They told me to keep smiling.
I had a dream with you in it, it
Gave me goosebumps, but I managed
To sit very still despite this.
Little things kept crashing down, not
All the world at once like in books
About girls
With depression and anorexia and
Sad-eyed boyfriends named Devon or Jeff
...no, no.
I needed a break from boredom.
Or at least, that's what I tell you, to
Justify myself to myself, to take away
All meaning from what I did, what I did
To myself to try to skate around
Logistics of life.
Life is not logical, I always say.
And the early winter took my summer
Love away.
I'm not allowed to call her a love
Because she's a she and because
I can't stop smiling.
I can't stop smiling.
I can't stop smiling.
My face is so numb, I swear, I think
My skull will snap on its own and I
Won't ever have to go through this,
Trying to explain my reasons for this,
Acceptance of lackluster living;
Painful secrecy.
