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I feel your pain, girl. Sometimes trying to help and be a good friend isn’t easy and this is definitely one of those times. No one likes being the bearer of bad news, even if that news is only going to help someone. That being said, there are some ways you can give your BFF a hint about what’s going on without coming out and saying something really blunt.

While I would usually encourage you to be honest and straightforward with a best friend, in this case, being too honest is going to hurt her feelings and probably make her feel really embarrassed… and that might end up starting a fight. Instead, you can give her some subtle hints to try and get your point across. The next time you guys are hanging out, show her one of your perfumes and offer her a spritz. Say something like, “I’m in love with this perfume. You have to try it!”

But obviously you can’t offer her a spray of perfume every single time you see her, so maybe try something a little bit more direct. Go to the drugstore with her and say you need some new deodorant. Once you guys are there, say something like, “I love this brand of deodorant. You should try it. It smells good and it never stains my clothes!” You could also try checking out perfumes with her at the mall – when you find a scent you like for her, try encouraging her to buy it by telling her how amazing it smells on her. I know that sounds really manipulative and it is a little bit, but it could also be a strong hint to her that she needs to try something different.

If all of that fails, you may just have to be honest with her and tell her the truth as gently as possible. Tell her when it’s just you two talking (doing it in front of other friends might feel comfortable for you, but it won’t for her) and say something like this: “Hey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I want to let you know that sometimes you smell a little. I’m just trying to be a good friend because I would want you to tell me that.” There’s no need to let her know other people are talking about her. Just try to be as nice as possible and let her know how much you care about her.

If you really don’t want to tell her, you may just have to live with the smell. But think about it: don’t you think she’d rather hear it from you than someone she doesn’t know as well?

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Is it bad to think about sex a lot?

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First things first: try to relax. I know you’re freaking out and I can completely understand why. In situations like these, it’s really easy to get yourself worked up into a state of panic and that makes it hard to think clearly and figure things out.

Now, onto your question. Unfortunately, I can’t give you super great news here. Even if a guy ejaculates near your vagina and not directly inside of it, there is still a small chance that you can get pregnant. Take into consideration exactly what happened and then figure out your steps from there.

The further away from your vaginal opening he ejaculated, the better - if this dude finished on your stomach, arm, breasts or legs, you would have had an almost zero chance of getting pregnant. However, from what you’ve said, it sounds like your boyfriend finished really close to your vagina. If he ejaculated on your upper thigh, close to that area, you do have a slim chance of getting pregnant. Sperm can be strong swimmers and there is the always the possibility that they can make their way over to your vaginal opening on their own.

Your chances of getting pregnant increase as the ejaculation happens closer and closer to the vaginal opening. But something important to keep in mind is that sperm can sometimes even make their way through thin clothing. So if your boyfriend ejaculated on your underwear, don’t assume your safe.

One common myth about sperm is that it dies instantly the second it hits the air. I wish that were true, for your sake, but unfortunately it’s not. Sperm can live outside the body for up to an hour. That’s why it’s really important to be safe even if you’re not having intercourse – a lot of people assume that they won’t get pregnant if a guy just ejaculates near their vagina, but that’s not true.

So, what can you do? If it’s less than 72 hours after this happened, you can stay on the safe side and take the Plan B pill. If it’s been more time than that, you can contact your doctor or take a pregnancy test. Don’t get into full-on panic mode though – your chances of getting pregnant are slim, but it’s always better to cover all of your bases. And keep this in mind for the next time – if your boyfriend is going to ejaculate on your body, have him do it on your stomach, your breasts or your arm – anywhere that’s far away from your vagina!

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

How can you initiate sex without looking slutty?

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Try not to stress, girl! Every woman who is on the pill has most likely forgotten to take it at least once. Remembering to take these pills at the same time every single day can be tough, especially when you haven’t been on them that long. This stuff happens and while it’s not ideal, it also doesn’t mean that you’re now guaranteed to get pregnant.

You did the right thing by doubling up on your pills the day after. Whenever you forget to take your pill at your designated pill-taking time, take it as soon as you remember. It doesn’t matter if it’s one hour later or 24 hours later – take it right away when you realize you forgot about it. This should usually put you back on schedule.

It’s too late to change this now, but just so you know for the future, you always need backup protection whenever you forget or skip a pill. So if you usually have sex without a condom and then you forget to take your pill one day, you need to start using condoms until the end of that pill pack. If you forget your pill and you don’t double up on protection when you have sex, you may want to seriously consider using the Plan B pill just in case – but remember, you can only take that up to 72 hours after you have sex and it’s more effective when you take it right away.

Forgetting to take just one pill isn’t a huge deal as long as you take it once you remember, continue on with taking the rest of your pills normally and double up on protection until the end of that pill pack. Things get a little tricky when you forget to take two or three pills. If that happens, get in touch with your doctor right away and he or she will let you know what to do.

For right now, all you can really do is to wait to see if you’ll get your period. If you know you’re supposed to get it within the next day or so and you don’t, take a pregnancy test and consider calling your doctor. But try not to freak out. Keep in mind that forgetting to take a pill can mess with your hormones a little bit, so you may get your period a day later. It’s also important not to stress because too much stress can actually delay your period even more and that can quickly turn into an endless cycle. And remember this ordeal for the future – if you need help taking your pill, check out these tips and remember that if it happens again, double up on your protection.

take care,
Heather

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How to skip your period

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The first thing I want you to know is that it’s totally normal for you to feel confused and frustrated right now. Figuring out your sexuality can be a very confusing time and there’s nothing wrong with anything that you’re feeling – but please don’t feel like you’re weird! If you are a lesbian or bisexual, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

The second thing I want you to know is that while I can give you some advice on figuring out your sexuality, I can’t tell you for sure whether you’re gay or not – that’s something that you have to figure out on your own. Some people say they have known that they were gay since they were little kids, and for others, it takes a little bit longer to come to that conclusion. It may not happen overnight, but it will happen.

However, there are some things you can think about to help you try to figure things out. Have you ever had a crush on a girl? Think about it – it sounds like you do, but you might not want to admit it. Are your feelings of attraction towards girls stronger than your feelings for guys? Imagine yourself kissing a girl and then imagine kissing a guy – which is more exciting to you? Consider your future: would you rather be with a man or a woman? How often do you fantasize about girls? Do you think about girls more than guys? You say you’re into lesbian porn – are you into heterosexual porn at all also?

I know you probably feel super confused because you dated a guy once and now you feel like you’re into girls. First of all, a lot of lesbians have dated guys before they fully came to the conclusion that they were a lesbian, so don’t feel like you’re weird for doing that. Second of all, that could mean that you’re bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with experimenting a little bit to sort things out. Did you like dating that guy? Did you do it because you felt like you had to? Why did you guys break up?

Think about these questions, but know that none of these can give you an absolute answer. There are no right or wrong answers. I know it sounds confusing, but my point is that your sexuality is a big thing – there’s no one question or quiz that will give you an answer. You kind of just need to figure it out on your own. If there is anyone you feel comfortable talking to about this, I’d definitely encourage you to do that. It may help you work things out and may feel good to get your thoughts out.

Just remember: it doesn’t matter if you’re a lesbian or bisexual or straight, that doesn’t change anything about who you are as a person. You should never feel ashamed of your sexuality or feel embarrassed over who you like. In the end, being true to yourself is the  best way to make yourself happy. It may take a while to feel fully comfortable with your sexuality, but know that you’re not alone. Good luck!

take care,
Heather

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How to come out to friends and family

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What you’re feeling is totally normal. Let’s be honest: sex can seem a little scary sometimes, especially if you’ve never done it before. It’s okay to be nervous! It’s also okay to let your partner know that you’re nervous. 

Before I get into how you can handle this, I want to make sure that you definitely feel ready to lose your virginity. Having sex is a big deal and you should never do it just because you want to impress your older boyfriend or anything like that. Take a look at our complete guide to losing your virginity and make sure you truly feel ready to take this step before you go through with it.

If you definitely feel like you’re ready to have sex, then I think you should definitely talk to your partner about it. Does he know you’re still a virgin? If not, you should tell him. You should also let him know you’re a little nervous. I know you don’t want to seem inexperienced, but the fact is, he does have more experience than you and that’s not going to change. You’re not going to look “stupid” for telling him you haven’t gone as far as he has yet. In fact, he’ll probably be honored that you’ve chosen him to lose it to.

The other good thing about telling your partner about your nerves is that he may handle the situation better. If he thinks you’ve already done this before, he’s going to do whatever and expect you to know what to do. If he knows it’s your first time, he will probably be more willing to go slowly and help you figure things out.

As for actually doing it? The truth is, no one knows what they’re doing the first time they have sex. That’s why everyone’s experiences are so different. Sure, you can read all of the tips in Cosmopolitan. Sure, you can watch porn and study it to figure out where things go and how things happen. But in the end, your experience is going to be your own. You should do what you feel comfortable with.

You’ll see that once things get going, they kind of just fall into place. You’ll also see that sometimes things are a little bit awkward – but that’s nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. Sex is awkward sometimes, whether it’s your first time or your 200th time. The best advice I can give you here is to be honest with your partner, try to relax as much as possible and let things happen. Don’t stress over having the perfect first time or worry about looking “stupid.” If this guy is really as great as you say he is, he won’t care that you’re not totally sure on what to do.

take care,
Heather

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10 signs that you’re ready to have sex

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Let me start this out with a story: When I was in high school, I was friends with a girl who was in the same situation as you are - she liked a guy who was shorter than her and he liked her also. They started going out and a few people teased her for being taller than her boyfriend. Even though she seriously liked this guy, the teasing eventually got to her and she broke up with him. About a year later, she ran into him and discovered that not only had he hit puberty, but he had also shot up in height and was now a lot taller than her. Not surprisingly, she was suddenly interested in him again. She did everything she could to win him back, but it didn’t work… and she was the only one left miserable.

That might sound like a lame story I just made up to ultimately get my point across, but it’s very much the truth. You’re not the first girl to think twice about dating a guy who is shorter than her. But here’s the thing: there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating a dude who’s not as tall as you. In fact, it’s kind of silly to throw away what could be a great relationship just because of someone’s height.

If you genuinely like this guy and he likes you back, then I think that you should definitely give him a chance. Think of it this way: would you like to be judged based on some part of your physical appearance that you have no control over? Probably not. So it’s not fair to automatically reject him over his height. If you get to know him and find out that you guys have a connection, the fact that he’s short will most likely stop mattering to you. After all, his height has nothing to do with his personality and what kind of person he is.

The truth is, there may be some people out there who will tease you guys for your height difference and that sucks, but it’s something you have to learn to ignore if being with him is worth it. Or, don’t ignore it. If people have something to say about it, let them know it’s not cool and you don’t appreciate what they’re saying.

Another thing to keep in mind? If you two are in high school, chances are, he hasn’t hit his full height yet. Guys hit puberty later in life than girls do and they can actually keep growing until they’re in their early 20′s. It’s totally possible that your crush will grow a few inches within the next few months or years and end up being a lot taller than he is now. And then you’ll be stuck in the same position as my friend, who seriously regretted the fact that she let her ex go over his height.

take care,
Heather

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Everyone teases me for being single, what do I do?

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I totally understand why this is making you freak out – noticing blood down there when you’re not on your menstrual cycle is a little unsettling, especially if it’s never happened before – but before you go into a full-on panic, try to relax so you can find out what’s really going on. There are a few different reasons you could be spotting and they range from super serious to not-so-serious.  But even with the not-so-serious reasons, spotting isn’t something you should ignore.

First of all, and I know this might sound like a weird question, but are you positive you’re bleeding from your vagina? It could be coming from your urine, your rectum or maybe even a cut you got down there shaving. Pay attention to when the bleeding happens and try to investigate down there with a mirror – or insert a tampon and see what comes out. You should also consider how heavy the bleeding is.

Now let’s go into some of the reasons you may be spotting. Have you recently changed your method of birth control? IUDs are known to cause occasional spotting and also switching up your birth control pills can do the same in the first month or so. Other hormonal changes could also be culprit. Believe it or not, stress also plays a part in spotting – it can cause bleeding between periods as well. If you’re on birth control pills and skipped a day or two, this can easily cause spotting. If you’ve recently taken the morning-after pill, that could also be the reason.

As for more serious reasons that you most likely don’t need to worry about, it could be from an untreated STD, an infection in your cervix, an injury of the vaginal opening, pregnancy complications, an underactive thyroid or a sign of cervical cancer.

I know those serious reasons sound super scary and I’m not trying to freak you out more – but you should know what spotting may be a sign of, even if it ends up being from something innocent. I definitely think you should see a doctor about this issue – I’m not a doctor and I don’t know you, so I can’t tell you exactly what’s going on. Also, self-diagnosing isn’t the best idea.

I’d suggest telling your mom about this, since it’s a relatively common problem and not something she should get angry about. However, if you feel really uncomfortable doing that, go to a clinic or Planned Parenthood in your area. Make sure to keep in mind when you’re spotting and how heavy the flow is – these are definitely questions a doctor will ask.

take care,
Heather

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Crazy Period Myths Explained

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I can totally understand your frustration here – you’re ready to have sex and for some reason, your body is sort of going against you. But don’t worry! This is an issue you can fix and you will be able to have sex one day.

It’s completely normal for girls who haven’t had sex yet to be very tight down there, so please don’t feel like you’re the only girl out there experiencing this. I’d say your best bet is to start small. If you haven’t been able to get a tampon up there yet, of course it’s going to be even more difficult to get anything else up there. So, start with the tampon and then move onto, um, bigger things.

The best, and really only, piece of advice I can give you here is to relax. Chances are, nothing is fitting down there because you’re too tense. That doesn’t mean you’re not ready to have sex – it means you’re probably stressed out by what’s been happening and you’re tightening your vaginal muscles up without even realizing it. Maybe you’re a little afraid of the pain or maybe you’re just thinking too much. Either way, you need to calm down and be as relaxed as possible before you try to put anything in there.

Like I said, I would start with a tampon. In the beginning, go for a light or regular sized tampon – don’t just jump to supers thinking it will help with the sex part later on. Get in as comfortable a position as you can with your legs spread apart and carefully insert the tampon into your vagina. Go slowly and definitely use a mirror so you can see what’s happening. You may feel a little bit of pressure and that’s normal. Remember to take deep breaths and to keep yourself as calm as possible.

Once you have the tampon stuff down, you can move onto the sex stuff. For your first time, take things slow and make sure you’re comfortable. Keep in mind that there may be a little bit of pain and there may even be a little bit of blood (all very normal for your first time). If you feel a ton of pain, stop and talk to a doctor, but otherwise just try to stay relaxed. Easier said than done, right? Try lighting some candles, playing some soft music or doing whatever it is that calms you down before you do the deed. I would strongly consider using lube to make things a little easier and having him try to loosen things up with his finger first.

It may take a little time, but as long as you take things slowly, stay calm and try all of this stuff, you should be okay.

take care,
Heather

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I was terrified of tampons

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The truth? Bleeding during or after sex isn’t very normal and I definitely think you should see a doctor about this. But please don’t freak out – this doesn’t mean that there is something horribly wrong with you. There are a few things that could be going on, but since I can’t diagnose you (because I don’t know you or your body) and you can’t diagnose yourself, the best thing to do here is see a doctor who will be able to tell you for sure what’s going on down there.

So what are some of the reasons that you might have vaginal bleeding during or after sex? For one thing, it’s possible that you’re spotting from your period. You could be experiencing a lot of friction down there and this may be a sign that you need to use lube during sex. Vaginal bleeding could be from an inflammation that causes your cervix to be softer than normal – this is often found in young girls and women who take birth control pills.

Vaginal bleeding could be the result of an infection down there. It could be from an abnormal growth growing on your vagina, cervix or uterus. It could be from a condition called endometriosis or uterine polyps. It could be a side effect of an STD like chlamydia or gonorrhea. Bleeding during sex could even be a sign of cervical cancer. Obviously, you need to go to a doctor for any of these things.

I’m not trying to scare you here – I’m just trying to give you an idea of what could be going on with your body. I don’t want you to freak out and start thinking that you have an STD or cervical cancer. It’s entirely possible that it is the result of a smaller issue, but either way, only a doctor can tell you for sure.

If you really don’t want to tell your mom about your problem and admit to her that you’re having sex, you do have the option of going to a clinic like a Planned Parenthood in your area. Doctors there can help you and treat you without going through your medical insurance, so your mom won’t have to know. But if you’re comfortable with it, talk to your mom about seeing a gynecologist.

It’s best to get this taken care of as soon as possible. The sooner you diagnose the problem, the sooner you can treat it and make sure the bleeding stops. Please don’t ignore vaginal bleeding during sex – if you’re not on your period, you really shouldn’t be bleeding down there from sexual intercourse. It’s important to talk to a doctor about this and not assume that it was just a one-time thing. 

take care,
Heather

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Your complete guide to STD testing

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Good news: you’re totally not weird. It’s completely normal to think about sex a lot (yes, even during class), especially when you’re in your early teens and going through puberty. You’re dealing with a lot of hormonal stuff right now and so you’re going to experience changes in your body. One of those changes will be thinking about sex. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I completely understand feeling really awkward about thinking about sex. I’ve been there and so have a lot of other girls. Unfortunately, society sometimes makes us girls feel like we shouldn’t be thinking about sex. But that’s not true! Thinking about having sex, being curious about what it’s all about and even looking up porn is actually healthy. It’s good for you to learn about sex before, you know, actually doing it.

I’m not saying you need to go out there and shout about it from the rooftops – you don’t have to tell anyone your thoughts about sex. Some people are more vocal about this stuff while others are a little more shy. Sex is a really personal thing and it’s not something you need to share with everyone around you.

So, seriously, don’t worry. It’s very normal to feel awkward about thinking about sex and it’s also very normal to think about sex. That awkward feeling will go away when you get comfortable with yourself and your sexuality.

take care,
Heather

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Why do guys really want to have sex?

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