It's easy to understand why you are feeling so upset all the time. I'm so sorry that your mother has compounded your sadness by telling you that it was your fault and asking you not to tell anyone. Being raped is not your fault. Adolescent psychologist Dr. Sharon Budd says, "There is a myth that boys and men cannot 'control themselves' sexually, but most men and boys can and do control themselves. Another myth is that if a girl or woman is raped, it is because she was behaving provocatively. But violence and abuse are always wrong." She says it is important to take the situation seriously and to get help in caring for yourself during this difficult time.

I would urge you to find someone to talk to about this. Is there an adult you trust--a teacher, school counselor, school nurse, member of the clergy or healthcare practitioner outside of school--you can talk to? Speaking with this person may help you in several ways. He or she may offer you emotional support to help you through this. The person may also be able to talk to your mother and help her better understand your situation. And, if this adult is someone at your school, he or she may help you find a way to deal with coming face-to-face every day with the guy who raped you. It may feel weird "ratting out" someone you once considered a "friend," but this person hurt you and his continued presence at your school continues to do so.

If you feel comfortable, it may help to talk to your closest friends about it. Your decision about whether to tell to your boyfriend is a difficult one and only you can decide if and when you feel ready for that. It might help to talk to someone else--like a school counselor--first.

Finally, it is important for you to know that you are not alone. According to the American Psychological Association, between 10 and 25 percent of girls between the ages of 15 and 24 will be the victims of rape or attempted rape. In more than half of those cases, the attacker is someone the girl knows or goes out with. So there may be more support for you than you think. Local rape crisis centers--which you should be able to find in the phone book or online--have a lot of experience helping girls in your situation. There are also hotlines like the Rape, Abuse and Incest Hotline (1-800-656-HOPE) that you might want to try.

Whatever you do, please take good care of yourself. I'm glad you wrote in.