Um... where does this go?!! | Source: ShutterStock

First things first: you need to relax, girl! Although I can’t say for sure (because I’m not your doctor), I doubt that there’s something wrong with you. Tampons seem so easy to use, but for a lot of girls, they really aren’t that easy. This is actually a totally normal situation, so no need to freak out just yet – especially since it sounds like you’ve only tried this a few times.

Are you a virgin? If so, that’s probably why you’re having a lot of trouble here. Your vagina isn’t used to having a foreign object in it, so it’s something your body has to adjust to. The other reason you’re probably having trouble is because you seem really nervous and stressed out about the whole issue. It sounds to me like you tried the first time, and it hurt – so obviously, you weren’t exactly thrilled about trying it again, and your body tensed up. That reaction is completely normal.

Annnnd relax... | Source: ShutterStock

But that’s exactly why it’s so important to remain calm and relaxed while attempting to inset a tampon. Feeling that nervous about doing it is going to make your body (and down there region) tense up. That’s going to make things tighter down there, and naturally, it’s going to hurt and cause you some pain and pressure.

Pick a time to try this when you’re feeling calm. Sit in a comfortable position with your legs spread wide, and try using a mirror so that you can see exactly what’s happening. Inset a small tampon (for the first time, you should try a light or regular one so that it’s not as difficult) very slowly. If you start to tense up, take a deep breath and calm yourself down again. If you get it in, you might feel a little pressure at first, but eventually you should get used to it. Give yourself a few times to try this – if it doesn’t work right away, don’t get frustrated. That’s only going to tense you up more.

If you’re feeling a really serious pain when trying to inset a tampon, go to a gynecologist. A doctor is the only one who can find out if there’s really something wrong going on. But before you do that, try just relaxing. You’ll be surprised to find out that will probably work.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

The complete guide to your period options

Don't do this! | Source: ShutterStock

I’m not going to lie, acne is super annoying – especially when you have a big event coming up and you want to look flawless. Piling on the makeup doesn’t really help, either. Luckily, there are a few things you can do to try to get rid of acne quickly (and hopefully forever!)

If you’re prone to breaking out, you should be working on preventing acne all the time. Even if you go a few days without a zit popping up, you shouldn’t slack off… that’s when they come back! Make sure you’re washing your face with a gentle cleanser every night and morning, and if you’re going to use moisturizer, use one that’s oil-free.

While wearing a pound of concealer and foundation might hide your zits at the moment, it’s probably clogging your pores and could actually be contributing to your breakouts. It’s good for a quick fix if you need it, but make sure you wash it off before you go to sleep, and try to buy brands that are oil-free. Oh, and don’t try popping your zits on your own. I know it’s super tempting, but all it’s going to do is leave a nasty little scar. Plus, touching your pimples is one of the worst things you can do – you’re just transferring the bacteria from your hands on to your face!

And don't freak out either! | Source: ShutterStock

If your acne is worse than a single zit once in a while, try using products that are a little stronger. A great brand that doesn’t require a prescription is Proactiv – as long as you use it every day as instructed, you’ll start seeing a difference in your acne (hopefully just in time for prom!). The face washes are great and work for a lot of skin types, plus it’s not going to cost you a ton of money.

But if your pimples are out of control, you should probably take a trip to the dermatologist. Your doctor can check out your skin type and prescribe some products that are super strong. It can be expensive, so maybe make this your last option.

And keep this in mind: you’re always going to notice the zits on your face, no matter where they are, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is. Stress only makes acne worse, so don’t worry about it too much. One or two pimples aren’t going to ruin your appearance!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Find out all the facts about acne here

This post written in partnership with Proactiv. But even if they didn’t sponsor us, I’d totally mention them because this stuff works! xo, Heather

You shouldn't ALWAYS be feeling like this | Source: ShutterStock

Birth control pills can be tricky little guys. One of the unfortunate results of all of those hormones in your body is that you might experience some mood swings. And as any girl knows, mood swings are so not fun. It’s normal for your pills to be making you a little extra moody, but they shouldn’t be changing your mood entirely or anything drastic like that.

I’m not your doctor (or a doctor at all!), so I can’t tell you exactly what’s going on here. While it’s entirely possible that your pills are what’s making you super moody, it’s also just as possible that it’s the natural hormones in your body changing things – I don’t know how old you are, so I can’t say for sure.

Don't let these things ruin your mood! Source: ShutterStock

If you just started taking your pills a few days ago, I would give it some more time before you try to switch to a different brand. Wait at least a month or two, and keep an eye out for any changes. Are you noticing really drastic mood swings all the time? If this continues while you keep taking the pill, definitely contact your doctor. Make an appointment and explain exactly what’s going on. She’ll most likely give you a different pill to try, but she probably won’t do that after 8 days.

If you notice these weird mood swings even after you change pills, maybe there’s something else going on. There’s no need to bottle all of your feelings up – it will only make you much more stressed out and sad in the end! That could definitely be what’s going on here. Pick a friend or family member you trust, and talk to her/him about what you’re feeling whenever you get sad or angry. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, feel free to talk to a school counselor, doctor, or even a psychologist.

Any pill is going to cause some differences in your body, but just remember that the pill should never make you feel completely out of control when it comes to your emotions. And keep in mind that whenever you feel like something is really wrong, you should absolutely call your doctor.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Check out our complete guide to birth control for more info

Tricky, tricky razor... | Source: ShutterStock

There’s no reason to freak out, girl! Getting bumps and a little stinging sensation when you shave down there is totally normal. You most likely don’t have an infection – if you do, it would be super irritated and really painful (If it is, just call up your doctor). Don’t worry, I’m sure you didn’t ruin your vay-jay-jay forever.

Shaving naturally causes red bumps and ingrown hairs, especially on the super soft and sensitive skin of your down there region. Usually, you’ll be a little irritated the first few days after shaving there, but it should go away as the hair grows back. Even though it’s normal, it can also be totally uncomfortable and annoying, so here are a few tips on how to avoid it for the next time:

There are other options if you don't want to shave again | Source: ShutterStock

If you want to shave it all off, take your time and don’t rush through it – that will definitely cause some painful cuts. The best time to shave is during or after you shower. Use a decent amount of shaving cream that is also moisturizing (no bar soap!), and a really good, new razor. Old razors are more dull and are much more likely to nick you or give you irritation. Use a mirror so you can see what you’re doing, and work slowly, using lots of warm water. Once you’re done, pat some baby powder down there, or use something like Sally Hansen’s Bikini Spray, which soothes the area.

But keep in mind that no matter how slowly you work or how much shaving cream you use, you’ll probably still end up with some bumps, just because that’s what happens when you shave. To avoid that completely, you can start getting waxed. It’s a little more expensive, and definitely a little more painful in the moment, but a lot of people swear by it. There’s also laser hair removal, which is a lot of money and a permanent solution. If you’re just looking for a little less hair down there, you could also try trimming with scissors – just be careful and don’t cut too close to the skin. Scissors should only be used to trim super long hairs.

For now, treat your bumps with the bikini spray mentioned above or some baby powder. And don’t let yourself completely stress out – shaving down there isn’t easy for anyone!

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

For more info, check out this complete guide to hair removal

Rock your curves just like Sofia Vergara does! | Source: ShutterStock

I’m going to tell you the same thing I told this girl who has the opposite problem: there’s no reason for you to hate your big boobs! I know right now you feel totally awkward about them and you don’t know how to deal – and that’s normal. But I promise one day you’ll grow into them and you’ll probably even learn to love them, as crazy as that might sound right now.

See how cute this looks?! | Source: ShutterStock

As much as you want to shrink your breasts, that isn’t going to be possible unless you have plastic surgery – contrary to what you read online, there is no magic food that will make them smaller. Having breast reduction surgery is a big deal, and isn’t something you should be considering at such a young age. If in a few years your boobs are really hurting your back or really getting in the way of things, then you could think about it. But since surgery changes your body forever, you should first try to learn to feel comfortable with yourself.

That being said, I know finding clothes that fit or sports bras that really work can be very difficult with larger breasts. But it’s not impossible! If you don’t want to show off too much of the girls, steer clear of low-cut shirts like V-necks. If you want to wear those, cute tank tops should become your new best friends. Layer them under pretty much anything – they’ll cover you up, and layering is totally chic.

As for the sports bra issue, you’re unfortunately going to have to invest in a good one in order to play sports and run around. But don’t freak out – every athlete should be wearing sports bras when they’re being active.

I know it’s hard to learn to accept your body, but try not to feel too uncomfortable about your boobs. Obsessing over them is only going to make you feel worse – feel lucky about what you have! There are a lot of girls who would love bigger breasts, so remember that the grass is always greener on the other side.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

This girl learned to love her big boobs

Learn to love what you've got | Source: Latido.com

Hey Heather,

I’m 15 and I would like to know… is there any way I can make my boobs grow faster? Or make them get bigger? I’m so flat-chested and I hate it!

Before I answer your question, let me just say this: you have no reason to hate being flat-chested! There’s nothing wrong with having smaller boobs. In fact, some of the most beautiful celebs ever (Lea Michele, Taylor Swift, etc.) are lacking in the breast department – and who could ever say anything bad about their looks?

I know you’re looking for some sort of miracle cure here, but despite any weird products or remedies you might see out there, there really isn’t one. That is, unless you want to drop a couple of thousand dollars on plastic surgery – and I don’t recommend that. It’s dangerous, risky and changes how you look forever. Plus, at 15-years-old, your body is still growing and changing. There’s a possibility that you could just be a little bit of a late bloomer, and end up growing bigger boobs on your own.

You don't want to do this to yourself. Seriously. | Source: People.com

However, I’m not promising that that will happen. If you feel super insecure about your smaller breasts, you can buy yourself a padded bra. They sell them all over, including one called the Miraculous at Victoria’s Secret that promises to make you look two cup sizes bigger. If you’re not into all of that stuffing, invest in a good push-up bra. This will enhance your assets without feeling uncomfortable.

But the main thing is this: you need to learn to be comfortable with your size boobs. I know you don’t want to hear that, but you can’t change how your body is, and wishing you could is only going to make you unhappy. Remember that with smaller boobs, you have tons of advantages. You can get away without wearing a bra, you can rock cute, low-cut tanks without showing off too much, and  you don’t to feel really paranoid in a bikini top.

Oh, and if you’re thinking dudes are only into girls with big breasts – you’re wrong (just check out what Ethan had to say about it)! What guys really like (what everyone likes) is confidence. Learn to love your small boobies instead of faking bigger ones, and I promise you’ll be much happier in the end.

take care,
heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Read this girl’s story on how she learned to love her small boobs

Once Cady changed her look, her whole life changed in Mean Girls

While we may never notice a new handbag or bang trim, guys can detect “drastic.” If you’ve been dating for some time, or a guy is already super into you, a new look shouldn’t make a difference at all—it’ll take more than a haircut to turn off a truly enamored man. But how a crush will react to a radical makeover depends on your intentions and the extent of your relationship.

For example, drastic change can be jarring for a mutual admirer. Flip the tables for a second and imagine the cute, grungy skater you’ve been flirting with were to come into Chem class one day wearing khaki pants and a blazer fit for Chuck Bass. If his natural bad-boy image was what attracted you in the first place, wouldn’t an abrupt, disingenuous switch turn you off? Plus, whether we want to admit it or not, both genders can harbor shallow preferences. I admit that when a girl I once liked got fed up with long hair and went for a pixie cut, my interest waned when I couldn’t shake visions of my closely cropped grandmother. So don’t change yourself for a guy who already might be interested – change your perspective and ask him out!

Don't worry Ethan - you're not the only one who remembers this movie!

On the other hand, if you want to get an oblivious guy’s attention, it actually can’t hurt to try something new. We’ve all seen the movie She’s All That (or am I just really old?), a Pygmalion derivative in which the nerdy chick gets made over and suddenly becomes the hottest thing around. Sadly, it’s not just a movie cliché: some of us men are dumb enough to not notice a girl until she throws on a dress and some contact lenses.

However, if you’re just aching for a new look to fit your ever-evolving internal state, then you shouldn’t worry about what any guy thinks. Listen to Madonna and express yourself (…yup, I’m just old). Because ultimately, if a guy isn’t into your being self-assured, then he isn’t worth dating in the first place.

Good luck!
Ethan

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Will a guy who really loves you wait for sex? Ethan fills us in.

Change Your Look

Trust us: there's no need to be this nervous.

It’s completely understandable that you’re nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Here’s the unfortunate truth: a trip to the gyno’s office is never going to be particularly fun. But I can guarantee that it’s probably not going to be as bad as you think it will be.

First things first: if you think you have an infection, you definitely need to tell your mom and get yourself over to the doctor. Some vaginal infections will heal themselves, but others won’t, and they need to be treated, especially if you’ve had it for a while. I don’t know your symptoms and I’m not a doctor, so I can’t tell you that you definitely have one. But if you have a strong odor, more discharge than usual, and any kind of discomfort down there, you should definitely get checked out.

That thing looks much worse than it is.

That being said, this is nothing to be embarrassed about. gURLs get vaginal infections all the time. While it might be super uncomfortable, it’s totally normal, nothing to be ashamed of, and you can get infections without even being sexually active.

And if you’re worried about your doctor looking at your vagina, you shouldn’t be. This might sound a little weird, but a gynecologist has seen a lot of vaginas, and she or he definitely isn’t going to judge you or be shocked by anything. It might feel extremely awkward to have someone up close and personal down there, but just think of it as that this is his/her job. Asking to see a female doctor might make you more comfortable, too.

When you’re there, your doc will probably do something called a pap smear, where a metal speculum (sort of like kitchen tongs!) is used to open up your vagina so it can be checked more thoroughly. Having this done doesn’t affect your virginity, and it’s only uncomfortable for a couple seconds. The more you relax, the easier it’ll be.

Long story short, the gynecologist’s office isn’t nearly as bad as people say, and that you’ll be so glad you went when you’re all healthy and better.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com
Gynecologist

Blair may have had an unhealthy relationship with Chuck, but her relationship with food wasn't good either.

Hi Heather,

I have problems with my body. Some days I will be perfectly fine, having fun eating burritos with my friends at Taco Bell. Other days, I will feel so fat and not eat at all. This doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, I starve myself, and it makes me feel better. Lately it has gotten to the point where I have considered throwing up. Am I anorexic if this isn’t constant?

Also, how do I convince my mom that I have a problem? She doesn’t believe me; all I am doing is trying to get help from her, and she won’t listen. Help?

Body image issues are really hard to deal with, and they can be dangerous. I know telling you that you’re not alone doesn’t make it easier, but you do have to remember that. Also? Remember that you’re beautiful and that you can get better. There’s help out there, and if the first person you turned to can’t give it to you? You’re going to find it somewhere else.

 

You're just not your fab self without some food, gurl!

Diagnosing eating disorders can be a tricky thing. Doctors aren’t really supposed to diagnose you as anorexic or bulemic unless your behavior is regular, constant, and affecting almost every part of your life. But even if your behavior falls short of a full diagnosis, it could still be considered “disordered eating,” which can do damage, too. Starving yourself—even just once in a while—does more than make you lose weight, it also deprives your body of super important nutrients that give you energy and make your hair shiny, your skin soft, and your smile bright. You’re not at your best when you’re not eating.

If you’ve already tried having a super calm, serious talk with your mom about how you’re feeling and what you’ve been doing, go to another family member you trust, a friend’s mom who you feel safe with or even a school counselor. The most important thing is that you find someone to be on your team as you work through this.

A lot of gurls focus on calories and losing weight because they feel like the rest of their lives are out of control. When friendships fall apart, your family is dealing with a lot of drama, or you’re freaking out about college apps, it’s super common for gurls to try to find something they can actually be in control of—and what you eat and how much you weigh can become a dangerous obsession. One of the first steps to getting better is usually figuring out what’s really going on in your life and talking about the things that are upsetting you.

To get more help, call the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa And Associated Disorders at 630-577-1330, or text Teen Line with the word “TEEN” at 839863 between 5:30 and 9:30 PST each night for help.

Have you ever felt like your life was out of control? Do you sometimes skip meals or obsess over calories? Do you have a friend who was dealing with an eating disorder who got better? Give us your advice and discuss below.

take care,

heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.
Eating Disorder

Should you keep it a secret?

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com.