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Ugh, I know the feeling and I know how much it stinks. Getting over someone is hard enough as it is – but getting over someone you have to see and interact with all the time is even more difficult. It’s also a confusing feeling because you never really had a relationship with this person, so you don’t really know how you’re supposed to feel.

The best way to get over a crush, or anyone really, is to stop thinking about the person. This is way, wayyyy easier said than done. To do this, cut off contact as much as possible. This doesn’t mean you need to completely ignore him if he tries to talk to you (although you can do that if you want), but don’t go out of your way to talk to him. In fact, go out of your way not to talk to him. Do you sit near him in class? Try to move your seat, if possible. Are you friends with him on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram? I strongly suggest deleting him or, at the very least, blocking him. You’re never going to get over someone if you continue to see their regular updates via social media.

Using the buddy system to get over someone can help as well. Let your best friend know that you’re ready to get over this dude and she shouldn’t let you talk about him or try to talk to him. She can stop you whenever you bring up his name, she can say encouraging things to make you feel better and she can convince you not to approach him if you want to. Plus, you can lean on her when you’re feeling sad.

Another way to get over a crush? Start crushing on someone else! Be open to meeting new people and getting to know other guys – you probably didn’t notice them when you were busy crushing on this person, but their out there, I promise. Or, on the flip side, just focus on yourself for a while. Put all of your energy and time into doing something that will make you happy, like a hobby or a sport. Focusing on yourself not only makes you better, but it also makes you happier and before you know it, you’ll forget about that loser who doesn’t like you back.

I’ll be honest with you, though: it’s probably not going to take just a week or two to get over this crush. It can take a long time to stop liking someone and that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel pathetic about that! As corny as this phrase sounds, time really does heal all wounds. If you stick with these tips and avoid your crush as much as possible, you’ll go to bed one day realizing you didn’t even think about him once during the day – and it will feel great.

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

Does THIS mean my crush likes me?

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Good news: it’s totally, totally fine to masturbate while you’re on your period. If you’re comfortable with it, it’s not gross and as long as you’re clean about things, it’s not unhealthy.

In fact, masturbating during your period is probably a big benefit to you. When you have your period, all of these crazy hormonal things are happening to your body and these hormones can make you even more in the mood, if you catch my drift. So, you probably feel extra, um, cravings to masturbate during this time anyway. Masturbation can also help relieve painful cramps from your period. And if you have mood swings, pleasuring yourself has been proven to make you feel happy and to help get rid of stress (read more about what masturbation does here). I see nothing but good things here!

I mean, yes, a masturbation session during your period may end up being more messy than masturbating when you’re not on your period. There’s blood down there so that makes sense, right? I would suggest laying down a few old towels before you get busy and, of course, washing your hands when you’re done. If you don’t feel like cleaning anything up, you can also try sitting on the toilet so things are more manageable.

As for how to do it, try stimulating your clitoris rather than doing anything vaginally. If you masturbate by stimulating your clitoris, you can keep a tampon in, which will help with the mess. If you don’t want to stick your fingers in there, you can try using sex toys, but make sure you don’t already have a tampon in your vagina – in fact, if you plan on putting anything inside of your vagina, make sure there is no tampon in there at all.

So, yes, masturbating while on your period is perfectly fine and totally normal. Don’t let anyone make you feel weird about doing it (you don’t even have to tell anyone!). This is your body and there’s nothing wrong with exploring it, even if things get a little messy. After all, this is just your blood we’re talking about here. No big deal!

take care,
Heather

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at heather@gurl.com

My 7th grade teacher made me afraid to masturbate

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So yeah, as dicey as friendships can be, they’re so important to our overall sense of well being. But who hasn’t had some sort of problem with a friend? Here’s some of your comments about friend drama.

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What’s the biggest fight you’ve ever had with a friend? Do you think it is easy to restore a friendship once it’s been broken? Tell us in the comments!

My Best Friends Are Dating And Now I Feel Like A Third Wheel

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Me and my (awesome) natural hair.

My hair is incredibly important to me, especially since I wear it in a natural hairstyle. By natural, I mean that I don’t use any chemicals to straighten or alter the texture of my hair. Relaxers and perms are very popular among black women, and I have nothing against people who use them! What you do with you hair is a personal choice and nobody’s business but your own! But I’m very happy that I leave my hair in its natural state because, well, I think it looks awesome!

Despite the growing popularity of natural hair in recent years, there is still a big stigma against it. Black hair in its natural state is often seen as unattractive and unruly, and it definitely fails to meet euro-centric standards of beauty. If you’re skeptical about how deep rooted these standards are, look at most of the hairstyles in your average magazine or advertisement. Trust me, you’ll have to spend a fair amount of time finding anyone with my hair texture. If you’re still not convinced look at it this way: I’ve had friends who decided to relax their hair so that they can appear more professional for jobs in media or business. How sad is that?

Frankly, screw euro-centric beauty standards because my hair is fabulous. Here’s 10 reasons why I love my natural hair.

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The Coolest People Are Rocking It.

Interest in natural hairstyles is growing and it is becoming incredibly trendy. Celebs like Willow Smith, Solange Knowles and Viola Davis--just a few of my favorite black celebs--are rocking natural hairstyles and looking fabulous.

It Scares Off Losers

Angela Davis is a political figure who should be known for more than her awesome afro. But let's be real: Her hairstyle was seen as radical back in the day, and in some ways it still is now. People love to associate afros with being angry and militant and scary, and honestly the people who are dumb enough to make those stereotypes deserve to be scared. So I hope that my hair worries at least one person everyday.

It Is A Money Saver

I can save a lot of money by not getting my hair chemically straightened every few weeks. Also, I rarely need to buy shampoo! Most shampoos contain sulfates that are really rough on natural hair. Many people with natural hair rarely use shampoo, which means that my bottle of shampoo lasts FOREVER. Seriously, I'm talking one bottle every year and a half or so, personally. Saving money is always a plus in my book

It Makes A Statement

Since there are still many people who disapprove of natural hair, wearing natural hairstyles in public always makes some kind of statement whether I like it or not. But usually, I like it, because it looks awesome! The more gravity defying it looks, the better.

Rain Won't Mess With It

In case you didn't know, black hair naturally curls when water touches it. For natural ladies who don't straighten their hair, this means that rain is no longer the enemy of our 'do. For women who have their hair chemically straightened, well, my heart goes out to them. I hope their umbrella is super durable!

It Is Incredibly Versatile

People underestimate the lengths to which black hair can can transform. I'd argue that black hair is the most diverse and most versatile hair type out there. It can be straightened, locked, twisted, braided, and transform into an awesomely voluminous afro. There are so many options! It almost makes me want to have two heads just so I can play around to my heart's content!

It Can Be A Makeshift Pillow

Uncomfortable rides in airplanes or cars can be a real pain in the neck. Literally, a pain in the neck. Luckily when I'm in those situations and donning a fro, my hair provides a little bit of a cushion when I don't have a pillow. It's not much, but it's something.

People Try To Copy Us And Fail Miserably

People who don't have our hair type love to try to emulate our most popular styles. This is especially evident with cornrow style braids. All I have to say to people like Ke$ha who try to rock this look is...no. Just, no.

I Can Become Scary Spice Whenever I Want

Enough said, really. We all know that Scary Spice was the coolest of all of the Spice Girls. Stay jealous.

It's Just Amazingly Badass

Frankly, I just think that natural hair is straight up beautiful. I mean, of course, I have my bad hair days but I just love how awesome natural hairstyles look. Whether it's braids or fros or everything in-between, natural hair is straight up cool and nobody should ever feel ashamed of it.

Do you have natural hair? What do you think about euro-centric beauty standards? Tell us in the comments!

 
Why I Love My African American Hair
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What are you, nuts? This is “GUY” code – I can’t tell you that!

But guess what? You’ve lucked out, because I’m willing to temporarily break guy code to reveal to you what guy code is. (Please don’t tell my friends?)

The term “guy code” has become so widespread, it’s even landed its own TV show (MTV’s appropriately titled Guy Code). Generally speaking, the expression refers to the set of ethical principles–or “code”–which every male must follow. The point is to bind men in a brotherhood which prioritizes male friendship and masculinity above everything else. It sounds chauvinistic (and it can be), but it’s really rooted in the one moral maxim which we are taught to abide by as early as Kindergarten: “Treat others as one would like others to treat oneself,” also known as “The Golden Rule.”

What are the actual tenets of Guy Code, you may be asking? Well, the specific rules vary across different cultures, groups and geographical locations, but many of them touch upon the same few concepts:

1) A guy shall never reveal anything about another guy’s whereabouts, actions, intentions, or marital status to a girl.

2) A guy friend’s ex-girlfriend, girlfriend, or sister (or mother, if you’re especially ballsy) are all entirely off limits, unless explicit permission is proactively granted by the guy friend.

3) A guy must act as a helpful wingman to another guy whenever requested.

4) No guy is allowed to voluntarily watch Twilight, Glee, or Sex and the City. If forced to watch one of the previously mentioned movies or television shows due to circumstances beyond his control, he may not enjoy it.

While these “rules” carry some truth, you should also take them with a grain of salt. Most guys don’t take this universal guy code as gospel. You can expect most of us to realize that the best way to be a “good” guy is to follow an individualized, personal code that requires us to treat both men and women with compassion and respect.

Just don’t make us choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob, okay?

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys care about whether or not you’re popular?

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Anyway, seeing movies as a family is rare, but watching an R-rated movie is rarer than Halley’s Comet. Why? Uh, I can’t be the only one who finds watching anything remotely racy and explicit with my parents to be incredibly awkward. I just can’t be. Well, I know that I’m not because GIF Girl agrees with me. Here’s her experience watching R-rated movies with her parents in GIFS!

You don’t come into the movie expecting anything gratuitous nudity. I mean, it’s a movie about something tragic like war…

 Or a comedy.

And the violence isn’t the problem.

And the language isn’t a problem, either.

Nope, the problem is when the boobs and peen start coming out.

Look, I know that it says a lot about us as a culture to be so prudish about the human body; I think it’s ridiculous. Why do we feel more freaked out by a penis on the big screen than somebody’s head getting chopped off? But I’m not going to lie: As soon as the nakedness turns into a sex scene, the awkwardness is unbearable.

Honestly, I forget to breathe. Instead of focusing on the movie, I’m worried about what my parents think if all of this sudden surprise!sex.

I turn to dad who looks stoic as ever.

But I’m sure he’s wondering just how much I know about the mechanisms of sex. 

We never had the talk, okay? Thanks, school.

Anyway, my mom looks like she is about to laugh because she feels just as embarrassed as I do.

But then she decides to cover my eyes once things get really heavy.

And I’m like…

Excuse me?

I’ve seen it all before, mom. I just turn the channel before you notice.

And speaking of watching TV, isn’t it ridiculous that when I’m watching something on TV, it looks like a puritanical dreamland when only I’m there.

But as soon as my parents come downstairs it becomes straight up soft-core porn.

I learned that the hard way with Girls and Game of Thrones. Maybe I just need to stop watching HBO around my parents. But I’m starting to think that there is some kind of conspiracy going on…

The media just wants us to feel as awkward as possible about genitals and sex around our patents. And it’s working, because I end up feeling like this.

Do you have an awkward story about watching scandalous stuff with your parents? Does watching racy stuff with your parents not bother you? Tell us in the comments!

Your Relationship With Your Parents & How You Deal With Them
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I try not to watch too many funny videos on YouTube because then I wouldn’t get anything done with my day. But this one I couldn’t resist. Hart is a comedian with a pretty popular YouTube channel called Hartbeat. She’s super funny and great, so I highly recommend her.

Some commenters have called her out for not dressing more feminine. Basically, because Hart is a lesbian and likes women, she should dress like a woman. Um…what?

So Hart responded with the most awesome video of the day.

Hart OWNS the commenter and makes a hugely important point in the process. You can express yourself in whatever way you choose! Just because you’re a female doesn’t mean you have to dress feminine. I mean, I have guys’ clothes in my closet that I wear on the reg!

I hate that these stereotypes are still around! It’s 2013! Why are we trying to convince women to conform to the old whacked-out ideas of how a woman should look? Are women not allowed to wear the color blue because it’s not feminine enough? Heaven forbid we wear t-shirts!

You should dress however you want to dress and in whatever way you feel best expresses your personality. Even if it’s by wearing a watermelon bikini.

No one can tell you who to be or how you should act. The most important thing is that you are true to yourself. Take a lesson from Hart and just BE YOU.

What do you think about Hart’s response? Do you agree with her? Tell us in the comments!
 

Shop at thrift stores like Hayley if you want!

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The wrong bra size doesn’t just effect how your boobs look. As it turns out, wearing a bra that doesn’t fit you correctly can result in a whole slew of side effects that are really not fun. How do you know you were never fitted correctly? If you display any of these telltale signs below. If you still need a push to go out and get a serious bra fitting, read these 10 bad things that can happen when you wear the wrong size. You’ll thank me later, I’m sure.

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Headaches

Believe it or not, an ill-fitting bra can cause some seriously annoying headaches. If your bra is too tight, it causes tension on your shoulders, neck and back and that in turn can cause headaches.

Source: ShutterStock

You Can Stretch Your Boobs Out

According to British research, a bra that is the wrong size can cause the ligaments to stretch, which can ultimately result in saggy boobs. Make sure your girls are getting enough support!

Source: ShutterStock

Back Pain

If your bra is too big, that means that you're not getting enough support. And if you're not getting enough support, your boobs (especially if they're large) are going to start giving you back pain.

Source: ShutterStock

Too-Tight Straps

If your bra is too big, you'll probably start tightening the straps so that your boobs get lifted up more. All this does is create ugly red marks in your shoulder that don't need to be there.

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Your Boobs Bulge Out

You know when your bra is too tight and your boobs start to bulge out and it looks really terrible and annoying? Yeah. Hate that.

Source: ShutterStock

Back Bulge

If your bra is too tight, the back strap is going to be tight, which is going to cause some nice annoying bulge back there. If it's too loose, you're probably going to try to fix that by tightening in the straps. That means your bra strap rides up your back until it's seriously uncomfortable. Either way, you lose.

Source: ShutterStock

Indigestion

I know this sounds weird, but it's true - the wrong size bra can cause stomach pain and indigestion. If the bra is too tight, it will dig into your ribs and upper stomach area, causing problems inside your body that you don't even realize.

Source: ShutterStock

Bra Gaps

Gaps in between your bra and your boobs mean that your cup size is too big. This is more annoying than anything else and it just looks weird.

Source: ShutterStock

Shoulder Pain

Remember how I said your straps being too tight result in red marks? Well, they also result in shoulder pain. It's so uncomfortable and so not worth it.

Source: ShutterStock

Rib/Stomach Bulge

Again, a bra that's too tight only results in bulges. If the band is too tight, it's going to dig into your ribs and make your skin bulge out. Not comfortable and not fun.

Source: ShutterStock

Do you think you’re wearing the wrong bra size? Have you ever been fitted? Where is your favorite place to buy bras? Tell me in the comments!

10 things that kind of suck because of my big boobs

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Carmen Carrera, transgender actress, drag performer and activist. She was also a contestant on Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Photo Wenn

June is LGBT pride month and while many people support LBGT rights, how many really understand what the T stands for? Of course, they’ll likely know that it stands for transgender, but would they know what it really means to be transgender?

Transgender is an umbrella term that refers to people whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex at birth. Some may identify as either male or female, while others don’t identify with any particular gender. However, there are people whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex at birth who may refer to themselves as trans, transsexual, gender queer, etc instead.

Before I go on, let’s get something straight: Sex and gender are two different things. Sex refers to one’s biological status as a male or female, based on specifications like chromosomes, hormones, and external/internal anatomy. Gender is a social construct and refers to the standards, practices and roles assigned and considered appropriate for girls/boys and men/women. Basically, gender is a created concept and it differs in every society. If you’re still a little lost, look at it this way: Girls/women don’t have some sort of biological  inclination to wear skirts and clean kitchens in mop commercials. The magic of western society has determined that those are things that girls/women should be interested in.

Anyway, moving on.

While transgender is included in the LBGT acronym, gender identity and sexual orientation are very different things. While sexual orientation involves one’s sexual, romantic, and emotional attraction to another person, gender identity is about one’s personal concept of being a man or a woman. Transgender individuals can be straight, gay, bisexual, etc just like people who aren’t trans. By the way, for future reference, non-trans people are generally referred to cisgender individuals. Cisgender men and women have gender identities that align with the sex they were assigned at birth.

It is always respectful to refer to transgender individuals by their preferred pronouns. Just because someone was born biologically male, that does not mean that you should refer to them by he/his/him if they identify as a woman. If you don’t know what they prefer to be called, simply ask! It’s better to ask than to guess and potentially come across as offensive, ignorant, or dismissive of their gender identity.

There are so many misconceptions about transgender people out there, especially in the media. Most representations of transgender individuals in television and film are very static; they’re usually portrayed as sassy sex workers, especially in crime dramas. This stereotype breeds more misconceptions about transgender people in general. For example, one common misconception about transgender individuals is that they are all interested in sex-reassignment surgery or hormone treatments to “become” a man or a woman. Well, some do that, but plenty don’t. Being trans is about gender identity, and the lengths that a transgender individual goes to feel the most comfortable as that identity is up to them. The same can be said for outside appearance and clothing: some wear clothing that is generally geared towards their gender identity, some don’t.

Trans rights activists hold up a poster with the names of transgender women who were killed in early 2012. All were women of color. | Shutterstock

While generalizations about transgender people are viewed as absolute truths, real facts are ignored. Discrimination, bullying, and violence against transgender individuals is rampant. According to The Anti-Violence Project, transgender women accounted for 40% anti-LGBT murders in 2011. Of this 40%, a majority were women of color. Transgender individuals of color are more likely to be victims of violence because of their trans identity. The National Transgender Discrimination survey concluded that 45% of transgender youths (aged 18-24) have attempted suicide.

There are people out there who are willing to accept the L, the G and the B, but don’t understand the T. This lack of understanding leads to denial of trans identities and, ultimately, perpetuates violence. Even among progressive feminist circles, trans-women are neglected and not considered “real women.”

Well what is a real woman anyway? If someone asked the average cisgender woman if being a woman is all about buying tampons and producing breast milk, they’d likely say no. I know I would. Of course, those things are part of being a woman for women who have to deal with that, but accepting trans-identities also means accepting the fact that not all women have periods, and not all people with periods identify as women.

As a cisgender woman, I know that I can’t expect to support transgender individuals without actually listening to transgender people and learn about important issues within transgender communities. Support isn’t just about saying that you’re an ally of transgender people, it is about actually caring and being aware of what you can do to be more inclusive of transgender identities.

Is there enough acknowledgement of transgender identities within the LGBT community? Do you identify as trans* and have other important facts or a personal story to share? Tell us in the comments!

Gay Youth Gains Support: LGBT Students Have An Alternative Prom!
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With all that said, I’ve had my fair share of drama at concerts, and the most frustrating incidents are usually the most easily avoidable. After attending so many shows, and a lot of trial and error, I’ve figured out what is needed to have the most hassle-free concert experience ever. This advice is definitely valuable whether you’re a seasoned concert-goer or you’re attending your first gig sometime soon. So here’s what I wish I knew before my first concert.

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Have A Game Plan

Just deciding that you and your friends are going to go to a concert together isn't enough of a plan. Know ahead of time when you'll arrive, if you want to stand in the pit vs. the balcony, etc. If you and your friends differ, you have to come to a compromise unless you want to be grumpy throughout the show.

Source: Shutterstock

Charge Everything

Please, charge your phone to full battery before you head off to the show. It is really inconvenient and stressful to have a dead battery at a show, especially if you need to make phone calls, texts, or take photos. Here's my advice if you're bringing your smartphone: Set your phone to airplane mode whenever you can. You'll save a lot of battery life. Also, if you're bringing a digital camera make sure that battery is check to make sure that you have enough space left on your SD card.

Source: Shutterstock

Pack Light

Don't bring your everyday purse that is probably filled to the brim with your bulky wallet, scraps of paper and that old candy bar that you could have sworn you already ate. Take only what you need and put it in a smaller purse. My essentials include my phone, ID, money/credit card, lipstick and a camera.

Source: Shutterstock

Forgo A Coat

Even if it is cold on the day of the show, only bring a lightweight jacket at the very most. Once you're inside the venue it is going to get really hot, especially if you're standing in the pit. The last thing you want is to have to carry around your big ol' coat while you're trying to rock out.

Source: Shutterstock

Don't Wear Anything Uncomfortable

Look, I've been known to forgo practicality for the sake of style many times in my life. But listen to me: A concert isn't the place to do that, especially if you're standing for a majority of it. This is particularly important in the case of footwear. Don't wear high heels that you know pinch your feet after a couple of hours, and don't wear open toe shoes. Wear a pair of shoes that you love but don't mind if they're stepped on and won't kill your feet. I usually wear my Docs or a pair of flats.

Source: Shutterstock

Arrive Early

If you want to get a great spot, arrive early. How early will depend on the particular act that you're seeing, but at least make sure you know what time the doors open. Depending on the act and venue, you should either arrive at least an hour early. The earliest I've arrived for a show was 8 hours. Do what you can, just know that unless you're at a gig with assigned seats, the good spots are taken early.

Source: Shutterstock

Buy Your Merch First

That's yours truly in that pic. I almost always buy merch at a gig, especially shirts. I try to buy them as soon as I get inside the venue (well, after my spot in the very front of the stage is saved!). Why? Because sizes run out and it is far more crowded around the merch table when the show ends. Just get it out of the way as early as possible so you don't have to worry about it later.

Bring Your Own Pen

If you want anything signed, please bring your own pen. Don't assume that another fan will have one, and definitely don't assume that the members of the band have one. And make sure there is plenty of ink!

Source: Shutterstock

Be Patient If You Want To Meet The Band/Group/Singer After The Show

If you want to meet the band/group/singer after the show, you have to have some patience. And you'll likely have to wait outside. Once, I stood in freezing cold rain for nearly two hours in the middle of December to meet my favorite band, Arctic Monkeys, after their show. It was totally worth it. Don't worry about being the only person standing around; there will likely be other people waiting for the band too. Make some friends, mingle, etc.

Source: Shutterstock

Know What You're Getting Into

Concerts are fun, but not if you're taken by some unpleasant surprises. Just use a little common sense. If you're seeing a very high energy group and you're not into getting pushed around, don't stand in front of the stage. If you're wearing a dress or skirt, know that it can ride up if people are pressed against you. If you decided to bring your expensive handbag, know that somebody can spill beer on it. Somebody will probably step on your foot at some point; don't freak out. Know that nobody has an obligation to move just because you're short...just remember little things like that and the concert will go smoothly

Source: Shutterstock

What’s your favorite concert experience? Are you seeing anyone in concert soon? Do you prefer large venues or small ones; seated or non-seated? Tell us in the comments!

Comments Of The Week: All About Music!
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