What should you do if you like your brother’s friend?

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When you go through a breakup and don’t want to leave your bed, you need supplies on hand. You have no idea how much it helps to just have everything in one place so you can wallow in peace. It’s nice to have friends around and stay busy, but sometimes you just need to be alone and be a mess for a bit.

Here are 10 things I’d put in my breakup first aid kit:

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Your Favorite Candy

I'd like an assortment of gummi candies. Preferably of the bear shape.

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Ice Cream

Ben & Jerry's, obviously. Candy is for eating when you've stopped crying. Ice cream is for you to cry into.

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Your Favorite Book

Any book that makes you feel good and that will take your mind off the breakup is essential.

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A Haircut

I cut my hair after every breakup without fail. A coupon for a free cut in a breakup first aid kit would be clutch!

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Sad Movies

Watching sad movies after a breakup actually helps! You need an assortment like The Notebook, Like Crazy, The Vow. Anything that will make you cry, basically.

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hand-grabbing-tissues

For crying. Duh.

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Bath Treats

Bath salts, essential oils and bubble bath. Breakups are stressful, so hit the tub and relax for a minute.

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A Stuffed Animal

I'm not a big snuggler, but it's nice to just have something to hold after a breakup.

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A Gift Card To Your Favorite Store

Retail therapy really can make you feel better, and you definitely need a new outfit to rock when you're feeling up to leaving your room.

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Pictures of Ryan Gosling

Preferably the shirtless ones. But him in a suit is fine too as long as there are enough to look at all day.

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What would you put in your breakup first aid kit? What if you had to make one for a friend? Tell us in the comments!
 

Once you’re feeling better, you can make your ex jealous

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However, our friends in movies and television haven’t always listened to the wise advice that Gurl can dish out. Yeah, those characters have broken up with people (and been dumped) in some pretty unfortunate ways. Definitely don’t take any breakup advice from any of these pop culture people. Ever.

Friends With Benefits

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In case being dumped didn’t suck enough, this guy dumped Jamie by also making sure to fit in some insults. Like, come on – let’s limit the emotional damage here, dude.

Legally Blonde

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Sometimes there are legitimate reasons to break up with someone. Hair color is not one of them. And on top of that, this was a public breakup! Double thumbs down for this breakup method, Warner Huntington III.

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

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Oh, Charlie. You say you didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but then you kissed the girl you thought was prettiest at a party. And it was not your girlfriend. But she was there to see it all happen. Needless to say, that pretty much told Mary Elizabeth that things were over. I am happy to say, he learns from this break up mistake and he is able to rebuild his friendships after this indiscretion.

New Girl

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Being broken up with because by discovering your significant other is cheating is awful. On top of that, Jess was not only shocked to learn about this situation, but she was also standing in the middle of the room naked, so that only adds to the terribleness of how she was dumped.

Community

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When Britta is asking “Are you breaking up with me?” here, she isn’t asking her boyfriend Troy, but rather Troy’s BFF, Abed. Why? Because Abed is breaking up with Britta for Troy – and no, their attempts to explain that they have switched bodies Freaky Friday-style and Abed is actually Troy does not make this any more acceptable.

Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince

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In Ron’s defense, he had just survived death and wasn’t fully lucid, but breaking up by choosing your friend over your girlfriend when it comes to your hospital bedside visit is not advised.

Sex & The City

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Sadly, I could not find the GIF where Carrie gets broken up with via Post It note (yes, let that sink in). Here though is later when she takes out her anger on some random guys she encounters, which allows her to reaffirm why the Post-It break up itself was such a terrible, terrible idea.

How I Met Your Mother

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Again, another one where a break up involves a note (the GIF is post-breakup… you know, because who doesn’t love when your ex gives you relationship advice). At least Ted got a fully written out note (which is better than Carrie’s seven word Post-It), but he also got it on the day of his wedding. Sooooooo, yeah. Not great on the timing or the method there, Stella.

Gilmore Girls

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Jess was my favorite of Rory’s boyfriends, but the fact that he just up and left to go to California without a proper breakup was a very low move. Rory was then unfairly forced to do the “official” breakup over the phone since Jess basically disappeared. This one especially stung for me.

Awkward

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Jake gives this super vague, out of the blue reason for breaking up with Jenna, rather than telling her that he is upset over just learning she used to hook up with his BFF. Also, this is just moments after Jenna leaves Jake a message saying she loves him. I mean, yeah, talk about bad timing, but this breakup was definitely missing some crucial communication that would have given Jenna a much-deserved voice in this whole situation.

What are other memorable pop culture breakups? What do you think is the worst way to get dumped? Tell us in the comments!

Would you ever agree on a date to break up?

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New research has found that the biggest factor of a bad breakup is, obviously, the way the breakup happens. Researchers discovered that college students were much more concerned over how their breakup happened rather than why it happened. Keeping that in mind, you should maybe try to avoid these terrible ways of dumping someone. Unless you think they deserve to be hurt really badly, try to go the more mature route and stay away from these seven breakup situations:

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Doing It In Public

I've heard breakup advice that actually encourages you to dump someone in a public place. The reasoning behind that logic is usually so that the person you're dumping can't do anything crazy. But here's my thoughts on that: if someone is going to go insane because you dumped them, they're going to do it whether you're alone or not. In the end, breaking up with someone in a restaurant or when you're at a party is embarrassing and just kind of mean. A breakup should be something private, not a huge thing for others to watch. The only time you should dump someone when other people are around is if you're genuinely afraid this person is going to hurt you.

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Being Caught Cheating

It's bad enough to cheat on someone in the first place (I'm sorry, but it is!), but getting yourself caught is even worse. It's one thing to be told that you're being cheated on and it's quite another to watch the person you love cheat on you. This kind of breakup might be the worst kind. If you want to be with other people, break up with your partner before you cheat.

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Doing It Through Facebook

One of the worst ways to break up with someone is by doing it via Facebook, with no warning whatsoever. I've heard horror stories about people who get dumped when their partner abruptly changes their relationship status to single. Finding out you've been dumped along with the rest of your Facebook friends is a major bummer. Don't do this to anyone - all it does it make you look like a coward.

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Dumping Someone Via Text

Another cowardly way of dumping someone is doing it through a text message. Look, I understand that breakups are difficult. Maybe you feel more confident doing it when you can write your words out rather than speaking them. I get it. But there are some points in our life where we have to act mature enough to confront people in person - breakups are one of those times. Texting allows for way too many misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

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Having A Friend Do It For You

Speaking of cowardly ways to dump someone: having a friend do it for you comes right after changing your Facebook relationship status. Unfortunately, I totally did this when I was younger - and I also totally regret it. I know it's tempting to have someone else be the middle man, but it's not cool to involve a third party in something that should be private.

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Actually Kind Of Just Doing... Nothing

Sometimes, when we get scared to actually break up with someone, we try to get them to go ahead and do it for us. And by that I mean we start ignoring the person and acting like a jerk on purpose. That way, that person feels like the breakup is their decision. I get that maybe you think you're doing them a favor, but it's actually really lame. If you don't want to be with someone, end the relationship. Don't wait for your partner to do it for you. That just makes you both unhappy and really makes no sense.

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Dumping Someone Before A Big Event

I have to contradict myself a little here: while I would never advise dragging out a breakup for a long period of time, there are some exceptions. Don't dump someone a few days before a big event you're both supposed to attend, like if he's going to be your date to a wedding or to prom. Chances are that person has already spent a lot of money on something to wear and maybe even changed plans around to go with you. If you want to end things a few weeks before the event, that's fine - go for it. But if it's a week to one day before the event? Try to hold off until it's over... unless the person did something really awful.

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Have you ever broken up with someone in any of these ways? Has anyone ever dumped you in any of these ways? Tell me in the comments.

Would you ever set a breakup date?

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Would you “save the date” for your own break up? | Source: ShutterStock

Most days, I don’t like thinking about breaking up because it’s kind of a downer, but that’s exactly what a recent article in Glamour got me thinking about. The piece that struck my interest was about couples who set a breakup date in the future to officially be over.

The interviewed couples had mixed results – it worked out for some and didn’t work out for others. But what do I think about setting breakup dates? Ehhh, I don’t think they’re a great idea.

I just feel like I could never do it. I think part of it goes all the way back to my whole philosophy on dating. If I don’t see something that’s going to last for the foreseeable future, I don’t really have time for it. And setting a date to breakup is basically putting an expiration on that “foreseeable future.”

I feel like if you know you’re going to break up, why don’t you just break up now? That way, you can both start moving on to new things. On the flip side, if there’s any lingering desire to not break up that’s making you set a date in the future rather than right now, I feel like you should take it as a sign to at least keep going with what you have without setting a deadline.

But let me issue a disclaimer by saying that I don’t have firsthand experience with this sort of breakup approach. However, I know a few people that actually did seem to plan their breakup in advance.

I mean, I’m not privy to the exact details of their relationships, but I don’t think they sat down with a calendar and circled an official date. It was more of an agreed upon future breakup once a big moment had been reached – things like graduation, study abroad, someone moving, the end of summer, you get the idea. Basically, the assumption was they would keep dating up until that point and then that would be it as they went their separate ways.

In those instances, I get why they wanted to do it. Especially as someone who toughed out long-distance relationships, I understand the mentality of enjoying the presen, but relieving you both of the stress of trying to keep it together once you face a big change.

I guess it’s better that they talked about it, rather than one person just planning on dropping a planned breakup announcement out of nowhere thinking they were on the same page about where things were headed. Still, I feel like if I were in their shoes, I would have wanted to either be done as soon as I knew it wasn’t going anywhere or at least seen if things would work in a less than ideal situation rather than potentially regretting breaking up prematurely.

I guess it just brings up a lot of questions for me. Like, if the breakup date is approaching, can you start being on the lookout for new guys when you go out? Doesn’t that sort of blur the lines of your relationship commitment? It just feels like a limbo space where there may not be a lot of concrete definition. At least for me, I like to relationship definitions.

All that said, everyone has a different approach to relationships, so I might be missing something about breakup dates. Clearly some of the people interviewed in Glamour felt like it worked for them, and in the end, I guess that’s all that matters. My fear is just that a couple would set a breakup date feeling like they “have to” breakup for some reason or they have FOBU and don’t want to call it quits when it’s not working. Neither of those seem like particularly positive options to me.

All in all, we can’t shield ourselves from the reality of break ups in life, so I guess finding a way that minimizes the sting can be an important precaution. I just know that for me, setting a future date to call it quits probably isn’t it.

How do you know when to break up with someone? Have you and your significant other ever set a breakup date? Would you ever set a date to break up with someone? Tell us in the comments!

8 Signs Your Boyfriend Wants To Break Up With You

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Justin Bieber can’t blame this gas mask on Selena Gomez–not even after a breakup! | Source: WENN

After a breakup, it’s easy to do things you regret and to feel down about it. That means you’re human! Justin Bieber is in the same boat: reports say that his recent problems, ranging from spitting in a neighbor’s face, trying to attack a photographer, smoking weed and sipping sizzurp, are all stemming from his breakup with Selena Gomez–and that she’s torturing him with mixed messages. But behaving badly after a breakup is ultimately you own fault, not that of your ex-boyfriend, because you’re responsible for your own actions.

Of course, there are things you can blame on your ex-boyfriend: If you’re crying, having trouble sleeping or have a hard time trusting guys, that’s fair! But here are things that aren’t his fault . . . probably!

1. Driving recklessly!
Really, Justin? It’s Selena’s fault you like racing Ferraris down your block? Just as dumb as that sounds, it’s also not your ex-boyfriend’s fault if you run a red light or text behind the wheel. Be safe out there!

2. Gaining or losing weight.
Comfort food is called “comfort food” for a reason: it makes you feel better! But your new boyfriend isn’t at the bottom of that Ben and Jerry’s carton, and it’s not your ex’s fault that your spoon is scraping the bottom of it, either. Similarly, some of us lose our appetites after a breakup. That’s not your ex boyfriend’s fault–it’s your nervous system’s!

3. Picking up vices.
Drinking, smoking weed or popping pills to make the pain go away after a breakup isn’t your ex boyfriend’s fault. It’s yours. You are responsible for your own behavior, and if you can’t cope with the split without chemicals, that’s on you. It’s a much better idea to lean on girlfriends or seek help than to sip sizzurp. Are you paying attention, Biebs?

4. A bad haircut.
Believe me, I understand why you may want a image overhaul after a breakup. But if your hair stylist manhandles your mane, you can’t really get pissed at your ex-boyfriend for it. You can, however, get a hat or two until it grows out.

5. Passive aggressive Facebook updates or subtweeting.
Even if your ex boyfriend is lame enough to do this after a breakup, it doesn’t mean you need to stoop to his level! Keep it classy . . . and private.

6. Snapping at your friends, family and people who love you.
Sure, everyone is apt to be cranky after a breakup–but that doesn’t mean it’s your skeezy ex-boyfriend’s fault if you’re rude to others. Even if you’re miserable, try not to take it out on anyone else–especially not the people who genuinely just want you to be happy–otherwise, who’s gonna be there to cheer you up? If you need to be alone, tell them nicely.

7. Wearing a gas mask in public.
No sane person does that without chemical warfare involved, Justin. You can’t pin that on Selena!

And one thing you can blame on your ex boyfriend: Feeling better than ever!
Of course, you’re going to be sad, angry or confused after a breakup. But once that part passes? We bet you’ll feel great, because you just weeded out a douchebag who doesn’t deserve you anyway. On to the next one, ladies!

Has your ex boyfriend ever blamed you for something dumb after a breakup? Have you ever unfairly blamed an ex boyfriend for something random after a breakup? What sort of thing do you think is actually your ex boyfriend’s fault after a breakup? Tell us in the comments!

Selena Gomez apparently doesn’t know what to do after a breakup either!

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Then I moved to New York and discovered how hard it is to date here and in the “real world” in general. It’s really easy to date someone you go to school with because you see them all the time. In my life now, I barely have time to shower everyday so I definitely don’t have time for a boyfriend.

But in November, an old friend from home popped back into my life. He lives a few hours away and comes into the city every now and then so we started talking and made plans to catch up when he was in town. I didn’t realize that this re-connection would become something that I actually wanted to sustain. I’ve been anti-relationship for so long that I didn’t think I’d want to be with him.

Long story short, we became very close, started seeing each other when we could and were talking all day everyday without labeling what it was. We were basically in a non-relationship-relationship.

Well…last night we had a sort of “define the relationship” talk because I was tired of feeling like I was wasting my time falling for someone if it wasn’t going to become anything. I mean, we’ve been in this limbo stage for nearly five months. That’s a long time!

We came to the conclusion that he definitely does not want a relationship for an indefinite period of time. But he still wants to keep talking and seeing each other, which is where I have a problem. Why put myself in a situation to continue this with someone I really like and care about if it’s not going to turn into an actual relationship?

Last night I agreed that I wanted to keep doing whatever it is we’re doing. But somewhere between waking up with mascara on my pillow case and arriving at work this morning, I realized that it’s too hard to do that.

I essentially just got dumped without being in a relationship in the first place. And friends have told me “You weren’t even dating!” but it doesn’t make this suck any less. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same things I felt during a so-called “real” breakup. It doesn’t mean I’m not sad and hurt and disappointed. I’m all of those things.

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I want to wallow. I want to curl up and dip Oreos in Ben & Jerry’s and watch sad movies and cry and live in my sweatpants for a week. I want to take the time to be upset because even though I wasn’t in a relationship, I still ended something with someone that I’ve shared a chunk of my life with.

In these situations, you have to take the same steps that you would if you had a “real” breakup. Take the time to be sad, that’s okay. Surround yourself with your friends and stay busy. Do things that you love to do. Try not to have contact unless it’s absolutely necessary. Don’t Facebook stalk.

And don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not allowed to be upset. You are. I think these days, the “kind-of relationship” is really common. The breakups still suck. It doesn’t make it any less legitimate than your friend who broke up with her boyfriend.

And you’re allowed to eat as much Nutella as it takes to feel better.

Have you ever ended a kind-of relationship? How did you deal with it? Did it feel like a “real” breakup? Tell me in the comments!
 

Here are 10 things we wish we knew before our first breakups

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If you haven’t been through a breakup yet, it can be hard to know what to expect. While not everyone will have the same experience, women shared what they learned from their first breakups to give you a little bit of guidance. Here are ten things women wish they knew before their first breakup.

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Break Up In Person

It may feel awkward in the moment, but in retrospect, this is the best way to break up with someone. It shows respect for the person that you will talk with them face to face about what's going on. A text message break up or one through a friend may seem more convenient, but it's not the mature thing to do. If you are on the other side of a break up, it may be hard to see this as "better" in the moment, but over time you'll see it was better to get a clear breakup rather than one through the grapevine.

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You Can Stay Friends...

Yes, it is possible to stay friends with an ex! It may not be the same as it was before you started dating, but just because you two didn't work out as a couple, don't feel like now you have to abandon this person altogether. If staying friends is something you're both on board with, know that it is a possibility.

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...But It's Okay If You Don't

You're under no obligation to stay friends with someone after a breakup. You need to do what's best for you, and if not maintaining a friend relationship with them is what you need, you have every right to do it. Try to be civil with them, but it doesn't mean you need to try to be friends against your better judgment.

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You Might Lose Friends

So you may not stay friends with the guy, but there also is a chance you may lose some mutual friends in the wake up a breakup. It's not fun at all, but it's important to brace yourself for that fact ahead of time. Try not to add more to your emotional plate by getting into intense friend drama and picking sides. Just try to accept what ends up happening and those who are your true friends will still be there for you.

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You Don't Need To Date Again Right Away

When you stop dating someone, it can feel like now you are without a social schedule anymore or your friends might want to set you up. Especially if a lot of your friends are still paired up, it can be tough to let yourself enjoy your single time. You might find someone not long after a breakup and that's okay too, but make sure you don't just jump into a new relationship before you've recovered from your breakup. It's not fair to you, or this new person.

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You Can Take Some Alone Time...

People can ask a lot of questions after a breakup, so taking a little time to process what just happened is okay. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself, so do those things that you know will cheer you up, whether it be watching your favorite movies or distracting yourself with a book. You don't need to go out there right away and pretend you are 100% fine if you're not feeling it. That'll end up just exhausting you more and making the breakup harder to overcome in the long run.

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... But Also Get Some Support

You're allowed your alone time, but try not to totally cut yourself off from everything in the world. Your friends will want to help you through this and they can provide advice, support and just help keep you busy. By not constantly isolating yourself, it'll help keep your mind off the breakup and remind you of all the other great people you still have in your life.

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He's Going To Move On

No matter whose idea the breakup was, it can be tough to see someone new "replace" the position you used to hold in your ex's life. Just be prepared that you may experience those emotions, no matter how long after the fact it is or where you are at now with your own relationships.

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Don't Play The Blame Game

Once the breakup has happened, it has happened. It will use up a lot of your energy to keep playing the blame game. Don't take the blame for every thing that went wrong in your relationship, but also don't dump all the blame on your ex if it isn't warranted. Blaming one person - whether yourself or your ex - can cloud your ability to analyze your relationship in order to learn from what happened so that your next relationship can be more positive.

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It Is Necessary

Very few relationships are going to last forever, and since that's the case, there is that likelihood your relationship could end with a breakup. But try not to see that as a negative! Of course make the most of your time together without constantly thinking about an impending breakup, but if something isn't working anymore for both of you, it's not fair to stay together just to avoid breaking up. A breakup is tough, but it's also a chance to find something even better and you never know - maybe that could be the one that will last for the long term.

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What did you learn from your first breakup? Do you have any advice for girls going through their first breakup? Tell us in the comments!

8 Signs You Should Break Up With Your Boyfriend

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There’s a science to when people break up, but you may be able to beat it! | Source: Shutterstock

When you’re happy in a relationship, the last thing you want to think or ask is “When will we break up?” But it turns out, there is actually a pattern to when people break up most often–and why.

Experts say that the most common time frame for when people break up is usually between 18 months and two years. And there’s a reason for that.

One expert explained that new love is similar to a drug in our brains, giving effects similar to chocolate or even cocaine: we actually get a high from being smitten. We have more energy, we lose our appetites, we don’t sleep enough and we feel goal-oriented–in that we want our goal to be to win over and spend all our time with the guy or gal inspiring that high. And it feels awesome!

But like every intoxicating feeling, it doesn’t last forever, and eventually you have to come down from that high. That usually hits between a year and a half or two years. And it’s because you wind up having another chemical reaction in your brain.

Your body starts to release endorphins that make you feel calm, content and normal, as opposed to super stoked and excited. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it makes you feel more attached and makes being with your partner routine–and often it results in people looking elsewhere for that buzz that they had before.

Thankfully, for those of you now counting down in a panic to figure out when you’ll break up with your boo, there are ways to prevent this! Psychologists say doing new things together, not letting your bedroom behavior get stale and having your own lives and experiences outside of one another will likely help you stay out of a rut. Then instead of asking, “When will we break up?” you’ll be like, “When will we go sky diving again? Because that was rad.” (Or maybe something less extreme, but you get the idea!)

Do you think boredom is a big factor in when people break up? Have you noticed most of your relationships ending after a certain amount of time? Tell us in the comments!

Instead of worrying “When will we break up?”, here are ways to save your relationship!

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Well, guys aren’t the only ones who can do that breaking up stuff – girls can too. But even if we’re feeling tired of the relationship, it can sometimes be hard to figure it out on our own. When we really care about someone, we want to hold onto them, even if deep down we know it isn’t right. Sometimes we overlook the signs that we want the relationship to be over because we’re not ready to be alone. So how do you know if you two should break up? For starters, read these eight signs:

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You're Really Bored

Relationships aren't going to be exciting every single day, especially long-term ones, but if you find yourself feeling bored and restless more often than not, that's not a great sign. Try spicing things up and doing some different stuff. If none of that brings the spark back, it may be out for good.

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You Don't Really Call Him Anymore

You used to text him updates all day and call him every night before bed, but now... well, you just don't really care. Or maybe you just forget to get in touch. If you don't have a desire to talk to your boyfriend when you're not with him, something's going on. Even if you're just "forgetting," there's a reason behind that. You don't forget to call someone every day.

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You're Super Jealous Of Your Single Friends

Mourning the loss of your single life freedom is completely normal when you're in a long-term relationship, but eventually you should settle in and feel happier to be with someone you love. If you're constantly feeling jealous of your single friends and wishing you could be out there with them, that might indicate that you actually want to be single also.

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Everything He Does Annoys You

When you first started dating your boyfriend, you probably thought the weird little things about him were adorable. Now? Not so much. When your boyfriend can't do anything without making you want to pull your hair out in frustration, that's not good. If everything he does and says is doing more than just bugging you, but actually making you really angry, things might be over.

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You've Thought About It More Than Once

It's totally normal to consider breaking up once in a while, especially after a big fight. But if you're thinking about it all the time, constantly wondering what it would be like and fantasizing about the things you would do, you're doing that for a reason. Maybe you really do want to break up with this guy. If you didn't, it wouldn't always be on your mind.

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You Don't Find Him As Attractive As You Used To

Maybe your sex drive has dwindled down to basically nothing. Maybe the things you once thought were cute about him, like his crooked teeth, are suddenly, well... gross. Physical attraction is not the main part of a relationship, but I do think that you still need it in order to keep the passion going. If you no longer think your dude is cute, then why are you still dating him?

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You're Happier When He's Not Around

When you're with your friends, you're happy: smiling, laughing, being a total goofball. But whenever your boyfriend comes around, your whole personality changes. Suddenly, you're irritable, bored and kind of bummed out. If that sounds like you, take notice. You may need to start paying close attention to your moods, but if you notice a pattern similar to that, it's a definite warning sign.

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You Have A Crush On Someone Else

I'm not just talking about a teensy, harmless crush here. No, I'm talking about liking someone else so much that you think about him more than you think about your boyfriend and you may even be considering cheating. If you have feelings for someone else, it's best to end the relationship you're in. You owe that to yourself and your boyfriend.

Source: ShutterStock

Do a lot of these signs feel familiar to you? Do you think it’s time for you to break up with your boyfriend? How would you break up with someone? Tell us in the comments.

8 things you have to do when your relationship ends

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