Does “Fashion Police” make Kelly Osbourne bully stars? Lady Gaga thinks so–but Sharon Osbourne has other ideas. | Source: WENN

Does Kelly Osbourne bully people and get paid for it? That’s the argument that Lady Gaga made when Kelly accused Gaga of not controlling her fans, who reportedly harassed her on Twitter. It turned into a battle of magazine quotes, open letters and even Sharon Osbourne got involved. C’mon, girls, cut this crap out.

Here’s how it started. Kelly Osbourne said in an interview that Lady Gaga’s fans, affectionately dubbed Little Monsters, bully her online, usually about her weight–something she’s struggled with for a while. (For the record, I think she looks great, and I love her purple hair to pieces.) Here’s what she had to say: “I’m the thinnest I’ve ever been and the healthiest I’ve ever been,” she said. “I get called fat all the time. A big fat whore.” So she’s being called fat and slut shamed at the same time? Awesome. She added, “Lady Gaga’s fans are the worst. They’ve said I should kill myself, that they hope I get raped. I mean it’s crazy, but I’ve had this all my life and I just try and ignore it.”

First of all, no one should have to deal with that. Ever. Anyone who wishes rape or suicide on anyone has real issues and should probably hop onto Lady Gaga’s Born Brave Bus to get themselves some help.

Lady Gaga fired back at Kelly Osbourne’s bullying allegations, and she made a pretty valid point: People watch Kelly Osbourne bully other people every week on Fashion Police. Here’s her letter:

Dear Kelly,

While I wish you had reached out to me personally, as the head of the Born This Way foundation with my mother Cynthia we would like to respond. Everyday, through my music and public voice I choose to be positive and work towards a kinder and braver world with our community of followers. I encourage them to ignore criticism, stand up to bullies, know their own value and see that we are all the same and no one person is worth more than another. I know I’m perceived as a wild child, but in reality I am woman that deeply cares for humanity. I have empathy for you Kelly, but I feel it culturally important to note that you have chosen a less compassionate path. Your work on E! with the Fashion Police is rooted in criticism, judgment, and rating people’s beauty against one another. “Appearance” is the most used reason for bullying in the world. Your show breeds negativity, and over the years has even become comedic in nature. It glorifies you and Joan Rivers pointing in the camera, laughing, and making jokes about artists and celebrities as if we are zoo animals. What about your body revolution? It used to make me truly sad when I would hear people talk about your weight when you were younger, as I was bullied too. To see you blossoming into a beautiful slender woman who makes fun of others for a living is astounding. Why not help others? Why not defend others who are bullied for their image and share your story? I am pointing this out not to take a crack at your character, as we’ve met before and you’re lovely. However, I urge you to take responsibility and accountability for the example that you are setting for young people. They look up to you because you are famous, and if you treat others that way on TV, many adolescents at home on twitter assume your actions are acceptable: well if she does it, why can’t I? I cannot control my fans, and I discourage them from any negativity and violence, because that is wrong and hurtful — and I do feel badly that your feelings were hurt. However, we can all do our part in the media to set a standard of respect, compassion, and love. I wish for you to be treated with the kindness and respect that everyone deserves. While some of my fans have learning to do, most of them share the same values as I, and it’s what bonds us together. And that bond is strong.

Sincerely,
Gaga and Cynthia
www.bornthiswayfoundation.org

PS. And to any media or celebrities that happen to find this letter in their path, I hope you, too, consider the power of your voices. Lets work together and make 2013 a year of unity.

Basically, Lady Gaga politely called Kelly Osbourne out on her hypocrisy. It’s also worth it to note that in the press, we’ve seen Kelly Osbourne bully others, including Christina Aguilera, about their weight–and she even said Lady Gaga may have been pregnant when she was spotted looking a bit fuller than we’re used to seeing her. To be fair, that may not have been deliberately mean–it may have just been a guess–but why is she talking about anyone else’s weight when she knows how terrible it feels?

Of course, Kelly’s mom Sharon got in on the mix, releasing a letter of her own to criticize Lady Gaga for wearing fur and dresses made of raw meat. Sharon also says that the Kelly Osbourne bully we see on Fashion Police is representative of “the real world.” (You can read the full letter here.)

For the record, I think wearing fur is dumb because it’s usually not even pretty enough to justify skinning an animal for it, and I can’t even imagine the health risks associated with having raw meat all over you. But Sharon Osbourne is missing the point and talking in circles. While it’d be awesome if everyone respected all life equally, Lady Gaga’s point was about seeing Kelly Osbourne bully other people. How are we supposed to extend courtesy and love to animals if we can’t even tolerate each other?

Gaga never encouraged her fans to bully anyone ever. It’s something a few particularly disturbed Little Monsters did on their own free will, earning the “Little Monster” nickname for all the wrong reasons. She discourages this behavior, but she can’t be a babysitter.

The fact is, it’s horrible that Kelly Osbourne is bullied by anyone, be it Lady Gaga’s fans, Joan Rivers on a bad day, or strangers online. But the fact that she makes a living promoting similar behavior instead of rising above it and doing something to prevent it from happening to anyone else is sad. Most of the time Fashion Police isn’t even that entertaining, which is astounding when you consider that not only is Kelly on the panel, but so is one of the greatest female comedians ever. It just seems too easy, too thoughtless, and too cheap to pick on people for what they look like–especially when you’ve dealt with it yourself.

Is Lady Gaga looking for attention? Yes. She usually is. But she’s also bringing awareness to a bigger problem, and that’s commendable. It sounds like Kelly and Sharon are just a little upset that in this case, she’s right.

Do you think Kelly Osbourne is a bully? Do you think Lady Gaga, Sharon Osbourne or Kelly Osbourne is right in this drama? Tell us in the comments!

We’re still not buying everything Lady Gaga is selling.

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In news that will probably totally gross you out and maybe ruin your dinner (sorry, by the way), two teens apparently gave out urine cupcakes at their high school in Connecticut recently. Oh, you’ve never heard of urine cupcakes? They’re cupcakes made with your pee, obviously.

Don’t worry girls, this isn’t some sort of crazy new trend that’s happening at Crumbs or Sprinkles – I mean, can you imagine? This is just something two upperlcassmen girls from Fermi High School in Enfield, Connecticut thought up in some weird, immature and disgusting scheme to… you now what, I don’t even know what their reason was. It’s unclear if this was some sort of sick prank or just two bullies teaming up to be gross and stupid.

Even more stupid? These girls told someone, and because it’s high school, it spread and soon everyone knew and now they’re in trouble. I mean, how do you even tell someone that kind of thing? “OMG, you won’t believe what we did last night. We were bored so we decided to squat over a bowl of cupcake batter and pee into it.” If any of my friends ever told me that I would have to immediately reevaluate our friendship. I’m sorry, but that’s not okay. And even more not okay is actually giving people your freakin’ pee cupcakes. You are literally handing over a cupcake laced with your pee, smiling and then watching that person bite into it. I can’t… I can’t even. Just thinking about that makes me gag a little.

I just can’t understand what would make two girls do something like that – or what would make anyone do something like that, honestly. Why would you take an innocent, delicious cupcake and make it into something evil and yucky? What did cupcakes ever do to you? It’s disgusting, unsanitary, mean, disgusting, not funny and, oh yeah, disgusting. No one is going to look back at this joke and think, “What smart, hilarious girls!” They’re going to wonder what is wrong with these girls, because that is just so uncool I can’t even begin to talk about it.

Parents and students are obviously flipping out, because, you know, urine cupcakes were floating around their school. One parent said, “It sounds like something out of a movie. Like Mean Girls or something.” It does sound like something out of a movie, but not Mean Girls, because even Regina George wouldn’t stoop that low.

Not only are these girls facing possibly being expelled, but they also could be facing criminal charges. I wonder if they think those urine cupcakes were worth all this trouble. On a serious note: please never do something like this. Never, ever, ever. It’s gross, but it’s also dangerous. There’s a reason human pee isn’t bottled up and sold back to us at the food store and that’s because we aren’t supposed to share our bodily fluids and waste with others.

What do you think about this urine cupcake incident? Do you know anyone who has ever done something like this? What kind of punishment should these girls face? Tell us in the comments!

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This is definitely a tough situation – you’re stuck between being loyal to your best friend and doing the right thing. I’m not sure why your friend is bullying this girl, but I do know that she shouldn’t be. Bullying stinks, and no one deserves to deal with it. You might not be able to stop her actions, but you can do something to stand up for the girl she’s picking on.

The first thing you should do here is talk to your friend. Don’t attack her or start a fight with her. Gently ask her what’s wrong. A lot of the time when someone becomes a bully, it’s because something bad is going on in their own lives and they’re looking for someone to take their anger out on. Maybe she’s having issues at home or at school or with other friends. Or maybe she’s having self-esteem issues. There’s also the possibility that she has some kind of personal problem with this girl. Maybe she’s jealous of something, or angry at her for something she didn’t tell you about.

Try to get to the bottom of the issue by reminding her that you care about her and you can tell there’s something going on. If she refuses to talk about it or insists that there’s nothing wrong in her life, tell her you don’t understand why she’s picking on her, and it’s making you upset to see her act like such a bully. Again, don’t get too angry with her, that will only make her defensive.

If your BFF totally blows you off and the bullying continues after your talk, then start sticking up for this girl on your own. It takes guts to go against your friends, but in situations like these, it’s worth it. It’s time to go to a parent or teacher. I know you don’t want to get your friend in trouble, but like I said, bullying is serious. Your friend may need to talk to a professional about what’s going on in order to stop her teasing. In the end, you’ll feel much better knowing that you did the right thing here.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

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This post written in partnership with Secret Mean Stinks. 

Felicia Garcia was a victim of bullying and slut shaming before her suicide. This needs to STOP. | Source: Facebook

We were so devastated to hear about the death of Felicia Garcia. Felicia was a 15-year-old high schooler from Staten Island, New York, who was probably a lot like you–and this week, Felicia killed herself after nonstop harassment, bullying, and slut shaming from classmates. In fact, some of them were harassing Felicia to her face in the very moment that she ended her life. And that’s something they’re going to have to live with for the rest of theirs.

Felicia was rumored to have had a relationship with a member of her school’s football team, which is something that is only her and his business. But apparently a lot of people at her high school thought it was their business too, and bullied Felicia at every turn. One classmate told press, “This poor girl was called a slut. She was teased on Facebook. People knock books out of kids’ hands.”

It’s not like Felicia didn’t try putting a stop to the taunts, either. Some classmates said that she complained to school officials about the bullying, but nothing happened after a mediation session the day that she died–it actually got worse–and now police are investigating the incident.

Here’s what’s even more heartbreaking, and what a lot of bullies don’t realize about their targets: They’re people, and there’s a lot more to them than what people see in the cafeteria or the hallway or on the bus. The people who gave Felicia Garcia Hell for maybe dating a football player or for having piercings or looking different (based on her photo above, we think she was beautiful!) never got past the surface. Felicia, and other bullying targets, are full-fledged human beings. Maybe she liked the same bands as one of the people who pushed her to the edge. She probably had a sense of humor that one of her bullies may have appreciated if they took the time to get to know her or just left her be. The person you watch get picked in algebra may bake the best cookies ever, may have a puppy they adore, or be the best painter since Picasso. But if all you ever know about her is that she’s allegedly a slut, you’re going to miss out on all of that.

Felicia Garcia also had problems aside from the ones she dealt with at school. As if being called a slut to her face every day wasn’t bad enough, she had to deal with it online, then go home to her foster care family (some classmates said Felicia’s birth parents died, but that hasn’t been confirmed yet). She was a frequent runaway. Point being, there are a lot more hardships in people’s lives than you can observe.

It’s super important for us, as girls, to stick together, now more than ever. Slut shaming is not only wrong, but it’s also, whether people realize it or not, an extremely sexist way to try to control women‘s behavior. By making girls and women feel guilty for existing as a sexual being, people–men, women who partake in slut shaming–are holding women back and holding women down. We already have enough to deal with in terms of politicians trying to control what goes on in our vaginas. We don’t need strangers in the hallways hassling us for something that’s not their business and for something that men are just as “guilty” of but face no consequences for. (Notice that the guy Felicia supposedly slept with wasn’t a target? Exactly.)

If you hear anyone called a slut, the only person who should be ashamed is the person who said it. The only person who should feel guilty as a result of slut shaming is the person who does it: Because they are clearly a shortsighted, immature, insecure shell of a person who may well be fearful of his or her own sexuality.

If you take nothing else from this: Please don’t use the word “slut.” And please remember that the person you’re tempted to use the word “slut” for is a person–and every time you use “slut,” you’re only bringing yourself down. You’re better than that, and so is she.

Have you or a pal ever been slut shamed? Does slut shaming happen a lot at your school? What would you have said or done to help Felicia? Tell us in the comments!

Felicia Garcia isn’t the first victim of slut shaming that committed suicide. This is a HUGE problem.

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They found a picture of Daniel making an amazing save and changed it to their profile pic. Then suddenly a bunch of other people started doing it. Eventually thousands of people changed their profile picture to Daniel Cui’s awesome save. Then Daniel came back to school and played better than ever. He even made the save of his life. It’s always cool to see people unifying over kindness instead of hatred. There will always be a couple of bullies shouting, but the hundreds of compassionate voices will always echo louder.

What do you think of Daniel Cui’s story? Let us know in the comments!

Imagine your classmates being so hurtful and cruel? This level of manipulative bullying creates so much emotional turmoil to overcome, it’s not surprising that many teens end up hurting themselves or taking their own lives. Whitney considered it, she told NBC, “I had actually reached a point where I had thought about suicide for how bad this case was. I thought I wasn’t worthy at Ogemaw Heights at all.”

Fortunately Whitney didn’t give in. Something pretty amazing happened. When her town found out about how crappy these kids were, they collectively took a stance against bullying. They set up a Facebook page, with over 33,000 likes now, to show their support. The townspeople and local business decided to sponsor Whitney’s entire prom experience. They got her a gorgeous new dress, professional makeup, photos, shoes, a tiara, and when she is crowned during the half-time game they will all wear orange–her favorite color–and cheer her on.

The school wouldn’t talk about the issue, so it’s unclear if any of the students will be held accountable. However, punishment is so not the point here. What’s amazing about this story is that Whitney’s struggle wasn’t overcome by punishment or revenge. It was handled with the compassion, empathy and praise of her community. It wasn’t a zero tolerance policy against bullying that turned her experience around, it was real solidarity. No matter how malicious a few people are there are a ton more who really care. This is an important lesson to remember. Those people out there who want to make you feel like crap probably won’t ever change (or at least not for a long time) don’t try to appease them or conform for them. Find the people out there who love and support you, in spite of all the haters.

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What do you think of Whitney’s story? Have you ever been bullied? Let us know in the comments!

 
The amazing hosts of Gurl ganged up for good. Kate, Mari, Jamie, Sara and Kristina* are here to tell you that you’re not alone if you’re feeling bullied. We all have had our moments of getting picked on, being left out or not feeling liked. Every single one of our hosts have been there too. It really sucks, but it’s not forever. To get you through the bullying roughness, our host have some really inspirational encouragement for you and a super important reminder–Girl, you’re awesome. Don’t forget it!

*Oh yeah, and cat’s out of the bag! Our newest host is Kristina Horner. We’re SOOOO excited. She’s going to be the host of a brand spanking new show called See Gurl Try. A sneak peek is going up Monday at 5pm Eastern. Tune in for more info then!

Have you been bullied or picked on? What happened and how did you deal? What’s your advice to other girls dealing with it now? Sound off in the comments!

Don’t Fit In At School? Here’s How To Deal

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This post was written in partnership with Secret Mean Stinks.

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I started a blog. My first year of college was awful. You know all those movies with keggers, parties, hooking up, friends and fun? That’s not what college was like at all. The people were snobs, there were no parties, just a bunch of boring, depressed kids sitting around complaining–myself included.

After an anonymous site was made for students to gossip, I was fed up. People claimed certain students had STDs, accused students who were on scholarship and financial aid (like me) of freeloading off the rich students (huh?), made racist comments against the Black Student Union and made homophobic comments. How could the people I saw everyday be thinking these things about each other?

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My group of friends could never admit we didn’t like each other. Instead of discussing our grievances or simply parting ways, everyone became passive aggressive.

There was one roommate who I strongly disliked. She would punch the brick wall outside and come back bloody and sulking so that we would console her. She would lock herself in our closet. She would run back and forth in the hallways at three in the morning. She would rip her eyebrows and hair out. In retrospect these were all signs of someone who was unstable and probably needed counseling. These weren’t the reasons why I disliked her, so much as she came off as mean, selfish and talked a lot of crap about people.

I was so pissed with everybody, so frustrated with all the passive aggression that I created a blog where I could vent. I wrote about all the people I hated at school, but I really focused on this one roommate. (I know, I was totally hypocritical.) I kept a record of all the weird things she would say and do.

I never told anyone at school about it, but that didn’t mean no one ever read it. I kept blogging for over a year. I got hundreds of subscribers from telling my friends outside of school about it. Writing about Patty in such a negative way made me look for negative things to see in her. It made me demonize her in the nastiest way. She never had any clue that the whole time she thought we were friends I was calling her “stupid,” “lazy” and a “bitch” on the internet. I would even record songs about how much I hated her.

I didn’t realize it was wrong. I thought it was funny. I thought I was being a good writer. In reality, I was being malicious, hypocritical and two-faced. Eventually, I transferred schools and took the blog down for good.

Have you ever insulted anyone in the internet? Let us know in the comments!

The Jillian Jensen X Factor audition was one of the premiere’s highlights. | Source: YouTube

And so did the judges’ panel, with unanimous praise from Demi Lovato, who gave her a hug and a pep talk, Britney Spears, L.A. Reid, and Simon Cowell, who Demz even pointed out was weepy at Jillian’s story. Watch the whole she-bang right here:

Here’s the thing, though: Criticism and bullying are two really different things, and that’s something that Demi Lovato actually pointed out in a new interview.

“I think bullying is something that’s totally different than criticism,” Demi said. “Bullying, I think, can be when you’re just … harsh really for no reason. I feel when you’re giving criticism, you’re only trying to help somebody with their performance or their voice or whatever. I think definitely there could be a fine line between some jokes, but for me, ultimately, I’m just having fun and trying to give them criticism.”

We totally agree with Demi on this one. Criticism is something that people, especially performers on shows like X Factor, American Idol, and The Voice actively seek out–even when they don’t necessarily like what they hear. When you audition for a show like this, you know what you’re getting into, and usually, the judges (save occasionally for Simon!) are polite, if direct, with their advice and perspectives. At the end of the day, even when criticism is negative on the surface, it’s still helpful, because it forces you to look at something differently and reassess–which will ultimately help you improve.

Demi Lovato and Jillian Jensen bonded over being bullied. | Source: YouTube

Bullying, however, is unwarranted and unduly cruel, and it benefits absolutely no one. No one asks to be bullied, and nothing good comes out of being bullied or bullying anyone else. Even Simon knows when to give it a rest!

Think of it this way: Criticism would be Demi or Simon telling someone at an X Factor audition, “You need to work on your pitch,” whereas bullying would be Simon and Demi going up to someone on the street humming along to their iPod and being like, “You’re a douchebag and that is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Also, your mom is fat.” See the difference here?

Do you think Demi Lovato and the X Factor judges bully contestants? Were you impressed by the Jillian Jensen X Factor audition? Would you ever audition for X Factor? Tell us in the comments!

Wait–why is Demi Lovato talking about Kate Middleton?!

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Friends or more? WHO CARES! | Source: Shutterstock

One day Mimi came to me in tears. Some people she didn’t know said that EVERYONE assumed that she was a lesbian or bi. They didn’t ask her out of curiosity; they asked to make fun of her.

Mimi asked me if she should start being more “feminine.” She even slept with a random guy to prove that she wasn’t gay! Mimi turned her life UPSIDE DOWN to squash the rumors. It was ridiculous, and something no girl our guy should have to do.

So, if people are spreading rumors that you’re gay, here’s what to do:

1. Realize that it’s not an insult
Even if that jerk means it as one, being gay is not an insult. It might be incorrect (if you are, in fact straight!) but it’s not bad by any means. It’s just different. So there’s no need to get defensive.

That said, we all want to be acknowledged for who we are. I’m from Queens and I don’t want anyone thinking that I’m from Jersey, even though we ‘tawk’ similar. Hopefully, we all know that just like some peeps are black and some are white; some are Chinese, others Guyanese; some like “Glee” and a few weirdos don’t (kidding!); and that some folks are gay and some aren’t. If you’re not, just say, “Nope, I’m into guys.”

2. Laugh it off.
The best way to deal with verbal bullies is laughter. If someone means to insult you by calling you a lesbian or gay slur, smile your most gorgeous smile and say, “Guess you don’t have much going on in your own life to talk about!” Brush ‘em off like dust and walk away.

2. Talk about it.
If the rumors persist, you really might need to address the problem head-on. Ask them why your sexual orientation matters so much to them, and say that you’re bored of it and need them to stop. We all deserve a positive, safe and hate-free environment. If they won’t knock it off, go to a trusted teacher or administrator at school.

3. Ignore them.
Who cares? How fab must you be if other people spend their free time wondering about Y-O-U!

Keep being your fab self, girl. | Source: Shutterstock

5. And so what if you are??
And if you are gay, you’re gay. No biggie. But that doesn’t mean anyone has the right to “out” you without your permission. If someone’s spreading news about your orientation that you’re not okay with, privately call them out on it and explain why you’re not ready to be public with it.

When we ran into each other years later, Mimi was now a proud and out bisexual woman. Good for her. It was just not a personal truth she was able to embrace when she was younger. Maybe she didn’t even know it herself at the time.

Either way, makes no difference to me as a friend. I love and accept her JUST AS SHE IS.

Have you ever had to deal with lesbian rumors about you or a friend of yours? What do you think when you hear rumors like this at school? Tell us in the comments!

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