You work as a counselor/therapist and lecturer where you mainly focus on teenage dating. Can you tell us a little about your work?
I am a crisis counselor for a teen homeless shelter. I work daily with teens who are runaways, throwaways, addicted, neglected and some who simply don't like the rules at home. I don't focus specifically on dating but it comes up quite often.
My job is to try family reunification and to provide therapy with the teens. Sometimes the issue of abuse with a boyfriend/girlfriend comes up, or I can use Jenny's story* in other ways to make an impact with the family.
*Jenny's story: On September 26, 1986, Vicki Crompton arrived home to find her 15-year-old daughter, Jenny, murdered. Jenny had been stabbed more than 60 times by her ex-boyfriend Mark. Though Vicki had known about Jenny's relationship, she never knew how unhealthy and abusive it really was. Mark was arrested, convicted and received a life sentence. Since her daughter's death, Vicki works as a crisis counselor for teens and lectures around the country about teen dating violence.
What is your normal day like on the job?
I work crazy hours! Usually I come to work in the afternoon, when teens are back from school. I am here to talk, to listen and to nurture them. There are continuing crises with family, school and friends. It is not unusual for me to work until midnight because a teen is in crisis.
Why did you decide to get involved in this field?
I required a lot of counseling after Jenny died; I really don't think I would have recovered without the therapy. That started my interest in the field as I realized how many "walking wounded" there are in the world, just trying to deal with their pain silently. I also became heavily involved in speaking out about teen dating violence, so that brought me into close contact with teenagers.
I love this age group! I missed having a teenager so much after Jenny died. I seem to be naturally drawn to teens and I can talk with them easily. I don't judge their lifestyle--I just try to help them see where their choices are leading them.
You wrote a book titled Saving Beauty from the Beast, what inspired you to write this book?
I had been giving speeches and appearing on TV for many years when the idea for a book came about. My co-author and I had maintained a long distance friendship since meeting in 1987 at a conference. Zelda is a writer by trade and she suggested the idea. It stemmed from the stories I told Zelda about parents and teens who would seek me out for advice--some of whom went to great lengths to track me down from other parts of the country. Zelda's response was, "That's terrible. There needs to be a practical book to help parents."
Of course I thought it was a wild idea that would never happen, but in 2003 it was published! I am really proud of the book because I think it speaks in plain language and it has so many stories that catch the interest of both parents and teens. Our advice is practical and realistic. Some of the other books out there are really too clinical to be of much help (in my opinion).
What do you think are some warning signs of an "unhealthy relationship"?
Too much, too soon--in a nutshell. Considering the age of teens, [if] the relationship is just too intense and moving way too fast. It is not unusual for them to talk of marriage after just a few weeks of dating! Big warning sign! They become totally wrapped up in the boyfriend/girlfriend, to the exclusion of other friends and interests.
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