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the boob files

LARGE


I have large breasts. They're not small, or medium. They're large. They're not on the small side of large or the
large side of medium. They're just large. And they're not the kind that look large in a tight shirt or the kind that look large in a loose shirt. They're just large.


Now, I've known this for a while, and yet people keep reminding me, as if it's some sort of secret or revelation. Boys in high school thought they were the first ones to discover it, so they had no problem screaming down the hallway, "Hey you know something, you got big tits!" Thanks.
In Europe, men on the street reminded me by staring directly at my chest with tremendous smiling faces. Sometimes they'd even say "hello." To my tits.
kumquats, grapefruits, melons
Because of my condition, the only place I can shop for bras and swimsuits is the bra and swimsuit store where the average employee is 68. So these ancient women take one look at me and frown. Then I am not allowed to pick my bathing suits. They have to be picked for me by these women because of my large size. I am confined to the dressing room, shielded by a curtain which these women have no problem flinging open with no warning as I am shaking and shifting into the merchandise.
And isn't it funny that people who make bathing suits for large breasted women don't seem to think that large breasted women have any taste or style at all? Because each suit they bring me is more hideous than the last one. I do not need a skirt on my bathing suit, and I do not need a gigantic flower on the front to hide any remnants of childbearing! I have a large chest!

That's it!

Leave me alone!


--Naomi Odes


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