You seem to have traveled extensively. What have you learned about sex education from these travels?
Unfortunately, I think what I have learned is that we aren't doing a great job here. I work in the New York area which people expect to be very liberal on these matters. But even here, it is tough for teens to get accurate sex education. I was developing sex education curricula in India a few years ago and it was pretty eye-opening for me on many levels. The topics I covered were very similar to the ones I work on here and I didn't feel that the people I worked with were less informed about sexuality than are a lot of the Americans I've encountered.
I think many people assume that Americans are very free sexually, and knowledgeable about the subject, but much of that seems to be posturing. We are really into appearing sexy, but very afraid to talk about sexuality honestly--especially with teens.
What are the most common questions you've been asked by teens about sex?
A lot of teens are worried that their bodies aren't normal. Penis size is a big concern for guys and vulva and breast appearance are big ones for girls. Other common questions include:
-Can I get pregnant if...? (Insert any wide variety of scenarios here.)
-Is masturbation harmful?
-I'm gay, should I tell anyone?
-I'm a girl and I can't have an orgasm.
-I'm a guy and I ejaculate too quickly.
-How do you know if you're ready for sex?
-Boys at school make comments about my body. How do I get them to stop without seeming like a prude?
What's the best experience you've had as a sex educator, so far?
There have been a lot! Many of them revolve around challenging people's assumptions. I have had a number of my college students tell me at the end of semester that the class affected their views on abortion or same-sex marriage or women's sexuality. I had one student tell me that she had always found her vulva repulsive but after the class, was able to find it beautiful.
Another really positive experience came after teaching a series of classes on LGBT issues to a group of teens who thought nothing of calling people 'fag' and referred to anything negative as 'gay' and who I would say were pretty homophobic in general. At the time I felt like I wasn't reaching most of the kids, but I just saw one of the boys the other day who told me that he recently joined his school's gay straight alliance as a straight representative. I don't know how much that class had to do with that, but it made me really happy.
What are some common misconceptions about sex?
Many teens think they can't get pregnant if a guy withdraws before ejaculating. Many teens (and adults too) think that women should be able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, when most women need clitoral stimulation, either before or during penetration in order to orgasm. Another misconception is that penis size is the key to a partner's sexual enjoyment. But I think the some of the biggest misconceptions have to do with abortion.
Legal abortion is a very safe procedure, especially when done early. But many, many people think that abortions are physically and emotionally dangerous. For teens, pregnancies can actually be quite risky, but nobody tells them this. Instead, they hear that abortion will make them unable to have children in the future or will cause them to develop a mental illness, so many feel that continuing a pregnancy is the only option. Abortion is obviously not the right choice for everyone, but it is crucial for teens to have accurate information before making any decisions and sadly, this information is something that many are lacking.
What were you like in high school? Were you well educated about sex back then?
High school for me lasted from grade 8 through 12, so I think the answer would be different at different times. In the beginning, I was pretty insecure and wanted to fit in. I went through various different phases--rocker, goth, that kind of thing. But by grade 11 and 12, I became a lot more confident and comfortable in my skin and school just became a much better experience. I also think my grades improved with my mood!
As to knowledge of sex, that is one area that I don't think I was particularly deficient in. I grew up in Vancouver, Canada and we had really solid sex education starting in grade five. In high school they had condom machines in the bathrooms and as a teenager all the girls I knew were aware of emergency contraception (the morning after pill) and how to get it if necessary. Kids I knew didn't always make the best choices, but when they got into trouble, the consequences didn't seem as dire as they do for some of my teens today.
I think part of this was because we were fairly well informed and part was because we had a lot of autonomy surrounding our health care. Canada has universal health care and there were a number of teen clinics that kids could go to alone. Getting confidential care was never a problem and we didn't have to worry about not being able to pay as everything was covered. I think this helped a lot.
If you could say anything to teens today, what would it be?
I would tell girls not to let boys make all the decisions for them and to speak up if they are in an uncomfortable situation. I would tell guys that really, truly they are more than the size of their penis. I would tell both guys and girls that anyone who says that high school was the best time in their life clearly has a very selective memory.
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