True hairiness takes a combination of innate hair
growing ability, lackadaisical hair maintenance
and a lot of hair comparison.
For instance, I
feel hairy mostly because I have a lot of hair.
I'm also kind of bad with time management and have
never mastered the art of taking large, speedy
sweeps with a razor over two-thirds of my body
daily. Finally, I'm hairy because most of the
skin I see looks like it's been airbrushed--even
skin in real life.
Mine doesn't look airbrushed.
It doesn't even look hairbrushed.
I sprout hair in the usual places,
but every two or three years some new frontier presents itself as
fertile hair-growing territory. Of course all of this new
hair doesn't seem to have the social value of the stuff
I was born with. When people say, "You've got such beautiful
thick hair!" I always know they're referring
to the hairs on my head, not to the ones on my toe knuckles.
Yeah, hairy toe knuckles. I've even seen toe knuckle
hairs that had split ends.
In addition to the hairy arms and legs,
I've got the treasure trail--you know, a trickle of hair that springs from
my belly button and flows down to a big delta
of public hair.
I've learned to live with the treasure trail--shaving
it makes it look stupid, bleaching it makes it look stupid,
zapping it would be like zapping the tip of an iceberg.
So I leave it and live with it. Even if it does occasionally
get caught in a zipper.
