Hi Heather,

I was just wondering… is it normal to feel stupid about not drinking? I’ll be a freshmen in high school next year, and most of my friends have had the occasional beer or shot of vodka, but I haven’t. Sometimes it makes me feel stupid when people look at me weirdly when I say I don’t drink. I want to be able to have fun, but at the same time I don’t want people to judge me if I haven’t had a drink. Should I let the pressure bother me? Will it get worse?

Hi Heather,

I really feel distant from my family. I really feel more interested in friends, etc. than family. Is that wrong, or is it normal as a teen girl? Don’t get me wrong, I love my family! I just don’t feel like I used to when I was younger. What should I do if I should do anything at all? Help, Heather!

Dear Ethan: Do guys care if you make a drastic change to the way you look, like if you get a haircut or totally change your style? Would that turn them off? Or do they even notice at all?

Body image issues are really hard to deal with, and they can be dangerous. I know telling you that you’re not alone doesn’t make it easier, but you do have to remember that. Also? Remember that you’re beautiful and that you can get better. There’s help out there, and if the first person you turned to can’t give it to you? You’re going to find it somewhere else.

You're just not your fab self without some food, gurl!

Diagnosing eating disorders can be a tricky thing. Doctors aren’t really supposed to diagnose you as anorexic or bulemic unless your behavior is regular, constant, and affecting almost every part of your life. But even if your behavior falls short of a full diagnosis, it could still be considered “disordered eating,” which can do damage, too. Starving yourself—even just once in a while—does more than make you lose weight, it also deprives your body of super important nutrients that give you energy and make your hair shiny, your skin soft, and your smile bright. You’re not at your best when you’re not eating.

If you’ve already tried having a super calm, serious talk with your mom about how you’re feeling and what you’ve been doing, go to another family member you trust, a friend’s mom who you feel safe with or even a school counselor. The most important thing is that you find someone to be on your team as you work through this.

A lot of gurls focus on calories and losing weight because they feel like the rest of their lives are out of control. When friendships fall apart, your family is dealing with a lot of drama, or you’re freaking out about college apps, it’s super common for gurls to try to find something they can actually be in control of—and what you eat and how much you weigh can become a dangerous obsession. One of the first steps to getting better is usually figuring out what’s really going on in your life and talking about the things that are upsetting you.

To get more help, call the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa And Associated Disorders at 630-577-1330, or text Teen Line with the word “TEEN” at 839863 between 5:30 and 9:30 PST each night for help.

Have you ever felt like your life was out of control? Do you sometimes skip meals or obsess over calories? Do you have a friend who was dealing with an eating disorder who got better? Give us your advice and discuss below.

take care,

heather

Hello, Heather,

Recently, a lot of my friends have been drinking, “getting off” with guys, been getting into smoking and drugs and wearing VERY different clothing such as tight tops, short skirts, large heels, etc. I personally think they shouldn’t. They’re underage, acting stupid and being extremely immature. Of course, I’m the only one who thinks this though.

Constantly I feel as if I’m a goody-two-shoes, or that I’m just plain dull and boring and different and I hate it! My “friends” are saying I should live a little, get out there, update my wardrobe, be more fashionable (as in, dress like a slut) and I should try alcohol. I keep saying no, I’m not the type to crack under peer pressure. But I’m starting to feel so babyish and unwanted by people.

Should I help them? Should I stay away? Should I live a little, join them, perhaps? Am I doing something wrong? Am I normal? Should I drop them? Should I tell an adult what’s happening, as none know? UUUGGGHHH! Please help me, I don’t know what to do.

I’ll be blunt: peer pressure sucks. It’s never fun to deal with, and it sucks even more when it’s your best friends who are doing it to you. I know it’s tough, but in this situation the most important thing to do is to stick to what you believe in and what feels right and comfortable for you.

There is no reason for you to feel baby-ish or boring. Doing drugs, drinking when you’re underage and hooking up does not make you an adult, and it does not mean you’re “cool.” If that’s not something you want to do, then you should never feel like you have to do it in order to fit in with your friends. If they’re going to make you feel bad about that, then honestly, they aren’t really great friends.

You sound like a totally normal gURL to me! There’s nothing wrong with you just because you don’t want to participate in these (mostly illegal) activities. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, so just be strong, and continue to do only what makes you comfortable. If you do end up giving in just to feel wanted, you’ll end up regretting it.

WDYT, gURLs? Have your friends ever peer pressured you? Can you relate to this situation? Do you ever feel the same way? Give us your advice and discuss below.

take care,

heather

Dear Heather,

I have been bullied a lot lately. I have started to receive threats and I’m scared to go to school. I have told my parents and principal, but nothing has helped. It has only gotten worse. Help!

I’m so sorry to hear you’re being bullied. There’s never an excuse for bullying, and it’s a serious issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly. No one deserves to be treated badly no matter what, but unfortunately, many people are anyway. Keep in mind that you are not alone in this situation (even celebrities like Demi Lovato deal with bullying), and there are lots of people you can talk to about it.

Keep telling your principal about what is going on. If he/she doesn’t do anything, find a teacher you trust, or go to a guidance counselor. It is part of your school’s job to protect you, so keep them updated so they can help you. Also, keep telling your parents. Be honest and let them know how much this is affecting you. Find a friend you have a good time with and feel comfortable talking to, and stick by their side. He/she can do their best to protect you, too.

In order for you to get through this (because it won’t last forever, I promise), you need to always remember that you are a truly awesome gURL. Believe in yourself and surround yourself with people who are there for you. It’s hard, yes, but ignore what the bullies are saying to you and continue to be yourself. The truth is, they’re probably only picking on you because they’re insecure themselves.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever been bullied? How did you get through it? What are your thoughts on bullying?  Give us your advice and discuss below.

take care,

heather

Hey Heather,

I’ve been taking all these online tests about being bipolar and they’ve all come back saying that I’ve got it. I’m not sure what to do! I’ve had a few bad things happen to me this week and I’m worried that I’m depressed/have bipolar disorder. What should I do?

I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling depressed lately. It sucks to feel like everything is going badly and things just keep getting worse. While it’s possible that you could have bipolar disorder, I can’t tell you for sure if you do or not, since I’m not your doctor.

However, I can tell you that those online tests you’ve been taking are really not reliable. Most of the websites that have them are not even run by a legitimate doctor. Bipolar disorder is a serious psychological disorder that only about two to three percent of the population is actually diagnosed with. It’s impossible to know if you have it or not just by going by these tests — you would have to see a doctor and get tested for real.

It’s totally possible that you’re just feeling a little depressed. That happens to people every day, especially teens, and it’s completely normal. But if you feel like something is really wrong, you should talk to your parents or a school counselor and see a psychologist or psychiatrist. They will able to tell you if you have a mental disorder, but just know that serious disorders, like being bipolar, take lots of testing and analysis to diagnose.

Keep things in perspective, and don’t stress about this. Talking to someone you trust could be really helpful right now.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever felt like you might be bipolar? Do you have any psychological disorders? What do you do when you’re depressed? Do you go to a psychologist? Give us your advice and discuss below!

take care,

heather

Hi Heather,

I’m a freshman in high school and I have no friends at the school. I can’t seem to meet anyone who seems like they need friends. I eat alone, spend my free periods alone, and walk to class alone. I need some help.

I’m sorry you feel so lonely in school. High school can be a pretty scary and intimidating place for every gURL and guy, especially freshman. Don’t think you’re alone in this situation though, because there are plenty of people who feel exactly the same way.

Making friends might seem really hard, but I promise it’s not that bad. The first thing you need to do is try to involve yourself. You should definitely join an after-school club, whether it’s yearbook, sports, or whatever. You’ll meet people who have similar interests as you, and you’ll be working pretty closely with them, so it’ll be super easy to get to know them. Bonus: it will end up looking great on your college apps in the future.

Try striking up a conversation with someone nice who sits next you, or take a seat at a lunch table with people who you recognize from class. Don’t be afraid to be friendly and a little bit outgoing. I know it seems terrifying, but the only way you’re going to make friends is if you put yourself out there.

Just make sure that you’re confident and acting like your amazing self when introducing yourself to people. Don’t get frustrated — it might take a little time, but you’ll meet a great friend soon.

WDYT, gURLs? Do you feel lonely in school? What do you do to get yourself involved? Do you have any great tips on making friends?  Give us your advice and discuss below!

take care,

heather

Hi Heather,

So I’ve been thinking really, really long and hard about my religion. I was raised a Catholic and most of my family (including my aunts, uncles, and cousins, even second cousins) are Roman Catholic as well. My parents are super religious and they thoroughly believe in God.

I’ve thought about it for 2-3 years and I’ve decided that Catholicism isn’t for me. I just don’t feel comfortable being Catholic.  I just don’t believe in God. Not to be offensive in any way, but I don’t think there’s a point to religion. And I’m planning to tell my parents soon, but I’m scared to. I’m scared of how they’ll react or if they’ll get mad. And I don’t know exactly how to tell them. I’m making a point to tell them really soon, since I’m supposed to start Confirmation classes. What should I do?

Religion should be a personal choice, not something that you’re forced into. This might be a difficult thing to tell your family, but if you know that this isn’t the right religion for you, then it’s important that you stay true to your beliefs. I’m glad you realize you need to be honest with your parents. It probably won’t be easy to talk about, but it’s the right thing to do.

The best thing is to just be completely straight up with your mom and dad. Tell them how long you’ve been thinking about this, and explain that you just don’t feel right practicing this religion anymore. Explain exactly how you feel and how passionate you are about it. Let them know you’re not trying to hurt them at all, it’s just something you feel you need to do for yourself.

Your parents reaction might be a little scary — just make sure you stay calm and controlled no matter what. That helps to show them that you’re mature enough to make this decision on your own. Stick by your beliefs. Just because Cath0licism is something your whole family practices doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you for not wanting to be a part of it.

WDYT, gURLs? Have you ever decided to change your religion? Do you and your family disagree on faith? Give us your advice and discuss below!

take care,
heather

Hey Heather,

My boyfriend and I recently decided to have sex. We got plenty of condoms, had a night at his house all to ourselves. When it was finally time to do the deed, he couldn’t get it in. And then… it went soft. We tried again for the next three nights but every time he would be hard, and the next thing I knew it was soft again and finally I gave up! It was really awkward because this is my first time, but I also find it really funny because he’s been trying to get in my pants for three years now and couldn’t even keep it up! But what do you think, is it erectile dysfunction or something else?

Erectile dysfunction, or ED, is the ongoing inability to get and keep an erection. It’s really common in men — it’s just that you might not realize it, because no guy ever wants to talk about it. However, it’s not so common for it to happen to younger guys, and most cases occur in men over age 50.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t say for sure, but your BF probably isn’t suffering from ED. Getting an erection might seem like it’s really simple, but it’s more than just a physical thing — it’s also psychological. Dudes can have trouble getting it up and/or keeping it up for a lot of different reasons: they’re nervous, they don’t feel well, they’re stressed out about something, etc. Don’t take it personally, because it’s usually not about the gURL.

I think what’s happening here is that your boyfriend is probably feeling a lot of pressure about having sex with you. Whether he’s a virgin or not, if he’s been waiting years to do it, then he’s probably built it up a lot in his mind. He most likely is worried about pleasing you, doing a good job and not messing up. The next time you guys hook up, try to relax him first. Let him know you think he’ll be great no matter what.

If it doesn’t stop happening, then he should go see a doctor. For now, try to keep him calm and take the pressure off. This is proof that guys can get self-conscious too.

WDYT, gURLs? Has this ever happened to a guy you were hooking up with? Do you know a dude with ED? How did you deal with it? Discuss below!

take care,
heather