years in college, and we had a pretty nasty breakup. We both moved on but didn’t speak for a very long time.

Well I heard from him recently. He said he still thought about me all the time, but he’s been channeling everything that went wrong into making his new relationship work. I felt like he was checking in to see if I was miserable because he was finally happy with someone else.

I didn’t want the conversation to carry on. So when he was going on about his newfound love, I said I was glad that he was happy and I truly hoped things work out for them. I meant it, but he seemed surprised.

It can be really difficult to say you’re happy for your ex, but here are ten reasons why I really am.

Our relationship became toxic

After about a year, we were fighting constantly and threatening breakups every other week. If we were still together, it would have just gotten worse every day.

He's not my mess anymore

I felt like a mom more than a girlfriend most of the time. Yes, you want to take care of who you’re dating but without feeling like a parent.

He needed someone different from me

I’m a pretty anxious and intense person, and he was super laid back about everything. Opposites attract, but sometimes not enough to last.

I didn't want to move to Florida

I’m a Southern girl, but I always had a life plan to move to New York. He wanted to move back home after college and live in Florida. Forever. My hair can’t handle that humidity.

I learned a lot

As tumultuous as it was, I can say that I learned a lot during the course of our relationship. Looking back, I know how to deal with issues that I didn’t before. Moving forward, my relationships will be much more healthy.

I grew up

Two years ago, I wouldn't have written this article. That relationship kept me in a very immature state of my life where I was trying to move forward, but I just couldn’t because I was stuck.

Closure

I moved on quickly after our relationship ended, but he didn’t. I was the bad guy. So to see him really move on with someone who’s right for him makes me feel better.

I've dated some great guys since then

I had another serious relationship after this one, which I am so grateful for even though it didn’t work out. But I’ve dated some really wonderful guys.

He's really happy

And that makes me happy. I was with him for three years, and while I don’t have feelings for him anymore, I still care about his wellbeing.

I'm really happy

If I were miserable, I’d probably get really thrown off whenever I heard from him. But I’m not, so all is well.