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When I read this question to my girlfriend, the topic hit so close to home that she had to check her Gmail outbox just to make sure she didn’t submit it herself while sleep-emailing. While guys often criticize girls for “oversharing,” apparently you’re not alone in feeling that guys have a tendency to “undershare.” Even as a dude who considers himself in touch with his emotions (and writes a weekly dating advice column!), I, too am guilty of this habit. However, in order to get your man to open up to you, I think it’s important to understand the difference between male and female communication.

In general, men like to talk in order to solve problems, while women converse in order to process their feelings and work out that which they want to express. Unfortunately, most of us guys view communication as a means to and end rather than as a process of discovery, and we often avoid discussing issues until we’ve figured out how to fix them.

Ultimately, the best thing you can do is to respect your boyfriend’s space; the worst you can do is to nag him or criticize him for being distant. Attacking or attempting to coerce a guy into discussing his emotions will most likely only cause him to retreat further into solitude. Feel free to share your own emotions without expectations of consistent reciprocation, and make it clear that you’re always there for him when he’s ready to talk. Try not to take his male-ness personally! If he’s a guy worth dating, he’ll open up to you on his own with just a little support and patience from the girl he loves.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys get nervous about a first kiss?

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Realizing that a guy doesn’t like you back is definitely maybe the worst feeling in the world. But even more terrible is having to pretend you aren’t completely crushed. And even more terrible-er? The fibs you come up with to keep up the act. Here’s what we know you’re thinking when you get negged by your crush.

The School Dance

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She said: Ask Luke to Sadie Hawkins? Pfft nah I don’t want to be tied to one guy all night long, let’s just to a big girls group!

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She meant: I already oh-so-casually brought the dance up to him and he mumbled something about a big guys group. FML.

Over Text

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She said: Haha omg I was kidddinnngggg it was just an emoji!

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She meant: Well. If he didn’t appreciate a kissyface emojicon over text I guess he won’t like one IRL. Excuse me while I bury my phone—and possibly myself—in the backyard so I’ll never text something so pathetic again.

When He Talks About Another Girl

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She said: Oh yeah, Allie is, like, soooo cool. If you’re into, ya know, boobs and long blonde hair and all that…

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She meant: I hate her with the fire of a thousand suns. I’ll think of a reason later.

When You Try to Flirt

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She said: My eye? Yeah uh guess my contact is all wonky or something…

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She meant: That was supposed to be a wink. Great. I probably look like I was having some sort of seizure. SEXY.

When You See Him on a Date With Someone Else

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She said: OMG you guys I soooo don’t care. It was just a “no.” I’ve heard that word before. I’ll BRB, bathroom.

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She meant: WHY GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME! I can actually feel my heart breaking in half. I’m going to lock myself in the stall for the next 20 minutes and weep. Then pretend I had an allergy attack.

When He Says You’re Like a Sister To Him

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She said: Haha umm thanks bro…

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She meant: I’m sure this is how Prince William described Kate when he first fell for her right, RIGHT?!

Ever been rejected by a crush? How did you handle it? With a little lie or two? Let us know in the comments.

True story: One of Gurl’s writers rejected Adam Levine!

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At first glance, dating a guy’s idol doesn’t seem all that cruel at all. But think about how you would feel if your ex rebounded with whoever’s poster happens to be on your bedroom wall. Do you want to picture your ex with, say, Taylor Swift or Rihanna? Horrible, right?

I know. And that’s exactly why I dated my ex-boyfriend’s hero.

J was probably the worst boyfriend to ever walk planet earth. He seemed to completely hate having me around. He refused to hold hands with me in public, cheated and one time let me walk into the street knowing an oncoming cab was speeding towards me.

“I was curious if you’d see it coming or not,” he shrugged after. I think he may have been a sociopath.

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But as soulless as J was, he loved one thing: Athlete X. I won’t say his name, but he’s a pro hockey player and J was beyond obsessed with hockey. I’d grown up playing hockey actually but by the time J and I dated, I’d forgotten all about the sport and didn’t care one bit. That didn’t stop J from gushing about Athlete X and his latest stats and game and even his equipment. Athlete X was like the third party in our relationship–unless of course you count all the girls he cheated on me with. Loser.

Eventually, I found a pair of panties in his bed. Ugly panties, too. And finally, finally, FINALLY broke up with him. Flash forward two months–I was an editor for a men’s magazine when my coworker casually mentioned that he was interviewing Athlete X.

“OMG Athlete X!” I chirped, jumping up from my chair, gushing about how much I loved him and rattling off his stats. No one in the office had ever heard me say boo about sports until that moment, and here I was rattling off info about Athlete X that I didn’t even realize I knew.

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“Well maybe I’ll set you two up!” chucked my coworker–and he did. Later that night I get a text from Athlete X! One thing lead to another and we began talking, then hanging out, then full on dating. At first, I was only doing it to spite J and oh, I made sure that he knew. Cryptic Facebook posts, vague Tweets about Athlete X’s team, an Instagram pic of X’s jersey number doodled on my hand inside a heart–oh yes. J knew. And it worked.

“You f’ing BITCH,” he wrote in a scathing email out of nowhere. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing but STAY AWAY FROM ATHLETE X!” You’d think I was sleeping with his wife or something.

I can’t lie–I felt kind of guilty and icky. I wondered if by dating Athlete X, who was terribly foxy, I had ensured that J and I could never be friends or even bump into each other and have a pleasant catch-up convo.

Then I came to my senses and realized that it was J’s crapbag behavior that had started this whole thing–all I’d done is finished it.

What do you think–is this the meanest thing you’ve heard of a girl doing to an ex? Was I totally wrong to rub Athlete X in J’s face? Or is all fair in love, war and professional sports? Tell me in the comments.

The 10 Worst Things Dudes Have Ever Said On A First Date

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Check out what’s new on our boards! Right now, girls are talking about how to deal when your boyfriend says he’s bisexual:

KaylaMay said:

My boyfriend is bisexual. Can someone help me? Today, my boyfriend told me he has had sex with a guy… but a couple of days ago he told me he was a virgin. I’m getting really uncomfortable. What should I do?

How would you deal if your boyfriend told you he was bisexual? Do you think it’s a big deal or it shouldn’t matter? What advice would you give this girl?

Got something to add to this convo? Then go for it, girl! Let this girl know what you think about her situation right here.

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

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What do you do when your BFF’s boyfriend sucks in a major way? Well, you have to tell her she’s got a bad boyfriend. But, it can be touchy. So, Sara’s here to help with how to tell when you need to say something and how exactly to do it.

Do you know someone with a bad boyfriend? Or do you have a question for Sara? Tell us in the comments!

Should You Take Him Back?!

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So when I met my current boyfriend, I made a promise to myself that I would never be like her or any of the other girls out there who chose their BF over their BFFs. But after a few months spent juggling time with my boyfriend, my friends, my family, my job and my me time, I kind of started to empathize with my old friend: making your buddies a priority when you’re in a serious relationship can be harder than you think.

When you start a new relationship, it’s natural to feel an urge to spend all of your time with your boyfriend. It’s normal to start spending less time with your buddies and more time with your BF – your priorities shift. It happens. But still – it sucks. So here are 10 reasons you absolutely need to make time for your friends, no matter how much cuddle time you want with your guy. Trust me, you’ll appreciate this one day.

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Your BF Shouldn't Be The Center Of Your World

I know your boyfriend is awesome and you're really into him. And there's nothing wrong with giving him a little extra attention. But your BF should never be the only important thing in your life - that's not good for your relationship. Both of you should have other friends and spend time apart once in a while. It's healthy and will help keep things interesting. Plus, if you only rely on him to be your everything, what will you do if things end?

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You Need A Support System

Speaking of breaking up... what if you and your man do end things? Crawling back to your friends for support after you've spent the last few months or years blowing them off is kind of a crappy thing to do. Some of your buddies may not be willing to forgive you, and those who do are still going to feel a little taken advantage of. Even if you guys don't break up, you need your girls so you can vent if you and your BF get into a fight. That's what friends are for!

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Girl Time Is Super Important

You can eat an entire carton of ice cream and a bag of chips with your girls, but you can't really do that with your boyfriend. I mean, you can, whatever, but isn't it more fun to pig out with your friends while gossiping about your celebrity crush? It totally is. Girl time is fun and no one should be missing out on it.

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You Don't Want To Deal With FOMO

What happens when you ditch your friends for your boyfriend and they start hanging out without you? FOMO happens, that's what. In case you didn't know, experiencing the Fear Of Missing Out isn't fun - it's lonely. I'm not saying you have to be with your BFF's every day, but making time for them at least once or twice a week is a must.

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You Don't Want To Hurt Your Friends

The last thing you want to do is be the source of your friends' pain. When you blow off your buddies for a guy, it hurts their feelings, and it may even end up being something they can't get over. Treating your friends badly is only going to make you feel bad in the end.

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You Want Your BFF's To Like Your BF... Right?

I'm assuming you want your friends to be friends with your boyfriend, or at least give him their seal of approval. But guess what? If you keep ditching them for him, they're automatically going to hate him for taking their friend away. And that's not really fair to anyone.

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Who Else Can You Watch Pretty Little Liars With?

Like I said before, girl time is important. There are just some things you can't do with your boyfriend - like watching the winter premiere of Pretty Little Liars. Don't force him to sit through something he doesn't like. Some rituals are best performed with friends.

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Your Friends Need You, Too

Your friends need your support as much as you need theirs. If one of your girls calls you because she needs to vent or get advice, don't leave her hanging. Being a good friend is a really great quality to have - don't let a guy take that away from you.

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Do you have trouble making time for your friends and boyfriend? Have you ever had a friend who ditched you for her relationship? Tell me in the comments.

7 ways to get out of a toxic relationship

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Are you meeting your boo’s parents this winter break? Or, you know, ever? Then you probably want to make the best impression you can. Sara knows exactly how to do that! (Spoiler alert: being yourself is a big part of it!) Watch the video, though, for other helpful hints on how to woo your dude or dudette’s parents.

Got a Q for Sara? Put it in the comments and it could be next week’s topic!

Should You Ever Take Him Back?!

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Don’t feel bad about getting yourself involved in a bad relationship – it can happen easier than you think, and once you’re involved in it, it can be really hard to get yourself out. Learning how to be strong enough to get rid of someone who is bad news can take time. If you feel like you’re in a toxic relationship, but you’re not sure how to end it, you’re probably not alone. Once we feel dependent on a person who’s been a huge part of our lives for a while, it’s really difficult to leave that person behind, no matter how terrible things are between you two.

So, how do you get yourself out of a toxic relationship? We’ve come up with a few tips to help you. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but in the end, it will definitely be worth it. Read these 7 ways to end a bad relationship – whether it’s for your sake, or your friends. One day, these tips might help.

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Recognize Your Self-Worth

Girl - you're awesome. It's time you recognize that and ditch this loser who has been holding you back! Take a few minutes to think about all of the great things about yourself. Remind yourself that you deserve a dude who will treat you right all of the time, not just sometimes. If you really need help in the confidence department, consider speaking to someone like a trusted parent, friend or even a psychologist. Just keep telling yourself how awesome you really are, and soon you'll start to believe it.

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Make A List Of Reasons Why You're Breaking Up

It's easy to have doubts before a breakup and to wonder if you're doing the right thing. To put your mind at ease, make a list of exactly why things need to end. Putting these reasons down on a paper may make them seem more real. It's a good way to remind yourself of why he doesn't deserve a second chance. Don't throw this out!

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Build Up A Support System

I won't sugarcoat things - breaking up with this guy is going to be hard. So before you do it, make sure you have a support system who will have your back when you're feeling really sad. This can be your besties, your mom, family members - whoever you feel really close to and comfortable with. Fill them in on what's going on and let them know you'll need their help to get through this.

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Practice Your Breakup Speech

Don't go into this breakup unprepared. It's harder to end a toxic relationship than it is to end a good relationship, because there are a lot more emotions involved. And if this guy is manipulative, it's going to be even more difficult. Make a mental note of everything you want to say and how you want to say it - then practice in front of a mirror, or if you feel comfortable, your friends. When the times come for the real breakup speech, you'll be less likely to fumble your words or say something you don't mean.

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Make Plans So You're Busy After The Breakup

After a hard breakup, we sometimes feel like all we want to do is curl up in bed and not move for the next six months. Don't do that! Keeping yourself busy is going to help you forget about your ex and move on. Arrange a few "dates" with your bestie, make plans with a friend or family member you haven't seen in a while, ask your boss for some extra hours. Just don't allow yourself to be in bed after the breakup - it will make you lonely and more likely to rethink your decision.

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Review That Breakup List

Remember that list I told you to make before the breakup? There was a reason I said don't throw it out - so that you can look at it later on. It's normal to have feelings of regret and loneliness after a tough breakup. You might feel like you want to go back to your ex, so you need to remind yourself why you broke up in the first place. This list will give you some serious flashbacks.

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Start Moving On

It might take some time before you feel like you're ready to move on. But once you get past the really tough times, you need to start going forward with your life - and making yourself your top priority.

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Do you think you’re in a toxic relationship right now? Are any of your friends? What do you think about this advice? Tell us in the comments!

5 signs that you’re in a toxic relationship
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What’s the one thing that may hurt just as much as a relationship ending? A best friend breakup. Unfortunately, I know this because I recently lost my best friend. And to put it bluntly, it sucked.

A few years ago, I got really close with a girl I’ll call K. K and I worked together and so we were with each other constantly. It wasn’t long before we were both basically obsessed with each other, the way you can only be obsessed with a brand new best friend who totally gets you and finishes your sentences. We had a ton of stuff in common and spent our long, boring hours at work bonding over boys we thought we were cute, clothes we wanted to buy and people at work we mutually hated. It didn’t take long for us to start hanging out outside of work.

I thought K was awesome, but she didn’t seem to have many other friends besides me. Besides the fact that she told me she didn’t have many friends, she wasn’t too popular at our job. Everyone we worked with regularly called her a bitch and asked me how I could hang out with her so much. I didn’t really pay attention to it – I got along with K and didn’t care what other people thought about her. But sometimes things did get a little weird.

K seemed to have an endless amount of time to hang out with me. I guess the best way to describe her was needy – it was like she expected me to hang out with her during every minute of my free time. When we weren’t together, she was texting me constantly. She usually called me at night to gossip before bed and whenever I made plans with my other friends, she got obviously annoyed, although she never said anything. The thing was, even though K didn’t have many other people to hang out with, I did. I tried to include her in my group when I could, but I wasn’t about to make my life all about her the way she was doing with me.

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When we weren’t working or talking about our mutual love of Ryan Gosling or The Little Mermaid, K and I spent most of our time talking about guys. K was desperate for a boyfriend and constantly moaned about how much she wanted to meet a nice guy. We spent way too much time trading dating and flirting horror stories and discussing how we would probably be single forever but it was fine because all guys sucked anyway.

And then one day, I met a guy and we started dating not too long after. At first, K was super supportive. She asked me for all the details of our hangouts, got excited for me at all the right moments of my stories and never stopped telling me how lucky I was. Around the same time I got a BF, I also got a full-time job at another company. I started juggling my time between my boyfriend, my job, my other friends and K… and naturally, I couldn’t spend as much time with K as I had in the past.

I’ll admit, there were a few nights when I had to cancel plans with K for various reasons, and it definitely became harder for us to hang out as much as we used to. I could tell K was getting mad – she stopped calling all the time, started getting silent whenever I brought up my BF and acted weird when I asked her to hang out. I tried as hard as I could to make time for K, and there was never a time when I ditched her for my boyfriend. I even brought her to hang out with us when we went to parties. But it didn’t seem to matter. She started distancing herself from me more and more and I couldn’t understand why.

After we went a full two weeks without speaking for no particular reason whatsoever, I texted her to ask her what was going on. She responded to tell me that she felt like I was constantly blowing her off to be with my BF. I was seriously so confused – I hung out with my BF once, maybe twice, a week. I had made every attempt to call her, make plans with her and text her. She was the one constantly blowing me off!

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But since she was one of my BFF’s and I didn’t want to lose her, I swallowed my pride, apologized and said I hadn’t realized. At first, things were cool. We started hanging out and talking again. But after a few weeks, she went right back to what she had been doing before.

Finally, I stopped making an effort to see her. I was sick of being the only one trying to keep our friendship alive. I would text her and not get a response for hours. I would call her, but she would be busy with her new friend, a girl who was obviously replacing me. Another super immature thing? She started tweeting cryptic messages about girls who abandon their friends for their boyfriends… and they were obviously about me. At some point, I realized that K was jealous that I was in a relationship and she wasn’t. Since I wasn’t about to break up with my boyfriend to be her friend, I felt like there was nothing I could do.

In the end, our friendship just kind of ended without a word from either of us. She stopped calling me and I stopped calling her. She kept on tweeting about me and I kept ignoring it. Eventually, she deleted me off Facebook, and I knew that I had officially lost my best friend. I was angry that she had done this just because she was jealous – but I was more upset that I had lost her as my friend. Despite the fact that she could be clingy, K was my BFF. She understood me in a way a lot of other people didn’t and we had had a ton of fun together.

I still really miss K, but I have no idea how to handle things. Our friendship ended so awkwardly that I feel like there’s no salvaging things. We haven’t spoken in almost a year, but I still miss our long life talks and silly movie nights. Even though I have other BFF’s and I still have my boyfriend, I still would have loved to stay friends with K. Sometimes I consider texting her and saying hi, trying to resolve things… but other times I think about all the mean things she said about me online and how she just blew me off, and I feel like we’re better off not being in each other’s lives. So I want to know: what would you do if you were in my position?

Have you ever lost a BFF? Have you ever been in this situation? Would you try to be friends with K again if you were me? Tell me in the comments!

How do you deal when your friends are leaving you out?

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