i want to have an orgasm, but i don’t want to have sex!

dear heather, My friends have all had sex, and I definitely don’t want to have it until I’m married… but I want to feel an orgasm! I know about vibrators and dildos, but I don’t know how or where to purchase one (especially without my parents finding
out!).

You definitely don’t have to have sex to feel an orgasm. Masturbation is a natural — and common! — thing, and it’s a really safe way to express yourself sexually without actually having sex. Vibrators and dildos can be purchased at adult stores and sex shops (many of which you have to be 18 to enter), but don’t worry about your parents finding out. Lots of teens successfully hide them from their parents, and if your parents do find out, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

You can easily buy vibrators online, though you’ll need a credit or debit card. There are online feminist sex shops like Babeland and Smitten Kitten, but with a little research you can find the same toys (but cheaper!) at Amazon. Some stores in your mall (like Spencer’s) may sell “novelty” vibrators and toys, which will get the job done, but be aware: since they’re labeled “novelty” they don’t have to undergo the same standards and regulations as “real” sex toys.

You don’t have to buy a vibrator or dildo to have an orgasm through masturbation, though. It’s common for gURLs to use pillows, blankets, showerheads, and most common of all, their fingers (read more about that here!).

take care,
heather

send in your questions for heather to heather@gurl.com.

have you ever had a similar issue? talk with other gURLs below.

more ways to get gURLy:

• Pearls of wisdom, survey q’s, polls, quotes to live by — it’s all on gURL.com’s Twitter. Follow us!
• Luv gURL? Then ‘Like’ us, too! Let’s be friends on Facebook and you’ll get first looks at stories!
• Can’t get enough of gURL.com? We don’t blame you. Sign up for our weekly newsletter!
• Let’s talk. Shout Out advice, music, politics, poetry, your style and MORE!
• Your hook on hooking up: gURL’s sex, health & relationships blog.
• Need some advice, quick? Ask Heather anything; she answers three q’s, daily!
• Bored? Take new quizzes and play gURL games!