Selena Gomez should know better than to mope in public after a breakup–even if it’s with Justin Bieber! | Source: WENN

Coping with a breakup is hard for anyone to deal with–especially celebs who have to deal with press asking questions and plastering pics of them and their exes all over the place. (Think Facebook drama multiplied by a million!)

Case in point: Selena Gomez was spotted sulking in a Hooter’s restaurant after her breakup with Justin Bieber. That’s gotta be rough in itself, let alone once you hear that people are going and telling everyone they saw you like that.

After a breakup, you’re angry, you’re sad, you’re lonely, and you feel like no one really gets it. Even if you did the dumping, you’re still probably pretty bummed out–at least a little bit.

While there’s no set formula to moving on from a breakup, there are a lot of things we totally know not to do if you really want to move past this rough time and get on on with your awesome life.

Here are our tips to you and Selena Gomez to move on from that dude who clearly wasn’t good enough for and didn’t deserve you. You can do better, but you won’t until you let yourself!

1. Don’t eat (or drink, or smoke) everything in sight!
Sure, those cookies and Ben and Jerry’s and hot wings (we’re lookin’ at you, Sel!) may seem appetizing now, and they might even make you feel a little bit better for a while. You may think drinking or smoking or doing some other substance may numb the pain. But here’s the thing: When the high–sugar or otherwise–is over, you’re going to feel even worse. Because not only are you dealing with a breakup, now you’re probably also sick to your stomach or worse.

If you want to treat yourself, by all means–you’re human, you’re awesome, and you deserve it. But if you’re using your treats as anesthesia for your emotions, it’s a problem. You’re pretty much putting a Band-Aid on a broken bone (or in this case, a broken heart). It may make it a little less ugly for a little while, but the problem is still there, and it’s not going to get better unless you actually deal with it instead of numbing yourself to it.

2. Don’t mope in public!
Selena Gomez, you should know better–you have a P.R. team! Even when you’re sad, you don’t need to show it in line at Starbucks or the halls at school. You know what’s gonna happen if you do? People are going to ask what’s wrong, and you’re not going to feel like explaining it all to them, right? Plus, you want to convey an air of confidence in light of the drama. You may actually care, but you don’t need the world to know (other than your diary and BFF!). If you’re really bummed, stay home–or at least slap on a smile if people are looking. You never know when a cute guy will be nearby looking for a pretty smile like yours!

3. Don’t force yourself to move on too soon after a breakup.
Rushing into a rebound relationship when you’re not over a breakup is a recipe for disaster–and will likely just lead to another messy breakup in the end. Give yourself some time to process why you and your ex didn’t work out. Keep a journal if you need to, and try to learn something from the split before you hop into a car with a cute guy just because he’s there.

4. Don’t badmouth your ex–or keep calling him!
It may feel good to tell everyone what a douchebag your ex is, but it’s only going to make you look hurt, bitter, and meanspirited. If anyone tries to bait you into talking smack, just say, “Justin is a great guy, but it just didn’t work out. Hey, did you see the Jets game this weekend? Now that was sad.”

And if you’re tempted to stay in contact with your ex after a breakup? Don’t. Even if you plan on being friends, which is great, forcing it too soon is only going to get messy. It’s a lot easier to move forward if you stop looking back. In a few months when you’re both in a better place, feel free to be buds. But by then, you probably will release that you don’t need him anyway! Remember: If he was so great, you’d still be together. And you’re not … so he’s not!

5. Don’t get jaded!
It’s tempting to look at “Forever Alone” comics and be convinced that you’ll never find anyone like your ex after a breakup. But here’s the thing: You won’t find anyone like your ex, and that’s a good thing–because if he’s your ex, he wasn’t right for you. Selena Gomez may never find another Justin Bieber, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a ton of cool guys out there who wouldn’t treat her like a queen. And if you get jaded and bitter, you won’t find anyone period. Give yourself a week for every month you were together to dwell, mope, and listen to sad songs. When the last day is up, hide all reminders of him and move it along!

Have you ever had a hard time after a breakup? How do you deal with breakups? What’s your best way to move on after a breakup? Do you have any advice for Selena Gomez after her split with Justin Bieber? Tell us in the comments!

Next: The best relationship advice we got and gave in 2012!

And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter!

Don't stare at his picture! | Source: ShutterStock

I’m sorry you’re going through this! Breakups stink and can be really hard to get through, especially when you weren’t the one doing the breaking up. I totally feel your pain, and so do tons of other girls out there – but unfortunately, it’s not the best idea to try to win your ex back. I know that’s not what you want me to say, but hear me out: letting him go and moving on is going to be the best thing for you.

Breakups happen for a reason, whether you want to admit or not. Your ex broke up with you because something was wrong in the relationship – if things were going well and you were both happy, you’d still be together or you would have gotten back together already. It can be hard to see that when you’re feeling heartbroken and lonely, but trust me: you two are probably better off without each other right now.

This is the perfect time to focus on yourself. | Source: ShutterStock

Trying to win back your ex is probably not going to happen the way you want it to. If you really feel like you want to say something, then call him to ask if you two can talk. If he ignores you, blows you off or tells you no, then leave it at that. That’s not him playing hard to get – that’s him letting you know he doesn’t want your relationship to start back up again. Pursuing him even is only going to push him away.

If he is willing to talk, then both of you need to sit down and really discuss what went wrong and why you broke up. Don’t just jump back into things.

But honestly, I’m not really encouraging you to talk to your ex. As I said before, the relationship ended for a reason. This is a great time to focus on yourself and try to move on. Spend time with your friends and family and focus on a hobby that you love. You finally have unlimited time for yourself to do whatever you want, and you should embrace that! If you and your ex are meant to get back together, you will eventually. But pursuing him and trying to talk to him if he doesn’t seem interested is never a good idea, and is never going to make you feel better. Save yourself the extra heartache, the embarrassment and the regret, and move on without him.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Here’s more advice on getting over a breakup

Breakups are sad no matter what | Source: ShutterStock

I’m really sorry that you’re in this situation – it definitely stinks. As hard as this is for you, I think it’s great that you’re being so mature and level-headed about it. That will only make it easier for you to deal with everything.

While normally I would tell you to wait and see how things go next year before making a decision, in this case I think the best idea might be to end things. That’s not because I don’t think long-distance relationships can work, but it’s because you’re already having serious doubts while you two are together, and that’s only going to get worse once you two are apart. And if you want to stay on good terms with this guy, it’s much better to end things in person than other the phone.

Moving on in college might be easier than moving on at home | Source: ShutterStock

That being said, there’s no reason to rush things – but you do have to talk to your man about this. Letting him think things are going to be fine next year is only going to make things worse. Have a serious talk with him about college and basically tell him what you told me. Explain that you love him, but you just don’t think things are going to work because of the different paths you two are going on. Tell him you would love to be friends and you don’t want to lose him entirely. Be as nice and gentle as possible.

Figure out together when you want to end things. He might be really hurt and want to end things right away. Or maybe you both want to spend as much time together as possible while you can. There’s nothing wrong with you guys dating until you both go away to college if that’s what you want to do. But really, I can’t tell you what to do here. It’s all about how you feel and what you want.

That being said, don’t assume that just because you two will be far away from each other you can’t still be together. Long-distance relationships do work, they just take a lot of time and effort. If you want to give things a shot next year before breaking up, that’s not silly or foolish. Don’t make this decision until you really think things over and consider what you want to do next year – ultimately, do what feels right for you.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

What do you think: do long-distance relationships ever work?

How can you not love her confidence? Amazing!

Are you watching that show I Hate My Teenage Daughter? So funny, right? We’ve been watching from the first episode and were psyched to talk to Aisha Dee (love her!), who plays MacKenzie a few weeks ago.

Then you know what happened? Aisha’s awesome friend and co-star, Kristi Lauren, who plays Sophie, said she also wanted to shout out to all you girls out there. Bam! We got an exclusive interview!

We had her answer the Big Gurl Ten, and loved-loved-loved what she had to say:

Gurl: What’s your worst date story?

Kristi: Wow. You know, this is going to sound crazy, but I don’t really go on dates!I mean, I guess my last boyfriend and I went on maybe two dates, but otherwise, it’s just us hanging out. That said, we did have a funny night this one time. We got all dressed up and went to this fancy bistro, thinking we were all grown up and elegant–but then we were the youngest people in there and felt so out of place! It was really silly.

Gurl: If you could only have one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Kristi: Ice cream! It’s the ultimate comfort food. I even eat it when it’s cold outside!

Kristi loves Mamma Mia, and so do we!

Gurl: Whose phone number do you wish you had?

Kristi: Meryl Streep, all the way. As an actor, she really just commits herself to her characters. Like, I saw her in The Devil Wears Prada, and thought she must just naturally be a kind of cold, mean person. But then I saw her in Mamma Mia, and thought, no! It’s just that she can really act!

Gurl: What’s something you’ve always wanted but never gotten?

Kristi: I’ve always wanted a horse. There was a phase where I was doing a lot of horseback riding, and I think maybe I could have gotten a horse then, but one time at the stables, the horse I was on got spooked and I almost fell and got really hurt. My parents weren’t so into getting me a horse after that!

Gurl: What’s your secret nickname?

Kristi: I have so many different nicknames! My friends and I are really into Gossip Girl, so instead of calling me Little J, they’d call me Little K. And because I have such big cheekbones, some of my friends call me Squirrel Girl. I used to hate it so much, but now I love it.

Who doesn't blast Taylor in the morning?!

Gurl: What’s the guiltiest pleasure on your iPod?

Kristi: Oh my gosh. It’s not like, one song, it’s like an entire playlist! I listen to a lot of empowering girl music–like Beyonce and Miley and Selena Gomez. Taylor Swift? I have to have her songs! I blast it all the time in my car, and people give me funny looks. It’s just too fun.

Gurl: What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten?

Kristi: It was actually from my co-star Jaime Pressly. I was going through my first ever breakup, and I was really sad and hurt, because I really cared about this guy. She told me this amazing story about Shaquille O’Neal. When he was a kid, he was afraid of basketballs, but his dad thew one at him, and it hit him kind of hard. His dad asked if it hurt, and Shaq said, “Well, it stung.” But his dad pointed out that it didn’t break him, because all it was was a little ball. Just having that analogy, that breakups–like basketballs!–can sting, but they won’t break you, helped me feel so much better.

Gurl: What’s your favorite bargain?

Kristi: I got these amazing Dolce Vita Jenna booties for 30 percent off at Urban Outfitters recently. No joke! They were so cheap and they’re so adorable!

Gurl: What’s your instant pick me up?

Kristi: Telephone by Lady GaGa. You can’t be sad listening to that song!

Gurl: Describe yourself in three words:

Kristi: Optimistic, hard-working, girly!

Do you watch I Hate My Teenage Daughter? What do you think about it? Tell us in the comments!

Next read what Aisha Dee had to say about being on the show!

 
kristi lauren