Dear Heather,

Over the past couple weeks I’ve realized that I have a different feeling for my teacher then other girls do. I have a crush on him and its driving me nuts! I feel like such a creeper. I need to know if I am just really weird or if this happens to other girls too.

First things first: having a crush on your teacher is not weird. It might feel really awkward and embarrassing, but it happens to both gURLs and guys all the time. It’s natural to grow feelings for someone you see on a regular basis, who you interact with a lot, look up to and probably find attractive. You see it all the time in movies and TV shows, and trust me, it happens in real life every day.

Now, that being said, this is one crush you shouldn’t act on. It’s fine to have a little crush — but as long as you are underage and he/she is your teacher, it’s illegal for you two to have any other relationship than student/teacher. Not only can he/she lose their job if you do try something, but they can also potentially go to jail.

Try to keep things innocent. When feelings are involved and things get emotional, I know how hard that can be. But try not to obsess over your teacher, because it will only hurt you more. If you feel like there’s no one your own age to like, don’t worry about it — you’ll meet someone eventually. You can talk about how cute he/she is to your gURLfriends, but that’s pretty much as far as it can go. Just don’t flirt with him/her… even something as seemingly harmless as that can get you both in trouble.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? How did you deal with it? Give us your advice and discuss below.

take care,

heather

Dear Heather,

I have been bullied a lot lately. I have started to receive threats and I’m scared to go to school. I have told my parents and principal, but nothing has helped. It has only gotten worse. Help!

I’m so sorry to hear you’re being bullied. There’s never an excuse for bullying, and it’s a serious issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly. No one deserves to be treated badly no matter what, but unfortunately, many people are anyway. Keep in mind that you are not alone in this situation (even celebrities like Demi Lovato deal with bullying), and there are lots of people you can talk to about it.

Keep telling your principal about what is going on. If he/she doesn’t do anything, find a teacher you trust, or go to a guidance counselor. It is part of your school’s job to protect you, so keep them updated so they can help you. Also, keep telling your parents. Be honest and let them know how much this is affecting you. Find a friend you have a good time with and feel comfortable talking to, and stick by their side. He/she can do their best to protect you, too.

In order for you to get through this (because it won’t last forever, I promise), you need to always remember that you are a truly awesome gURL. Believe in yourself and surround yourself with people who are there for you. It’s hard, yes, but ignore what the bullies are saying to you and continue to be yourself. The truth is, they’re probably only picking on you because they’re insecure themselves.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever been bullied? How did you get through it? What are your thoughts on bullying?  Give us your advice and discuss below.

take care,

heather

Hi Heather,

I’m a freshman in high school and I have no friends at the school. I can’t seem to meet anyone who seems like they need friends. I eat alone, spend my free periods alone, and walk to class alone. I need some help.

I’m sorry you feel so lonely in school. High school can be a pretty scary and intimidating place for every gURL and guy, especially freshman. Don’t think you’re alone in this situation though, because there are plenty of people who feel exactly the same way.

Making friends might seem really hard, but I promise it’s not that bad. The first thing you need to do is try to involve yourself. You should definitely join an after-school club, whether it’s yearbook, sports, or whatever. You’ll meet people who have similar interests as you, and you’ll be working pretty closely with them, so it’ll be super easy to get to know them. Bonus: it will end up looking great on your college apps in the future.

Try striking up a conversation with someone nice who sits next you, or take a seat at a lunch table with people who you recognize from class. Don’t be afraid to be friendly and a little bit outgoing. I know it seems terrifying, but the only way you’re going to make friends is if you put yourself out there.

Just make sure that you’re confident and acting like your amazing self when introducing yourself to people. Don’t get frustrated — it might take a little time, but you’ll meet a great friend soon.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you feel lonely in school? What do you do to get yourself involved? Do you have any great tips on making friends?  Give us your advice and discuss below!

take care,

heather

Hi Heather,

So I want to make good grades this year. What are some easy, maybe even fun tricks to stay on task and keep up my grades?

I love that you’re so into focusing on your school work this year. Not to sound like your teacher, but school is so important, and getting good grades takes hard work. These general tips only work if you really try — whether you like it or not, school takes a lot of effort.

The most important thing to do is to pay attention in class and take good notes. It sounds obvious, but it’s way too easy to day-dream through a class and later remember nothing. Get super organized and make sure you have a planner/calendar to write out everything. Set up a homework schedule and make sure to leave yourself room for free time, because you shouldn’t be focusing on school 24/7 — you need time to yourself too.

If you have any friends who are also trying to do well in school, it might be fun to set up time to study with them. Studying can definitely be more fun if you make it into a game or if you’re doing it with people you like hanging out with (just make sure you’re not gossiping the entire time). Make goals for yourself, and reward yourself when you get a good grade. Also, get yourself some cute school supplies. It’ll make looking at your notebooks much more fun.

The most important thing is to keep on top of your work. Once you fall behind, even for a day, it can be so hard to get back on track. Do all of the reading assigned to you every night and take notes on every chapter you read. You can turn those notes into a study guide when it’s test time so you don’t have to cram the night before.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you study hard or slack off in school? What are your personal study tips? Discuss below!

take care,
heather

Hey Heather,

What should I do to seem more grown up and mature, like most of my friends? I mean, the new school year hasn’t started yet and it’s a new middle school, and I’ve already been informed (and done my research) to know that everyone there is more grown up and mature, and buy expensive stuff, and look really, really hot.

I’ve already started trying to seem like those people, but I don’t think it’s working. I’m the kind of person that will sing and dance weirdly in public if that’s the first thing that comes to heart, and when I do that, I just seem like a goofy girl, which I don’t want to be. What are some ways that I can change?

Please, please don’t ever change who you are to try to fit in. I know how stressful it can be to enter a new school. There’s so much pressure to fit into a stereotype, and to be ‘like everyone else’. But in the end doing that is never worth it.

If someone makes you feel like you have to change who you are in order to be friends with them, then that person is not someone you want to call your BFF. As corny as it might sound, true friends will love you for who you are, no matter how “goofy”  or “weird” you think you may be. Also, when you try to make yourself into something you’re not, people can usually tell that you’re being fake, and they’ll lose a lot of respect for you. And guess what? That goofiness is part of what makes you you. Promise.

Most importantly, changing yourself for others will never make you happy, no matter how much it seems like it will. When you have to put up a front and act differently than who youare, it will start to make you miserable. And you should never be miserable just so you can feel like you fit in. Here at gURL, we think being goofy is great. If you want to dance in public, then you should! There is plenty of time to grow up and mature, but right now, you need to be who you are.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever felt the need to change yourself to fit in? Did you ever try to do things differently to fit a stereotype? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hey Heather,

I’m one of those gURLs who likes to talk about sex and guys, but none of my friends will talk about it. I have a group of four friends, only one of them has had sex but she acts like she’s a prude and refuses to talk about that kinda stuff. The others don’t even like guys that way and seem to still be stuck in the ‘guys have cooties’ stage. I’ve been around them so much that whenever I even think about that stuff I feel like such a slut. Help me Heather, I don’t know what I should do.

Talking about sex is totally healthy and normal, and doesn’t make you a “slut” at all. Everyone thinks about sex, even people (like your friends) who act like they don’t. I bet you’re just the only person in your group of friends who is comfortable enough with herself to start the dialogue.

|Sex, guys, girls, kissing, crushes — talk about anything you want in our Shout Out Boards.|

Everyone matures at different levels, and your friends probably feel either really shy about sex, or they don’t know much about it. I know it sucks to feel like you have no one to talk to, but you can’t push your friends to talk about something they don’t want to.

In the meantime, try branching out and getting closer to other friends you might have. You can always talk to other gURLs on our Shout Out Boards about love and sex — they’re some of the most popular topics on the whole site! 

|This gURL is in serious need of some good friends. Check out what Heather’s advice.|

Just remember that “slut” is a word that people use to make gURLs feel bad about sex, and that there’s no reason for you to be down on yourself for thinking about a natural part of human existence. Keep your head up high, okay?

What about you, gURLs? Have you ever felt like you had no one to talk to about sex? What did you do? Share your tips and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hi Heather,

I have had several crying sprees over the last few weeks. I feel moody and irritable ALL the time, I don’t think any of my friends like me and I hate the way I look. I think I’m getting paranoid too as I believe that some of my friends are trying to replace me as my BFF’s. Am I suffering from depression, or is this just normal???

Thanks to hormones, body image, peer pressure and all of those other sucky things we have to deal with, it’s normal for everyone — especially gURLs — to feel pretty lousy about themselves once in a while. While it’s possible that you might be legitimately depressed, I don’t want you to jump to that conclusion right away, because depression is a serious mental illness and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

|Feeling angry, frustrated, or just plain sad about your life lately? Let it out on the Shout Out Boards.|

Have you ever felt like this before, or has it just been happening lately? If you’ve been in this funk off and on for the last few weeks, then it could just be mood swings or stress. It sounds like your confidence has been pretty low, which can definitely make you feel badly about everything in your life. Like I told this gURL, try surrounding yourself with people you feel comfortable with, and doing things that always make you happy.

If nothing has made you smile lately, then you should consider talking to your parents or a school counselor. There are a lot of ways to treat depression and manage stress. Just talking to people about your problems might make you feel better.

|This gURL is looking for some good friends. Check out what Heather has to say.|

Keep in mind that a lot of people go through these feelings every day, and that you’re not alone. Stay strong and try to focus on the positive things in your life. Let me know if you need any more help, okay?

What about you, gURLs? Have you ever struggled with sucky emotions? What did you do? Share your tips and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hey Heather,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. Recently, we just graduated high school. We have been talking about the future and it’s been so stressful and hurtful. He thinks it’s best for us to take a break for college. He says he will have 3 jobs AND college to deal with, and that he wouldn’t have time for me. When I asked him about him seeing other girls, it’s been an up-and-down thing; First, he said that if he wanted a girlfriend, it would be me. But the more I talk to him about this, he keeps saying how he needs to have a wild stage of dating/fooling around with other girls and that he wants to know what else is out there.

I just don’t know what to do. A part of me doesn’t even want to be with him anymore. The other part of me thinks that we should see other people to find out what else is out there…and that if we were meant to be, we will be together in the end.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are having the same doubts about your relationship and you’re both scared to make the final decision. I know it seems like the biggest choice you’ll ever have to make, but a lot of people consider breaking up before going to college.

|Relationship issues? We’ve all been there. Talk about it on the Shout Out Boards.|

Maintaining a relationship throughout college, especially if you go to different schools, can be really hard. You have to put in a lot of effort to make it work. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like either of you are very committed to that idea — which is totally okay. You’ll meet tons of new, amazing people at college. Staying with your high school boyfriend, especially if you’re not sure that’s what you want, might hold you back from all of those great experiences.

I get your hesitation about breaking up with him, though. It’s really hard to let go of someone you’ve been dating for a few years! And I know it hurts to hear he wants to be with other people, but at least he’s being honest with you. If that’s what he thinks he wants, then it’s best to end things now before you both get involved in a messy situation. As weird as it is to think about, being with other people might be the best thing for both of you.

|This gURL isn’t finding college as much fun as she thought it would be…|

And you’re right: If you two are meant to be, you probably will end up back together. But for now, don’t hold onto something that neither of you are positive you really want.

What about you, gURLs? Have you ever had to face this decision? What did you do? Share your tips and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hi Heather,

I’m currently a 20 year old college student, majoring in history, going into my junior year. I have no idea what I want to do after college, I just know what I don’t want to do. I know I don’t want to go to law or grad school, or teach.

I get so self-conscious when I talk to other people that I feel the need to come up with a career, that I once considered, or risk getting one of those disapproving looks. I get so stressed out thinking that I’m going to be floating from job to job and having to rely on my parents forever. Any advice?

Going into the real world without having a clear idea of your career is a really scary thing! Please don’t feel alone in this situation. It might seem like everyone around you has a plan, but honestly, most of them are probably doing the same exact thing you’re doing — panicking.

|Happy? Sad? Want to throw a chair through a window? No emotion is off-limits on the Shout Out Boards!|

There’s no need to feel ashamed about asking for career advice – this is the time you should be asking for help. What made you pick history as your major? Think about the things you love most about history, and then look up some options on sites such as this one from the American Historical Association.  Most colleges have career centers with great resources, so check yours out. As you get closer to graduation, you’ll start to hear about job fairs, which is a great way to get your resume out there and look at your different options. Also, talk to your favorite history professors. They have probably been in your situation and might have some ideas.

Try not to worry about relying on your parents. There are practically no college students who graduate and are immediately independent. You might need their help for a few years, but that is nothing to be embarrassed about, especially in this economy. You will eventually get on your feet and find your way.

|What happens when college doesn’t end up being the best years of your life? Read this gURL’s story to find out.|

Don’t let yourself get so stressed out that you don’t enjoy your last few years of college life. This is a scary time, but also really exciting. Just do what you love and one day you’ll figure out the perfect job for yourself.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you ever stress about the future? What makes you feel better? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Getting your period is a natural, normal part of being a gURL. It just means you’re growing up, and that’s a good thing! I can totally understand not wanting to announce the news to everyone, but you don’t have to feel embarrassed about carrying a pad around.

|Talk about your body issues with other gURLs on the Shout Out Boards!|

In fact, I’m sure that lots of your classmates (considering they’re all gURLs) have already gotten their periods, and you don’t even know about it. They might even be feeling the same embarrassment you are and they’re just being discreet about it, which you can do also.

Put your pad in a pocket of your backpack where you don’t keep anything else — that way you don’t have to worry about it accidentally falling out. Or, you can carry it around in a small purse or pouch so that you can easily take that to the bathroom with you.

|Tampons, pads, oh my! Get the Fast Facts on menstrual products!|

And check out these first period stories from other gURLs to get some tips and see how so not alone you are in all of this period embarrassment.

WDYT, gURLs? How do you deal with having your period at school? Got any good tips? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.