It's normal to still be sad and confused. | Source: Shutterstock

As weird as this may sound, it’s actually good to feel sad—it means that you’re dealing with your loss and not ignoring your emotions. That’s healthy, and it takes a strong girl to do it. Grieving is not easy, and unfortunately there’s nothing I can say that will make your pain go away. But you will make it through. You will feel normal again. Below, I’ll share some things I’ve learned from my personal experience, and from working with girls and guys who have suffered loss.

There’s No “Right Way”. Remember that grieving is a process, and there’s no one right way to do it. Some days, you’ll feel like you’re taking steps forward, like your mood is better or you’re able to enjoy life again. And some days, you might feel really low. This doesn’t mean that you’re taking steps backward, or that you’re not healing. This is just what grieving looks like.

You are not alone in this. | Source: Shutterstock

Be patient with yourself.
As time goes on, your pain will lessen. I don’t know how long this will take for you, because it’s different for everyone. But please, be patient with yourself. You’ll take exactly the amount of time you need to grieve, and that’s okay. If you find that your sadness is getting consistently worse as time passes, or if you’re starting to feel helpless or hopeless, reach out to a parent or doctor. It may be important for you to talk one-on-one with a counselor.

Find meaning in your experience.
I mentioned above that you will feel normal again, and that’s true. You won’t feel exactly the same way you felt before your friend’s death, though. This was a tragic life event, and you will be changed because of it. Maybe you’ll find strength you never knew you had. Maybe you’ll treasure your current friendships all the more. Eventually, acknowledging those things that you’ll take from the experience is a way to honor your friend. And honoring her a little bit every day will keep her memory alive.

Most of all, just try to take good care of yourself. That’s what your friend would have wanted.

Have you ever had to deal with the death of a friend? How did you get through it? Share your advice with other girls in the comments.

Feeling kind of lost and like no one understands? This might help.

At a certain point, it's only hurting you. | Source: ShutterStock

Here’s the hard truth: it doesn’t sound like this dude and you are right for each other right now. Constant fighting, crying and breaking-up is never a good sign in any kind of relationship, and before you take this any further, you need to cut your losses and move on.

No one can say that relationships are easy – they require lots of compromise, even when two people love each other very much. But no relationship should involve nonstop arguing. I know you really like this guy, and I know how hard breakups can be. But you’re right: by staying with him and taking him back after every blowout, you are only hurting yourself.

Don't let the apologies fool you! | Source: ShutterStock

This guy is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. I don’t know why you guys are fighting all the time, or why he keeps breaking up with you. But no matter what the reason is, you deserve someone who isn’t going to always make you cry, only to reappear a few days later with apologies that are probably false. By letting this guy treat you this way and then taking him back, you’re enabling his bad behavior. It’s not your fault – it’s a situation that girls and guys get themselves into all the time.

Right now, he thinks he can treat you however he wants, and as long as he comes crawling back with some sweet words, everything will be fine. You need to show him that that’s not how things work. If you’re still with him right now, tell him you need to take a break. Explain that what’s going on between you two isn’t working for you anymore. Don’t let him talk you out of it! This is for your own good, girl.

If you two are really meant to be together, you’ll find your way back to each other. Maybe freezing him out will make him realize what a great girl you are and how much he needs to get his act together. Even if you don’t get back together, I promise you will ultimately feel so much happier when you’re not stressing over him all the time. Not only that, but you’ll also feel so strong and proud of yourself for ending things. Trust me: it’s better to be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Find out how to get over a breakup right here

Rock your curves just like Sofia Vergara does! | Source: ShutterStock

I’m going to tell you the same thing I told this girl who has the opposite problem: there’s no reason for you to hate your big boobs! I know right now you feel totally awkward about them and you don’t know how to deal – and that’s normal. But I promise one day you’ll grow into them and you’ll probably even learn to love them, as crazy as that might sound right now.

See how cute this looks?! | Source: ShutterStock

As much as you want to shrink your breasts, that isn’t going to be possible unless you have plastic surgery – contrary to what you read online, there is no magic food that will make them smaller. Having breast reduction surgery is a big deal, and isn’t something you should be considering at such a young age. If in a few years your boobs are really hurting your back or really getting in the way of things, then you could think about it. But since surgery changes your body forever, you should first try to learn to feel comfortable with yourself.

That being said, I know finding clothes that fit or sports bras that really work can be very difficult with larger breasts. But it’s not impossible! If you don’t want to show off too much of the girls, steer clear of low-cut shirts like V-necks. If you want to wear those, cute tank tops should become your new best friends. Layer them under pretty much anything – they’ll cover you up, and layering is totally chic.

As for the sports bra issue, you’re unfortunately going to have to invest in a good one in order to play sports and run around. But don’t freak out – every athlete should be wearing sports bras when they’re being active.

I know it’s hard to learn to accept your body, but try not to feel too uncomfortable about your boobs. Obsessing over them is only going to make you feel worse – feel lucky about what you have! There are a lot of girls who would love bigger breasts, so remember that the grass is always greener on the other side.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

This girl learned to love her big boobs

Don't panic! | Source: ShutterStock

Hi Heather,

My boyfriend’s dad caught my boyfriend and me having sex! I’m so stressed out and embarrassed. How am I gonna face his father without dying of embarrassment?! Please help!!

Ack! I’m not going to lie, getting caught having sex is totally awkward no matter what the situation is or who catches you. But don’t worry – you’re not alone! Couples get caught getting frisky all the time. Even though it might seem like the most embarrassing thing in the world, I promise you’ll get past this.

I know you probably would be happy if you never had to see your boyfriend’s dad again, but unfortunately, that’s not going to happen. The first few times you see him or talk to him might be a little awkward, but things will get better as time passes. The best thing you can do in this situation is just act completely normal. Keep in mind that your BF’s dad is probably also feeling totally embarrassed for walking in on you guys.

Yup, he probably feels just as weird. | Source: ShutterStock

The next time you see him, just act like nothing weird happened. Keeping things light instead of avoiding or ignoring him is going to relieve some of the tension. Say hi and act respectful and polite. Don’t bring up the situation unless you know he’s really mad about it – in that case, a simple apology might be in order. But if he doesn’t bring it up and he doesn’t seem mad at you and your boyfriend, then that probably means he wants to forget it just as much as you guys do.

Honestly, the first few times you see him will probably feel totally uncomfortable. But like I said before, things will get better as time goes by. Eventually, it’ll be like it never happened – and it will also make a pretty funny story you can share with your girlfriends!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

This girl’s brother walked in on her and her BF hooking up – naked!

Learn to love what you've got | Source: Latido.com

Hey Heather,

I’m 15 and I would like to know… is there any way I can make my boobs grow faster? Or make them get bigger? I’m so flat-chested and I hate it!

Before I answer your question, let me just say this: you have no reason to hate being flat-chested! There’s nothing wrong with having smaller boobs. In fact, some of the most beautiful celebs ever (Lea Michele, Taylor Swift, etc.) are lacking in the breast department – and who could ever say anything bad about their looks?

I know you’re looking for some sort of miracle cure here, but despite any weird products or remedies you might see out there, there really isn’t one. That is, unless you want to drop a couple of thousand dollars on plastic surgery – and I don’t recommend that. It’s dangerous, risky and changes how you look forever. Plus, at 15-years-old, your body is still growing and changing. There’s a possibility that you could just be a little bit of a late bloomer, and end up growing bigger boobs on your own.

You don't want to do this to yourself. Seriously. | Source: People.com

However, I’m not promising that that will happen. If you feel super insecure about your smaller breasts, you can buy yourself a padded bra. They sell them all over, including one called the Miraculous at Victoria’s Secret that promises to make you look two cup sizes bigger. If you’re not into all of that stuffing, invest in a good push-up bra. This will enhance your assets without feeling uncomfortable.

But the main thing is this: you need to learn to be comfortable with your size boobs. I know you don’t want to hear that, but you can’t change how your body is, and wishing you could is only going to make you unhappy. Remember that with smaller boobs, you have tons of advantages. You can get away without wearing a bra, you can rock cute, low-cut tanks without showing off too much, and  you don’t to feel really paranoid in a bikini top.

Oh, and if you’re thinking dudes are only into girls with big breasts – you’re wrong (just check out what Ethan had to say about it)! What guys really like (what everyone likes) is confidence. Learn to love your small boobies instead of faking bigger ones, and I promise you’ll be much happier in the end.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Read this girl’s story on how she learned to love her small boobs

Who cares if you don't drink?! | Source: Drugabuse.gov

First things first: not drinking definitely doesn’t make you uncool. In fact, sticking to what you believe in, even though it’s different from what everyone else is doing, makes you super cool in my book.

To answer your question, no, you shouldn’t let the pressure bother you. That being said, dealing with peer pressure stinks and can definitely be pretty tough. I’m not going to lie, that pressure to drink will probably continue throughout high school.  What you have to keep in mind is that just because your friends are drinking and getting drunk doesn’t mean you have to be doing the same. You should never force yourself to do something just because your friends want you to do it – that will never make you happy.

If you don't want to drink, just don't! | Source: Aboutdwi.com

Plus, faking something just for approval is never the way to fit in. If people are going to judge you just because you’re not taking a shot of vodka, then those people aren’t your real friends. Real friends will accept you for who you are, and they won’t force you into doing things you’re not comfortable with. Ignore the people who act that way, and instead be proud of yourself for not giving in.

I’m sure you’ll figure out that you can absolutely still have a good time without drinking alcohol. Don’t feel like you can’t go to a party or hang with your friends just because you’re going to stay sober. As long as you relax, you can still have fun without worrying about getting in trouble or doing anything you’ll regret – not to mention you’ll be the only one waking up not feeling terrible due to a hangover.

In the end, just stick to your beliefs. If someone asks why you don’t drink, simply say you’re not into it, or feel free to ignore them all together. If someone is really bothering you about it, stop hanging around them – they’re not worth your time. In the end, I promise doing what you want will make you much happier.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Find out the truth about binge drinking

Don't let it bring you too far down. | Source: CollegeCandy.com

If I could, I would come over there and give you a huge hug. I’m so sorry that your first time wasn’t as special as you wanted it to be – and that this guy turned out to be so disappointing. It stinks when something we’ve always thought about doesn’t happen the way we want it to, but unfortunately, that’s just how life is sometimes.

Khloe Kardashian has publicly admitted to regretting the way she lost hers | Source: AnythingHollywood.com

Losing your virginity is a big thing for a girl, and I’m sure it seems like everyone around you is losing it in some super special way with a really great dude. In movies and TV shows, it’s all candles, roses and sweet “I love you’s”; but the sad truth is that in real life, it’s usually not like that. The first time having sex is not great for every girl – it can be awkward, disappointing, and messy. So trust me, you’re not alone here.

That being said, what happened is in the past, and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Now it’s time to move on from that bad experience and to get over this loser guy who treated you badly. He isn’t worth your time or energy, and he definitely isn’t worth crying over (read my advice on getting over someone for more tips).

The good news is that now you can learn from your mistakes and focus on your next first time with a different dude. Before you have sex with someone new, make sure you have a conversation about where your relationship is going. Don’t jump into sex with anyone else unless you know they love and care about you, and you feel totally comfortable with them. I’m not saying you have to wait until marriage, but just give yourself some time – the first time is important, but that doesn’t mean the second time can’t be just as important.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Next, Heather gives advice on convincing your parents to let you do what you want!

Lose Your Virginity

Sigh. If only. | Source: Makeup4All.com

I’m sure your parents have their reasons for why they don’t want you to wear makeup – and it probably has something to do with wanting to protect you because they love you. But I know, I know… you don’t really want to hear that. It’s true, parents can be super annoying sometimes, especially when they won’t let you do something that seems so simple to you. Luckily, there are some secrets to getting what you want from your parents. They can be tricky, but if they’re done right, you just might be able to start shopping at Sephora.

I’m assuming that you’ve already talked to your parents about this whole makeup issue since you know they don’t want you wearing it. But talk to them again, except maybe approach this a different way. Here are a few big no-no’s when trying to talk your parents into letting you do what you want: crying, whining, begging, screaming and arguing. I know how frustrating it can be, but you have to be as calm as possible so that they see you as more mature.

This is probably how your parents see you still. | Source: Bold-words.com

When you talk to your parents, don’t start out by demanding to be allowed to wear makeup. Explain why you really want to wear makeup, but stay away from mentioning that all of your friends can wear it – that’s not going to convince them. Try to make a compromise. Pick one thing you really want to start wearing (eye shadow, foundation, lip gloss, whatever), and ask if you can start by just using that one product. It might not be exactly what you want, but starting small might make them feel less overwhelmed.

Offer to go shopping with them so they can help you pick it out – they’ll see that you’re really making an effort to make them part of this. If they say yes, then only wear that one product you agreed on for a while. After a few weeks, ask if you can move on to a new product, and so on.

And if they still say no? Don’t freak out. Say okay and walk away. Wait a few weeks and approach them again in the same way. Don’t sneak behind their backs and use makeup – they’ll probably find out, and then you’ll have no chance of convincing them to let you wear it.

The main thing is to appear as mature as possible, even when you don’t get your way. It stinks when your parents don’t let you do things, but sometimes that’s just the way it is, and there’s nothing you can do about it. One thing’s for sure, though, fighting with them is definitely never going to help.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Is it normal to feel distant from your family?

Talking To Your Parents

They aren't always as close as they seem | Source: Facebook

Teen girls go through lots of changes. Some are fun (more freedom!), some are not so fun (crazy hormones!), and some are just plain confusing (crazy hormones again!). And then some are a little sad – and feeling like you’re growing apart from people you used to be close to definitely falls into that category.

There’s nothing weird or abnormal about what you’re going through with your family. As you get older, your priorities change. It’s really typical for teenagers to start to feel closer to their friends than their family members. It’s also really normal for teens to feel like they’d rather spend their days hanging with their BFFs than having family game time with their parents.

Unfortunately, things won't always be the same as when you were little

But just because it happens all the time doesn’t mean it’s not a little bit upsetting. I’m sure you love and care about your family, and you probably feel guilty for not wanting to spend as much time with them. If you want to keep having a good relationship with your fam, then just make sure you don’t distance yourself too much. Feel free to spend as much time with your friends as you want – but when you come home, talk to your parents. Tell them about stuff that went on, or ask them about their day. Try saving one night a week for quality family time where you guys can watch a movie or have dinner together.

Don’t stress out about this too much. You’re changing as a person, and of course you’re not going to feel the same way about things as you did when you were a kid. It’s healthy for you to be with friends and have your own life outside of your family. Just learn how to balance everything, and one day you won’t feel that distance anymore.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

When Zac was with Vanessa, he was close to Ash | Source: Zimbio.com

I totally understand you being worried about your boyfriend’s BFF. It’s normal to feel jealous about your BF spending alone time with another girl, especially a girl he obviously is really close to. However, (and you might not want to hear this) this is something you need to learn to deal with for the sake of your relationship.

Fighting with your boyfriend over this girl and telling him he’s not allowed to hang out with her is definitely not the way to handle this. Acting that way is only going to make your BF angry and it will probably eventually push him away. Think about it: would you like it if he told you who you could and couldn’t hang out with? Unless something seriously shady is going on between them, you really don’t have the right to tell him he can’t see his best friend anymore.

DON'T do this with the girl - or him. | Source: Datingish.com

Instead of arguing with him, try explaining to him calmly how uncomfortable this whole situation makes you feel. If you’re completely honest with him, it might make him a little bit more sympathetic – but it probably isn’t going to make him dump her completely. Just ask him to be open with you about what they do when they hang out together. Let him know that when he puts her before you, it really hurts your feelings.

Also, you should definitely make nice with this girl. Ask him if you can hang out with the two of them sometimes. Get to know her and see what she’s all about. I’m not saying you have to make her your BFF also, but learning more about her and becoming friendly with her might make her seem like less of a threat. It will also make your boyfriend happy. If he feels like he can hang with both you together, then that might cut down on their alone time; plus it’ll impress him that you’re making an effort.

The main thing is that if you genuinely do trust your boyfriend, you need to accept his friendship with this girl. You said yourself you don’t think he would cheat on you – and if he’s telling you she’s like a sister to him, he probably means it. Unless you notice them being weirdly flirty or getting too close for comfort, you shouldn’t worry. It is possible for guys and girls to just have a platonic friendship.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Should you ever be friends with benefits with your ex? Read what Heather thinks.

Boyfriends Best Friend Is A Girl