The effects of diet soda and other diet drinks have been debated–and now depression might be one of them! | Source: ShutterStock

There are some awesome effects of diet soda: You can enjoy the sweetness and bubbles of something delish without packing on the calories, which is a big incentive. Diabetics can enjoy soda without affecting their blood sugar, which lessens the feeling of missing out. Sounds pretty win-win, right?

Well, it might not be. There have been lots of reports about negative effects of diet soda that have had questionable results and findings–no one’s really sure if it causes cancer (so far, you’d have to drink a whole lot for a really, really long time to show any changes–and they’ve only studied mice, so take it with an enormous grain of salt) or makes you gain weight by increasing cravings for sweets (what a cruel world!). Now, another possible effect of diet soda has emerged: It’s being linked to depression. Yikes!

New studies have found that people who drink four or more sodas of any kind every day were 30 percent more likely to suffer from depression that people who didn’t drink as much soda at all. People who drank diet soda were 32 percent more likely to be depressed than people who didn’t drink soda daily, and diet soda drinkers were almost 10 percent more likely to have depression than people who drank regular soda. Phew, that’s a lot of numbers–got all that?

Good, because there’s more: Diet soda isn’t the only culprit. Apparently diet fruit drinks might bum people out, too. People who drank diet fruit drinks daily had a 51 percent higher chance of being depressed than people who didn’t.

We’re like, “But they’re so delicious! Say it ain’t so!”

Thankfully, it was just a link, not a direct cause. The researchers admit there are a ton of other factors that can affect your likelihood of depression: Your BMI, family history, stress, and just how your life is going in general.

There is, however, a drink that may stave off depression: Coffee. The same study showed that people who gulp down four or more cups of java a day were less likely to be depressed. That may be because caffeine acts as a brain stimulant–or just because it’s so yummy–but the jury is still out.

We’re not trying to make you panic and throw all your Diet Coke into a river. That would be terrible for the aquatic life. But maybe just don’t drink so much of any one thing all of the time, whether it’s diet soda, fruity diet drinks or regular stuff. Maybe those people were depressed because they didn’t get a ton of variety in their hydration. Seriously, the same thing all the time? Boring!

Do you buy all of the negative effects of diet soda and diet drinks, or do you think it’s just hype? Have you ever noticed what you eat or drink affecting your mood? Tell us in the comments!

Are you depressed or just sad?

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Christmas cookies: As if you needed a reason. | Source: ShutterStock

The holiday season means Christmas cookies are out in full force. They’re delicious, they’re pretty, and you probably don’t need to be told twice to munch on ‘em. But in case you feel guilty about noshing on Christmas cookies this year (which you shouldn’t–you look fine and they’re not around for very long), we have a slew of reasons why you should relax and enjoy them. Just make sure you brush and floss your teeth well, otherwise you may have an unwanted visit from the tooth fairy instead of from Santa.

1. Christmas cookies keep you from getting depressed. Seriously.
Dude, it’s science. A study reported that nixing sugar and fat has the same effect on your brain as going through drug withdrawal. When you suddenly stop eating delicious treats like Christmas cookies too suddenly, you can feel bummed out. So gorge to your heart’s content and just wean yourself off gradually by New Year’s. Problem solved!

2. If you don’t, you’ll make other people depressed.
Whoever baked those delicious Christmas cookies put blood, sweat, and tears into them. Or maybe not, because that would be gross. But they probably did use a lot of sugar, love, and effort. So if no one eats those cookies, they’re going to feel like they’ve failed. Do you want them to feel that way? No? Then eat a cookie. And then eat another cookie.

3. They’re a stress reliever.
Feel like you’re about to bite someone’s head off? Do it literally. But instead of your best friend, dad, teacher, boss, or anyone else, do it with a gingerbread man. There’s a lot less drama involved and legal ramifications are slim to none (as long as you didn’t steal said gingerbread man), and you just might feel better when you’re done.

4. You won’t have another chance until next year.
Christmas cookies are a gift in themselves. Sure, you can have Valentine’s day or St. Patrick’s or Halloween cookies, but chances are they don’t have the unique flavors Christmas cookies often do–think gingerbread, peppermint, or red velvet. So you’d be wise to enjoy them while you can!

5. Remember that next year may never come.
Hurry up! The Mayan apocalypse is coming in nine days! Don’t waste them!

Do you really need a reason to eat Christmas cookies? Do you think fatty foods can really cause depression? What’s your favorite holiday treat or dessert? Tell us in the comments!

What do your Christmas cards say about you?

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Source: ShutterStock

First, let me thank you for writing in – you’re certainly not alone, as I know of quite a few girls who have also grappled with how to bare their past traumas to others. It takes a lot of courage to share any story of abuse, loss, or self-harm—whether with a stranger or a loved one.

I think the decision to tell your boyfriend about your own history is really quite a personal one. Obviously such information doesn’t quite make for great first date conversation, but you should absolutely be able to share such deeper things with someone you know you can trust—especially because it likely now informs a large part of who you are. If you’re at a point in the relationship where you feel like giving him that backstory will help him get to know you better, and you can confide in him with confidence, then you should go for it.

On the other hand, you may feel that, since you’re much happier now, your scars represent a past struggle which isn’t as relevant to your life now. In that case, I don’t think you need to tell him about their origins merely because he suspects something.

Your question reminds me of a girl who wanted to know when to tell her boyfriend that she loves him. My answer to you is similar in that you should only tell your boyfriend about your past when you feel like you need to. Then, if he can’t handle the truth, you’ll simply know that he wasn’t right for you in the first place. But more than likely, if he’s as into you as he sounds, hearing about your past issues won’t cause him to run away – he’ll only feel glad and relieved that you’re so much better off now.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Am I depressed… or just sad?

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But what is depression, and how do you know if you’re depressed or just pretty sad? Doctors use a checklist to diagnose depression (yes, doctors, because it’s a medical condition!), and it’s a handy one to refer to if you think you or someone you care about might be battling depression. The nine things they look for are:

* A bummed out mood during most of the day, particularly in the morning like you can’t bear the idea of getting out of bed

* Feeling exhausted or just really sluggish almost every day

* Feeling guilty or like you don’t matter almost every day

* Not being able to concentrate or make a decision

* Gaining or losing a lot of weight

* Weird sleeping patterns, like not being able to sleep or sleeping way more than usual almost every day

* Feeling restless

* Not being able to enjoy stuff you used to really like

* Any thoughts of death or suicide

First off, if you even for a second think about hurting yourself or ending your life, STOP and call a help line like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). Your life is important, even if you don’t think so right now. You do not have to face this alone.

And if you haven’t ever thought about hurting yourself, but still match up with lots of things on that list, talk to someone. Anyone. Your teacher. Your dad. A counselor or even your boss. If you are, in fact, clinically depressed, you could be feeling a lot better if you reached out and got some help. Your smile is too pretty to go into hiding like this, girl.

Seeing A Therapist Doesn’t Have To Suck

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Sometimes it feels like our emotions drown us; talking to someone could pull you to safety. | Source: Shutterstock

Cut to a few years later, when I realized I was having problems and needed someone to talk to, someone who wasn’t a friend or family member, who wouldn’t judge me, and who I wouldn’t feel I was burdening with my problems. Turns out that’s exactly what a therapist is for, so I went to one. You absolutely don’t have to be “crazy” to see a therapist, and the VAST majority of people who go to therapy aren’t wearing tinfoil hats or convinced that traffic lights talk to them. They’re average people, like you and me, only something’s happened in their lives that they can’t quite handle on their own, and they need someone to talk to.

There are about a billion situations in which therapy can be helpful, including ones many of us go through: depression, anxiety, the death of a loved one, moving, school stress, rough relationships with family members, sexual identity issues, dealing with parents’ divorce or remarriage, and also things like eating disorders, self harm, sexual assault, chronic illness, or experiencing something traumatic. Some people think it’s weird to go and talk to someone you don’t know, but I think in some ways, it’s almost easier: this is someone you go to just to talk, and they’re 100% there to listen to and support YOU. You don’t see this person in class or at family gatherings, and due to therapist-client confidentiality, even if you’re a minor and your parent takes you to every appointment, your therapist still can’t repeat what you’ve said, unless you or someone else is in danger (so stuff like you and your sweetie fooling around or your ditching class isn’t gonna make it outside the therapist’s door. Your therapist might tell your parent or guardian something – or have you do it in session – if there’s a concern you may be in serious trouble, like if you’re about to run away, or you’ve started drinking a LOT).

Going to therapy can help you feel a lot better. | Source: Shutterstock

Getting help is a great thing, and I wish I’d known to ask for a different therapist when I was 14; it might’ve made a big difference. I’m glad I know the benefits of therapy now and I’m not afraid to get help if I need it.

Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? If you’ve seen a therapist, was it helpful? Tell us about it in the comments!

Feeling Down? You’re NOT Alone

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If you’re having regular run ins with your local mean girl, or worse, mean girls, then you know how crappy it can feel to be bullied. Meg’s here to help you out. She has tips on how to protect yourself from bullying, where to get help, and how to put the bullying in perspective. Watch and remember, this bullying won’t be forever. Take care of yourself and get the help you need.

Have you ever been bullied or are you being bullied now? How do you deal, and what do you think could help the situation? Tell us in the comments!

Don’t Fit In? Here’s How To Deal.

There are so many other ways to cope. | Source: Shutterstock

Self harm is obviously destructive, but it serves many purposes for those who engage in it: it’s a way to make emotional pain physical and easier to deal with, it’s a way to force out some sort of feeling, it’s a way to calm down, it’s a way to bring themselves back to the here and now. And while harming may start as a quick way to find relief, it’s likely to become a habit: much like alcoholics and drug addicts, who find that they can evade feelings or thoughts by getting drunk or high, harmers do so because it brings temporary relief. The thing is, once someone learns it works, they may want to use it as a quick fix again and again, until they’ve managed to not deal with your feelings and problems at all, and may not even remember how.

Now that you know a little, here are a few more facts about self harm to ponder:

* Studies suggest that about 13 to 25 percent of teens and young adults surveyed in schools have some history of self-injury, even if they’ve only done it once or twice.

* The average age for people who self-harm is 14-16; but self harm habits affect people of all ages.

* Self harm frequently goes hand-in-hand with eating disorders.

Self harm is one of the most severe punishments: your mom can ground you, your coach can bench you, your teacher can fail you, your friends can be mad at you, but when we’re already our own worst critics, hating yourself goes above and beyond what’s healthy. Harmers often take events (a low grade on a test, an argument with a parent) and turn them into proof that, as a whole, they are “A Bad Person,” or a total failure.

Once someone is focused on harming herself or himself, it can be very hard to change mindsets, because the thought can be extremely consuming, and the desire for the action overwhelming. Because self harm is so addictive, it’s also really hard to stop doing. However? It’s totally possible to get help and recover from self harming habits. The key to avoiding self harm is to prepare to do anything else in its place before the thought to hurt yourself even occurs. Avoid situations that make you want to harm, if possible. Make a list of alternatives to harming yourself (call a friend, punch or yell into a pillow, listen to music that doesn’t make you feel mad or sad, write in a journal, watch a funny TV show, go for a run, throw ice cubes at the sidewalk, draw, anything that you find distracting). Keep that list handy. When you get upset with yourself, ask yourself questions about how realistic your thinking is: don’t generalize a single incident (say, forgetting to call your friend back or doing your homework incorrectly) into “I can’t do anything right.”

More than anything, when you feel like self harming, talk to someone you trust: a parent or other family member, a friend, a teacher, your school counselor. And if you’re the one a harmer is talking to, be patient. Expecting to change this person’s mind completely or stop the harming immediately isn’t going to happen. Be empathic. You can see the detriment self harm is causing, but your friend might not be able to–-yet. If you feel like you’re in over your head, it’s okay to suggest your friend may want to talk to an adult, or a therapist.

If you are harming yourself, remember that emotions are temporary – you may feel very bad right now, but it will pass – and that learning to deal with emotions is going to help you throughout your life, even though learning to look your pain in the eye is going to be a difficult process. You are worth more than you think, and you deserve help. Take a chance and reach out.

Do you know anyone who deals with self harm? What would you do if you found out a friend was hurting herself? Talk about it in the comments.

Dealing With Something Heavy? Read This. It Might Help.

It's normal to still be sad and confused. | Source: Shutterstock

As weird as this may sound, it’s actually good to feel sad—it means that you’re dealing with your loss and not ignoring your emotions. That’s healthy, and it takes a strong girl to do it. Grieving is not easy, and unfortunately there’s nothing I can say that will make your pain go away. But you will make it through. You will feel normal again. Below, I’ll share some things I’ve learned from my personal experience, and from working with girls and guys who have suffered loss.

There’s No “Right Way”. Remember that grieving is a process, and there’s no one right way to do it. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re taking steps forward, like your mood is better or you’re able to enjoy life again. And some days, you might feel really low. This doesn’t mean that you’re taking steps backward, or that you’re not healing. This is just what grieving looks like.

You are not alone in this. | Source: Shutterstock

Be patient with yourself.
As time goes on, your pain will lessen. I don’t know how long this will take for you, because it’s different for everyone. But please, be patient with yourself. You’ll take exactly the amount of time you need to grieve, and that’s okay. If you find that your sadness is getting consistently worse as time passes, or if you’re starting to feel helpless or hopeless, reach out to a parent or doctor. It may be important for you to talk one-on-one with a counselor.

Find meaning in your experience.
I mentioned above that you will feel normal again, and that’s true. You won’t feel exactly the same way you felt before your friend’s death, though. This was a tragic life event, and you will be changed because of it. Maybe you’ll find strength you never knew you had. Maybe you’ll treasure your current friendships all the more. Eventually, acknowledging those things that you’ll take from the experience is a way to honor your friend. And honoring her a little bit every day will keep her memory alive.

Most of all, just try to take good care of yourself. That’s what your friend would have wanted.

Have you ever had to deal with the death of a friend? How did you get through it? Share your advice with other girls in the comments.

Feeling kind of lost and like no one understands? This might help.

You CAN get through this. | Source

In many ways, hitting an emotional low is just like realizing you were the only one of your friends to get sick on the ride. It’s totally human and normal, but feeling blue can make you feel isolated, embarrassed, and like nobody could possibly understand what you’re dealing with.

But before we go any further, let me just say there’s a huge difference between throwing up (and by throwing up, I mean being mega bummed) and actually giving up or thinking about suicide.

If you are thinking about hurting yourself or anyone else–get help now. Tell a parent, teacher, or call 911.

But aside from thinking about suicide or hurting yourself–how can you tell the difference between having a lousy day and actually dealing with depression? The only way to know for sure if you’re experiencing what mental health pros call a Major Depressive Episode is to see your doctor or a therapist. But if you’re simply not feeling like yourself, there are a couple questions you can ask yourself first:

If you feel like this, you might need help. | Source

Is my mood getting in the way of my life?
Depressive symptoms get in the way of everything: school, social life, work, family—if you’re feeling low enough that it’s stopping you from living the fabulous life you could be living, it’s time to check in with a professional.

What other symptoms am I experiencing?
If you’re depressed, you also notice a few other things are off. You might not be able to sleep or eat, or maybe you’re eating and sleeping more than usual. You could feel exhausted, or have a tough time concentrating on school or work. Maybe you’re feeling more jittery than usual, or like your body has slowed down and it’s tough to find the energy to go about your day. You could be feeling worthless, or start to have thoughts of suicide.

All of these symptoms are serious, and if you’ve been struggling with any combination of them for two weeks or more, you might need a hand to get back to normal. Talk to your doctor–and know that there is absolutely no shame in needing help. If you think your parents might freak and think you’re “crazy,” or think you’re being overly dramatic, talk to a school counselor or school nurse who can help you get the help you need.

The thing to keep in mind is that you’re absolutely not alone. Just like many people get sick on roller coasters, many people get depressed–especially girls, who experience clinical depression twice as often as guys. The good news is that depression is treatable, and things can get a whole lot better. Better to the point where you’ll be smiling again. Promise.

Everyone is different, and a single blog post like this one isn’t a substitute for medical advice. If you’re worried you might be depressed or you have questions about depression, have your doctor recommend a good mental health therapist.

For girls who have struggled with suicidal thoughts, please call a help line like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). I may not have met you, but you matter to me.

How are you doing? Have you ever needed help? Tell me in the comments.

Need More Heart-To-Heart? We’ve Got You.

Feelings are HEALTHY! | Source

I’ve been there. I’ve also gone ahead and told the guy how I felt about him, only to learn that he wasn’t as excited about me. Hello, disappointment!

The thing is, having feelings, whether they’re happy and excited or sad and hurt, is totally normal and not crazy at all. They are your feelings, and what are we here in this life for if not to feel things? Sometimes other people’s feelings won’t match yours, and that sucks, but it doesn’t mean your feelings were wrong–because feelings are never “correct” or “incorrect”–they just are. So the next time you’re asking yourself “Am I crazy?,” just know that you’re probably just human.

Being in love isn't crazy! | Source

This emotional double standard is nothing new, either. Back in the Victorian days and up through the 1920s, women were routinely hospitalized with “hysteria.” Hysteria basically meant that doctors thought disruptions in a woman’s uterus made her have “excessive” and “dangerous” emotions that required medical sedation. You read that right–women were hospitalized for having feelings, and forced to take drugs to dull them.

Now, of course there are people (guys and girls!) who have mood disorders. Bi-Polarism really exists, so do panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and other issues that are serious and need medical attention. But when we call every Tina, Dana, and Holly “crazy” for having a meltdown once in a while–we’re making light of those really real issues, while trivializing the very normal feelings of a girl who probably just needs someone to listen to her.

Adele's emotions helped her win Grammys! | Source

So, the next time you hear someone call a girl you know “crazy,” take a step back and think about what she’s really going through. Have you ever been in similar shoes? If you were in her situation, might you be just as upset or just as happy? Because the truth is, she’s probably not crazy. She’s just a girl with feelings.

Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I crazy?” Has anyone ever said that you were crazy for having strong feelings? What did you do or say? Tell me all about it in the comments.

Need To Have A Serious Talk With Someone You Love? Here’s How.