After we wrote up a piece about a new study that said it’s not likely that “just friends” can be a thing, I really enjoyed reading your responses as some disagreed with what we wrote and some of you shared your own feelings and experiences. Thinking about our friends who become our crushes or who get a crush on us is still something that many of us will go through at one point or another, so for this week’s comments, I wanted to highlight what you guys were thinking about platonic relationships!

All from Can And Men And Women Ever Be Just Friends? New Research Says Nope.

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Do you have an opinion on the “Can guys and girls be friends?” debate? Have you ever dealt with having a crush on one of your guy friends? What about one of your guy friends having a crush on you? How did you handle it? Tell us in the comments!

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If you smoke marijuana, does that mean that you’re eventually going to start smoking cigarettes? According to one recent study, um, sort of. Apparently, prolonged exposure to THC, which is the main ingredient in marijuana, can make you more vulnerable to the addictive aspects of nicotine, which is found in cigarettes. Basically, new research says that smoking pot can lead to smoking cigarettes down the road, especially for teens.

This sounds a little weird to me. I mean, smoking cigarettes and smoking weed are two entirely different things. How can one lead to another? I was really skeptical about this and hesitant to believe it, but apparently the science is there to back it up. The lead scientist of the study says that in the majority of cases, people start smoking marijuana before they start smoking cigarettes. He adds that teens who smoke weed are even more likely to develop an addiction to cigarettes when they’re older because the longer you smoke marijuana, the greater your risk is for being addicted to tobacco.

To sum things up quickly, a lot of THC in your system makes you more likely to be addicted to tobacco. So if you’ve been smoking pot for a few years, and one day you decide to pick up a cigarette and try it out, you’re more likely to become addicted than someone who has never smoked pot in their life.

Sounds scary, right? Yeah, sort of. Who knew that marijuana could be a gateway drug for cigarettes? As researchers pointed out, cigarettes are usually the ones being called a gateway drug for other drugs… like weed. But I guess that all we knew is wrong. Sigh.

This doesn’t mean that just because you smoke pot you’re going to smoke cigarettes at some point in your life. But if you do smoke marijuana, this is a pretty big warning sign to never consider trying a cigarette. Not only are cigarettes really, really bad for you, but you’re also now even more at risk for getting hooked on nicotine. And as any former smoker can tell you (you can talk to my grandpa about it if you want), nicotine addictions are not fun.

What do you think about this study? Do you smoke cigarettes? Would you ever try? Does this make sense to you? Tell us in the comments.

Which is worse for you: smoking weed or drinking alcohol?

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This morning I read a really cool story about a woman from Massachusetts, Phoebe Baker Hyde, who stopped shaving, wearing makeup and doing her hair for a full year. As someone who spends way too much time shaving, putting on her makeup and focusing on her hair, I was fascinated. This woman talked about how stopping her daily beauty regime made her feel liberated and more beautiful than ever.

Why did Phoebe do this? She explained on the show Katie that she was sort of starting to feel trapped by her shaving cream, makeup and hair supplies. Before you say that sounds ridiculous, listen to how she explains it – you might be able to relate. She said, “I had become a nervous, critical, angry, insecure woman. I was not the woman or the role model I wanted to be, especially in front of a big-eyed baby daughter. I was at war with the word around me and at war with myself.”

Phoebe went on to explain that she threw out her makeup and cut off all of her hair so that she literally had to put no effort into her appearance. Every day, she “did what a man would do” and only put on deodorant and used a little hair gel. She saved tons of money on beauty supplies, started feeling super comfortable with herself and also gained a lot more free time. Okay, let’s just stop right here. I’m not only fascinated by this woman… I’m also really jealous.

I fee like I could never give up my beauty regime. I feel naked without makeup. I feel uncomfortable when I don’t shave. And I will miss out on events if I’m having a really bad hair day.  Before you call me superficial, hear me out. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t feel this way… but I do. And I honestly can’t imagine a life without wearing makeup, doing my hair or shaving. But I wish I could.

I mean, I love makeup a lot (just look at my bedroom for proof), but I’ve had some moments where I wish it didn’t exist. As much as I love the way eye shadow and eye liner can change up and glam up your entire look, there are some days when applying it is just, ugh, exhausting. Sure, I’ve gone out without makeup on before – but in general, you’ll always catch me with at least a little mascara, eyeliner and foundation on. I just enjoy the way I look with a little makeup on my face.

As for shaving? Don’t even get me started. I hate shaving. Like really, really hate it. But, I don’t know, I just couldn’t imagine going a week, let alone an entire year, without using a razor. Feeling clean shaven makes me feel good about myself. It’s the same with my hair – as annoying as it can be to blow dry it or curl it or whatever, I always feel more confident whenever my hair looks good. Always. Also? Most of the time I like taking a long time to get ready to go somewhere. It’s kind of like my me time.

The point is, I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with feeling more confident from shaving or wearing makeup or doing your hair. I think that everyone feels confident from different things and I think that generally people should do what works for them. But I can also admire a woman who can stop doing all of those things and feel confident in her own skin. That’s pretty cool. And I’m jealous because, seriously, think about all of the free time I would have if I stopped shaving and doing my makeup and hair? So much free time! I would stop being late everywhere and also I could watch more TV. That’s pretty important.

In the end, I think this would be kind of a cool experiment to try… one day. Maybe not any day soon. Because as jealous as I am of this woman, I do genuinely enjoy my beauty regime… and I don’t see us parting any time soon.

What do you think? Could you go a year without shaving or wearing makeup or doing your hair? Why or why not? Tell us in the comments.

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When I read this question to my girlfriend, the topic hit so close to home that she had to check her Gmail outbox just to make sure she didn’t submit it herself while sleep-emailing. While guys often criticize girls for “oversharing,” apparently you’re not alone in feeling that guys have a tendency to “undershare.” Even as a dude who considers himself in touch with his emotions (and writes a weekly dating advice column!), I, too am guilty of this habit. However, in order to get your man to open up to you, I think it’s important to understand the difference between male and female communication.

In general, men like to talk in order to solve problems, while women converse in order to process their feelings and work out that which they want to express. Unfortunately, most of us guys view communication as a means to and end rather than as a process of discovery, and we often avoid discussing issues until we’ve figured out how to fix them.

Ultimately, the best thing you can do is to respect your boyfriend’s space; the worst you can do is to nag him or criticize him for being distant. Attacking or attempting to coerce a guy into discussing his emotions will most likely only cause him to retreat further into solitude. Feel free to share your own emotions without expectations of consistent reciprocation, and make it clear that you’re always there for him when he’s ready to talk. Try not to take his male-ness personally! If he’s a guy worth dating, he’ll open up to you on his own with just a little support and patience from the girl he loves.

Good luck!
Ethan

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. He is also the creator and editor of ActualConversation.com. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com…or call his mom, Robin.

Are you confused about a guy? Do you find yourself wondering, “What is he thinking?” Tell us everything in the comments! And if you have a question for Ethan, email him at askaguy@gurl.com!

Do guys get nervous about a first kiss?

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The other day I read the words “incurable gonorrhea” and kind of freaked out a little bit. I mean, does the world really need another incurable disease, especially a sexually transmitted one? No. No, it doesn’t. But it looks like we got one anyway, because incurable gonorrhea is a thing and it’s happening.

I know this sounds super scary, but before you freak out, it’s important to know exactly what’s going on. This incurable gonorrhea has been a threat to us for a while now, with individual cases popping up in the United Kingdom, Austria, France, Japan and Norway since about a year ago. Up until recently, there were no known cases of this particular strain of the disease in North America, but that changed when researchers found that nine patients in Toronto, Canada seemed to have contracted it.

Gonorrhea is normally treated by the antibiotic Cephalexin, but this new incurable gonorrhea is resistant to the drug. The nine patients in Toronto with the disease were still infected with it even after being treated with Cephalexin. The good news? They were eventually cured when doctors used an injectable form of the antibiotic.

But even though those patients were cured, doctors are still worried that this means this new strain of gonorrhea could become resistant to all forms of the antibiotic. Eek. That doesn’t sound too promising. However, the World Health Organization and the Centers for Disease Control are well aware of the problem and are actively searching for new ways to treat this disease.

Still, searching for new disease treatments can take a very long time, and even though no one knows for sure what’s going to happen, I’m going to have to urge you guys to be super careful whenever you’re hooking up with someone. I know you’ve heard this all before, but this is some pretty serious stuff.

For one thing, you should be in the know about what exactly gonorrhea is. It’s the world’s second most common STD and it can be spread through contact with the mouth, vagina, penis or anus. Symptoms in women include vaginal discharge, burning and pain while urinating, increased urination, sore throat, feeling pain during sexual intercourse, pain in the lower abdomen and fever.

For another thing, this is just a reminder to always practice safe sex. Girls – condoms. Wear them. Your chances of getting incurable gonorrhea will decrease a lot if you put those little bad boys on before you do the deed. It’s a good idea to get tested for STD’s after each new sexual partner, and it’s an even better idea to have a sexual partner get tested before you two get it on.

Despite everything I just wrote about how scary this sounds, I’m not trying to freak you guys out here. Just keep this info in the back of your head – and always use a condom. Trust me.

What do you think about this news? Are you worried about incurable gonorrhea? Do you always practice safe sex? Tell us in the comments.

Are you at risk for gonorrhea?

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Brrr…it’s cold outside. You need a hat, there’s no doubt about that. But, sometimes a super cute hat is hard to find. And when you do find it, mega expensive. Well, Jamie to the rescue yet again. All you need is a cheap, plain hat and she’ll show you how to cute it up for just a few extra bucks by needle felting. Needle felting? Well, you’ll have to watch to find out what it is.

What does your winter hat look like? Tell us in the comments!

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Keep calm and… stop highlighting? | Source: ShutterStock

Who here has a highlighter sitting on their desk right now? Well, you may want to put it away because I don’t think it’s going to like this news all that much.

Psychologists looked at the effectiveness of ten common “learning strategies” and their findings are kind of shocking. Why? The three methods that ranked the worst in terms of helpfulness are three things that I did all through school. The least effective of them all? Highlighting.

I remember highlighting being very big in school, though I didn’t really grasp it right away. When I was 11, I thought you were just supposed to highlight the entire page, because, as I told my teacher, why would they print sentences that weren’t important? Maybe though in my young age, I was just rebelling against a system that told me to highlight, when in my heart, I knew it wasn’t the most effective way. Still, I kept going back to the highlighters because it made me feel like I was drawing when I was studying which was usually nice. It was all a disguise!

Other low-ranking methods include re-reading and summarizing. So apparently me skipping a concert my senior year to re-read chapters before my test maybe wasn’t the best way for me to spend my time? My regrets have multiplied.

If you’re freaking out though about how to study now without your trusty highlighter, the psychologists also offered up two of the best learning strategies. The first is one I admit I have trouble with – spreading out your studying over time (read: do not cram!) in order to extend how long you remember the info. Also, taking practice tests (flashcards worked well too!) was another “high utility” method that had a high pay-off when it came to learning the material.

Figuring out what study methods work for you is important, and as this new study shows, the learning strategy that will be best for you may not necessarily be the “popular” one that everybody does. For me, making up songs was always my go-to study method. If I read something, I would then make up a song to help me remember it.

They basically all went to the same tune of the only song I had managed to learn how to play during my piano lessons, but I did make up a great one about ancient Chinese dynasties once that was SIX MINUTES! That’s like power ballad length. Anyway, here is my favorite pop-culture example of the song studying strategy brought to you by the ’90s gem that is The Babysitter’s Club movie:

So awesome. Look, I think if you really feel like highlighting material helps you learn, than I say go for it. I joked about my time being better well spent, but it’s not like my use of the highlighter ruined my GPA.

I think an important thing to take away though is there may be strategies out there that will help you even more, and for those of you who have always kind of felt like highlighting or re-reading was ineffective for you, I’d take this study as a chance to explore some new studying strategies so that you can be your best-performing you!

Were you surprised by these findings? What are the learning strategies that work best for you? Do you have a fun study strategy to share with other girls? Tell us in the comments!

Being On Facebook Could Count As Homework? Amazing!

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Girls fight. There’s no way to avoid it, really. It comes down to human nature and that you’re not going to get along with everyone. But when you get into a tiff with your friends, how do you handle it?

Some women have been turning to friendship counseling and have ended up spending thousands of dollars. Two women spent three thousand dollars to mend their strained relationship. Three thousand dollars! That’s a bit excessive, right?

The idea of friendship counseling seems pretty solid to me, actually. There’s relationship counseling and family counseling. So, why not for friendships too? But I think there are a lot of steps to take with a friendship before getting to that point of counseling.

Over the years, I’ve lost friends for one reason or another. And to tell you the truth, I can’t name a single one of them that I’d go to a friend counselor with. Sometimes people grow apart, and that’s totally okay. And sometimes if there is a toxic person in your life, you might need to let them go.

I have a lot of girlfriends that are scared of confrontation, even now as adults. It’s actually a really big issue that I’m seeing among girls these days. We’re so afraid of someone being unhappy or mad at us that we don’t take the time to address small issues before they blow up. And then when it does blow up it takes forever to fix. I find myself caught in the middle of issues between friends, so I guess I’m a friendship counselor in a way. Maybe I should start charging.

Before you start looking up friendship counselors with your bestie, let’s talk about some ways that you can handle confrontation so you’re not out three thousand dollars.

1. Communication: This is probably the biggest factor in any relationship. We’re not mind readers! Sure, we may have some freaky telepathic moments with our best friends, but that’s not the norm. You need an open line of communication. If something upset you, speak up. If you’re mad that your friend flaked on you for the umpteenth time, tell her. You might think she should know you well enough to pick up on your cues, but she really might be unaware.

2. Honesty: Another huge relationship cornerstone. Anything you lie about is going to come back and bite you in the butt. Maybe you don’t want to meet your friend for lunch, but just be upfront. If you’re not okay with something your friend is doing, don’t lie about it. If you’re honest in your friendship, you’ll avoid a lot of issues.

3. Watch your tongue: Girls can be sassy. There are times when it’s right to be snarky, and you might feel warranted in snapping at one of your friends because she’s been on your nerves. But that’s not going to get you anywhere. Instead your friend might feel attacked, and she’ll get mad and it’ll be a big thing. Try to avoid snide comments as a general rule anyway.

4. Don’t be passive aggressive: This is the worst! Don’t post Facebook messages or tweet about “someone” who did “something” because that person will more than likely figure it out. Don’t send passive aggressive texts in an attempt to tell your friend that you’re upset. Just tell her.

5. Confront the person involved: If you’re in a situation with your friend whether you’re feeling neglected or taken advantage of or any kind of issue, confront that friend. Don’t go to your other girls and talk about the issue behind her back. You certainly wouldn’t want them to do that to you. Hash it out and figure out how to move forward instead of having to say, “I think we should go to friendship counseling.”

Really all of this comes down to talking to each other. If you’re at a counselor’s office, they’ll make you do that anyway so you might as well do that for free. Try to deal with the issues together. If your friendship has really become toxic, then take a friend-break for a while before googling therapists.

How do you deal with girl fights? Would you consider friendship counseling? Tell us in the comments!

How to end a toxic relationship

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Facebook may raise your self-esteem–but can it also make you fat?! | Source: ShutterStock

Apparently, interacting with your pals on Facebook can up your self-esteem, which is awesome, right? Right. Unfortunately, a side effect of that raised self-esteem is less self control, which can affect what you eat–and how much you eat of it.

A new study says that people who use Facebook most have a body mass index (BMI) of about 26, while people who log in less are at about 24. (A normal BMI is typically between 18 and 24.9, but BMI isn’t necessarily an indicator of health–it doesn’t account for muscle weight, which weighs more than fat, and there’s a lot more to the equation than this!) High Facebook use was also linked to binge eating, but again, correlation doesn’t mean causation. But it does make you think about those times you sort of plowed through a bag of Doritos without even realizing it while you were lurking your ex’s pictures. Ahem.

Further, the more time you spend on your newsfeed instead of reading the actual news appears to have an effect on your food choice: People in a study who read their Facebook feed for a while and people who read the news were each given the choice between a cookie and a granola bar. The Facebook users chose the cookie, while most of the news readers took the granola bar. Again, it may just be this particular panel–if you’re truly hungry, too, you’ll probably spring for a granola bar, too. There are a lot of different things at play here.

One of the researchers explained it like this: The self-esteem boost you get from Facebook is what may ultimately make you fat, not Facebook itself. “A bit of self-awareness can help you avoid engaging in this behavior. Facebook is not the problem. It’s the feeling of entitlement that’s the problem.”

That’s because it’s a self-esteem boost that is sort of artificial: It’s not the kind of feeling good about yourself that comes from actually doing things or accomplishing something, like, say, working out. And when you get the rush of 50 Facebook “likes” in a row, you’re more likely to want to hang around and surf your social network a bit more instead of heading out for a sprint, right? And when you’re vegging out, you’re also more prone to reach for junk food. When you feel good about yourself and cookies are nearby, you’re sort of like, “Hey, I earned it!” See the pattern here?

At the end of the day, Facebook can’t really make you fat. And if something improves your self-esteem, dude–we’re all for it, because we think you’re awesome, and we want you to know you’re rad, too. But just make sure you have a balance between your awesome digital life and your awesome real life–so your self-esteem isn’t dictated by comments on your Facebook status. You’re better than that!

Do you pick at junk food while you’re on Facebook? Does Facebook up your self-esteem or make you feel crappy? Do you think Facebook can really make you fat? Tell us in the comments!

This 10-year-old made his own version of Facebook!

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I had just started dating a guy at college when one of his friends from home came to stay with us for the weekend. I had something to do early in the morning, so I didn’t really feel like being a part of their partying, but I wanted to spend time with my new boyfriend and I thought I should make the effort to hang out with my BF’s visitor. I decided I would go, and just call it an early night. Well, that didn’t happen.

I volunteered to be the designated driver, but I explained I kind of wanted to head out a little on the early side, which everyone said was fine. When we eventually left the off-campus party, my BF’s friend decided he wanted to take his cup of booze on the walk back to the car. You may be aware that there is a little thing called an open container law, and you can’t just wander with your cup of alcohol on public property. He didn’t listen to me when I told him he had to leave the cup behind, and by a stroke of what I can only call jussssttttt awesomeeee luck, a cop drove by us and immediately stopped.

The friend wasn’t in a great position to deal with the cop and my drunk friends (who were all underage) scattered to hide. This left me with this friend who I barely knew at all and a cop who was less than pleased about this drinking violation. Next thing I know, he is getting arrested and put in the back of the cop car.

Ummm… what do I do now?! Basically I had to bail him out. I didn’t even know where the police headquarters were. It was the middle of the night and I had no cash. My other friends all pooled their money together for me, so I dropped them back off on campus and did a quick search online to try and figure out where I had to go next.

I got back in the car and my boyfriend rode with me to where I was pretty sure we had to go to bail out his friend. After I parked, we started walking toward the police headquarters, and my BF was apparently under the impression that he was going to go in and deal with it. I had to remind him that he was wasn’t 21 and going drunk into a place with cops was probably only going to add to our problems.

I could see my boyfriend’s friend on a little security camera at the main desk when I walked in to the police headquarters. He was sitting in a back room and still complaining, and the annoyed woman working at the front desk was like, “Oh, is that your boyfriend?” I just quietly said no, but felt like it was going to be too much to explain how actually – funny story – I barely knew him at all! Still, I couldn’t just leave him there, especially when I really liked my BF.

I had never posted bail for anyone and had no idea what was the usual protocol. I remember that they wanted me to sign something, but I didn’t want my name associated with anything! I wound up just kind of scribbling a signature, handing over the cash and the quickly took him with me.

When we left the front doors, he started putting on this elaborate display of gratitude, as if he’d been there for decades rather than just two hours. Whatever, I was just glad to be out of there. But wait – the cops apparently still had his phone and he wanted to go back in.

Uh, no. The last thing I was doing was letting him go back in. After the embarrassment of having to go in there the first time to get him, I had to go back yet again and request his phone. My BF and he then fought the whole way back to the car, which was just the icing on the cake of this great evening. Basically I got home about three hours later than I needed to and barely got to sleep before I had to wake up again.

I showed up the next morning to my event pretty darn tired, but I will say that in the sober light of morning, everyone was super apologetic. I have to say that looking back, I was never really mad about the whole thing because the whole night was just super weird and a little surreal. But there you have it – the worst night out I’ve ever had with a BF.

Has one of your friends ever gotten arrested while you were with them? Has a friend of your significant other ever completely ruined a night out? Tell us in the comments.

Justin Bieber Pot Pictures: Don’t Document Your Dumb Behavior!

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