to prove to myself that you can't find forever
at nineteen
i sought him out
he was too easy to find
sitting in that suit shoes not matching
your tie red or orange
i thought
you might be the devil because
you were so easy to need
there on the floor that hadn't been
vacuumed for weeks dusty floral
pattern etched by my nervous finger again and
again looking down our feet touching tentatively
trying to forget the night before
making sure we could lose each other without regret
so we tested that theory
explaining why we could
never love each other in the real world
you were just some guy with metro hair,fucking highlights
a catalyst to my learning process
but you hit me way too hard
