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This morning, I read an article about the big new plastic surgery trend: an upper arm lift. Apparently, upper arm lifts saw the biggest increase between 2000 and 2012.

Now, normally with this kind of thing, I would scoff and wonder who would go through that kind of procedure. I’m not normally big on plastic surgery. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t judge anyone who gets it (unless you’re Joan Rivers – guys, I met her once and she literally looks like a mannequin. It’s not okay!). I’m not exactly against plastic surgery, I’ve just never felt like it was for me before. I don’t like doctors, hospitals or surgery recovery – and anyway, the best way to love our bodies is to learn to accept them, not change them… right?

Why am I suddenly questioning myself? Well, here’s the thing: I absolutely hate my upper arms. And to be honest with you, getting work done on them to make them look better actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

Who am I?! I’ve never wanted plastic surgery in my life! I’m feeling seriously guilty about this. I spend most of my time writing to you girls about how you need to learn to accept your bodies no matter what they look like and gain confidence and be happy with the body you were given. And here I am, seriously thinking about what my life would be like if I had an upper arm lift. Is that really wrong? I just feel like getting this surgery would really, really boost my confidence and make me feel better about myself. Am I totally vain?

It just feels like I’ve been fighting a never ending battle with my upper arms. They’re not fat, exactly, but they’re not thin either. I do a lot of arm exercises with weights to try and tone them up, but it takes FOREVER. It’s painful and I don’t always have the time for it. And if I don’t keep up with my arms on a constant basis, they just look terrible (to me, at least).

The issue I have with my upper arms has, unfortunately, gotten in the way of me living my life sometimes. I’m super, super self-conscious of them and so I try to cover them up as much as possible. During the winter, it’s no problem. I wear long-sleeved shirts or sweaters over short-sleeved shirts and I’m all good. But I’m sure you can imagine how annoying this is during the summer, when it’s way too hot to wear long sleeves. I go for as long as I possibly can before I have to break out my arms in tank tops and short sleeves. Last year, when I went on a boating trip with my boyfriend and his friends, I insisted on wearing a sweatshirt the whole time because I was ashamed of my arms. I obviously spent the whole day sweating. It totally wasn’t worth it – but that’s not the first or last time I’ve done something like that.

The other annoying thing about my arms is that it makes it difficult to buy certain items of clothing (and I already have enough of those issues!). If the material isn’t stretchy, a shirt or dress sometimes just refuses to fit my upper arms. Since they are bigger in proportion to the rest of my body, it’s really hard to buy a lot of different shirts, blazers or jackets – everything fits except for the arms, which need a size larger. I’ve had to put back so many cute things because they’re just so uncomfortable on my arms.

Honestly, even writing this post is hard for me! I’m SO self-conscious about my arms that I very rarely talk about how much I dislike them. In fact, this is probably the most I’ve talked about this issue ever (not exaggerating). I hate pointing out how I feel about my arms or what they look like because I hate to feel like people are staring at them (even though they’re most likely not).

My point is, thinking about a world where I don’t have to stress over what my upper arms look like sounds like a dream world to me. And if that world involves plastic surgery? It just might be worth considering.

But be honest with me: do you think this is ridiculous? Would you ever get plastic surgery on the part of your body that you hate the most? How do you feel about plastic surgery? Do you ever feel this way about your upper arms? Tell me in the comments.

10 things that kind of suck because of my big boobs

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Summer is right around the corner (YAY!), which means that beach season is also right around the corner. And that means that it’s almost time to whip out your bikinis or tankinis or whatever it is you wear to the beach or the pool. This, as I’m sure you know, brings a great deal of anxiety to a lot of women (and dudes, too!) – some people are scared to wear a bikini. That’s probably why you might be seeing a ton of articles on how to get your “perfect bikini bod!” Ugh. Please make them stop.

In all seriousness, bikini season is not everyone’s favorite season, mainly because some people simply don’t feel comfortable wearing something that shows off so much of their body in public. In fact, a recent survey found that 45 percent of British women are more nervous about wearing bathing suits during the summer than they are about getting naked in front of a new partner for the first time. And apparently, this is a female thing. The men surveyed were twice as more confident about their bathing suit bodies than the women.

This seriously bums me out. I know this might make you roll your eyes, but seriously girls, neither of these things should stress you out this much. Being in a bathing suit in public is not as big of a deal as it might seem! Think of it this way: if you’re at the beach or pool, chances are, everyone around you is also showing some serious skin. And, chances are, the majority of these people don’t have “perfect” bodies (whatever that even means). And guess what? All of these people are probably more into what they look like than what you look like.

If you’re feeling these unfortunate bikini blues or if you’re beyond fed up with the barrage of “lose weight before summer!” articles that seem to have taken over the Internet and our magazines, I think I found a cure.

A clothing brand called Inner Subversion is apparently just as sick of these body hang-ups and the advice that go along with them as we are. Check out their amazingly awesome Facebook post that got them over 5,000 likes and shares:

“How to dress for your shape: are you human-shaped? Play up your confidence and natural sex appeal by wearing whatever the f*** you want.

Life Tip: As the weather gets warmer, continue to wear whatever the f*** you want. Flaunt everything or keep it cool under cover. Dress to make yourself feel rad.

How to get a bikini body: Put a bikini on your body.

Want sexy own-the-beach summer legs? Shave, or don’t because they’re your f****** legs.”

Um, couldn’t have said it better myself. Girls, going to the beach or the pool is supposed to be fun. Please don’t stress over how your body looks (because it probably looks hot).

Are you scared to wear a bikini this summer? Are you scared of getting naked in front of someone new? Which is scarier to you? Tell me in the comments.

How to be more confident

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Amy Poehler – kind of my role model.

In Amy Poehler’s latest Ask Amy video, she gives some seriously great advice about how to be courageous enough to take more risks. As usual, Amy’s advice is perfect – which is why I’m constantly posting her videos! I totally agree with the number one YouTube comment, which said, “Somehow, no matter what the subject, Ask Amy is exactly what I need at the moment. Amy knows before I know.” 

If you feel scared to do something you’ve never done before that you want to do, then you definitely need to watch this video. Taking risks is hard and the idea of them can be terrifying – it’s completely normal to feel afraid to do something new, no matter what it is. But taking risks and trying new things is also a really big part of your life – it’s important to learn how to be courageous enough to get over your fears and just do something. Who knows, it could even change your life!

But that’s all easier said than done – and unfortunately, there’s really only one way to conquer your fears. As Amy says, you just have to do it. She says, “The only way you’ll find out if you’re supposed to be with someone is to go for it. The only way you’re going to find out if you’re in the right place is to stand in the place. So, you can guess for a long time, ‘what if I screw up, what if I mess up’, you can think about every bad scenario … or you can just do it and see what happens. Because great people do things before they’re ready.”

I know it’s really scary to just jump into something, but getting out of your comfort zone can give you some pretty amazing experiences. It can allow you to learn so many things about yourself. And the best part? Once you’ve done it the first time, doing it all the times after that won’t be as hard because you’ve already been through it. Sometimes you really do just need to push yourself. As Amy says, “Courage, risks… yes. Go. Now.”

Watch for more of her amazing advice right here:

What is something you want to try but you’re scared to do it? How do you conquer your fears and act more courageous? Tell me in the comments!

How to say goodbye the right way

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Confidence is the secret to beauty, but so many of us have poor body image and low self-esteem! | Source: ShutterStock

Ladies, our self-esteem and body image as a whole aren’t where they should be. A study says that half of us have poor body image and hate the way we look–but we almost all agree that confidence is the secret to beauty! What gives?!

One in two women feel like they’re not pretty enough and detest their appearance, but 88 percent of us say confidence is the key to truly looking amazing. One good part of our body image, though? Most of us are at least somewhat aware that we’re stunning as is–we just want to feel better about the skin we’re in, which can be tough since we’re bombarded with images of imaginary Photoshopped perfection all the time.

We’re here to help! Here are some more reasons why you should feel as gorgeous as we know that you are – and how to boost your self-esteem:

Others think you’re goodlooking. Seriously.
Studies have shown that we’re a lot harder on ourselves body image-wise than anyone else is on us, especially guys. In a lot of research studies, dudes have rated women as much better looking than the women rated themselves, so if your self-esteem is suffering because you don’t think guys find you attractive, guess what? They do!

Chances are no one even notices the flaws you’re freaking out about.
When you zero in on what you don’t like about your bod, face, hair, whatever, your self-esteem can plummet pretty easily. But guess what? You’re likely the only person worried about it. And unless you point it out to someone else, chances are they didn’t even know it existed.

And the flaws you can see? They may be part of what makes you hot.
Cindy Crawford used to hate her mole, and it became her trademark. See where we’re going with this? A lot of the very things that set us apart and make us self-conscious are actually what attracts other people to us: Think Zendaya’s height, Demi’s curves, Selena’s teeth or Miley’s hair.

By loving yourself and showing confidence, you’ll inspire others to do the same.
You know how when someone gives you a compliment you beam for hours? Giving someone else a compliment will make you feel just as good–and will probably inspire them to pay it forward and give you one right back. So next time you’re feeling crappy when standing next to someone you think is cuter than you are, instead of grumbling about how hard your life is, tell her how pretty her eyes are or how awesome her bangs look. Because chances are she has insecurities just like you!

There’s a lot more to you than what’s on the outside.
Cliche because it’s true. You’re beautiful–we know that. And you’re also, brilliant, brave, strong, funny and probably an awesome friend. If you ever have a breakout or a bad hair day, remember that what’s in your heart–not on your face or on a scale–is what actually makes you who you are. And who you are is one gorgeous, great gal. Don’t you forget it!

Are you surprised that so many women and girls have a negative body image? How do you improve your confidence and self-esteem? Tell us in the comments!

Boost your body image with these 10 inspirational quotes!

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What did you think of Jamie’s pole dancing? Would you try it? What should she try next? Tell me in the comments!
 

See Gurl Try riding a unicycle!

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Alessandra Ambrosio has a thigh gap and her pics are frequently used as “motivation.” | Source: Anton Oparin/ShutterStock

It wasn’t that long ago that thinspo and pro-anorexia memes, sayings and pictures were splashed all over the Internet (in fact, despite the attempt to ban thinspo, it’s definitely still around), but there’s already a new “weight loss” trend going around: the thigh gap. 

I’m not exactly sure when this started, but at some point, girls of all ages, shapes and sizes became obsessed with the idea of having a thigh gap. Never heard of it and wondering what I’m talking about? It’s exactly what it sounds like: a gap between your legs in the upper thigh area. Basically, your legs don’t touch together. Despite the fact that this is not an achievable goal for everyone, because all of our bodies are different, it’s become a serious trend and there are a lot of people who will do anything to get it.

Do a quick Google search of “thigh gap” and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about. There are tons of Tumblr pages dedicated to thigh gaps that feature hundreds of pictures of thin girls whose legs don’t touch together. There are lots of fitness blogs and communities that feature how-to’s on getting a thigh gap – one website warns you to avoid exercises that increase your leg muscles like squats and lunges and to focus on cardio to make your thighs thinner. In fact, sometimes it seems like fitspo and thigh gaps go hand in hand.

Search the hashtage #thighgap on Instagram and you’ll see tons of pictures and even arguments on the subject. There’s a Twitter for model Cara Delevingne’s thigh gap with an info that goes like this: ”@CaraDelevingne works me out everyday so I can stay this perfect. Thanks mum ” The Daily Mail reported that some women are even getting liposuction to get rid of the excess fat on their thighs. The motivation to get a thigh gap seems to be everywhere.

Girls, what is going on?! Why are so many of us obsessed with the idea of a thigh gap? Psychotherapist Kimberly Moffit told The Toronto Sun that “It’s a way for young women to quantify their beauty and prove to themselves that they are attractive – especially if they don’t feel that way on the inside.”

Personally, I feel like this thigh gap trend is just another form of thinspo and I don’t think I’m wrong. Striving for the “perfect” thigh gap is unhealthy in the same way that thinspo is – both show how so many girls are enamored with their wish to be skinnier or the skinniest.

Here’s the thing with a thigh gap: some girls have it and some girls don’t, simple as that. And here’s something super important to remember: just because you don’t have a space between your legs doesn’t mean you’re overweight. There are tons of thin girls out there who don’t have thigh gaps. Excess fat on your legs or muscular thighs aren’t the only things that can cause a girl not to have a thigh gap – bone structure also plays a role.

Not convinced? Take a look at the images here. A thigh gap can depend on your hip bones – if you have wide hips, you’re more likely to have a thigh gap and if you have smaller hips, a thigh gap may not be a possibility. So dieting, starving yourself or doing excessive amounts of cardio exercises may never even help you if your hip bones are small enough.

If you have a thigh gap, great! I’m not trying to put anyone’s body down. And if you don’t have one, please don’t stress about it and please don’t do anything like extreme dieting or even surgery to get one. If you want to exercise and eat healthier to get healthy, that’s awesome. But whenever you’re dieting or exercising, your ultimate goal should always be to be healthy – not to be the skinniest girl in your class. There is nothing wrong with being skinny or thin, but that kind of thinking can lead to a scary eating disorder and we don’t want that for anyone.

I wish we could all learn to celebrate each other’s bodies no matter what shape or size we are. Until we can come to that point, let’s not focus on things that could be unrealistic for your body type just because you can’t go on Tumblr without seeing it.

What do you think about the thigh gap obsession? Is this something you strive to achieve? Do you think it’s the same as thinspo? Tell me in the comments.

What to do if you think your friend has an eating disorder

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But guess what? All you really need to talk your crush is a healthy dose of confidence. If you walk up to him/her thinking you’re awesome and worth talking to, chances are, they’re going to respond the way you want them to. And if they don’t? Just getting the confidence to approach someone who gives you butterflies is enough of an accomplishment. Need a confidence boost? We’ve got it – read these 10 quotes about getting confident and go talk to your crush!

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How do you build your confidence? Have you ever made the first move with a crush? Which of these quotes is your favorite? Tell us in the comments!

10 quotes to celebrate Black History Month

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There’s a huge difference between being confident and cocky. Being confident is all about loving yourself for who you are and believing in yourself while still managing to be humble. Being cocky is all about thinking your crap don’t stink… and that’s not cool.  We want all of you girls to feel confident and have high self-esteem without being considered full of yourself. Because, let’s face it, cocky people are annoying! Here are 8 lessons on how to be confident without being cocky:

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Recognize Your Talents...

...without constantly talking about them. A big part of being confident is knowing what you're good at and owning those things. You should be happy about the things you're amazing at. But that doesn't mean you need to rub your talents in everyone else's face all the time. Be confident in your ability to do certain things and others will see it on their own - they don't always need you to tell them.

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Accept Compliments...

...by being gracious, not smug. When someone tells you they love your hair color (or whatever), don't say something like, "Really? I hate it!" You also don't need to say something like, "I know, right? I get compliments all the time. Everyone loves my hair." A simple, "Thank you, that's so sweet!" will do. Protesting a compliment isn't humble, it just shows low self-esteem. At the same time, gushing about yourself is just sort of annoying. Accepting compliments graciously shows confidence without cockiness.

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Be Proud Of Yourself...

...without excessively bragging. This is pretty similar to being able to accept compliments without being arrogant about them. You should absolutely be proud of your accomplishments and a little bragging is totally fine. Sometimes it's great to toot your own horn! But there's no need to constantly brag about all of the great things you've done. All that's going to do is make people roll their eyes, not make them realize how awesome you are.

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Don't Apologize Too Much...

...but know that you do have to apologize sometimes. Over-apologizing is a trap that a lot of girls fall into, myself included. It's easy to always blurt out, "I'm sorry!" but you should try not to. It displays some serious low self-esteem to look like you always think you've done something wrong. At the same time, keep in mind that you do have to apologize sometimes. Cocky people tend to think they never do anything wrong, so getting a good balance is important.

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Speak Your Mind...

...but be open to other opinions. You should of course feel free to tell others what you think and to stick to your own beliefs. Being able to speak your mind shows a lot of confidence and is very admirable. However, when you start shutting everyone else down because you think you're always right, there might be some problems. Be open to other opinions, even if you don't agree with them.

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Expect Success...

...but don't demand it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with believing in yourself and knowing you can get whatever you want. In fact, having those qualities will make you a more successful person overall. But just because you know you can achieve success doesn't mean you should demand it. That makes you cocky and that will probably backfire really fast.

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Realize You Have Flaws...

...don't consider yourself to be perfect. Confident people don't think that they're perfect - that's the difference between being confident and cocky. Recognizing and accepting your flaws and learning how to deal with them is confidence. Assuming you're a perfect specimen that never does anything wrong is arrogance.

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Have Friends Who Support You...

...not friends who yes you to death. It's really important to have friends who love you and support you. It's not good to have friends who always tell you how great you are even when you're not being so great. Sure, it feels nice to have that one friend who is always on your side no matter what, but at the end of the day a true friend is one who will tell you when you're being a jerk.

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Are you going to follow these tips? Which tips did I miss? Do you think you’re confident already? Do you know any really cocky people? Tell me in the comments!

10 quotes to help you love your body

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