Finding out you are adopted, especially after having grown up believing you were not, must be really difficult for you right now. While no one except you can really know or imagine what sorts of emotions you are dealing with, it seems from your letter that this revelation has left you feeling a little unbalanced, a bit out of place. Feeling like you are being treated differently now, whether it is true or just your perception, would only seem to be natural at a time like this. Discovering that your history with your family isn't exactly what you had believed it to be could easily make the people you once were so close to seem like strangers. Although I do not know the particulars of the situation, I'd say it might be good to give yourself some time to sort through all the confusing emotions--feeling abandoned, betrayed, lied to, confused, etc.--that your discovery has handed you. Maybe after some time, you might want to try talking to members of your family about what you are going through and their relationship to you. Although your family has hurt you over the last eight months, you might want to consider giving them the benefit of the doubt about loving you and caring for you-maybe they are feeling odd about having hidden this fact from you for so long? With time, you might begin to see that the "great relationships" you had with your family before you found out the truth can be saved and, more importantly, are probably worth saving.

As for wanting to meet your birth mother, the desire to know where you came from seems almost universal. If this is something you really want to pursue, perhaps you might want to talk to your parents. There are a variety of places to search for advice about adoption on the web that you also might find very valuable. Many of these sites feature the first hand experiences of adoptees and might be able to help you cope with your entire adoption experience; you don't have to do it all alone. Some suggested sites are: voices of adoption, the adoption webring, and bastard nation.

At this point, you might also find it useful to speak with a therapist or similar sort of counselor, who might be able to help you sort through your emotions and this enormous change of perception. While therapy is not for everyone, here are some resources to learn more about it: American Psychological Association, the National Association of Social Workers, or call 1-800-THERAPIST for the largest national mental health referral organization in the US.