Is it rape if a guy keeps begging you to have sex and you give in so he'll shut up? One night I was at a friend's house and I was with my ex. My ex took me in a room and we laid down on a bed and we were just talking about dumb stuff. Then, he's like, "Come on, let's have sex," and I said no. But he kept begging and he wouldn't let me leave the room until I said yes. Finally I said yes because I wanted to leave and go home. After it was over, I went home and took a long shower and felt so dirty I wanted to cry.
Then a couple of times we went driving around in his car. He drove really far out in the country and said, "Suck my dick or walk home." It was 9:00 at night in the middle of nowhere. When I said no, he got out of the car and said, "Well, get out and walk, then." I finally gave in because it was dark and cold and I had no clue where I was and how long it would take me to get home. Is that rape? People say "you can't rape the willing," but I had no other choice. Please help and let me know so I can tell someone if he did rape me.
Hi.
What has happened to you is awful and terrible and I am so sorry you have experienced it at all. Sexual encounters that aren't between willing people--which include sexual harassment, sexual abuse, assault and, yes, rape--are all about power and violence. It sounds like your experiences fall into these categories.
It's very important for you to take care of yourself and figure out what you need to do to feel the most comfortable you can feel about the situation. Think about what you can do to get a lot of love, patience and support from your family and friends and to feel strong about yourself as a person.
Please tell someone right away--a parent, a friend, a school counselor, the police or someone on a sexual assault/rape crisis hotline--about what has happened to you. After this, several things could happen. You could:
file a report with the police
receive counseling
make sure that your ex gets counseling and/or punished for his actions
see a health care professional to get examined and/or treated for possible assault; sexually-transmitted diseases and/or pregnancy.
seek legal representation, if you decide to press charges against your ex.
According to the law, there is no difference between a stranger who rapes and an acquaintance who rapes, so it should not matter that you knew your ex or that you were once involved.
It's common for a woman to blame herself following unwanted sexual encounters, and people may question why you were in the situation you were in with your ex at your friend's house and in his car. The bottom line, however, is that you were clear about not wanting to do what your ex made you do, and what he did was totally wrong.
