Science told us this week that it’s basically impossible for men and women to be just friends. But it can happen! Sometimes you really are purely friends with a guy. Sometimes a guy can be your BFF. What happens when rumors start flying that you like your guy BFF? Sara can help you figure out what to do and how to keep your friendship in order.

Have you ever dealt with rumors of liking your best guy friend? How did you deal? Tell us in the comments!

Does your best gal pal’s boyfriend totally suck?

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While it’s try that we can’t always help who we fall for, there are some situations where it’s best to try to forget about the person we’re crushing on. This may be one of those situations, although that’s entirely up to you. What you need to do right now is decide whether you want to stay besties with your BFF or whether you want to take a chance and admit your feelings to this dude. Unfortunately, you need to make this decision on your own, but fortunately, I can try to help out a little.

If you really want to tell this guy how you feel, you need to consider what could happen. One scenario is that he feels the same way and dumps his GF – and you’ll probably lose your best friend. Another scenario is that he chooses his GF over you, and you not only lose him, but also probably your bestie. You need to seriously consider if you’re willing to lose your BFF over this guy. It’s important to keep in mind that even if you pursue a relationship with him, it might not work out perfectly, and in the end, you’ll be left without a best friend.

It’s also important to remember that stealing her boyfriend from her is going to hurt your best friend a lot. While I’m not saying you have to put her happiness over your own, I do think it’s a good idea to keep in mind that hurting her and losing her may end up making you feel more lonely and guilty than before.

The other option here is to try to forget about this guy. Honestly, I think that’s your best option. For one thing, it’s really not cool of him to be flirting and spending a lot of time with his girlfriend’s best friend. For another thing, forgetting about this guy is going to keep your friendship with your BFF intact – and sometimes, having a loyal friend is even better than having a boyfriend.

Unless you feel like this guy is the love of your life, I would suggest that you try to move on and find someone else to crush on. If you never make a move on him, there’s no need to tell your bestie about your feelings. And who knows? You two could even end up together in the future, when things aren’t so complicated.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Is it a really bad idea to sext a friend?
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What’s the one thing that may hurt just as much as a relationship ending? A best friend breakup. Unfortunately, I know this because I recently lost my best friend. And to put it bluntly, it sucked.

A few years ago, I got really close with a girl I’ll call K. K and I worked together and so we were with each other constantly. It wasn’t long before we were both basically obsessed with each other, the way you can only be obsessed with a brand new best friend who totally gets you and finishes your sentences. We had a ton of stuff in common and spent our long, boring hours at work bonding over boys we thought we were cute, clothes we wanted to buy and people at work we mutually hated. It didn’t take long for us to start hanging out outside of work.

I thought K was awesome, but she didn’t seem to have many other friends besides me. Besides the fact that she told me she didn’t have many friends, she wasn’t too popular at our job. Everyone we worked with regularly called her a bitch and asked me how I could hang out with her so much. I didn’t really pay attention to it – I got along with K and didn’t care what other people thought about her. But sometimes things did get a little weird.

K seemed to have an endless amount of time to hang out with me. I guess the best way to describe her was needy – it was like she expected me to hang out with her during every minute of my free time. When we weren’t together, she was texting me constantly. She usually called me at night to gossip before bed and whenever I made plans with my other friends, she got obviously annoyed, although she never said anything. The thing was, even though K didn’t have many other people to hang out with, I did. I tried to include her in my group when I could, but I wasn’t about to make my life all about her the way she was doing with me.

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When we weren’t working or talking about our mutual love of Ryan Gosling or The Little Mermaid, K and I spent most of our time talking about guys. K was desperate for a boyfriend and constantly moaned about how much she wanted to meet a nice guy. We spent way too much time trading dating and flirting horror stories and discussing how we would probably be single forever but it was fine because all guys sucked anyway.

And then one day, I met a guy and we started dating not too long after. At first, K was super supportive. She asked me for all the details of our hangouts, got excited for me at all the right moments of my stories and never stopped telling me how lucky I was. Around the same time I got a BF, I also got a full-time job at another company. I started juggling my time between my boyfriend, my job, my other friends and K… and naturally, I couldn’t spend as much time with K as I had in the past.

I’ll admit, there were a few nights when I had to cancel plans with K for various reasons, and it definitely became harder for us to hang out as much as we used to. I could tell K was getting mad – she stopped calling all the time, started getting silent whenever I brought up my BF and acted weird when I asked her to hang out. I tried as hard as I could to make time for K, and there was never a time when I ditched her for my boyfriend. I even brought her to hang out with us when we went to parties. But it didn’t seem to matter. She started distancing herself from me more and more and I couldn’t understand why.

After we went a full two weeks without speaking for no particular reason whatsoever, I texted her to ask her what was going on. She responded to tell me that she felt like I was constantly blowing her off to be with my BF. I was seriously so confused – I hung out with my BF once, maybe twice, a week. I had made every attempt to call her, make plans with her and text her. She was the one constantly blowing me off!

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But since she was one of my BFF’s and I didn’t want to lose her, I swallowed my pride, apologized and said I hadn’t realized. At first, things were cool. We started hanging out and talking again. But after a few weeks, she went right back to what she had been doing before.

Finally, I stopped making an effort to see her. I was sick of being the only one trying to keep our friendship alive. I would text her and not get a response for hours. I would call her, but she would be busy with her new friend, a girl who was obviously replacing me. Another super immature thing? She started tweeting cryptic messages about girls who abandon their friends for their boyfriends… and they were obviously about me. At some point, I realized that K was jealous that I was in a relationship and she wasn’t. Since I wasn’t about to break up with my boyfriend to be her friend, I felt like there was nothing I could do.

In the end, our friendship just kind of ended without a word from either of us. She stopped calling me and I stopped calling her. She kept on tweeting about me and I kept ignoring it. Eventually, she deleted me off Facebook, and I knew that I had officially lost my best friend. I was angry that she had done this just because she was jealous – but I was more upset that I had lost her as my friend. Despite the fact that she could be clingy, K was my BFF. She understood me in a way a lot of other people didn’t and we had had a ton of fun together.

I still really miss K, but I have no idea how to handle things. Our friendship ended so awkwardly that I feel like there’s no salvaging things. We haven’t spoken in almost a year, but I still miss our long life talks and silly movie nights. Even though I have other BFF’s and I still have my boyfriend, I still would have loved to stay friends with K. Sometimes I consider texting her and saying hi, trying to resolve things… but other times I think about all the mean things she said about me online and how she just blew me off, and I feel like we’re better off not being in each other’s lives. So I want to know: what would you do if you were in my position?

Have you ever lost a BFF? Have you ever been in this situation? Would you try to be friends with K again if you were me? Tell me in the comments!

How do you deal when your friends are leaving you out?

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We’ve found twenty gifts that we’d love to get from our best friend, so feel free to steal an idea or two for your own holiday gift giving. Plus, they are all under $20! Who doesn’t love a good deal? We are sure that no matter you pick as a gift for your best friend, she is going to love it just like she loves you! So leave your worries behind, enjoy your shopping and look forward to a whole bunch of winter break days just hanging out with your best friend. Seriously, does it get any better that that?

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For The Pampering Princess

Winter can be harsh on the skin. An all-in-one product is a convenient way to help your best friend's skin and lips from cracking and make her more comfortable during the snowy season. C.O. Bigelow Rose Salve No. 012 works on the face, body, nails and lips. It's only $5.50 from C.O. Bigelow and has a great customer rating on their website.

Source: C.O. Bigelow

For Your Superhero

The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises may have been big in 2012, but if your BFF is into the superhero scene, let her show-off her fandom with this awesome Wonder Woman Nail Art from Think Geek for only $6.99.

Source: Think Geek

For The Trendy Dresser

You probably know your BFF's wardrobe pretty well and what kinds of colors and patterns she likes to wear. Tights are a fun way to dress up outfits so use your wardrobe knowledge to pick out some that will fit right in with your best friend's closet. Merona's Women's Opaque Fashion tights come in a whole array of colors and are only $8 apiece from Target.

Source: Target

For The Foodie Friend

There's nothing I love more than just hanging out and snacking with my best friend. Hot chocolate is a must in the winter, but give it a special twist with a fun flavor as cool as you two. This Mountain Mint Hot Chocolate from Lake Champlain Chocolates is a great example — and it's only $9.50.

Source: Lake Champlain Chocolates

For The Book Lover

Shel Silverstein's book about friendship is a classic, so show your bestie how much her friendship means to you. This The Giving Tree iPhone case is available on Etsy for $9.99.

Source: Etsy

For Your Lunch Buddy

If your BFF likes to pack her own lunch, but is sick of tossing out paper bags, this Embark Lunch Tote Cooler is a cute way to store her food during the day. It is available to buy at Target - the black tote pictured is $10.99 and there is also a pink option for $14.99.

Source: Target

For Your Bestie On The Team

Trying to run with a hat on is super annoying. Be the BFF problem-fixer you are by getting her this Reebok Women's Run Beanie — complete with a hole for your girl's ponytail! It's available at Dick's Sporting Goods for $11.99.

Source: Dick's Sporting Goods

For The Katniss Wannabe

This holiday, show your BFF you think she is as cool as Katniss Everdeen (and that's pretty cool in my book). If your best friend is a Hunger Games fan — book and/or movie! — this Mockingjay Pin is an awesome way to show her love for the series on her coat or backpack. It's available from Think Geek for $11.99.

Source: Think Geek

For The Shutterbug

A scrapbook is a great way for your artsy best friend to keep all her memories close by. Make a page for the two of you, but definitely leave a bunch blank so she can get in on the crafting too. This MBI by MCS Scrapbook from Amazon is only $12 and has lots of BFF-friendly lingo on the cover.

Source: Amazon

For The Forever Lost Friend

I lost my school ID so many times and then I got one of these and never lost it again. When my BFFs went to college, I gave each of them one of these Zip ID cases from Vera Bradley. They're only $12, but for your BFF, not losing your ID is priceless!

Source: Vera Bradley

For The Baking Pro

Just seeing this cover made me so hungry. If your friend has a knack in the kitchen and creative flair, the Betty Crocker Big Book of Cupcakes could provide days and days of amazing treats (hey, that sounds pretty good for you too now doesn't it!). It's available at Barnes & Noble for $14.11.

Source: Barnes & Noble

For Your Slumber Party Pal

Pajamas are super comfy and what better time than winter break to lounge around all day in a pair of fun-patterned PJs? These Gilligan & O'Malley Flannel PJs are available at Target for only $15!

Source: Target

For The Rockstar

Taylor seems like she'd be a pretty fun BFF, but since she may not be able to hang out with you guys anytime soon, you can have her there in spirit by gifting her CD Red to your bestie. Splurge a little for the exclusive version at Target for $16.99 and enjoy some extra bonus tracks — your BFF deserves the best!

Source: Target

For The Chillest Girl You Know

When you're hanging out with your close friends, comfort often outweighs style. These Women's Casey Line Sweater Flats look super comfy AND the cute stripes will let your bestie show off a little bit of her personal style. Get them at Target for $16.99.

Source: Target

For The Poet

If your BFF is a bit of a budding poet herself, she'll love the fun of the Original Magnetic Poetry Set, available for $17.95 at Barnes & Noble. Plus, then the two of you can leave witty back and forth notes on your fridge or locker, so everyone wins!

Source: Barnes & Noble

For The Girl Who Inspires You

A friendship bracelet is a BFF gift that's been around forever. The ones I had growing up were pretty flashy, so this simple aluminum bracelet with the sweet "You Are Amazing" message on the inside is a great grown-up version.Get one from Etsy for $18.

Source: Etsy

For An Old-Fashioned Friend

Have you and your BFF been friends since you were little kids? Ever have any tea parties between the two of you? Relive those memories with this Lynns Blue Rose Cup and Saucer 6-piece set available on Amazon for $19.99. The blue flower design is simple and grown up, letting you two put a new spin on the tea parties of your childhood.

Source: Amazon

For The PLL Devotee

My best friend and I love marathoning television together, and TV doesn't get much more addictive than Pretty Little Liars. This Rosewood Day Field Hockey shirt is a nod to the series that only fans would get and the two of you would obviously be in on the meaning. Who better to share secrets with than your BFF, right? Get one at Cafepress for $19.99.

Source: Cafepress

For The Girl Who Is Always Late

This awesome Pop Quiz Clock is a fun way to make sure she's never late for first period math ever again (and to keep her mind sharp for your weekly quiz!). Get her one for $19.99 at Think Geek.

Source: Think Geek

For The Cinema Fiend

We've made it clear we love Pitch Perfect, especially how awesome it is to see a movie with such a stellar cast of women. If you and your BFF love movies and rocking out in perfect (or even not-so-perfect) harmony, this DVD could be a real hit. Get the DVD at Target for $19.99.

Source: Target

Is shopping for your best friend a source of stress or a total breeze? What are you getting your best friend for the holidays this year? Tell us in the comments!

7 Secrets To Being Her Best Friend Ever

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Well, how about learning how to be an even better best friend to her? We’re not saying you’re not doing a great job in the best friend department already–we know you are–but when it comes to the people we love most, it’s always important to give our best.

Here are seven secrets to being her best friend ever. Once you’ve mastered these, you’ll even leave her loyal pet puppy in the dust!

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Wise Whispers

DO: Share secrets

DON'T: Spread them!

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Real Life Hear-Os

DO: Listen

DON'T: Pry

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Big Time Motivation

DO: Challenge her

DON'T: Harp on her mistakes

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Drama-Free Fun

DO: Check out hotties together

DON'T: Fight over them

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Super Support System

DO: Ask her for help

DON'T: Use her like a crutch

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Big Fashion Statement

DO: Offer solid fashion advice

DON'T: Slam her style

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Life-Long Love

DO: Make amazing memories

DON'T: Live in the past

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Who is your best friend? Tell us all about her in the comments!

Find Out If You’re A Good Friend Here!

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Well, this is awkward… |Source: ShutterStock

I’m going to warn you right now that dating your best friend’s brother is probably a bad idea. Sure, there are times when it works out, but in general, I’d advise against getting involved in this kind of situation. Things can get messy fast and it becomes really easy for relationships and friendships to get ruined.

Being with your bestie’s brother can be really awkward for everyone. Your friend might feel weird when she sees you coming over to hang with her bro – but not her. She might start to feel really jealous of you two getting closer than she is with either one of you. And forget about talking to her about your relationship. Getting her involved is going to put her in the middle of things, and that’s the last place she’s going to want to be.

Think about what will happen if you and he break up. If things get messy (as breakups very often do), things are going to get seriously confusing. Even if your bestie doesn’t want to be in the middle of your relationship, she kind of will be. If there’s a lot of tension, she’ll end up feeling like she has to choose between you and her brother, and no one wants to make that decision. You also have to realize that he’s her family, and if they have a good relationship, she will probably always be loyal to him. Your relationship with her brother could put a strain on her relationship with you.

Are you okay with risking your friendship? |
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It will also be weird for you and him. Imagine going over to your BFF’s house to hang out with her and feeling like you have to avoid her brother? If you’re heartbroken over him, think about how you’ll feel when she casually mentions him. He will always be in her life, and it’s something you’ll have to learn to deal with. I know thinking about the end of a relationship before it even begins seems like a really negative way to look at things, and I’m not saying you two are definitely going to break up. But it’s important to consider this stuff before you start dating him.

If you’re still willing to give the relationship a try, then talk to your bestie. Tell her how you feel and be really honest with her. Let her know you really want her approval and you really want to know exactly how she feels about the whole thing. You don’t necessarily need her permission to be with him. But realize that if she hates the idea and you go for it anyway, it could end up messing up your friendship.

And please don’t hook up with him or date him behind her back. Lying to her in order to try to spare her feelings and make her feel less uncomfortable with things is only going to make everything worse. She’ll feel completely betrayed by two people who mean a lot to her, and she’ll be even less happy about the idea of you two being together.

If she gives you her blessing and you two go for it, make sure you keep your relationship and friendship as separate as you can. Don’t complain to your friend about her brother or complain to him about her. Make sure you make time for her as much as you’re making time for him. If she’s uncomfortable with the PDA (it is her brother, after all), don’t do it in front of her.

Just make sure you talk to your bestie before you do anything. Being honest and open is the best option here. But unless you really feel like you’re in love with him, I would find someone else.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Help – I hate my best friend’s boyfriend!

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Honesty – it’s not always the best policy | Source: ShutterStock

The short answer? No, you shouldn’t tell her she looks bad. In this situation, being completely honest with her is going to make her hurt, angry and embarrassed. I’m all about honesty in every friendship and relationship, but there are some occasions when a little white lie is needed.

Now, for the longer answer: there are other nicer and more subtle ways of letting your friend know what you think about her choice of clothing. The next time she tries on an outfit in front of you and asks for your opinion, you can say something like, “that’s not my favorite.” Then grab a dress or shirt from her closet that you think would look better and say, “you’ll look totally hot in this, though.” If she asks why you don’t like the other one, don’t tell her she doesn’t look good in it – that’s just not a nice thing to say to anyone, even if you have the best intentions in mind. Instead, give her a white lie, like you don’t love the color.

If you really think she needs an entire wardrobe revamp, ask her to go shopping with you. If you see something you think would look great on her, grab it and tell her she has to try it on. Don’t go totally overboard, or she’ll probably start to wonder what you’re up to. If she tries it on and it’s really flattering, pile on the compliments. And whenever you see her wearing something that looks good, let her know you think she looks fab. The more she hears that, the more she’ll probably start gravitating towards those items.

Keep in mind that this subtle manipulation might not work, and if it doesn’t, there’s nothing you can do… except go for the truth and really hurt her feelings. The bottom line is that if your bestie feels confident and happy in the clothes she’s wearing, it doesn’t matter what you or anyone else thinks – she should wear what she feels comfortable in. I know that you think being honest might help your friend, but no girls wants to be told they look “fat” or bad, especially by their best friend. Like you said, it’s great that she’s confident – there’s no need to make her feel bad about herself.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Help – I hate my best friends boyfriend!

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Lend her your favorite handbag

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Make her a mix

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Take her to the dog park

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Stick a love note in her locker

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Invite her over for a movie marathon

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Ask for her help

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Bust out your best animal impersonations

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Play her favorite game

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How would you cheer up your BFF if she was majorly bummed out? Have you tried any of these? Let us know in the comments!
 

This post written in partnership with Coca Cola Ahh-Giver.

I kind of wish we never met him… | Source: ShutterStock

You know that saying “chicks before d*cks”? Well, let me tell you something, ladies: it’s true. You should always choose your friends over boys (okay, fine, except in a few circumstances), and I unfortunately know this from firsthand experience. I made a huge mistake and lost one of my best friends over a dude – and I wish I had done things differently. Read my story and hopefully it will stop you from picking a boy over your BFF.

When I was in high school, I was best friends with a girl we’ll call S. We were more like sisters than besties – we hung out every single day and knew everything about each other. I felt more comfortable with S than I did with any other person on the planet. We had millions of inside jokes, we always knew how to cheer each other up and we could have fun anywhere. I thought we were always going to be BFFs… until one of my worst nightmares came true: we started fighting over a guy.

His name was D, and I had known him first. We went out for a little while, but then I broke up with him. Even after we ended things, I still liked D and I knew we would get back together at some point – but for some reason, I kept my feelings to myself.

One day, I grudgingly introduced D to S. Why grudgingly? Well, as much as we loved each other, S and I had always had a super competitive friendship. I was always a little jealous of her – she was very pretty, flirty, confident and outgoing. Guys loved her and she knew it. I was terrified that D would fall for her and that she would fall right back.

This was basically us | Source: ShutterStock

As soon as D met S, he started flirting with her. For the first weeks of him pursuing her, S asked me over and over again if I still liked him. She said if I didn’t want her talking to him, she would stop. But for some reason, I insisted that D and I were just friends and that I wasn’t interested in him anymore. I’m not sure why I kept the truth from her, but I think I just felt vulnerable about my strong feelings and didn’t want to share them with anyone.

In the end, lying to her came back to bite me in the butt. A few months after they met, S started dating D. When I found out, I was devastated. It literally felt like my heart was breaking. Even though I had told S I didn’t like D, I knew that deep down, she knew the truth. She had gone behind my back and dated my ex, essentially breaking the girl code. I didn’t even consider that it was partly my fault for not coming clean about my feelings.

For a while, I continued to hide how I felt. Hanging out with the two of them was torture for me, but I decided to suck it up and just try to get over D. I didn’t want to lose my best friend and I knew that if I confessed, I would. But one night, the truth finally came out: I admitted to S that I had still been crushing on D when they started dating. She admitted that she had kind of known that, apologized a million times and told me that if it was too hard for me, she would stop bringing him around. Once again, I lied and promised her I didn’t care.

But my crush on D didn’t go away… if anything, it got worse. A few months into their relationship, D and I started getting close again. We talked for hours and flirted constantly. I started distancing myself from S. I felt guilty about flirting with her boyfriend, but at the same time, I thought she deserved it. After a few weeks, D told me he liked me, and I said I liked him too. He broke up with S, and we started dating.

I totally missed doing things like this | Source: ShutterStock

Obviously, S and I stopped being friends. She was furious at me, and I was still mad at her for dating him in the first place. The worst part was, I wasn’t mad at D at all. Even after he confessed that he was purposely ruined our friendship because he liked us fighting over him, I kept dating him. I wish I could slap my 16-year-old self in the face for that!

As much as I loved being with D, I missed S even more. I spent years crying over the fact that I couldn’t call her or hang out with her. I spent all of my time with D and didn’t have a best friend to fall back on – honestly, it sucked. After we broke up, S and I tried to reconcile, but our friendship wasn’t even close to the same and it never will be. I don’t exactly regret my relationship with D, but I know now that our relationship wasn’t worth losing S over. We fought constantly and he made me miserable most of the time. Sometimes, I still miss S to this day – and I know that if I didn’t pick D over her, I never would have lost my best friend.

Have you ever picked a boy over one of your friends? Have you ever been caught in a love triangle? Tell me in the comments!

 Confession: She leaked naked photos of her BFF!

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