Hi Heather,

I have a question about virginity. My friends tease me about being a virgin. Honestly, I wish I could just lose my virginity as soon as possible so they can quit making fun of me. I am to the point where I don’t even care who takes my virginity. I know that sounds desperate, but my friends are going to tease me about being a virgin until I have sex with someone. Is it wrong to think like that?

Hi Heather,

I was just wondering… is it normal to feel stupid about not drinking? I’ll be a freshmen in high school next year, and most of my friends have had the occasional beer or shot of vodka, but I haven’t. Sometimes it makes me feel stupid when people look at me weirdly when I say I don’t drink. I want to be able to have fun, but at the same time I don’t want people to judge me if I haven’t had a drink. Should I let the pressure bother me? Will it get worse?

Dear Heather,

Help! I am 15 years old and in January I lost my virginity. It was with a boy who I had known for two years and had very strong feelings for, but I didn’t have a proper relationship with him. We met up a few times a week for that full two years to hook up. One night things got rather carried away and we had sex, it was nothing like I wanted it. I wanted my first time to be really special, but it wasn’t.

A month has passed, and now the boy I did it with only talks to me when the conversation has something to do with sex. I thought I trusted him and I thought he wouldn’t just stop talking to me after we did it. I’m starting to get really paranoid that he might have just been talking to me just so he could sleep with me. Right after we did it, he started going out with another girl and I was so confused. Because I had sex with him, my feelings did grow stronger, and now I’m always upset.

I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I can’t. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

Hi Heather,

My parents won’t let me wear any makeup! It’s not fair. All of my friends wear makeup, and I really want to start wearing it, but I don’t want to get in trouble. How can I get them to let me start wearing it? Please help!

Dear Heather,

I think there is something wrong with my skin, because sometimes I have A LOT of pimples, then the next day I have absolutely none. I use a daily wash and treatment gel that the doctor prescribed to me, however I do not see the difference. It’s really frustrating especially when I plan to go out with my friends and then in the morning I wake up with spots and have to cancel the plans that were made. Sometimes I even think it will make people view me in a different way. This makes me feel really self-conscious. Is there anything I can do to stop this cringe-worthy problem??

No doubt about it, breaking out is so annoying. However, while it might feel like you’re the only gURL going through this, take comfort in knowing you are definitely not: acne happens to everyone, especially teens.

If your acne is super stubborn, going to the dermatologist can be a great solution. Since you’ve already seen a derm and the medicine isn’t working, you should let him/her know. Make an appointment and explain exactly what’s happening. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find the treatment that’s going to work best for your skin (everyone is different).

Or, take matters into your own hands: ProActiv usually has good results and can be ordered easily. Over-the-counter products, like Neutrogena or Clean & Clear, can be great are great for short-term solutions, like if you want to get rid of a pimple right away. And no matter what medicine you’re using, make sure you stick to these general rules: wash your face every morning and night, never sleep with makeup on, try not to touch your face throughout the day (the oil and dirt from your fingers lead to break-outs), and don’t pop your pimples — that leaves scars.

And don’t let your acne rule your social life. If you’re really uncomfortable, invest in a good concealer. Just remember — you might feel like everyone is noticing your zits, but most of the time they’re really not.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you have stubborn acne? How do you get rid of your pimples? Do you ever notice when your friends are breaking out? Give us your tips and discuss below!

take care,
heather

Hi Heather,

I have three over-protective brothers. I’m a tomboy, so I do hang out with boys a lot. But my brothers hate it! One time an older kid started to flirt with me, and before I could say anything else, my brothers were chasing him down the street! Is it normal for brothers to act like this?

Brothers, like any sibling, can definitely be a pain sometimes. I know it’s really annoying that they act so overprotective, but you can take a little comfort in knowing that there are plenty of other gURLs going through the exact same thing, because this is totally normal.

Try looking at this in a more positive light. Your brothers are only looking out for you. They aren’t doing this to hurt you. It’s actually the exact opposite — they’re doing everything they can to make sure you don’t get hurt. They feel a sense of responsibility to watch over you. The next time they act overprotective, think of it this way: they love you and care about you enough to take care of you, and they don’t want to lose you or watch you get hurt.

However, if they’re really going overboard, you need to talk to them. Explain to them that you appreciate what they’re trying to do, but that you need a little room to have a life of your own. Tell them that if you ever feel like you’re hurt or in danger, they’ll be the first ones you call, but until then, you need them to back off a little. If that doesn’t work, try talking to your parents about it. Maybe they can step in.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you have over-protective older siblings? How do you deal with them? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hi Heather,

My boyfriend likes to finger me and I am worried that I could get TSS. Is it possible?

Toxic shock syndrome (or as it’s better known, TSS) is usually associated with tampons. TSS is a serious disease, and while everyone should know the facts about it (especially gURLs who use tampons), it’s also really rare and shouldn’t be something you worry about on daily basis. In this case, there’s no evidence that fingering can cause TSS, so as long as your boyfriend’s hands are clean and you’re both being safe, enjoy yourself!

The disease is caused by a certain kind of bacteria called Staphylococcus aureus, NOT a tampon itself. Half of the reported cases are brought about by tampon use, but no need to swear them off forever — as long as you’re careful, you don’t have to stress. Tampons aren’t meant to be kept in for longer than 8 hours, so make sure you change it every few hours, especially if you have a heavier flow or use super-absorbent tampons. TSS can also happen from skin infections, burns or after surgery.

The symptoms of TSS are similar to the flu, which can make it confusing to diagnose. They include a sudden and very high fever, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, dizziness and confusion. If you think you could possibly have toxic shock syndrome, it’s really important to get yourself to a doctor or hospital right away — it moves through your body quickly and can be fatal. If it’s caught quickly, it can be treated with antibiotics.

TSS sounds really scary, but don’t worry about it too much. It’s extremely rare, and is only reported in one out of every 100,000 menstruating women every year.

WDYT, gURLs? Did you ever think you had TSS? Do you know anyone who’s had it? Share your stories and advice below.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hey Heather,

I don’t know what to do! I am 14 years old and I haven’t gotten my period. I do have discharge every day, but not a lot. I’m also going to be turning 15 in November. My best friend started her period already, even my cousin who’s only 11 started her period at 10. So I don’t know what to do. Should I wear pads in case it happens in public? Will it show through my pants the first time? It’s summer time and I wear shorts, so any suggestions? Can you estimate when I will be having my period?

Every gURL gets her period at a different age, so just because you haven’t yet doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Puberty can begin in gURLs, and menstruation can start any time from the ages of 8 to 15, give or take. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you when you’ll get your period, but it will probably happen within the next few months or years.

Every gURL’s first period is different. Sometimes it can show through your pants, but it doesn’t always. Feel free to wear shorts as much as you want. The first time is usually only a small amount of blood, so as long as you put on a pad right away, you’ll be okay. You should be prepared when the time comes, but there’s no need to wear pads if you haven’t gotten it yet. Like I told this gURL, carry around a small bag with one pad inside so that you’ll always have it if you need it.

As for the vaginal discharge, it’s your vagina’s way of self-cleaning and getting rid of bacteria down there. Harmless discharge is usually a small amount of transparent liquid that is odorless, but it can vary for everyone. As long as you aren’t experiencing itching, discomfort or any kind of pain, you don’t need to worry about it.

Don’t stress about it too much — you’ll get your period eventually! And if you’re really worried, you can always talk to your mom, a school nurse or your doctor.

What about you, gURLs? Have you gotten your first period yet? When did you get it? Share your tips and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hey Heather,

I’m one of those gURLs who likes to talk about sex and guys, but none of my friends will talk about it. I have a group of four friends, only one of them has had sex but she acts like she’s a prude and refuses to talk about that kinda stuff. The others don’t even like guys that way and seem to still be stuck in the ‘guys have cooties’ stage. I’ve been around them so much that whenever I even think about that stuff I feel like such a slut. Help me Heather, I don’t know what I should do.

Talking about sex is totally healthy and normal, and doesn’t make you a “slut” at all. Everyone thinks about sex, even people (like your friends) who act like they don’t. I bet you’re just the only person in your group of friends who is comfortable enough with herself to start the dialogue.

|Sex, guys, girls, kissing, crushes — talk about anything you want in our Shout Out Boards.|

Everyone matures at different levels, and your friends probably feel either really shy about sex, or they don’t know much about it. I know it sucks to feel like you have no one to talk to, but you can’t push your friends to talk about something they don’t want to.

In the meantime, try branching out and getting closer to other friends you might have. You can always talk to other gURLs on our Shout Out Boards about love and sex — they’re some of the most popular topics on the whole site! 

|This gURL is in serious need of some good friends. Check out what Heather’s advice.|

Just remember that “slut” is a word that people use to make gURLs feel bad about sex, and that there’s no reason for you to be down on yourself for thinking about a natural part of human existence. Keep your head up high, okay?

What about you, gURLs? Have you ever felt like you had no one to talk to about sex? What did you do? Share your tips and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.

Hi Heather,

I have had several crying sprees over the last few weeks. I feel moody and irritable ALL the time, I don’t think any of my friends like me and I hate the way I look. I think I’m getting paranoid too as I believe that some of my friends are trying to replace me as my BFF’s. Am I suffering from depression, or is this just normal???

Thanks to hormones, body image, peer pressure and all of those other sucky things we have to deal with, it’s normal for everyone — especially gURLs — to feel pretty lousy about themselves once in a while. While it’s possible that you might be legitimately depressed, I don’t want you to jump to that conclusion right away, because depression is a serious mental illness and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

|Feeling angry, frustrated, or just plain sad about your life lately? Let it out on the Shout Out Boards.|

Have you ever felt like this before, or has it just been happening lately? If you’ve been in this funk off and on for the last few weeks, then it could just be mood swings or stress. It sounds like your confidence has been pretty low, which can definitely make you feel badly about everything in your life. Like I told this gURL, try surrounding yourself with people you feel comfortable with, and doing things that always make you happy.

If nothing has made you smile lately, then you should consider talking to your parents or a school counselor. There are a lot of ways to treat depression and manage stress. Just talking to people about your problems might make you feel better.

|This gURL is looking for some good friends. Check out what Heather has to say.|

Keep in mind that a lot of people go through these feelings every day, and that you’re not alone. Stay strong and try to focus on the positive things in your life. Let me know if you need any more help, okay?

What about you, gURLs? Have you ever struggled with sucky emotions? What did you do? Share your tips and advice below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.