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  Dear Heather,

I've set very mature restrictions for myself and I'm only 15. I'm a vegan, I don't drink or do drugs and I don't want to have sex until I'm in love with someone and have known them a while. I'm very proud of my will power but sometimes I feel like these rules are keeping me from experiencing life. I like how I have an independent mind but it's quite a burden and people think I'm a total dork. Do you think I'm being too restrictive with myself?

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Hi.

You said it: Those are mature restrictions, apparently based on some careful and independent thought. You're obviously not throwing yourself into anything without considering the risks.

By the same token, however, you're the only one who can decide if you're being "too restrictive."

It's not easy processing all the complicated information available about such loaded topics as sex, love, drugs, drinking, diet, animal rights etc. And the decisions people make about how to accommodate that information are very personal. For some, they're part of a lifelong process of evaluation.

First of all, I would encourage you to be easy on yourself. It sounds like you're worried that even a small change in any of the areas you mentioned would show some kind of weakness, but putting pressure on yourself to be perfect is not healthy either.

I'm definitely not suggesting you try anything for the sake of it. I admire your "will power." And in my experience, some people come out of these periods of evaluation with a new sense of commitment to living with restrictions.

Whatever you decide to do, I encourage you to seek out like-minded people who will certainly remind you that you are not a dork at all.

 
   
 
 

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