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  Dear Heather,

This question has been driving me nuts for almost a year. I've noticed that I'm attracted to boys and, maybe, girls. I've been trying to figure out if I'm a "relaxed straight" as my friend says or a bisexual.

Do you have any advice on trying to figure it out?

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Hi.

Well, I really don't think you should worry about finding a label that fits your current feelings. Labels like these don't really help at the point you are at and, in the end, it is much more important to use your energy to better understand your feelings and what things will make you happy.

You could drive yourself insane creating so many different labels at this point when, in some ways, the whole thing is arbitrary. For example, if you think girls are cute on Tuesdays and Thursdays, then you are bi-sexual and if you only think girls are cute on Saturdays, then you are "relaxed straight" (a term I have never heard of). What I am saying is crazy but not that different than many other ways to decide at this point in your life what name you can give all your feelings.

I think you should just relax about finding a name for your emotions and spend some time around both girls and boys observing what you feel. I believe it is very natural to have feelings for both boys and girls and that often it is the person and not the gender that really matters. Of course there are many complications and ramifications of any active choice or feeling. But I think for right now it is important for you to really enjoy the luxury of not giving all your feelings a name.



 
 
Take care,
heather

 
 
 

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