She might not be too happy about this… | Source: ShutterStock

I know you guys probably feel super guilty about this awkward situation, but keep this in mind: you can’t always help who you fall for. That mind sound totally corny, but it’s true. Don’t beat yourself up for this – sometimes we don’t have as much control over our emotions as we wish we did.

That being said, you really need to talk to your best friend about your new crush. I know that’s going to be a really uncomfortable conversation, but it’s also a really necessary one. Before you admit your feelings to her, you need to realize that telling her the truth might make her really angry. Consider a few things before you take the plunge: how long did she date this guy? Did they have a really bad breakup? Does she still have feelings for him? When did they break up? If they ended things recently and she hasn’t moved on yet, maybe you should consider waiting a little bit longer to be with this guy and to spill the beans to your friend.

Make sure he’s worth hurting her over | Source: ShutterStock

When you think the time is right, tell your BFF the truth – you’ve been hanging with her ex a lot, and you two have developed feelings for each other. Simple as that. Don’t try to make excuses or lie about anything, because that will only make things worse. Explain to her that you feel really guilty about this crush, but you never meant for it to happen, and apologize for any way this might be hurting her. Let her know how much she means to you and tell her that you don’t want to lose her as a friend.

Whether or not you want to ask her approval is up to you. Asking her if she’s cool with you dating her ex is definitely a nice gesture – but she might give you an answer you don’t want to hear. If your friend gives you her blessing, that’s awesome! But unless you know for a fact that she’s 100 percent okay with you dating her ex, don’t rub your new relationship in her face. Keep things casual around her in order to avoid some really awkward situations. It’s respectful to do so, and I’m sure she’ll appreciate the effort you’re making for her.

If she freaks over your confession and demands that you choose between the guy and her, you have to go with your heart. (Another corny saying, sorry!) In the end, it will come down to what you value more: her friendship, or a potential relationship with this dude. I can’t tell you the right or wrong answer here.  Just know that if you choose this guy (and it’s okay if you do), and something goes wrong down the line, you won’t have your BFF to fall back on – and that’s a pretty big thing to give up.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

What do you do when your BFF turns into a frenemy?

Got a friend who won’t leave you alone? | Source: ShutterStock

I don’t blame you for being annoyed with your friend. Clingy friends are just as irritating as a clingy boyfriend can be. Every girl needs some time to herself or time to spend with other people – hanging with one person every day isn’t healthy for anyone, so you don’t have to feel guilty about not wanting to be with her all the time.

That being said, you should realize that this girl obviously thinks you’re super awesome and it sounds like she considers you a really good friend, even if you don’t feel exactly the same way. It sounds like you still want to be her friend, you just want her to back off a little bit. Since she seems to like you so much, be gentle but firm when you’re trying to get your point across. You should also talk to her sooner rather than later – otherwise, you might just snap one day and give her a nasty remark that will really hurt her feelings.

Say something before it comes to this. | Source: ShutterStock

A little white lie about being busy isn’t a big deal when you do it once in a while, but if you’re lying to this girl every day, that’s taking the easy way out. Not only is it probably exhausting for you to keep up with these fibs, but if she finds out you lied, she’s going to get really upset. When she asks you to hang out after work, dance or school, be honest with her. If you have other plans with other friends, say that. If you just want to go home and watch a movie, say that. And if she asks to join, either explain that you’re tired and want to relax on your own, or that you need some time to catch up with your other friends.

If she keeps pushing you, maybe try distancing yourself from her a little bit. If she follows you around at work, suggest that she find something more productive to do, or talk to your boss about it. And if she’s really still bothering you after a while, you need to be totally honest and tell her she needs to back off a little because you’re feeling smothered. Explain that you like spending time with her at school, dance and work, but you have a lot of other things going on, and you can’t always be there for her.

It might be hard to be honest in this way, but in the end, it’s the right thing to do. Lying and blowing her off isn’t going to to solve anything – but by being truthful, you’re showing her respect. Believe it or not, that’s nicer then making up excuses.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

What do you do when you and your BFF can’t stop fighting?

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Don't get involved... | Source: ShutterStock

This is definitely one of those moments when having two amazing best friends turns from super fun to super awkward. I can totally understand where you’re coming from – being stuck in the middle of any fight is complicated and pretty much just stinks. I know it’s difficult to stay out of an argument, especially when it’s two people you really care about doing the arguing, but in this case it’s usually best to avoid the situation as much as possible.

You need to tell your friends that they have to stop trash-talking each other to you. That puts you in a totally uncomfortable situation, and it’s so unfair to you. The next time one of them brings up the other one, say gently but firmly, “I really don’t want to talk about this.” Explain that you understand they need someone to vent to, but you don’t want to hear these mean words about your friend. If you feel totally weird speaking your mind (and you shouldn’t!), just try changing the subject immediately when it’s brought up. If you do it enough, they might take the hint on their own.

And don't let them get mad at you too! | Source: ShutterStock

Letting your friends know what you think is probably not going to help. Their fight might seem ridiculous to you, but it probably doesn’t seem that way to them. Telling them they’re being stupid is only going to come off as judgmental, and just make them angry at you. The only time you should involve yourself is if things are getting completely out of hand. In that case, tell both of them how much you hate watching them fight. Remind them that they care about each other, and ask if this fight is really worth ruining a friendship over.

Once you say that, don’t make yourself the mediator. They have to make their own decision here, and you going back and forth between them is only going to stress you out. If they want to keep arguing, make it clear that you’re not going to a part of it in any way. And if they want to make up, they will eventually, with or without your help.

And if one of them gets mad at you for not being on her side? Tell her it has nothing to do with her and that you just don’t want to get involved. If she can’t understand that, there’s not much you can do to make her get it. You should never feel like you have to fight just because your best friends are.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

How do you deal with your boyfriend being a huge flirt?

Feeling left out stinks! | Source: ShutterStock

It sounds like you’re feeling a little left out and sad right now, and I don’t blame you. It stinks that your BFF didn’t feel like she could tell you about such a big moment in her life. Unfortunately, people change – and even our closest friends are going to do things that we don’t expect them to. You and your best friend might be headed down different paths right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends.

First of all, think about why you’re really upset about what she’s doing. Is it because you’re hurt that she isn’t really including you, or is it because you don’t agree with what she’s doing? It might be a little bit of both, and that’s fine. But if it’s more about the fact that you just feel a little left out, you should talk to your friend. Tell her it really hurt your feelings that she didn’t confide in you when she lost her virginity. Let her know how much you care about her and how much her friendship means to you.

If you're meant to be BFF, you will be. | Source: ShutterStock

If it’s more than just feeling left out and you think your friend is putting herself in physical or emotional danger, speak up. Talk to her, tell your parents or reach out to another trusted adult. If it’s not to that extreme, and more just that that you don’t like how she’s acting, there’s really not much you can do. Your friend is going to do what she wants whether you like it or not – and if you want to stay her friend, it’s important not to judge her for her decisions. Try to appreciate the difference between you two. After all, you were probably drawn to her at first because of some of her quirks.

The truth is you and your BFF might be growing apart a little bit. That’s really, really sad for anyone to deal with, but unfortunately it’s also a part of life. If you want to stay friends with her, accept her new lifestyle and let her know she can tell you things. If you seriously hate what she’s doing, then maybe it’s time to move on. Either way, it’s important to realize that our friends aren’t always going to stay the same, no matter how much we want them to.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Is there a way to hit puberty faster? Find out

Who cares if you don't drink?! | Source: Drugabuse.gov

First things first: not drinking definitely doesn’t make you uncool. In fact, sticking to what you believe in, even though it’s different from what everyone else is doing, makes you super cool in my book.

To answer your question, no, you shouldn’t let the pressure bother you. That being said, dealing with peer pressure stinks and can definitely be pretty tough. I’m not going to lie, that pressure to drink will probably continue throughout high school.  What you have to keep in mind is that just because your friends are drinking and getting drunk doesn’t mean you have to be doing the same. You should never force yourself to do something just because your friends want you to do it – that will never make you happy.

If you don't want to drink, just don't! | Source: Aboutdwi.com

Plus, faking something just for approval is never the way to fit in. If people are going to judge you just because you’re not taking a shot of vodka, then those people aren’t your real friends. Real friends will accept you for who you are, and they won’t force you into doing things you’re not comfortable with. Ignore the people who act that way, and instead be proud of yourself for not giving in.

I’m sure you’ll figure out that you can absolutely still have a good time without drinking alcohol. Don’t feel like you can’t go to a party or hang with your friends just because you’re going to stay sober. As long as you relax, you can still have fun without worrying about getting in trouble or doing anything you’ll regret – not to mention you’ll be the only one waking up not feeling terrible due to a hangover.

In the end, just stick to your beliefs. If someone asks why you don’t drink, simply say you’re not into it, or feel free to ignore them all together. If someone is really bothering you about it, stop hanging around them – they’re not worth your time. In the end, I promise doing what you want will make you much happier.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Find out the truth about binge drinking

Would you rather be alone?

Have you ever heard of the saying, “the grass is always greener on the other side?” It’s a popular phrase for a reason. The opposite of what you’re doing always does look a little bit better. It sounds like you’re just having a case of relationship blues – and by that I mean you’re getting a little restless. It’s totally normal and happens to people in long-term relationships all the time. You have two choices here: you can either work through that and stay with your BF, or you can move on and try something new.

Pretty much sums it up.

Do you only feel like you miss being single when you’re around your single girlfriends? That’s a pretty common feeling. It’s easy to look at their lives, something they all have in common, and get a little jealous. If you only think that way when you’re with them, and you’re otherwise totally happy with your relationship, then I think this is something you just need to get over. Keep in mind that while being single can definitely be awesome, you love your boyfriend and he makes you happy.

But if you feel like this on a regular basis, maybe you should consider taking a break from your BF. Don’t freak out about that suggestion. I know you love him, and you want to be with him forever, but if you truly miss being single, then that means there is some part of you that is unhappy. Going on a break could give you a better idea of what you really want – and if you decide to go back to him, than you’ll feel better knowing you got to make that choice.

In the end, this is totally your decision. It might be a hard one to make, but when you can’t stop thinking about something, there’s usually a reason. And if it’s just a case of jealousy? I know you’ll get over it soon.

take care,
heather

Miss Being Single
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

HOW DO YOU BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT BREAKING THEIR HEART?

Is he like this in public...

It totally stinks when a guy treats you differently around their friends, and I know it can be hard to understand why they do that. But before you write off this dude as a complete jerk, consider this first: he’s probably pretty much just playing into peer pressure on how he thinks a guy is supposed to act.

Here’s the thing with most guys: they might not seem like they care about what their friends think about them, but they do. Big time. Sometimes, maybe even more than gURLs. And what do a lot of young guys want to be seen as? A ‘manly man’. And in their mind, it’s hard to be seen as a “manly man” when you’re acting all cutesy and cuddling with your gURLfriend.

Sounds ridiculous? That’s because it kind of is. Obviously, treating women with respect, or even just showing affection towards them, doesn’t make a guy any less of a man— in fact, it only makes them more of a man. But unfortunately, a lot of guys don’t think that way, and since they want to be accepted by their friends, they tend to act like jerks.

...but like this when you're alone?

Still, this doesn’t excuse their behavior. Your boyfriend should never be insulting you or making you feel crappy about yourself just because he’s worried about his reputation. This is something you definitely need to talk to him about. Tell him that the way he treats you in public isn’t okay. Explain that you’re not asking him to show you tons of PDA, but he needs to be respectful. You care about yourself too much to date a dude who puts you down, even if he says he doesn’t mean it.

If your guy refuses to be nice to you even after that, it’s not something worth putting  up with. Reputation or not, your boyfriend should be nice to you all the time. Cut him some slack at first, but after a while, it might be time to think about moving on.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

He's all yours . . . or is he?

Hi Heather,

Last year I met an amazing guy and we became friends. Over the next year we grew closer. This past summer he hung out with my best friend and I a few times. Since then, they text and have a Facebook inbox going. This wouldn’t be a big deal except that he and I have now been dating for 4 months and their whole friendship makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to take him away from her but he’s mine! Help

This is a tricky situation. It sucks to feel like your boyfriend might be flirting with somebody else—especially when that somebody else is your best friend. I know you don’t want to look overly sensitive, or seem like you’re really jealous, but I also know it’s probably been really hard for you to keep this all inside.

When something in your relationship makes you really uncomfortable or stressed, you should say something. I know it can be hard, but good relationships (and friendships!) are based on honesty—not just about what you do or don’t do, but also how you feel.

Here’s the thing: you can’t tell either of them to flat out stop being friends with each other. That’s only going to make them mad and create tension between all three of you. Not exactly what you’re going for. Instead, try talking to each of them separately, when you’re calm and can tell them why you feel the way you do—without pointing fingers or making anybody the villain.

Three can be a crowd...

But try not to stress too much. After all, this is your BFF and your BF we’re talking about here: two people who shouldn’t want to betray you. They might not even realize they’re doing anything to upset you. Give them the benefit of the doubt before you jump to conclusions, but if things really still feel shady, feel free to speak up again in a few weeks.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Does your sweetie have a close relationship with another gURL that makes you uncomfortable? How did you handle it? Discuss in the comments.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Peer pressure: not fun.

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Don't let bullies get you down.

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.