There are many right ways to break those ties. | Source: Shutterstock

So, ladies, before you start breaking hearts, read my list of ways to break up with him depending on what’s going on with you two. The whole break up process will still suck (sorry about that), but at least you’ll have a road map to get you through.

If You’ve Been On A Couple Dates
If you’ve been on three dates or less, or have been dating for less than a month, I think it’s okay to just call him and tell him you don’t think this is working out for you, and it’s better to be friends. You weren’t necessarily boyfriend and and girlfriend yet anyway, so it’s okay not to have the big, serious, in-person break up talk.

If You’re Just Not Into It Anymore
Maybe you were head over heels about seven months ago, but now? Not so much. Just because your feelings have moved on doesn’t mean his have, which is why you need to handle this one really carefully. Definitely see him in person, alone, on his turf (having him over to your place and then making him leave after is way cruel!). Tell him you need to have a serious talk and explain that you care about him but don’t think the relationship is working for you anymore. Don’t indulge him in a “final kiss” or tell him if there’s someone else you’re interested in, because honestly, none of that matters. All that matters is that this isn’t working for you, and if he cares about you, he’ll eventually see that this break up is for the best–even if he’s super crushed at first.

If He Cheated On You
You might still be totally in love with him, but cheating is a major deal breaker for a lot of girls (including me, I’ve got to say!) and so you might want to call it quits when you find out he’s been sneaking around with someone else. If that’s the case, I still think you should do it in person if possible–and tell him exactly why it’s over. He didn’t hold up his end of the relationship, and if he’d really wanted you, well then, he wouldn’t have been with her. Done and done. No need to make apologies or be super nice with this one, but DO avoid blaming the other girl. It’s not her fault your dude is a snake!

If He’s Abusive
It’s best not to do this break up in person. Have a family member or friend with you when you call him, and tell him that you aren’t happy anymore in the relationship, and you need to break up. Some emotionally abusive guys might threaten to hurt themselves if you’re ending the relationship–and if your guy does this, have your friend call 911 to send help his way. You’re breaking up with him so he won’t have this kind of control over you anymore, remember?! And if he’s physically abusive and says he’s coming over to find you (or threatens you in some other way), also call 911. Love shouldn’t hurt like that, and that’s why you’re ditching him.

What do you think about these break up techniques? Have you ever had to break up with someone? How’d you do it? Tell me in the comments!

And Here’s How You SHOULDN’T Break Up With Him

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Tough love alert! Should you take him back?! Hmm, well, Sara’s helping a girl deal with a break up that just won’t stick. She keeps getting back together with her ex and she wants to know how she can tell if she should really trust him again. Well, Sara’s got three words for this girl, “one and done.” As in, break up with him once and never get back together with him again. It’s tough to hear, but Sara will walk you through how to break up and stay broken with your ex.

Do you think it’s ever okay to take him back? Would you take a guy back? Tell us in the comments!

How To Get Mom And Dad To Like Your Guy

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Read on, sad girlfriend, and we’ll take you from disaster to a whole lot better.

When it comes to his ex, Zayn looks the other way. | Source: Daniel Deme/WENN.com

While it’s true that one of my best friends is an ex-boyfriend of mine, and I think it’s good to part ways on good terms whenever possible–sometimes that’s simply not possible and that’s okay, too.

Most of us have plenty of friends (or at least could make new ones if we wanted to). So, if you and your dude were never friends outside your relationship, how exactly are you going to form a “just friends” relationship once you split? It’s hard! I’m not saying it can’t happen (in fact, I’m proof that it can) but it is hard sometimes.

Which is why I think it’s totally fine and normal for One Direction’s Zayn Malik to admit that he and his ex, fellow X-Factor alum Rebecca Ferguson, just don’t communicate. He said, “It did end quite badly, so we don’t talk anymore.”

Honestly, I think that’s a super respectful way for him to put it. He’s not placing blame. He’s not pointing fingers, he’s just saying, “Look, it was bad, now it’s over, and we’re through. Really.”

Sometimes a clean break really is the best thing.

What do you think, girls? Do you think you should try to be friends with your exes, or is that a waste of time? Tell me in the comments!

Maybe Katy Perry Should Follow Zayn’s Example!

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Get it out some other way, girl! | Source: Shutterstock

Raise your hand if you ever had a bad break up…

One minute we find the love of our lives. The next minute homeboy is walking away with someone else. The world is not all bubbles and cake, Sugar!

It HURTS when someone we love lies, cheats on us, betrays us or finds another fun way to stomp on our feelings. It’s a “break up” because the “we” of us is hacked in half. They call it
a “broken heart” because we feel split open. We just want the pain to stop.
We cry out our misery to sad songs, in weepy poems, to our BFFs and the lady at the bus stop.
Then, the devil on your shoulder says, “You know what? We could totally get revenge on this
loser!” Yeah…

STOP! Here’s why revenge is not your best option…

5. You’re better than that!
Everyone does the best they can at the moment. Now you’re all, “If that’s his best I’d hate to see
his worst.” Just because some dude is a slimeball doesn’t mean that you have to get slimy with
him. At some point you chose that slimeball for yourself. Instead of focusing on revenge ask yourself, “How can I make better choices in the future?”

4. Karma aka The Golden Rule.
Ever heard the saying “what goes around comes around?” That’s karma. There’s no need to
make someone pay. Karma kinda evens the world out. You may be thinking, but karma takes
too long and I wanna see them suffer. Before you shout, “Look karma, you forgot someone,” move forward. Whatever your beliefs, let the universe handle it. Treat folks like you want to be treated.

3. Your health.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you’re a human being dating other human beings,
sooner or later someone is going to screw you over. (And not always in a good way! lol)
Plotting revenge might feel like temporary relief from crying on the kitchen floor. However, all
that negative energy surging through your body is AWFUL for your health. Payback can weaken
your immune system, raise your heart rate and cause stressful breakouts. Bitterness ain’t cute.

2. You don’t have TIME.
Okay, between planning an outfit for next weekend’s party, catching up on PLL, and beating your little brother (again) at World of Warcraft, when the hell do you think you have time to plot some elaborate revenge scheme?! Whether you know it or not, you’ve got WAY better ways to spend your time than on this chump. Hasn’t he already wasted enough of your time as it is?

1. Living well is the best revenge.
Don’t be mad that it’s over. Be glad that it happened. Grieve the loss of the relationship and
move on. Channel the love you had for the other person into more sweet, juicy love for yourself. Then, keep jamming as the bright, shiny light you are. As P!nk would say, “So what! You’re still a rock star.” Rock on.

Okay, now it’s time to be super honest. Have you ever plotted revenge on an ex? Tell me in the comments!

You DO NOT Want To Do What This Girl Did!

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I was in the car with my best guy friend, and the topic of relationships came up. I told him about the guy I had just started seeing, he said he thought the dude seemed cool, and then I asked about my friend’s girlfriend.

He’d been dating her for about five months, and although he said he really liked her, he thought he liked her more as a friend than anything else. “But . . . she’s said she loves you, right?,” I asked. “Yes,” he said. That’s the problem. I don’t think it’s fair to her to keep things going since I don’t feel the same way, so I should break it off.” Seemed rational–but since everyone knows breaking up is tricky, I had to ask how he was going to handle it. (She was a friend of mine, too, and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be a jerk!)

“Oh, well, obviously I’ll just be honest,” he said. “You know, I’ll tell her that I just know I’d never ever be able to love her. You know? Because it’s impossible for me to love her. And that’ll be it!”

WOAH. Right?! Honesty is important, but that just seemed plain cruel. I suggested that maybe he tone it down a little and say something more along the lines of her feelings being stronger than his. He took my advice and to this day they’re still friends. Somehow I don’t think that’d be the case if he’d gone with his original plan!

What’s the worst thing you’ve heard a guy say when he broke up with a girl? Tell me in the comments!

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Knowing how to break up can be hard, but knowing when to break up can be harder. | Source

While most schools offer some form of sex education (at least for now–a lot of budget cuts are happening), few actually deal with the messy aftermath of soured relationships. The “Break Up Summit” seminars are being held in Boston and 11 other cities nationwide as part of the Start Strong campaign, which seeks to promote healthy relationship habits for teens. The campaign isn’t just on how to break up, but also on why to break up, because the reasoning can be so murky.

Part of why the classes exist is because knowing how to break up can save you from other consequences of a crappy relationship that you might not even realize: your grades can slip because it’s hard to focus. What’s potentially worse is that you and your partner can both be depressed, which will only lead to more issues–low self-esteem (that can make you feel trapped and like you won’t ever find anyone better) and even possible unwanted pregnancies. That’s scary stuff, girls!

A lot of times–admit it!–you might wait til it gets really dramatic or hurtful before you decide to end things, right? But the seminars actually help you realize that a lot of times when it gets to that point, chances are you, your partner, or both of you have been unhappy for a while–it just takes some time to show. The Break Up Summit seminars encourage breaking up before one or both of your unhappiness leads to cheating, embarrassment, or, in more extreme (but still all too common) cases, violence. In fact, the experts behind the summits want you to learn how to break up before it gets to the point of infidelity, because cheating is often seen as an excuse for dating violence–and let’s be real: There is absolutely never ever an excuse for dating violence.

That doesn’t mean dating violence doesn’t happen, unfortunately. Close to 1 in 10 students reported that a boyfriend or girlfriend had physically hurt them in the past year–and keep in mind, those are only the ones who reported it. Even scarier? Once it starts, it sort of gets ingrained in you that it’s the norm. About 22 percent of adult women who were victims of rape, assault, dating violence, or stalking also experience some form of the same as teens. That’s why it’s super important to know how to break up in a respectful but firm way.

One way not to break up? Over Facebook. Changing your relationship status to “single” without talking it over with your partner first is a recipe for disaster, because not only is it a smack in the face to them, but it also makes rumors spread super fast and just creates a ton more drama that no one wants to deal with. Text messages aren’t much better, either, girls–you know how quickly and easily those can be forwarded?

If you’re looking for exactly how to break up, ideally, it’d be face to face and private before things got really ugly. However, if you’re afraid of a partner’s reaction, breaking the news to them gently but firmly in a public place–think a diner, coffee shop, or anywhere else that people will be around but not necessarily able to eavesdrop on you–is a good bet. If you’re really scared, though, you’ll want a more solid plan on how to break up and stay safe. If you’re in an abusive relationship and not sure how to break up, get help and make a plan here.

Do you think it’s a good idea to teach classes on how to break up? What was your worst breakup like? How did you learn how to break up? Tell us in the comments!

Here’s How NOT To Break Up!

What can I say, breaking up is tough! | Source: ShutterStock

Breaking up with someone is a pretty personal thing. It should be done in person, while looking the other person in the face and explaining the truth to them. It shouldn’t be done online, over the phone, through text messages or via Facebook relationship statuses. But the most major no-no of all is definitely having someone else do it for you. I wish someone had explained this to my 14-year-old self, but no one ever did (or maybe I just didn’t want to listen), because the first time I dumped someone, I totally messed up. Here’s my story:

I met my very first boyfriend ever, let’s call him D, when I was a freshmen in high school. After months of flirting online during all hours of the night, D and I finally got together. And by that, I mean D finally took the plunge and asked me to be his girlfriend – over AOL Instant Messenger, of course. I know, super romantic, right?

After years spent putting my Catholic school education to good use and praying for a boyfriend every night (I literally cringe thinking about that), I was ecstatic to finally be someone’s girlfriend. It wasn’t even about hanging out with him, hooking up or having someone to lean on. Nah, it was more about decorating my AIM profile with “our date” surrounded by little hearts and stars, and getting to casually throw in “My boyfriend said…” when talking to anyone in the universe. Thinking back, maybe I wasn’t really ready for a relationship.

It might be scary, but it’s best to do it yourself. | Source: ShutterStock

Anyway, D and I were as smitten with each other as two very young, immature people can be. We dated for a month, but during that time, I think we only hung out once. We spent most of our time talking and flirting on (you guessed it) AIM and sometimes on the phone. Obviously, we said “I love you”, even though neither of us really understood those words. But we didn’t hang out with the same group of people, we had opposite schedules and we really had nothing in common except for the fact that we went to the same school.

Around the time of our one-month anniversary, I started getting bored. Yeah, calling D my BF and getting to put up cutesy away messages was cool and all, but I barely saw the guy. When I went to parties with my friends, I noticed cute dudes all around me. How was I supposed to flirt with them when I was supposed to be in love with someone else? It didn’t take long to realize that I was so over D.

The next week at school, I confessed my feelings to my best friend. I told her I wanted to end things, but I was scared.

“OMG. Let me do it! I can do it for you. It’ll be so much easier,” she said, way too excited by this idea.

At first, I told her no. But then I thought about IMing D later to tell him I didn’t want to see him anymore. I thought about the awkwardness of that convo. Did I really want to do that? Nah, not really. So, I let my BFF do my dirty work.

Right before the school day ended, she found D at his locker. She poked him on the back. “Jessica doesn’t want to go out with you anymore,” she said.

“Why?” he asked, totally confused.

Yeah… not exactly my reaction. | Source: ShutterStock

“I don’t know. She just doesn’t. So I’m breaking up with you for her.”

And that was the end of that – D and I were officially over. I stayed off AIM for a few days and ignored his angry looks in the hallway. By the end of the week, everyone in school knew my BFF had dumped him for me… and everyone teased me about it. Plus, D kind of hated me forever.

I know it was a really long time ago, but I still feel kind of guilty about it to this day. Okay, yeah, my friends and I laugh about it constantly, but still… that is definitely not the way to end things with anybody. Take it from me: man up and do it yourself.

Have you ever broken up with someone? How did you do it? What was your first breakup like? Tell us in the comments!

 Can this app tell you when to break up with someone?

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Need to know when to break up with your guy? There's an app for that. | Source: Shutterstock

No, seriously. There’s an app that tells you when to break up with your boyfriend.

The app, appropriately titled “Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend?” is the brainchild of Sarah Gray, who developed it when she was deciding when to break up with a boyfriend who wasn’t making her too happy.

Obviously, it’s always a tough decision to make, and the app makes it easier–but it won’t make up your mind for you, nor will it immediately tell you when to break up with your guy. It works by having you record your feelings and rate how you feel on a daily basis. The app then takes the data that you put in and compares your emotions within your relationship to your attitude and outlook on life in general over time. If your guy is making you miserable and you’re not a miserable person on your own, chances are you know when to break up–but sometimes empirical data and an objective voice are necessary to get you to take the leap into singledom.

The app offers customized advice and tracks and saves your daily entries on your boyfriends, including graphs showing your high and low points, so you won’t have any revisionist history later if you get lonely and tempted to text him. All the evidence and memories of his douchebaggery are right there for you, so you’ll know not only when to break up, but also that you made the right decision once you do.

We're guessing her data plan shows that those flowers don't make up for all the low points! | Source: Shutterstock

Of course, you can get similar results by keeping a journal and venting to your BFF, but for those of you who get tired of writing and want to keep your bestie from rolling her eyes when you tell her about the same recurring argument with your BF, it may prove useful.

While a program like this can definitely come in handy, if you’re thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend enough to spring for a $0.99 iPhone app to decide, chances are you’ve already made up your mind deep down. Especially if you’re not asking if you should break up, but rather when to break up!

Would you use an app to help decide when to break up with your boyfriend? How do you know when to break up with a guy? Tell us in the comments!

Remember–There Are Some Serious Positives To Being Single!

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The Internet, nay the world, has been up in arms with rumors that Justin Bieber dumped Selena Gomez via Twitter. I KNOW RIGHT?! JB’s manager Scooter insists that the Tweet, which read “thank you for the time i had with you but i have to move on now…”, insists that it was a fake post and that Justin never wrote any such thing.

But should we let that stop us from playing fantasy matchmaker for Selena? I didn’t think so either! Let’s take a look at five fab fellas Sel could date should she find her self single in the near future…

1. Niall Horan

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The One Direction cutie has made no secret of his affection for Sel, even giving her his number right in front of Justin at the Kid’s Choice Awards. Disrespectful? Yes. But also kind of rakishly charming? You betcha.

2. Dave Franco

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At 26, he’s a little older than Selena, 19,  might be used to. But after dating a younger man maybe an older dude is perfect for her. I can see her really enjoying a romance with a boy who can teach her something. And not use the word swaggy.

3. Nathan Sykes

WENN

There’s something about The Wanted’s youngest member that I like for Selena. Maybe it’s because she and him have similar features, or perhaps because he seems like he weighs about 80 pounds. Sure, that’s 10 pounds more than Justin, but I’m sure Sel will get used to it. (Lighten up, I tease because I love!)

4. Josh Hutcherson

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Not only is The Hunger Games star beyond adorable, dating him would stick it to Josh’s ex, Vanessa Hudgens, who has reportedly been super snotty to Selena on the set of their new movie, Spring Breakers. Hey, who doesn’t like to multitask?

5. Mark Sanchez

WENN

Maybe an athlete would be a good change of pace for Selena. After a string of musical men, why not go for a guy who’s a little more rough and tumble? The 25-year-old Jets quarterback could be just the guy for her and if things don’t workout, she can just move on to his teammate, Tim Tebow!

Who do you think Selena Gomez should date after Justin Bieber? Do you think Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez broke up? Tell me everything in the comments!

Justin Had A Date The Other Night . . . But NOT With Selena!