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Do I think you should try to pregnant right now? No, no, no and no some more. Look, I know this probably isn’t the answer you wanted to get, but hear me out, okay?

I know I don’t know you, but I’m pretty confident in saying that at 15-years-old, you’re not ready to have a baby yet. Getting pregnant and having a child is a HUGE deal. Seriously, it’s a crazy big deal and it will change your life forever. I know that, at the moment, starting a family with your boyfriend seems kind of romantic and sweet, but trust me on this one: you should wait.

Being a teen mom is extremely, extremely difficult. High school is hard enough on it’s own – now imagine adding a baby into the mix! Babies, as adorable as they may be, require a lot of money and time – and when I say a lot, I really mean all of your money and time. Are you ready to fully commit your entire life to a tiny little person that needs all of your attention? Are you ready to get a few part-time jobs after school to save up the money for baby products, doctor visits and more? Forget about hanging with your friends, going to parties or having alone time with your BF. Once you have a baby, you won’t have time for anything but that baby – and work and school, of course.

Look, I get that you love your boyfriend and you two feel like you want to be together forever. But if you’re really going to be together forever, why rush things? Having a baby at your age may even actually ruin your relationship because of all of the extra responsibility and stress. It’s a lot to handle and it’s not easy. If you two are meant to be together forever, then give yourselves time to get to this point in your relationship. High school and college are your time to have fun, be carefree and hang with your friends. You should be focusing on yourselves right now, you shouldn’t be focusing on raising a tiny human.

I’m not trying to say that being a teen mom is the worst thing in the world. Getting pregnant at a young age happens to some people and while I’m sure those people don’t regret having their baby, I’m also sure that most of them wish they could have waited a few more years. Once you have a baby, you have to face a life full of a ton of responsibility. You kind of lose your youth and there’s no need to purposely do that when you could wait a few more years until you’re older and a little more settled and secure.

I’m seriously advising you not to go through with this. Give yourself some more time, please. Waiting is a decision you won’t regret.

take care,
Heather

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Are these girls encouraging teen pregnancies?

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Hi Heather,

I’m sort of embarrassed to ask this question but is it okay to masturbate every day? How much masturbating is too much? I don’t want to mess anything up so please help.

Good news: it’s almost always totally fine to masturbate every day. Masturbating is healthy, it feels good, it allows you to get closer to yourself, it relieves stress, it makes you happy and did I mention that it feels good? So, really, if you want to get it on with your bad self every single day, go for it. No judging here.

So if it’s so great, why do I only say that it’s almost totally fine to masturbate every day? As with basically anything, too much of a good thing can sometimes be… well, too much. If you’re consistently more interested in masturbating than hooking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, that may be a sign that you’re masturbating too much. If it starts to negatively affect your relationship with someone you care about… that can be a problem.

Another example is if you start masturbating so much that you stop doing things you need to do, like getting homework done, going to work, or, I don’t know, eating. Basically if masturbating is taking over and becoming the most important thing in your life, that’s not good. And, of course, if you’re starting to actually hurt down there from masturbating, try taking a little break to give yourself some rest.

I doubt these are things you need to worry about, but it is always something you should keep in mind. If you’re just into making yourself feel good for a half hour every day as sort of an extracurricular activity, that’s completely fine. But if masturbating becomes your number one priority, it’s probably time to relax. Make sense?

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Is it okay to masturbate when you’re on your period?

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Oh, boy. I hate to be the one to wag my finger when you’re coming to me for solace, but I think your initial mistake was snooping through his stuff in the first place! You never, ever, want to look through a loved one’s computer… unless, maybe, you’re the First Lady to a recently deceased President who needs to dig up missile codes in order to stop an incoming nuclear attack. Otherwise, you don’t have much of an excuse to inspect his personal property. After all – as I preach nearly every week – a relationship is nothing without trust. And trust works both ways: you must trust him to behave appropriately and he must trust you to trust him.

Secondly, I don’t believe he did anything wrong by merely looking at pictures of his ex-girlfriend. A daily obsession would be one thing, but to check in on an ex every now and then and even browse through her photos is entirely normal. Heck, I’ve done it a few times without once thinking about actually straying from my girlfriend. What he eyeballs shouldn’t matter as long as his hands are devoted to you.

Even if the initial Facebook stalk was discovered by accident (while using his laptop for convenience, for example), you don’t want to make the proactive choice to look through his history. And you certainly can’t be upset with him for what you think you’ve found when there’s no evidence of any offense.

Until he proves your suspicions right with his actions, I suggest thinking about why you felt compelled to look through his computer to begin with. If he’s promised that he’s over his ex, you have to take him at his word in order to move the relationship forward. Rather than confronting him about the findings of your spying, perhaps have a more general “state of the relationship” meeting instead. Talking about your fears, concerns and emotions will be much more productive than accusing him of something he may not even be guilty of!

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

I get jealous when my BF talks to other girls

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Ugh, I know the feeling and I know how much it stinks. Getting over someone is hard enough as it is – but getting over someone you have to see and interact with all the time is even more difficult. It’s also a confusing feeling because you never really had a relationship with this person, so you don’t really know how you’re supposed to feel.

The best way to get over a crush, or anyone really, is to stop thinking about the person. This is way, wayyyy easier said than done. To do this, cut off contact as much as possible. This doesn’t mean you need to completely ignore him if he tries to talk to you (although you can do that if you want), but don’t go out of your way to talk to him. In fact, go out of your way not to talk to him. Do you sit near him in class? Try to move your seat, if possible. Are you friends with him on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram? I strongly suggest deleting him or, at the very least, blocking him. You’re never going to get over someone if you continue to see their regular updates via social media.

Using the buddy system to get over someone can help as well. Let your best friend know that you’re ready to get over this dude and she shouldn’t let you talk about him or try to talk to him. She can stop you whenever you bring up his name, she can say encouraging things to make you feel better and she can convince you not to approach him if you want to. Plus, you can lean on her when you’re feeling sad.

Another way to get over a crush? Start crushing on someone else! Be open to meeting new people and getting to know other guys – you probably didn’t notice them when you were busy crushing on this person, but their out there, I promise. Or, on the flip side, just focus on yourself for a while. Put all of your energy and time into doing something that will make you happy, like a hobby or a sport. Focusing on yourself not only makes you better, but it also makes you happier and before you know it, you’ll forget about that loser who doesn’t like you back.

I’ll be honest with you, though: it’s probably not going to take just a week or two to get over this crush. It can take a long time to stop liking someone and that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel pathetic about that! As corny as this phrase sounds, time really does heal all wounds. If you stick with these tips and avoid your crush as much as possible, you’ll go to bed one day realizing you didn’t even think about him once during the day – and it will feel great.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Does THIS mean my crush likes me?

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Good news: it’s totally, totally fine to masturbate while you’re on your period. If you’re comfortable with it, it’s not gross and as long as you’re clean about things, it’s not unhealthy.

In fact, masturbating during your period is probably a big benefit to you. When you have your period, all of these crazy hormonal things are happening to your body and these hormones can make you even more in the mood, if you catch my drift. So, you probably feel extra, um, cravings to masturbate during this time anyway. Masturbation can also help relieve painful cramps from your period. And if you have mood swings, pleasuring yourself has been proven to make you feel happy and to help get rid of stress (read more about what masturbation does here). I see nothing but good things here!

I mean, yes, a masturbation session during your period may end up being more messy than masturbating when you’re not on your period. There’s blood down there so that makes sense, right? I would suggest laying down a few old towels before you get busy and, of course, washing your hands when you’re done. If you don’t feel like cleaning anything up, you can also try sitting on the toilet so things are more manageable.

As for how to do it, try stimulating your clitoris rather than doing anything vaginally. If you masturbate by stimulating your clitoris, you can keep a tampon in, which will help with the mess. If you don’t want to stick your fingers in there, you can try using sex toys, but make sure you don’t already have a tampon in your vagina – in fact, if you plan on putting anything inside of your vagina, make sure there is no tampon in there at all.

So, yes, masturbating while on your period is perfectly fine and totally normal. Don’t let anyone make you feel weird about doing it (you don’t even have to tell anyone!). This is your body and there’s nothing wrong with exploring it, even if things get a little messy. After all, this is just your blood we’re talking about here. No big deal!

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

My 7th grade teacher made me afraid to masturbate

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What are you, nuts? This is “GUY” code – I can’t tell you that!

But guess what? You’ve lucked out, because I’m willing to temporarily break guy code to reveal to you what guy code is. (Please don’t tell my friends?)

The term “guy code” has become so widespread, it’s even landed its own TV show (MTV’s appropriately titled Guy Code). Generally speaking, the expression refers to the set of ethical principles–or “code”–which every male must follow. The point is to bind men in a brotherhood which prioritizes male friendship and masculinity above everything else. It sounds chauvinistic (and it can be), but it’s really rooted in the one moral maxim which we are taught to abide by as early as Kindergarten: “Treat others as one would like others to treat oneself,” also known as “The Golden Rule.”

What are the actual tenets of Guy Code, you may be asking? Well, the specific rules vary across different cultures, groups and geographical locations, but many of them touch upon the same few concepts:

1) A guy shall never reveal anything about another guy’s whereabouts, actions, intentions, or marital status to a girl.

2) A guy friend’s ex-girlfriend, girlfriend, or sister (or mother, if you’re especially ballsy) are all entirely off limits, unless explicit permission is proactively granted by the guy friend.

3) A guy must act as a helpful wingman to another guy whenever requested.

4) No guy is allowed to voluntarily watch Twilight, Glee, or Sex and the City. If forced to watch one of the previously mentioned movies or television shows due to circumstances beyond his control, he may not enjoy it.

While these “rules” carry some truth, you should also take them with a grain of salt. Most guys don’t take this universal guy code as gospel. You can expect most of us to realize that the best way to be a “good” guy is to follow an individualized, personal code that requires us to treat both men and women with compassion and respect.

Just don’t make us choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob, okay?

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys care about whether or not you’re popular?

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First things first: take a deep breath and relax! Finding a lump in your breast does not automatically mean that you have cancer. I completely understand how scary it is – once I found a lump in my armpit and I was convinced I was dying (turns out it was just swollen glands) – but freaking out isn’t going to help the situation at all. Take it from me, I’ve been there.

Let’s go over the good news first: 80 percent of lumps found in breasts are benign, which is a fancy word for “cancer-free.” Also, breast cancer generally affects older women over the age of 30 (although it can of course affect younger women also). So, chances are, your lump isn’t something to panic over.

Now it’s time for the not-so-good news: you should definitely head over to the gyno to get it checked out anyway. And, really, that news isn’t even that bad. While chances are good that your lump is nothing to worry about, it’s still really important to stay on top of your health. Trust me, your doctor isn’t going to think you’re crazy or dramatic for coming in to get a breast exam. You’re concerned about your health – there’s nothing crazy about that!

So what could this lump be? Well for starters, some breasts are just lumpier than others, so this could just be a lump you’ve maybe never noticed before. It could be a cyst – cysts sound scary, but they’re actually pretty common and can sometimes come and go throughout your menstrual cycle. It could be fibroadenoma, which is an excess formation of lobules (the glands that produce milk). The lump could also be the result of an injury you had that maybe you forgot about. The point is, a lump in your breast could mean a lot of things, not just cancer – although that is typically the first thing to pop into our minds.

Head over to the doctor and make sure you’re keeping up on your breast exams. If you can’t make it to the gyno all the time, do a monthly breast exam on yourself (use this handy guide to figure out what to do). I’m not going to lie, it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world, but you should still do it. Even though teens don’t have a huge risk of breast cancer, it’s still possible, which means it’s still important to watch out for yourself.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Are your birth control pills ruining your orgasms?

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How much and what kind of makeup you wear isn’t entirely lost on guys – but just as with lingerie (as discussed in last week’s post), the type and amount of attention we give to makeup is quite different from that of you ladies.

For one thing, since we never wear it ourselves (minus rock stars, gay men, and Russell Brand), makeup isn’t something that guys spend much time thinking about. In fact, when it does pop into our consciousness, it’s likely only because a lady’s makeup is especially bad. Good or bad makeup still won’t permanently make or break your chances with any guy, but it might help you to grab or divert his attention. Generally, a successful female makeup job could be considered one which a guy won’t notice at all.

That’s not to say men find makeup inherently unattractive – we just don’t want to be preoccupied by it while looking longingly into your mascara-drenched raccoon eyes. There will always be the rare dude who’s simply into the “porn star look,” but makeup should ultimately be used – if at all – to subtly enhance your natural beauty, rather than turn you into something entirely different (e.g. a circus clown).

Of course, some women may suffer from more serious cases of acne or skin conditions that cut into self-confidence. In such scenarios, the treatment of the actual problem should always be of primary importance - try leaning on excessively heavy foundation and concealer only as temporary solutions in emergency situations. Lots of guys (including myself) would prefer to date a girl who handles such surface flaws more honestly rather than painstakingly covering them up every day. I think you’ll find that you’ll get much more attention from guys by accepting your imperfections with confidence while accentuating those of your features that you are indeed proud of!

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

10 beauty blunders and how to fix them

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Oh man. This is definitely a rough situation. I understand where you’re coming from – no one likes to feel like a third wheel. It’s totally understandable for you to feel left out and a little bummed out, even if you’re happy for your friends at the same time.

You have two options here: you can voice your concerns to your friends or you can try to move on and stop hanging out with them. I’d like to think that the second choice isn’t an option, since I’m assuming you don’t want to lose either of your friends. Instead, try talking to them. If they are really your best friends, they’ll hear you out and do what they can to keep your friendship intact.

If you really honestly feel like they’re leaving you out, then you should say something. Approach them either separately or together, whatever you feel more comfortable doing, and just say that you love both of them and you’re so happy for both of them, but you feel a little left out. Let them know how much you don’t want to lose them as a friend. Say that you have no problem with their sexual orientation, but you want to continue to hang out with them without always feeling like you’re intruding on one of their private dates. You don’t need to be mean – just be honest and clear with them. Sometimes, new couples don’t realize how alienating they’re being. It’s okay to let them know nicely!

Talking to them should hopefully clear some things up, but - and this is a bummer – you should know that some things are going to change now that your best friends are dating. It will feel like it’s them against you because, well, it sort of is. I know that stinks to hear, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t continue being best friends with them. You should just get used to the idea of them hanging out without you and getting closer without you. And as much as that may suck, it’s also okay. Friendships won’t always stay the same over time – they evolve and change just like any other relationship. If you guys are truly all friends, you’ll be able to work around this stuff and stay friends.

take care,
Heather

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How to deal with annoying PDA

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Don’t worry girl, you definitely don’t sound weird. A few years ago, I heard something similar to this and I started freaking out the same way you are. I was seriously skeptical of ever using a public toilet because I was so paranoid that I would catch some sort of STD or other disease. Fortunately for both of us, catching something serious from a toilet seat is rare and can also be avoided pretty easily.

While toilet seats definitely hold a lot of bacteria, there’s no reason to avoid them completely. Yes, there’s a ton of dirty stuff going on on that seat, but as long as you rub your hands all over it and then put them in your mouth (ew, gross), you should be okay. Bugs that are normally found on toilet seats are things like E. coli, hepatitis A, the common cold virus and, yes, some sexually transmitted diseases. I know, I know. This isn’t helping your anxiety. Read on!

I’ve heard myths about being able to catch pubic lice (crabs) and genital warts or herpes from toilet seats. This is most likely something you don’t need to worry about. Pubic lice can’t live away from a human body for that long, so that means they can’t live on a toilet seat. Have no fear – no little lice are going to be jumping up your butt! Catching genital herpes from a toilet seat is also super rare.

Here’s the thing: as long as you have a healthy immune system and you wash your hands after you use the bathroom, you should be fine. After all, if it were that easy to catch a serious disease from a toilet seat, we’d all be walking around with these diseases, right? And remember when I told you guys about those eight seemingly innocent things that are dirtier than a toilet seat? Trust me, toilets are not the number one thing you need to be worried about. If you’re stressed over germs, make sure you stay hygienic - wash your hands after you go to the bathroom and carry around hand sanitizer. And remember, in general, the only time you should be worried about contracting STDs or STIs is when you’re having sex without a condom.

take care,
Heather

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Can oral sex cause cancer?

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